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Reason Morning Links: Tasers, Well Caps, and GM Fish



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    1. “There are many who hope we fail,” [said Alan Simpson, co-chairman of Obama’s debt and deficit commission]

      And we’re doing our utmost not to disappoint them!

  1. ‘We Will Not Be Silenced’: Democrats Produce Documentary Alleging Rampant Vote Fraud by Obama Campaign vs. Hillary in 2008 Primaries

    So that’s where the PUMAs went. They were making a movie!

    1. I sure hope it has plenty of ‘splosions.

      1. I’m thinking more Kim Jong-Il than Michael Bay.

  2. Polanski?

    1. Skis. It’s Switzerland.

    2. It was the courts that were unresponsive.

  3. Those Census jobs start disappearing.


  4. The FDA is expected to approve the sale of transgenic salmon.

    The FDA, eh? I believe I’ll stick to eating cisgenic salmon.

    1. I read that as transgendered salmon for some odd reason.

  5. Canned mackerel: the other salmon.

    1. There’s something almost quaint about Satanism in metal at this point. Like the Amish, it seems to reflect a simpler time where we had fewer cares and the world made much more sense.

      1. You must be even older than I thought, because I can’t remember a time when this shit was shocking.

        1. It was in the late 70s and early 1980s if you were under the age of 18. If it hadn’t been, the records would have been a lot less appealing.

          I think it is a question of being young and naive. I found the satanic heavy metal bands endlessly fascinating as a 12 year old. Later, I found Marlyn Manson and “gangster rap” acts downright comical. Yet, many 12 year olds found them fascinating. The only difference was I was older.

          1. I always liked the Satanic bands, but more as an amused observer than a fan. The stuff I genuinely enjoy typically depends on guitar absurdity.

            Say what you will about Marilyn Manson’s stupid act and his obese loser fans, and you’ll be correct, but Antichrist Superstar was a good record.

            Gangsta rap has no redeeming qualities, however.

            1. Most forms of music can be tolerable if done by talented people. There were some heavy metal bands that had talented musicians. I am thinking primarily of the English metal bands like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. Really, looking back, the whole thing came to an end with the rise of Motley Cru. They were, sans a decent drummer, lousy musicians and pretty much an outright parody of everything that came before. Sadly, no one got the joke and instead of laughing future bands copied the formula. And thus the hair band was born.

              And gangsta rap is no different than Manson. They are both music made so 13 year olds can shock their parents.

              1. I don’t consider hair bands to be metal. After they died, though, metal went back to what it was before: a mostly underground scene of concerts full of sweaty dudes slamming into each other, while a band of drug addicts plays music that is unlistenable to the untrained ear.

                1. The other band I really despise is Metalica. I think all music should have some kind of hook and melody. Most of the early metal did. Metalica killed all of that. Their music sounds like a cat garfing up a hair ball backed by a jackhammer. Just bloody awful. Sadly they were so popular they killed off all other strains of metal.

                  1. I’ve heard an all-tuba arrangement (*) of “Enter Sandman.” You need some sort of melody to get away with that, I think.

                    (* Strictly speaking, the ensemble consisted of both tubas and euphoniums.)

                    1. Two words:



                  2. Try listening to Apocalyptica playing Metallica covers. You can’t get away with what Apocalyptica did if the source material was crap.

                  3. Lars rocks. Just ask him.

                2. music that is unlistenable to the untrained undamaged ear.

              2. I disagree. Gansta rap is the product of Big N*****. It’s goal is to make certain that black youth never forget that they are second-class citizens kept down by the man and that their only recourse is to shoot one another in the street. It seems counter productive to incite one’s fan base to kill one another until one realizes that Big N***** understands that white teens eat that shit up.

                It’s all about the Benjamins.

                1. It was also designed to confirm every racist stereotype known to man and thus appeal to white teenage boys as a way to shock their parents. Ganster rap was for the Bevis and But Head generation, what heavy metal was for the Wayne’s World generation.

          2. The only difference was I was older.


        2. I remember people shitting the bed when Venom’s Welcome to Hell came out around 1980. I was never really a fan of the band’s music, but I frequently wore their shirts for shock value.

    2. Warty, may I ask your opinion of Cattle Decapitation?

      1. I never could get into them. I’ve never been able to get into any genre that has grind or core in its name. Besides, the idea of a vegan metal band whose songs protest meat is just silly.

        1. “Besides, the idea of a vegan metal band whose songs protest meat is just silly.”

          That is not a band. It is an article out of The Onion.

          1. Now, let’s just keep a civil tongue in our head, shall we?

        2. Thanks. I imagine they have a fair following in the PETA crowd, though.

          1. I sometimes go to the food co-op to get bulk spices, and one of the clerks there sometimes wears their shirts. Food co-ops are not metal.

            1. Food co-ops are not metal


            2. Food libraries are totally metal though.

              1. Foods… li-bra-ries…

        3. System of a Down is all-vegan, but at least they keep it to themselves.

      2. I hear Accidental Goat Sodomy has a new CD out.

        1. Goat Sodomy

          Bonus points for the apparent Finnish nationalism displayed on the album cover.

  6. The British government drops some stop-and-search powers it adopted in the name of fighting terrorism.

    Watching all the CCTV footage of the searches showed the Brits how invasive it looked.

    1. And yet COPS and Swat911 (or whatever that shit is called), only seem to bolster the american desire for more.

      1. it’s all about the narration. imagine if Penn Jilette did the naration to Cops or one of those SWAT shows.

  7. Bowles said that unlike the current economic crisis, which was largely unforeseen before it hit in fall 2008

    It’s hard to take these people seriously.

    1. As the club gained more members, it begat chapters nationwide and led to offshoot Eating Liberally clubs for foodies, Screening Liberally clubs for film buffs, Reading Liberally clubs for bookworms, and Laughing Liberally clubs that use “humor and laughter to spread understanding of liberal ideas and advance progressive values.”

      I know we get accused of being an echo chamber, and maybe we are, but this…fuck, man.

      1. ever see that movie The Road to Wellville? It is about the healthy living nuts back in the late 19th Century. It not much of a movie except that you get to see a young and very cute Bridget Fonda naked.

        These people remind me of the healthy living nuts in that movie. It really is a second great awakening. When you think your politics should dictate what job you work, what clothes you buy and what beer you drink, it is no longer a political idea but a full on religion/cult.

        1. Lara Flynn Boyle as well, years before she began to look like a skeleton made from dripping wax.

          1. Yeah. She was a goddess back in the Twin Peaks days. I remember seeing her in Men in Black II and just feeling ill. What a waste.

          2. She was still hot in Happiness, I thought. But maybe I just think that because it’s one of the greatest films ever made.

        2. Wasn’t Bridget Fonda also naked in Scandal?

      2. If Confucianism is considered a religion by some, I’m not sure why Liberalism isn’t either.

    2. “I didn’t look to see if something was shade-grown or grass-fed. I’d just slap it in my cart like a careless drunk waving a loaded gun.”

      This was the last sentence of the article I could stomach. Terrible, terrible writing by a terrible, terrible person.

      1. Why is Labash a terrible person? Because he made fun of this ridiculous book? And I think that line is pretty funny.

        1. Ha. I thought the article was being sincere. That’s what I get for skimming. In either case, though, that’s just bad writing.

      2. I also vomited upon reading this.

        Another favorite: he set to recapture his independence by basing his life entirely upon a lifestyle conveived by another.

    3. Feministing gets a shout-out. “One Feministing blogger uses the d-word so much, that she wrote a mini-essay on the etymology of d-bags, complete with a link to the Museum of Menstruation and a vintage, 1928 douche ad.”

    4. What’s so fucking hard? You buy an over-priced luxury hybrid, limit yourself to one insufferably spoiled child, schooled at the latest fad-driven private academy, shop at Whole Foods and sneer at anyone not living an upper-middle class lifestyle in the north east.

    5. After being told they can’t bike at a park:

      “Isn’t it annoying when people try to ruin our walks and rides? They don’t let us do anything. They don’t allow dogs. They don’t allow bikes. They only allow turtles.”

      “Yes,” I say, trying to share my values. “But we learned an important lesson.”

      “Don’t bike there?” asks Dean.

      No, I say, trying to bring it home. I explain to them that my assignment is to live liberally, and that classic liberalism was all about fighting for freedoms to do things (for voting rights, for civil rights, etc.). But that modern liberalism is mostly about people telling you what you can’t do?no smoking, no sodas in schools, no trans fats, no biking in parks.

      “Some people tell you to question authority,” I explain, “But if you never ask authority for permission in the first place, they can’t tell you no.”

      What the fuck does that even mean? I’ve read this passage about 7 times and I don’t fucking get it. Reading comprehension fail or blinded by the biggest pussy in the continuous United States?

      1. So this is satire? I don’t often find myself at the Weekly Standard.

        If it is then this was one of the more beautiful things I’ve read in a long time. I kept getting more and more apoplectic and was unable to cease clicking “next” page.

        If it’s real, may god save me.

        1. Real book. Satirical article reviewing it.

    6. I tried to be mindful of Krebs’s admonition to “think of plant-based foods?beans, grains, fruits, veggies, nuts?as your own personal source of solar power.” Sounds more like a source of wind power, if you know what I’m saying,

      Oh, I know what you’re saying…

  8. http://www.golf.com/golf/tours…..?eref=sihp

    When did women golfers get hot?

    1. Thank you for that

    2. Since 2007, at least. Just barely SFW. The picture of Belinda Kerr is my favorite.

      1. I’ll be in my bunker.

  9. “”Security contests it was under doctor’s orders to Taser Thomas as opposed to sedating him for restraint even after prior knowledge of his epilepsy,” the e-mail said.”

    First do no harm?

    1. Yeah, umm what part of MedSchool included tasers as medical devices?

    2. I bet that’s just the twisted police way of communicating that the doctors had decided the kid didn’t require sedation.

      Cop: “Do you think you should sedate this guy?”

      Doctor: “No, the situation doesn’t really require that. We’re just going to send him home.”


      1. People think that scene in The Hangover was comedy. Cops see it and think it was reality TV.

    3. And this was after a suicide attempt? I’m sure this will help…”Poor dude, he’s probably depressed…TAZE HIM SO WE CAN HELP HIM FEEL BETTER!!!”

    4. Electro-convulsive therapy is making a comeback, I hear.

    5. I’m gonna wanna see the doctor’s signature on that order. Which, if it exists, I expect will get him quite the spanking (and not the good kind) from whoever gave him his license.

  10. 1. “aims to”? Get back to me after they actually do it.

    2. No surprises there. He probably didn’t have insurance either, so that’s worth two tasings.

    3. Yay. Now to work on the same modification for Tuna. (that article was some seriously shitty scaremongering bullshit though.)

    4. Yay. Only a shit-load more powers to relinquish.

    5. Yay.

    6. Again, no surprises there.

  11. Lindsay Lohan is like, looking for another lawyer. She’s totally good for the fees, but she’d like really appreciate pro bono work, or something. Any takers for, you know, doing free lawyer stuff?

    1. If I were licensed in California, I would do the work for payment in kind so to speak.

      1. She could pay you in leggings. Or probably in stray cats.

      2. What, in herpes?

  12. I’d just slap it in my cart like a careless drunk waving a loaded gun.

    *scratches head, looks at sky*

  13. Lindsay Lohan doesn’t need an attorney; she needs a shock collar.

    1. Maybe someone should check her into that hospital in New Orleans.

  14. Consider the spread that the Giudices currently occupy (pending potential foreclosure proceedings, of course). The first million of its reported $1.7 million price tag is presumably covered by the federal mortgage-interest tax deduction. Intended to boost middle-class homebuyers, this deduction has gradually turned into a huge tax break for the affluent, with most of the benefits flowing to homeowners with cash income over $100,000. In much of the country, it’s a McMansion subsidy, whose costs to the federal Treasury are covered by the tax dollars of Americans who either rent or own more modest homes.

    This policy is typical of the way the federal government does business. In case after case, Washington’s web of subsidies and tax breaks effectively takes money from the middle class and hands it out to speculators and have-mores. We subsidize drug companies, oil companies, agribusinesses disguised as “family farms” and “clean energy” firms that aren’t energy-efficient at all. We give tax breaks to immensely profitable corporations that don’t need the money and boondoggles that wouldn’t exist without government favoritism.

    And we do more of it every day. Take Barack Obama’s initiative to double U.S. exports in the next five years. As The Washington Examiner’s Tim Carney points out, it involves the purest sort of corporate welfare: We’re lending money to foreign governments or companies so that they’ll buy from Boeing and Pfizer and Archer Daniels Midland. That’s good news for those companies’ stockholders and C.E.O.’s. But the money to pay for it ultimately comes out of middle-class pocketbooks.

    Ross Douthat

    How did this guy get a spot at the NYT?

    1. We regret to inform you that Ross Douthat’s column was the result of a layout testing error. We assure you that the persons responsible for this oversight have been promoted and that all mistakenly distributed editions have been collected and sent to the local recycling center via the latest Lexus hybrid CUV.

  15. What about Volcker’s comments on financial deregulation in the Times the other day? Seems like a worthy Reason post.

  16. Something is terribly wrong with politics in the US:


    So the question is: Is this another example of objectifying women, as some breeds of feminists would see it? OR is it a really hot example of women who are attractive, have a brain in their head, and know how to use both?

    1. Aye Carumba!

    2. (…Looks up airfare to Czech Republic online…)

  17. We’ve got Maxine Waters; what more could you want?

    1. I love the money fires!

  18. ST. PAUL, Minn. – Hundreds of drunken driving cases in Anoka, Sherburne and Wright counties may be at risk because of a mistake at a testing lab.

    KSTP-TV reports that it has obtained a letter in which the Tri-County Regional Forensic Laboratory says it miscalculated alcohol concentrations in urine tests since the start of the year. As a result, the rests were reported one-third higher than they should have been.

    The lab’s Web site says it is a collaboration between Anoka, Wright and Sherburne counties to provide crime lab services to law enforcement.

    Sherburne County Attorney Kathleen Heaney tells the station that people make mistakes and the lab has handled the incident professionally.

    Defense attorney Michael Brandt says there are probably people who have served time in jail based on the faulty tests.


    1. Better 100 innocent people go to jail than one guilty person go free.

    2. the lab has handled the incident professionally

      What does that even mean? The lab “took responsibility”?

      1. Deny, cover-up, and blame others?

  19. If BP’s new well cap works, I guess we’ll find out whether the casing is damaged and leaking below the ocean floor.

  20. Derek Thomas, new professionalism says “hey”!

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