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Because When You Support Reason, Someone Who Hates You Throws Up a Little in His Mouth

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For today's lunchtime webathon pitch I hand the mic over to an antagonist, the beloved lefty blogger TBogg at Firedoglake.com:

Speak for yourselves, assholes

Since your contribution is tax deductible that means your hard-earned money won't be stolen by Big Government and given to a bunch of dusky welfare leeches with no marketable skills. Instead your cash contribution will pay the salaries of a bunch of anti-social assholes with no marketable skills unless, of course, you think being a sneering prick devoid of any quantifiable emotional response to the pain of others or the ability to feel compassion or a twinge of sympathy for people less fortunate than yourself is a marketable skill.

Which it is, but only in states that still have the death penalty.

That "dusky" was an especially nice touch, especially since it came right next to a particularly swarthy-looking pic of Senor Fonz himself (who, not that it matters, is against the death penalty, as am I).

Bad year

I quote not out of hate, nor tribal dog-whistling, nor even as a testament to the eternal malleability of the English language, but rather as an illustration of the world we've lived in for 41 years, and an explicit call for you to help give us 41 more years! 41 more years! 41 more years! When Democrats are in power, we are portrayed by their allies and apologists as racist, poor-hating Republicans who smoke pot so that we can better enjoy Dungeons & Dragons in our mothers' basements. When the other team's in charge, we're terrorist-n-criminal-lovin' Bill of Rights absolutists who live in a faux-hipster fantasy-land and secretly heart Democrats. There's a reason why these attacks come in the form of name-calling and eye-rolling rather than engaging the actual arguments: The facts are rarely on their side, and the best way to pre-emptively deflect wholly deserved charges of partisan hackery is to fling poo at the only political magazine you can think of who carries water for no political tribe whatsoever.

It's telling that when the Montagues run Washington, the same Capulets who hated us yesterday become our new best friends today. Whoever is out of power–and by definition, that's always the vast majority of us–finds strange nourishment in our mix of journalism, argumentation, and hot gals kissing lobsters. But as the Obama era rumbles along, ask yourself this: Who was critiquing Bailout Economics and too-big-to-failitis not just after January 20, 2009, but from Sept. 24, 2008 (not to mention the four decades prior)? Wasn't The Economist. Wasn't the Wall Street Journal editorial page. Wasn't the GOP nominee for president.

Never forget!

In a world where the Less Filling and Tastes Great brands of politics are steadily losing market share, and where the only long-term growth in the political arena is in a category called "Independents" (or, if you prefer, None of the Above), Reason is the only political magazine that takes true political independence–meaning independence from politics as well as from its two shrinking legacy parties–with a fundamental (if not quite fundamentally boring) seriousness. You'll be surprised how differently the world looks when you don't define yourself by team membership.

Actually, you won't be surprised, because you already read, watch, and interact with Reason. That's why we need your donation right the hell now. Let's push that needle up to 500 donors, people.

License to Ill

Twenty-five bucks gets you a "Free Minds and Free Markets" bumper sticker, and the satisfying knowledge that somewhere, Jacob Weisberg is silently weeping. A hundred buys you a bumper sticker, a subscription, and either Brian Doherty's Radicals for Capitalism or Peter Bagge's Everybody Is Stupid Except For Me! Two-fifty gets you even more Reason gear, and $1,000 takes you to that wonderland that only two can share.

Antagonize your antagonists. Tweak the people who insult you while demanding your money. Re-declare your independence. And save Lobster Girl.

Donate to Reason today!

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  1. sneering prick devoid of any quantifiable emotional response to the pain of others or the ability to feel compassion or a twinge of sympathy

    A bit long for a blog title, but I think that’s the direction I’ll go if I ever start one.

    Also a great introdcution at Libertarians Anonymous meeeting . . “Hello, I’m kinnath and I’m a sneering prick . . . . “

    1. As so Sneering Prick joins the rotation of donors.

  2. And the annual non-profit begging from Reason has become almost like a holiday for me. It neatly encapsulates both the pitiful reality of their niche and the fraudulence of their philosophy. And I celebrate it like it was Mardi Gras.

    Our tears are yummy and sweet, apparently.

    Also, we’re glibertarians. Get it? Glib! Ha ha, AIDS so funny!

    1. OK, I give up. How does asking for voluntary contributions show the fraudulence of our philosophy?

      1. I thought it was making ad homs against Lonewacko that did that.

    2. Well at least Reason doesn’t pull a PBS style beggathon and assail us with clips of Peter Paul and Mary singing “Puff the Magic Dragon.’

      1. Make with the greenbacks or it’s Yanni. Hours and hours of Yanni.

        1. Peter,Paul, and Yanni even better.

      2. If anyone sang “Puff the Magic Dragon” to me, I’d be donating to a collection to hire a hit man.

  3. so that we can better enjoy Dungeons & Dragons in our mothers’ basements

    The threadjack opportunity I was looking for!

    I’m still undecided whether 4th edition is brilliant or awful. On the one hand, they really streamlined some stuff that was too complicated before. On the other hand, I kind of like that D&D was too complicated.

    That said, I never actually play.

    1. AD&D sucked, and every version since was worse.

      1. D&D?! Grow, up nerds! All the hip roleplayers were into Warhammer RP.

  4. It seems I have to decide between a shiny new monocle or a donation to reason. I wonder which way my mind is gonna go on this issue . . . I wonder.

  5. won’t be stolen by Big Government Democrats and given to a bunch of dusky welfare leeches wealthy rent-seeking corporations with no marketable skills government-insured high risk investments.

    FIFY

  6. I donated just so I could read “supported by dusky welfare leeches” in the banner

    1. Does reason accept food stamps and WIC checks?

  7. Naga, shiny monocles would be great donation swag.

    1. I would definitely donate for one.

  8. And has someone already suggested top hats with the Reason logo?

  9. “…a sneering prick devoid of any quantifiable emotional response to the pain of others or the ability to feel compassion or a twinge of sympathy…”

    Yeah that about sums me up to most people. I wish more people could be understanding of my superiority to them but their little minds can’t handle it.

    1. When you wield the Lantern, no one questions your superiority. Otherwise, they get smashed by a glowing emerald fly swatter.

  10. your cash contribution will pay the salaries of a bunch of anti-social assholes

    I must say- this is quite a compelling argument.

  11. Actually, that describes my feelings toward TBogg to a tee.

  12. we’re terrorist-n-criminal-lovin’ Bill of Rights absolutists

    I’d like to think the Constitution really IS a suicide pact.

  13. Look at the Obama pic. He has his sleeves rolled up? I have worked in business for 20 years and I never see anyone other than politicians do that. I mean really, what are the advantages of exposing your forearms to the elements in a business setting?

    1. If it’s hot?

      Just sayin’.

      1. Really? Who the hell has ever heard anyone ever utter the sentence, “Jesus Christ are my forearms hot!”?

      2. It’s a prop of sorts that subtly says: I’m rolling up my sleeves and getting down to work.

    2. I am a strong, strong believer in Free Forearms.

      1. don’t you mean the right to keep and bare forearms?

    3. I always have my sleeves rolled up, unless I’m really cold. Standard shirt sizes don’t quite work with my arm length, so I find unrolled sleeves constricting.

    4. I do this, but then again I usually wear polos because I’m always hot.

  14. Also, bring back spaces between sentences.

  15. Any combination of “throw up,” “mouth” and “a little” is a reverse-dogwhistle (that only they can’t hear) of the douche tribe.

    I don’t know where the quote originates (I’ve only heard it via douche), but it reeks of Dane Cook. Or of The Office, or Arrested Development, or 30 Rock, or Eddie Izzard, or some other objectively Dane Cook-equivalent but inexplicably faux-hipster-signaling thing.

    You’ve gazed too long into the douche, Welch.

    1. First time I ever read it was early this decade written by the Sports Guy Bill Simmons on espn.com. I don’t think it’s originally his, and we all know it isn’t originally Dane Cook’s because he doesn’t have any original material.

    2. If you think The Office, Arrested Development, 30 Rock and Eddie Izzard are Dane Cook equivalents, then obviously you are a strange being with whom no communication is possible. To use a term you might understand (and that I am dreadfully ashamed of knowing), you are varelse.

      Good day to you sir.

    3. I’m pretty sure it’s from dodgeball when Stiller asks the chick out on her porch.

  16. I often roll up my sleeves in the office.
    But then, I might have extraordinarily sweaty forearms.

    1. Then wouldn’t you want to keep them covered?

  17. You’ve gazed too long into the Welch douche.

    FIFY

  18. So not enough people buy your publication or browse your ad-supported web site for you to survive economically?

    Could the web-site/publication named Reason risk being “out-competed” in a “free market” where there’s simply not enough “demand” for the web-site/publication named Reason and too much “supply”, perhaps?

      1. I don’t drink, you halfwit! Except, of course, for my traditional morning mug of lukewarm dog semen.

    1. Drink!

      As has been pointed out a hundred times before, there is no such a thing as a political magazine in our space breaking even on ads & subs & related revenue alone. Doesn’t happen for The New Republic, doesn’t happen to The Weekly Standard, doesn’t happen to The American Prospect, doesn’t happen to anybody, least not for longer than maybe 12 particularly good months. Some people bridge the gap by being a nonprofit, others have owners who don’t mind losing money.

      We produce much more journalism, reaching a much wider audience, than we did a decade ago; and our nonprofit has grown substantially over that time as well. This suggests not a failure in the market, but something closer to the opposite. The key is to recognize this type of magazine market for what it is, and then to understand how nonprofits, too, exist in a marketplace.

      1. There’s a new microscope developed by the TEAM Project (Transmission Electron Aberration-corrected Microscope), supported by the U.S. Department of Energy, has recorded the highest-resolution images ever seen (0.05 nanometer and below). This is equivalent to a quarter of the diameter of a carbon atom.

        If you had this tool at your disposal, you still would not be able to see the violin that I am now playing, just for you.

        1. Watch out, Matt, this guy has heard of a microscope. He’ll totally pwn you if you get too close.

        2. Dave K.,

          Perhaps then we should take the money forcefully from you and give it to this journalistic enterprise instead of attempting to appeal to your self interest? I wonder which party wants to do that? The name isn’t coming to mind at the moment… give it time.

          1. Just because I despise you and everything you stand for, doesn’t mean that I’m automatically a member of the opposite side, you Manichean motherfucker.

            1. What are you, some sort of Zoroastrian?

              1. No, but I can use a dictionary. Idiot.

                1. We know, because you don’t come up with your two and three syllable words on your own.

              2. Me disagreeing with libertarian pigcunt faggots doesn’t make me automatically a member of the liberal pigcunt faggots.

                I’m just pointing out that “Reason’s” flawed business model is not my problem.

                Either cut costs or provide a product or service that the market wants or let the invisible hand fistfuck you into oblivion.

                I’m just laughing at the thought that “Reason” will have to accept government subsidies soon to stay alive.

                1. “Reason’s” flawed business model is not my problem.

                  Either cut costs or provide a product or service that the market wants or let the invisible hand fistfuck you into oblivion.

                  Asking our fans for donations is our business model. The invisible hand seems to like it, since it’s kept us afloat for decades.

                  1. I imagine that market lessons fall on deaf ears when you’re arguing with someone who bags groceries for a living at 27. The only guy that age that bags at my grocery store is fairly mentally disabled.

                2. “pigcunt faggots”

                  What an od word pairing.

                    1. Sounds like an album title.

                3. Either cut costs or provide a product or service that the market wants or let the invisible hand fistfuck you into oblivion.

                  Why do you hate PBS?

                4. Grammatically, that should read “My disagreeing with…”

                  To be pedantic.

                5. Whoever said our business model was your problem was probably the same person who said we will soon be accepting government subsidies. I.e., you.

            2. I am only saying that because I care, Dave–there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

              1. Of course a glibertarian like you would think that I drink coffee.

                1. You didn’t call me a fag, Dave. You’re slipping. And for the record, I don’t have a Harley.

                2. I think you drink herbal tea.

                3. I think Epi was referring to your… ahem… “traditional” morning beverage of choice.

            3. If you’re a Democrat or a Republican, (or Green Party or Communist Party [fill in rest here]) you’re on the opposite side.

              See how this freedom thing works?

        3. Sorry, was somebody whining? MOVE, goalposts, MOVE!

        4. If you had this tool at your disposal, you still would not be able to see my dick the violin that I am now playing, just for you.

          FIFY

    2. There aren’t X amount of magazine readers that are looking for a good magazine but don’t know which to buy. Reason does not compete with The New Republic. They have a different audience. But the fixed costs of running a magazine, while perhaps easily covered by subscription fees for magazines that cater to the bushels of imbeciles on the right and the left, are perhaps too much for a magazine that caters to a small group of forehead-slappers such as ourselves. So while there is a demand for Reason, it may not be enough to fully cover operation/expansion costs.

      Matt, perhaps you guys should just charge a little more for the magazine. I’d pay a hefty price just to read something that doesn’t make my blood pressure rise. Also, there’s always the ‘essay contest’. Just have a bunch of suckers pay you 20 bucks to submit an essay for a chance to win something or other plus publication. Plus, it’s always amusing to see what crazy shit people have drifting around in their heads.

      1. No really, political magazines of all flavors do not cover their own costs through subs & ads. The stuff they go through we go through, only with (usually) different readerships. Also, we run a leaner ship than almost all.

        1. Oh, ok. How does your readership numbers compare to others, by the way? Also, has there been a spike in the last few months?

          1. Chris — Roughly speaking, our circulation is around 50,000, which is standard-to-good in this market (the National Review, Nation, and Mother Jones are the only ones to my knowledge above six figures). Our web traffic compares favorably, and October 2009 was our biggest month ever.

    3. Hey douchebag – when glibertarians use the term “free markets” they usually mean “all things voluntary” – like, not owning people, not bossing people, and, importantly, not getting between people and their weed, whether they grow their own, buy it, or get it from their kids.

      So, sit back, and relax. The “market” isn’t just about the money. Or, you can go fuck yourself. I don’t care. (see how that works?)

    4. Hey Dave, you’re a real charmer. I bet you’re a big hit with the ladies.

    5. Actually, this is a pretty damn good example of the free market at work. Reason asks for money and people voluntarily give it because they value the product Reason delivers. It apparently has worked well enough and people have valued it well enough that it’s been around for 41 years. Which we’re all hoping is far longer than you’ll continue to be around, Davey doodle.

  19. Make mine a Manhattan, Paul, but substitute the tears of child laborers for the Angostura.

    1. It’s a little early here, so I’ll be making mine a Bloody Mary… made from the blood of the innocent.

  20. Jesus Christ, Dave K, you sound like you suffer from sweaty forearms.

  21. Which of the trolls is this execrable little jackanape?

    “OH noes! Teh libruhtarians have no compasshun! Those bastard object to being stolen from! What monsters!”

    1. “Reason”,
      It’s like NPR for Republicans.
      And that’s not a compliment, btw.

      Keep begging for that money at the end of the rainbow.

      1. So when businesses ask for money for a product or service they are begging?

        You are one dense motherfucker.

      2. Minus the $200 million from Joan Kroc, the uncounted millions from Archer Daniels Midland, the half-million-dollar salaries for top talent, the money from taxpayers, and a few other points of departure.

        Also, not Republican.

        1. Hey, “Dave K.”, do you know Edward “Lefiti” Morris? It seems like you guys would get along famously.

        2. So NPR is better at raising money from private donors than Reason?
          Is that really something to be proud of?

          “Haha, we didn’t get any money from Joan Kroc and Archer Daniel Midland, because we believe in capitalism!”

          Why not try to get money from McDonald’s heirs and ADM?

  22. WWARD (What Would Ayn Rand Do?)

    Do you think she’d give you anything?

    Click on the link below for the correct, safe-for-work answer for Ayn Rand’s contribution to the moochers of Reason:

    http://i185.photobucket.com/al…..stomp2.gif

  23. So not enough people buy your publication or browse your ad-supported web site for you to survive economically?

    More revenue equals an ability to piss off more whining douchebags.

    1. Well, you’ve certainly convinced me to support you now, you smooth-talking Lothario, you.

      1. Are you using the dickshunary again, Dave?

      2. Don’t worry Dave, none of us are trying to seduce you (And if we are, than we are drunk and trying to win a bet.)

  24. My twins, now four, are precocious, but small for their age, which would make them perfect for sending into the innards of the great machines to make repairs without stopping the assembly line.
    Now I just need to get me an assembly line.

    1. When I was in thrid grade, I read a bio on Andrew Carnegie. Turns out, he started his working life at age 13 as a “bobbin boy,” running through working mechanical looms to restock the bobbins of thread. Many bobbin boys lost fingers.

      I read that and thought: “Dammit, why can’t I be a bobbin boy?”

      1. Sounds like you were unfortunate enough to be born with pesky extra fingers syndrome. No, we don’t use bobbin boys anymore, but there must be alternative ways to remove the offending additional digits. Have you considered using a paper cutter?

  25. WWARD (What Would Ayn Rand Do?)

    Do you think she’d give a penny to you Reason moochers?

    A curbstomp, perhaps.

    1. Edward, is that you?

      1. Not smug enough, and no insults directed at Jesse Walker. No, I’d say we have a new troll on our hands, gentlemen.

        Newtroll, you’re going to have to pick up your game if you want to be noteworthy. We’ve had some good trolls around here, and you’re not measuring up.

        1. a) I’m not a troll, so I apologize for not living up to your trolling standards.
          b) “Reason’s” flawed business model is not my problem.

          1. If you have to deny being a troll, you’re a troll. Shut the fuck up, newtroll.

            1. LOGIC BOY TO THE RESCUE!
              IF YOU DENY IT, YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY GUILTY!!!
              SO SAYETH WARTY, LOGIC BOY OF THE 25TH CENTURY!

              1. OMG, a post in all-caps. He sure pwned you there, Bliggens.

            2. I like to poop in my hands and eat my poop. My poop tastes like Skittles. What does your poop taste like?

              Am I down on your level yet?

              1. I take it back. Please don’t shut the fuck up, newtroll.

                Now, what were you saying about your mother?

              2. The post I’m replying to is someone pretending to be me.

                I’d never use “poop” when “shit” is a so much better term.

                1. *I* am the real Dave K., and boy am I getting a kick out of these replies…

              3. What does your poop taste like?

                You mother’s kisses. But then you already knew that.

          2. I apologize for not living up to your trolling standards

            Getting it to apologize is a sign that it’s already breaking

          3. Yes, you’ve said that. Reason’s need for revenue isn’t my problem either. I don’t own it, or am not employed by it, or otherwise depend on its existence for my livlihood.

            Who says it’s supposed to be yours?

    2. Rand would have had to pay for all the advertising Reason’s been doing for her lately.

      1. Nah, her reply would have been:
        “Why are those money-begging San Francisco faggots writing about me?”

        1. That’s true, she told him. Dave K. can talk to dead people. Strangely, this only happens when he forgets to take his meds.

  26. Live by the free market,
    die by the free market.

    1. Please put your troll nonsense in the form of a haiku.

      1. Oh, Dave K., what wit!
        You are an amateur troll
        joe would be so sad

        1. Free market! Waa! Waa!
          Me am good good troll. Tee-hee!
          Pigcunt faggot! Wheeeee!

    2. Finally, now he gets it.

    3. Yes, that’s how it works. What about that axiom do you object to?

  27. Go and read the firedoglake post. A post about the b?te noire of the lazy-minded net liberal and it managed to get a grand total of 13 posts in 8 hours.

    Be sure to marvel over their uniquely inflated inability to understand that very simple concept that no liberal can understand: the difference between voluntary and involuntary.

    Thieves should at least have the dignity not to whine when people call them what they are.

    1. Most thieves do their own stealing making them eligible for respect considerably below that afforded to a hooker or a lawyer, but respect none the less. None being the amount of respect one can give to thieves who are so worthless they can’t even do thier own stealing.

  28. Lobster Girl is a beauty, to be sure, and I’m sure shirtless Congressmen have their fans as well. But this is the pitch that got me to pull out my credit card. Well played, Mr. Welch.

  29. For really large donations you should offer prostitutes, guns, and pot (along with a complimentary medical prescription.)

    1. What’s that? Lawyer not included?

      1. Lawyers, guns, and money (and prostitutes, pot, and medical prescription)

        Rest in peace, Mr. Z

  30. I’m going to repeat my offer here in case the server squirrels missed it: if anyone at Reason can reformat the the lower-case w in “STFU, Lonewacko!” in the donor banner, I’ll kick in another 25 bucks.

    They have my email address in my original donation, so they can:
    1) send me a confirmation that it’s been fixed, and;
    2) publicly shame me if I don’t follow through on my offer within 24 hours of it being changed to “STFU, LoneWacko!”

    1. Hee. I saw that go by a short time ago and almost inhaled a grape. Well done, sir!

  31. The first commenter has a pretty weak grasp on the concept of an oxymoron.

    1. First commenter on Tbogg

  32. I will forever be amused by the propensity of the left to correlate empathy and compassion with the size of their government.

    It reminds me of a middle-aged guy in a Miata. He thinks it looks cooler than his wagon, but you feel compelled to tell him, “uh sir, you dropped your man-purse…”

    1. I hope this doesn’t apply to middle-aged guys in 350Zs.

      1. Nissan >> Mazda.

        But so long as you’re not compensating, it’s all good.

        1. kinnath == engineer; engineer love fine machine; compensating for what?

          1. The size of one’s member.

            1. My member is gold plated. It’s stands on its own 24/7.

    2. If yer dissin’ a Miata as a chick car, it usually means you’ve never driven one.

      Not big on horsepower, true, but with very minor tweaks to suspension, you can easily leave Mustangs behind in the twisties. And there are many pretty easy ways to bump HP as well. But even bone stock – at least the original NA (1990 – 1996) – it’s actually a hell of a nimble little ride.

  33. OK, someone is pretending to be me, so I’m leaving this thread now.

    Anyone who wants to get in touch with me, mail me at: david.kistenmacher@gmail.com

    1. This a post by the pretender. I’m not leaving this thread just because you pigcunt faggots can’t handle a real debate.

      1. You certainly have a pigcunt fixation. How do you feel about that?

      2. What debate? What position are you espousing, exactly? All I read are ad hominem attacks. And you consistently fail to articulate why you are so vehemently opposed to Reason soliciting voluntary contributions.

  34. A little spoofing drove newtroll away? Jesus Christ, what a fag.

  35. I call bullshit on Dave. I think he is gimmick Matt is using to drum up donations. After all, how often does Matt himself jump in to confront an obviously bad troll?

  36. I haven’t gone anywhere. Pigcunt.

  37. You got a point there, J.A.
    Very tricky, Welch.

  38. If ‘joe’ reappears during the Webathon I’m going to be very suspicious.

  39. good stuff, lol…

    I confess my suprise that folks would think asking for money is a faiure in the market. We can say no, no?

    Do I have to pitch in $105CDN for a banner scroll?

    1. Never underestimate stupidity.

      There are some real dumb fucks in the world.

  40. Dave K., I’m going out on a limb here, since I don’t know you personally, but I’m going to guess that you wouldn’t know what a free market is if it bit you on the ass (as opposed to government interference in the free market, which is currently biting us ALL on the ass).

    1. Young Dave K was, in his crude and uneducated way, making a semi-valid point:

      The free market is successful because it punishes failure and rewards success.

      Now, if Reason has failed in the free market, can we really reward a failure like that or should we go by our principles and let Reason be reborn like a phoenix, chapter 11-style?

      1. Voluntary donations are part of a free-market. How has Reason failed?

        1. If your business model doesn’t even let you go +/- 0, then maybe shutting down and reorganizing is a better option.

          A lot of organizations give away all of their content for free and still manage to turn a nice profit, so why not Reason?

          Why not make money on selling really cool T-shirts, for instance, instead of trying to emulate NPR?

          1. Which organizations give away all their content and still turn a profit?

            Why not make money on selling really cool T-shirts, for instance, instead of trying to emulate NPR?
            The incentive of free swag is what made me up my donation. Voluntarily.

            1. There Ain’t No Such Thing As Free Swag, young padawan.

              1. Actually, it depends on how one values the contribution. For me, the money I donated I was in my estimation a fair trade for a year’s worth of content and information. Anything else I get from Reason was gravy.

                And the tax deduction was a good incentive to up the amount of contribution.

          2. In other words, Reason, being a non-profit, hasn’t actually failed.

            1. Well, we don’t know that yet.

  41. I’m angry because you libertards got to my mother, and she won’t give me head for free anymore.

    1. Hey if you want head, you can pay for it like the rest of us.

      1. No! The whole free market is a sham! I was way more senior than all the hustlers at the truck stop, but only the young rent boys got paid!

        1. If the free market truly worked, I should get paid more because I don’t have teeth.

        2. This is just the pretender again. What a faggot.

  42. This is the real joe. You are all chimpanzee faggots.

    1. NTTAWWT

  43. Dave K. (David Kistenmacher) has a high end profession, it seems:

    http://gazetteonline.com/local…..s-in-state

    Wearing black slacks, a white shirt and a warm smile, David Kistenmacher sports the friendly and helpful mien that loyal Fareway customers expect to find at the checkout counter.

    But Kistenmacher brings one thing to the counter most customers don’t expect ? the fastest hands in Iowa.

    Grocery store bagger, Dave K. We hardly knew ye.

    1. “Fastest hands in Iowa”, hmmmmmm? I’m surprised they didn’t compliment him on his wrist strength.

  44. Dave K sports a mien? Fuck, he does know how to use a dictionary.

  45. I think Dave K was a figment of my hangover. Thanks a lot, beer!

  46. Beer makes you hung over, Epi? What a pigcunt.

  47. Oh, oh the caption to that story.

    “Kistenmacher won the fastest bagger competition at the state fair.”

    I bet he did. Both only after they instituted the cock bib rule.

    1. That was a pretender! What a bagger.

  48. 40 items in 32 seconds? Dude! That’s hawte.

    1. “Items” dude. That just means he did 20 scrotums.

      1. And in those 30 seconds, only one thing went through his mind.

        “Just get it in the bag.”

        1. Awesome!
          He is henceforth dubbed Sir Dave “Dildo” Baggins of the Shire.

          1. Great! That means I can be Pigcunt!!!

          2. If you try to post as Pigcunt (with a URL to a Miss Piggy pic) the server thinks you’re spam. But spam is made from ham and pork shoulder, not porcine vaginas.

            Stupid squirrels.

            1. How do you know this for a fact?

  49. Either cut costs or provide a product or service that the market wants or let the invisible hand fistfuck you into oblivion.

    So, if the Coca-Cola Company doesn’t have 100% market share, they have failed to survive in the free market?

    If WalMart isn’t the sole source of merchandise for everyone in the country, they have failed?

    You have a fundamentally flawed comprehension of the “market”.

    Or maybe you’re just a whining douchebag.

  50. Well, this argument is ok, but honestly the money would also be well spent buying ammo to deal with the retarded fetuses after Obama runs the country in to the ground.

  51. Too bad that TBogg blog only allows registered account holders to comment. Hence the handful of Fellow Travelers. I was going to invite them here.

  52. My suggestion for a new T-shirt slogan:

    Don’t be a pigcunt!
    Support Reason!

    1. You forgot the “faggot” part. South Park made it cool to say that again.

      Have a good weekend, folks.

  53. Wait a minute . . . you can’t define compassion in terms of what you force someone else to do at gun point, it can only mean how you best apply yourself to help others! Awww, fuck me, now I’m a libertarian. Better call mom and see if she can get that basement ready for my return.

  54. Most favoritist part of this whole thing – in the comments section at the firedoglake site:

    “Libertarianism is just Satanism without the flashlight under the chin”

    HAHAHAHHAHA!

    1. If I believed in Satan, I might actually be insulted.

  55. reason

    Where even pigcunts get to speak freely.

  56. November Thirteenth
    Today, we are all pigcunts.
    We shall not forget

    1. 11/13:
      When the pigcunt faggots fell.

      Starring Nicholas Cage as Pigcunt Faggotquist.

  57. Dave K’s label may say Nov 13 09, but his whine taste like classic vintage. Drink!

  58. Glibertarians. Glib? An accusation that comes from the wings of both parties and thrown out there by those who never consider cost or consequence in the policies they advocate.
    Never.

  59. I’m gonna shop at Dave’s grocery store.

  60. Read through the thread, finally. Dave K. reminds me of this exchange:

    http://funnycrave.com/fighting…..ment/5901/

    Child: Oh My God! You and you’re fucking fraging, man! Stop being such a faggot, dude!

    Me: Well, evidently being a faggot is what makes me a champion. Every morning I wake up and eat a bowl of dicks. You know why?

    Child: Why?

    Me: Because dicks is the breakfast of champions! And faggots. Which I apparently am. Because I killed you. A lot.

    (In the lobby waiting for the next match to start)

    Child: Who’s the faggot now, bitch?! I Fucking owned you!

    Me: Well, by your rules, you would now be the faggot because you killed me. Only faggots kill people.

    Child: Shut up, faggot!

    Me: The logic! IT’S ?IT’S TURNED ON YOU!

  61. TBogg: Poster Boy for Empathy

  62. I like how the sites banner has my name by “Supported By” along with “The Pentagon” and “Mossad”

  63. I’ll give $100 if Matt Welsh will state, in a Youtube video, that Ayn Rand was a pigcunt.
    Using his normal voice/tone and facial expressions.

    1. I’ll match that. C’mon, Matt.

      1. Fuck, yeah!

        Pigcunts of the world, unite and help Reason!

      2. Probably won’t happen.
        To paraphrase Kurgan from “Highlander”:

        Nuns Libertarians. No sense of humor lulz.

  64. “When you join, someone shits their pants” would have been better…Ya got me…

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