The Pot Growers Next Door


The Associated Press worries about suburbs where "neighbors mind their own business and respect each other's privacy." Why? "These are ideal conditions, it turns out, for growing marijuana."  Why should that concern you? The story never says. The closest it comes is a reference to fires in New Hampshire caused by "rows of power strips and spaghetti clusters of extension cords" in grow houses. I await the crackdown on people who have too many computer peripherals or excessively complicated home theater systems.

To encourage nosier neighbors, A.P. offers tips on "how to detect a marijuana greenhouse":

—The windows are often covered and the blinds drawn. There may be excessive condensation around the windows.

– Electrical outlets may be rigged to divert power from neighboring homes.

– The houses are largely unoccupied. People stop by periodically to mow the lawn or do other chores, then leave.

– There are guard dogs, "Keep Out" signs or other security.

– In winter, after a snowfall, the house may be the lone home on the block with no snow on the roof. (Heat from the lights often melts the snow.)

If you want to avoid suspicion, then, never close your blinds (what have you got to hide, anyway?), don't leave your house for extended periods of time, don't buy a dog, don't get a security system, and don't clean the snow off your roof. Otherwise, there may be a knock on your door by heavily armed men, tipped off by a neighbor turned narc.

I'm just kidding. They probably won't knock.

[Thanks to NORML's Allen St. Pierre for the tip.]