Hair Nets and Riot Gear


I remember when using your spoon as a pudding catapult in the school cafeteria at worst earned you a trip to the principal's office. Possibly detention.

Now? It triggers a full-fledged police action, followed by arrest, booking, and eight hours in the pokey for the teen and pre-teen tater tot tossers.

The food fight here started the way such bouts do in school lunchrooms most anywhere: an apple was tossed, a cookie turned into a torpedo, and an orange plunked someone in the head. Within minutes, dozens of middle-school students had joined in the ruckus, and spattered adults were ducking for cover.

By the end of the day, 25 of the students, ages 11 to 15, had been rounded up, arrested, taken from school and put in jail. A spokesman for the Chicago police said the charges were reckless conduct, a misdemeanor…

"My children have to appear in court," Erica Russell, the mother of two eighth-grade girls who spent eight hours in jail, said Tuesday. "They were handcuffed, slammed in a wagon, had their mug shots taken and treated like real criminals."

"They're all scared," Ms. Russell said of the two dozen arrested students. "You never know how children will be impacted by that. I was all for some other kind of punishment, but not jail. Who hasn't had a food fight?"

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  1. “Who hasn’t had a food fight?”

    Me. Uless you count fighting for food.

  2. I’m kinda waiting for a thread about the 9/11 trials heading for New York.

    Oh, and I’m glad I finished school before they replaced the good stuff with apples and oranges.

  3. I think it has come to the point that no American can in good conscience support the public schools. They all need to be completely defunded and people told to educate their own children. We can set up some kind of voucher system for poor people. The rich and the middle class can take the money they save in property taxes and use that to educate their children.

    Public education has gone from abject failure to a menace to liberty. It must be stopped.

    1. I think it has come to the point that no American can in good conscience support the public schools.

      Damn straight. We have to do it for the children.


    2. Not to defend schools, but this is not a “public education” problem, this is a “zero tolerance” problem.

      Pretty much all the problems associated with public schools are in fact problems created by corrupt government applified by public unions.

      1. amplified . . . . preview, preview, preview

      2. That is the thing. Thanks to the unions and corrupt governments, the schools are beyond repair. Yes, in an ideal world public schools are great. In fact, back in the days before the country went insane, public schools were one of the great strengths of our country. But not now. They are irredemable. How do you fix a system when the entire system is made up of idiots and union toadies? You can’t. They have gone past some tipping point. The only thing to do is completely destroy them and start over.

        1. Here is small-town Iowa, the schools still do work for the most part. Of course that comes at the price of living in one of the most boring (and least corrupt) states in the union.

          1. It still works in some places. But, in the inner cities, I don’t see how you fix it.

            1. I don’t think it is possible to fix government in the big cities of the USA.

              As a newly minted “sneering prick”, I eagerly await the imminent collapse of Detroit, New York, Boston, Chicago, and all of California.

            2. I have friend studying to be a teacher, and the other day he was talking about new PC terms. They are trying to change history to human studies because HIStory is not gender neutral. I’m not kidding. I was laughing my ass off. It made me wonder when they will change the word hemorrhoid.

              1. In leftist-speak, hemorrhoid is now calle a brain anuerism.

            3. Razing the buildings with all employees inside (no students, they’ve suffered enough) would be a damned good start.

      3. What I want to know is what color were the majority of these kids? Is this just another example of cops hating a particular segment of society?

    3. Here! Here!

  4. A spokesman for the human race described the actions of every apparatchik involved in this fracas as “despicable”, “heavy handed”, and “fucking asinine”.


  5. It’s a short step from throwing tater tots to bludgeoning somebody to death. We have to think of the children.

    1. Well, depending on the cops responding to the call, if any of those kids are walking around with their shirts not tucked in, they very well might be bludgeoned to death.


  6. I just thank god it wasn’t a school of Veterinarian Medicine.

  7. The kids were chucking fruit? This was obviously a hate crime.

    1. Only if they were throwing watermelon…

  8. Any word if they were strip searched before the coppers arrived?

  9. Note came home with my then 11 year old son. He received a demerit (this is going on your permanent record!!!) for “throwing his pen.” I asked what happened — he gave a gentle underhand toss of a pen to a friend whose pen had died. “He coulda lost an EYE!!!”

  10. Here’s the thing: when police come in contact with actual criminals they all, without exception, wet their pants. So they arrest 10 year olds to keep busy.

    The concept “police” is nothing more than a government bailout of the doughnut industry.

    1. Exactly. Someone starts shooting in a school and the armed-to-the-teeth cowards sit on their fat asses while kids are slaughtered, but someone throws an apple and these brave public servants are on the scene to protect us by shackling and arresting 11 year-olds. What, were there no WWII vet poker-parties to raid today?

  11. And we think we’re going to legalize marijuana… HAHAHAHAAAAA!

    1. It makes perfect sense. With the world going completely batshit insane, we’ll be allowed to smoke pot, but kids will goto jail for disciplinary infractions.

      Works for me. (As a childless adult)

  12. Where my daughter goes to school, it’s against the rules for them to run on the playground. I. shit. you. not.

    1. I really think you have to be a brain dead moron to work at a school. These people are beyond parody.

      1. moron, yes, brain dead, no. If they were brain dead, they’d do far less damage.

        1. More Vegetables in Schools! (, as the administrators!)

    2. It is only a matter of time until the rule is no playing on the playground. “Put that ball down, someone might get hurt!”

    3. Just curious…why would you allow your kids to go to such a school? Are you getting some benefit that outweighs the value of letting a child run around?

    4. That’s too sad to even laugh.

  13. I understand school shootings better, suddenly.

    They’re prison riots.

    1. They say our love is taboo;
      That what were doing is wrong!
      But I don’t care what they say,
      ‘Cause my love is so strong!
      They tell us we should be ashamed:
      We’re not husband and wife;
      But I cherish each moment with you;
      I’m so glad you’re in my life.

      You’re my prison bitch,
      My prison bitch,
      You’re not like other men.
      I’m glad we share a prison cell
      When lights go out at ten.
      I can’t escape the way I feel;
      Now that will be a crime.
      As long as I am doing you,
      I don’t mind doing time,

      ‘Cause you’re
      My prison bitch,
      My prison bitch,
      and I have no regrets;
      I got you for a candy bar
      and a pack of cigarettes.
      At first you were resistant,
      but now you are my friend.
      I knew that I would get you… in the end.

      …Prison bitch;
      …Prison bitch;
      I guess that you were sent from up above.
      …Prison bitch;
      …Prison bitch;
      And now you are my prisoner of love!

      I’m your prison bitch,
      Your prison bitch,
      And you’re a sex machine. (“C’mere!”)
      I only have but one request:
      How ’bout some Vaseline? (“Shaddap!”)
      I’m tired of this prison cell,
      I need to get away:
      They sentenced me to seven years,
      not seven times a day!

      I’m your prison bitch,
      Your prison bitch,
      You nympho-maniac!
      I really hate these knockers that
      You tattooed on my back.
      I thought that I could break away,
      but now I’m losing hope…
      Ye gods, I’m tired of picking up the soap!

      Bend over,
      Prison bitch! (Doo doo doo…)
      Prison bitch! (Doo doo doo…)
      Turn out the lights,
      ‘Cause I can hardly wait!
      Prison bitch! (Doo doo doo)
      Prison bitch! (Doo doo doo)
      When I get out,
      I’m ready to go straight!

      You’re my prison bitch,
      My prison bitch;
      I’ll never say goodbye.
      You’re not like all the others;
      Too bad they had to die…!

      On second thought, I think I’ll stay,
      If you want me to-hoo…!
      Your prison bitch is never.

      “At first you were my cell mate,
      but now you’re my soul mate!
      Come here! Come here baby! Come here!”
      “Oh no, not again!”
      “Now I know why they call you a hardened criminal!”
      “Hang on! You’re about to find why they call this the pokey!!!”

  14. I think the countdown to my abandonment of minarchism for anarchism has begun. A few more stories like this and I’ll burn my voter registration card.

    1. Ummmm, what good does that do? They’ll still send you jury duty notices.

      I want a voter unregistration process.

      1. Oh, and a constitutional amendment that fires the entire fed. govt. if voter turnout is below a certain % of the age-appropriate populace.

        (Getting my list ready for Santa. Who better to ask for completely fantastic gifts than an imaginary character!)

    2. I quit voting this year (after 35 years of never missing an election). After months of legal challenges, Al Frankin won by something like 200 votes. ACORN submitted 46,000 voter registration forms. Upstate, precincts “found” ballots days after the polls closed and surprisingly, all those “found” voted for Frankin. Simalar ballots were “found” in a precinct captain’s trunk. You do the math.

    3. A man is no less a slave because he is allowed to choose a new master once in a term of years.

  15. It all would have been no big deal, but apparently one teacher was struck with a food containing high fructose corn syrup…and that sh*t can’t stand in a socially just world.

    1. The teacher got diabetes too, so yeah.

  16. Good god — haven’t you guys had school cafeteria food????? They are lucky they aren’t in jail for assault with deadly weapons and improper disposal of hazardous waste.

  17. had their mug shots taken

    First of all, middle-schoolers should confine their drinking of hard liquor to the student-lounge, and second, use of d?class? crockery does indeed merit its confiscation.

  18. Not to defend schools, but this is not a “public education” problem, this is a “zero tolerance” problem.

    You can chalk so many of these surreal scenarios up to zero tolerance. School administrators get to hide behind these policies and absolve themselves from making judgment calls, decisions which they are paid highly to be able to make.

    So many school boards could save money by firing principals and superintendents and instead just spend a few dollars for a boilerplate rulebook that teachers can reference when they need guidance, since large salaries apparently can’t buy you common sense anyway.

    It’s all in my newsletter.

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