Crime

One Place Where Crime Isn't Getting Any Better

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The FBI's most recent report says that violent crime rates are going down; everywhere but Liberty City, that is. Turns out Grand Theft Auto IV's cops suck at their jobs:

"I was shot 14 times on my way to work today, including twice by police," said one Algonquin-area resident. "That is unacceptable."

Many blame the LCPD directly for the increase in criminal activity, citing the department's lax procedure for arresting criminals, which involves taking 10 percent of the suspect's money, confiscating his weapons, and simply releasing him from custody later that day. Outraged citizens say this is not enough, especially in a city where assault rifles can be found on factory roofs and grenade caches are located under the globe at the old World's Fair site.

"The police just let them go, and 20 minutes later they're shooting at the very same criminals from helicopters," veteran crime reporter Mike Whiteley said. "That is not proper law enforcement. We may be seeing a return to the bad old days of 2002, when the police, the FIB, and even Army tank battalions would leave countless bodies on the streets while attempting to capture just one man on some sort of joyful mass-destruction spree."

In related news, it looks like DC police have picked up a lesson or two from Liberty City cops. And the LCPD aren't the only ones with itchy trigger fingers.

NEXT: Barrwatch: To Tehran, Go!

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  1. grenade caches are located under the globe at the old World’s Fair site.

    Really? Good to know.

  2. Haven’t played it yet . . . sucks . . .

  3. Life imitates Art imitates Life.

  4. Haven’t played it yet

    It is quite possibly the greatest video game ever made for oh so many reasons. Not least of which because the main character is just so damned likeable.

    I saw that Onion article a couple of days ago…forwarded it to several friends. It’s much funnier once you play the game.

  5. I prefer Pong, Pac Man and Centipede. But that’s just me.

  6. It is quite possibly the greatest video game ever made for oh so many reasons.

    Definitely in the very tippy-top tier. My hard-core gaming buddy isn’t a fan because he says it has too many cutscenes and dialogue; I think they’re so good I play to get to the next cutscene.

    And the free weapons and armor are damn near impossible to find. Thanks for the tip on the grenades. Now, if I can only find the the globe at the old World’s Fair site. . . .

  7. Now, if I can only find the the globe at the old World’s Fair site.

    it’s on the west side of the park in north Queens Dukes, just on the other side of the tennis pavillion from the spaceships Pvt Pyle Det Goren tried to use to get off the planet with the galaxy.

  8. Yep, that Onion is something, alright.

  9. PIRS,
    for me it was gorf, starcastle, hyperball, and track and field.

  10. oh yeah, adventure, on an old atari system, while trippin on 2 hits of mr. bill was extraordinary.

  11. GTA IV: Hands down, the greatest video game ever made.
    One thing about the cops, though: They’re still easy to mow the fuck down, but watch out if they sidle up to your car. They shoot through windshields to kill ya.

  12. Grenades can also be found on both of the 2 streets under construction in midtown Algonquin, where the United Paper missions are.

    I read a review where the author states “I now understand what film critics must have felt like the first time they saw the Godfather.” It’s a pretty good analogy – if you are really into games then you will be pretty blown away by it.

    How about those Republican Space Rangers?

  13. I’ve seen this on 5 different blogs and it still makes me laugh every time. I love this part:

    Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight

    Still debating whether to wait for the PC version or get a PS3. I’ve got a 63″ HDTV and my experience with the PS2 was that it was worthless, a pixel was like a freaking inch across.

  14. Brotherben, I loved Adventure too! That was cool!

  15. Still debating whether to wait for the PC version or get a PS3.

    I’m going to build an utterly jacked PC for it when it comes out for PC. 64-bit, dual SLI’ed video cards, shitloads of RAM, multiple hard drives to divide up seeking, the works.

  16. Still debating whether to wait for the PC version or get a PS3.

    TallDave, I don’t think a PC version has even been confirmed yet. Note, though, that it took more than a year for GTA Vice City to make its way to the PC.
    As far as resolution goes, I have a 46″ HDTV and GTAIV looks stunning on it, to the point that I have a difficult time distinguishing the brick streets from reality.
    Seriously sweet CG.

  17. Adventure. You’re a square being chased by giant ducks you can stab with an arrow. I loved it.

    I’ve just beaten Mass Effect for the second time. Perhaps I need to consider GTA IV.

  18. TallDave, I don’t think a PC version has even been confirmed yet.

    Oh, it WILL happen.

    Note, though, that it took more than a year for GTA Vice City to make its way to the PC.

    True. But when it did, we got Hot Coffee! Or maybe that was GTASA. Anyways, the graphics were 10x better on PC.

    I’m going to build an utterly jacked PC for it when it comes out for PC

    Got mine a few months ago. Azeroth is awesome at 1920×1200.

  19. As far as resolution goes, I have a 46″ HDTV and GTAIV looks stunning on it, to the point that I have a difficult time distinguishing the brick streets from reality.

    Thanks, maybe I will go ahead and get it then. Is yours X-Box or PS3?

  20. Got mine a few months ago. Azeroth is awesome at 1920×1200.

    Did you build it yourself or buy it built?

  21. I hate you all. Though I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much, since I have an Xbox 360.

  22. grenade caches are located under the globe at the old World’s Fair site.

    I thought that was a wig store.

  23. I hate you all.

    Even me?!?

  24. TallDave,
    PS3.

  25. Episiarch,

    My computers date back to 2003, and my television is a mere 27 inches of CRT primitivity. I have a 19-inch monitor. My life has no meaning.

  26. Still debating whether to wait for the PC version or get a PS3.

    Get the PS3. Its also a Blu-Ray player, which you know you need anyway.

    The graphics are supposed to be a hair better than the 360.

    And Rockstar has a terrible record of porting their games to PC.

  27. My computers date back to 2003, and my television is a mere 27 inches of CRT primitivity. I have a 19-inch monitor. My life has no meaning.

    My computers date back to 2000 and 1997 respectively. Which is why I will build an awesome one.

    (I have HD TV, TiVo, 7.1 surround sound, and a 22-inch widescreen monitor)

  28. I need more technology! My brother has a 53-inch rear projection HD system and a 32-inch LCD. Yet I make more money than he does. Maybe this would compute if my PC was from this century. Okay, what I really mean is from this week.

  29. It’s gotten much more realistic this time around. The cops are less competent and thus easier to evade, and when they kill you they keep riddling your corpse with bullets.

  30. Get the PS3. Its also a Blu-Ray player, which you know you need anyway.

    Good point.

    OK, I’m heading to Amazon.

    My computers date back to 2000 and 1997 respectively.

    I have a 1999 Dell Inspiron, which still performs quite well as a catwarmer.

  31. PL,

    I got an old school(1999) 64 inch big screen I’ve been thinking of selling. 3 projectors and surround sound. Make an offer.

  32. Regarding Atari’s Adventure game, The Onion also scooped everyone else with this story.

  33. ZMan,

    It’s gotten much more realistic this time around. The cops are less competent and thus easier to evade, and when they kill you they keep riddling your corpse with bullets.

    No kidding!!! 🙂 I about died laughing when I saw the police officers walking on the street on the game. Most of them are about as morbidly obese as that jackass cop from Baltimore’s harbor who roughed up the skateboard kid on YouTube a few months ago. I love how you can run into them and they fall flat on their face…after which they waddle helplessly on their stomach trying to pull themselves up.

    Of course immediately after they get up they open fire on you for pissing them off…

  34. R C Dean,

    I like the cutscreens a lot as well. As far as overall plot, script and acting goes, it really is comparable to the Godfather films…except more in-depth I think (since they have more than two hours to work with). They did a great job of fleshing out characters and avoid shallow caricatures (particularly Niko and Roman…heck, Brucie’s even starting to grow on me a bit).

  35. Great gameplay, great story, great graphics. Still, not as good a game as San Andreas was. Also, it’s really annoying how your friends keep calling up and whining about how you never hang out with them.

  36. Yeah, I agree, great game… But nowhere as good as San Andreas.

  37. I’m very surprised that reason has not picked up on the fact that there is a whole real underground, underground economy in the online version of GTAIV… based on e-gold. (same in SL and WoW)

  38. Dave B.,

    Still, not as good a game as San Andreas was

    The GTA IV story’s better and the graphics are incomparably better than in San Andreas, but I liked the map in San Andreas better and thought there were more options for non-main mission fun (plus, the jet pack was awesome). I think I burned about five or six hours in real time sitting in the casino with CJ playing blackjack, roulette and video poker. Plus, it was a lot easier to get your car up to top speed in San Andreas’ open areas than in Liberty City.

    They’re both excellent games, though, and I’ll probably replay both frequently.

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