Maybe Steven Seagal Actually is a Cop

Remember the more Joe Arpaio-y than usual SWAT raid on a supposed cockfighting ring back in March? Which inexplicably involved Steven Seagal and a tank? There are now allegations of puppycide.

According to Slate:

There’s no suggestion that Seagal personally shot and killed the puppy, as some headlines have suggested. But [Jesus] Llovera, the cockfighting suspect, is suing him and the sheriff’s office for $25,000 apiece, claiming the raid was a stunt designed “to make good TV for Steven Seagal.”

TMZ.com adds:

[Llovera] claims his 11-month old puppy was shot and killed during the raid -- and his home sustained "substantial damage." He also claims the cops killed more than 100 roosters that belonged to him.

The notice of claim is the first step towards a lawsuit -- and [Llovera's] lawyer tells us his client is demanding $100,000 for the damage and he wants Seagal to issue a "formal written apology" to his children "for the death of their 11-month old puppy, a beloved family pet."

Radley Balko previously argued that the presence of cameras for the true-crime show First 48 may have influenced the tactics of SWAT in a raid that led to the death of a 7-year-old Detroit girl. A puppy death is obviously a much lesser tragedy, but Joe Arpaio doesn't need any additional help planning insane "tough on crime" publicity stunts.

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  • ||

    He also claims the cops killed more than 100 roosters that belonged to him.

    Ah isn't the point of banning cock fighting to save the roosters?

  • Apatheist||

    They were coming right for them!

  • Montani Semper Liberi||

    I believe that due to training, roosters used in cockfighting are too aggressive around other chickens to be put on a farm. Unless people are keeping them as pets, the only thing to do is kill them.

  • ||

    We had to kill the rooster in order to save it.

  • Montani Semper Liberi||

    But we kill them humanely, so it's OK, or something.

  • Zeb||

    No, the point of banning cock fighting is that lots of people think it is icky. And the wrong kind of people like it.

  • Abdul||

    Segal was hungry, and had hitched his deep fryer tot he tank.

  • ||

    From the article it says they were "euthanized" and the rest were transferred elsewhere. Leading me to wonder if these were particularly horribly injured or sick chickens?

    Nah, cops just like killing things.

  • ||

    Steven Seagal and a tank

    So now it's a fucking tank?

  • ||

    Does anybody know why Ritchie killed Bobby Lupo?

  • Abdul||

    He's nothing but a gun and a badge.

    and a tank. And a lot of chickens.

  • ||

    Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time,
    Yeah, don't do it.

  • Jeff P||

    Chuck Norris could have killed that puppy with his mind...

  • ||

    Animal cruelty is one of my, uh, pet peeves,” Seagal murmured in a local TV news interview after the raid.

    Such a pet peeve that he was not bothered by the killing of a puppy and a hundred roosters in his presence. It really is The Onion's world.

  • ||

    Sounds more like Tomainia to me.

  • BakedPenguin||

    Heh heh, "pet" peeve. I see what he did there.

  • Ice Nine||

    There is something about describing the appalling barbarity of animal cruelty as a "peeve" that doesn't seem to make it very high on the conviction scale.

  • hmm||

    That's odd. I don't remember Steve speaking out much when Vick was busted for throwing his family pet into a fighting ring, twice, drowning dogs, electrocuting dogs, or hanging dogs.I guess it's only a peeve when he gets to carry a side arm and wear a keffiyeh. Fucking turd. What next MATT DAMON on swat raids?

  • Chatroom Crackpot||

    Dude it is one thing to let Seagal or Shaq play deputy and ride along on raids, but who in their right mind would give MATT DAMON a loaded gun?

  • hmm||

    I disagree. MATT would make Darwin proud.

  • Joe Rothbard Arpaio||

    insane "tough on crime" publicity stunts

    Cops must be unleashed, and allowed to administer instant punishment...unleash the cops to clear the streets of bums and vagrants. Where will they go? Who cares? ~Murray Rothbard

  • Surly Chef||

    Thanks for mashing together 2 different paragraphs, douchebag.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    RYYYYYBACKKKKKKKKKK!

  • Warty||

    Is Lucy new? This is a good start, if so.

    Also, is she related to Bill Steigerwald, the libertarian columnist at the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review?

  • Lucy Steigerwald||

    Yes, thank you, and yes, that's dear old Dad.

  • Warty||

    Well, tell your dad he has a fan the next time you talk to him.

  • Bee Tagger||

    Just how much of the town do the Steigerwalds run? My gut says at least 70%.

  • Warty||

    There was a Steigerwald in my high school. That bumps it up to at least 75%.

  • Lucy Steigerwald||

    If it's Pittsburgh, I assume Steigerwalds are probably relatives, regardless of whether I know them.

    I'll tell my dad you said that. It may soften him towards you lot.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    They will kill 100 roosters in the raid
    They will kill 100 roosters in the raid
    They will kill 100 roosters
    They will kill 100 roosters
    They will kill 100 roosters in the raid

    They will kill cute little puppies in the raid
    They will kill cute little puppies in the raid
    They will kill cute little puppies
    They will kill cute little puppies
    They will kill cute little puppies in the raid

    Steven Seagal will be a d-bag in the raid
    Steven Seagal will be a d-bag in the raid
    Steven Seagal will be a d-bag
    Steven Seagal will be a d-bag
    Steven Seagal will be a d-bag in the raid

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "You say we killed 100 roosters? Where's your evidence? That's a [burp] false accusation! All we [belch[ excuse me, all we found in that raid were a bunch of chicken bones."

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "And it was just a [belch] coincidence that Colonel Sanders was in the ride-along with Steven Seagal."

  • Ice Nine||

    There’s no suggestion that Seagal personally shot and killed the puppy

    Of course he didn't. I suspect he used the Five Pointed Palm Exploding Heart Technique instead.

  • ||

    Pai Mei would never teach a douchebag like Steven Seagal the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

  • ||

    The drive-thru window is unusually slow this morning, so I went and Googled that shit. There's a wikipedia article on the Touch of Death that made for some interesting reading:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Touch_of_Death

  • Warty||

    This is relevant to Steven Seagal.

    Fake Aikido Master vs MMA

  • Surly Chef||

  • ||

    Yep, that's pretty much what you'd expect the outcome to be.

  • ||

    No Aikido in that video.

  • Bee Tagger||

    A puppy death is obviously a much lesser tragedy

    The absolute hysteria over Michael Vick being allowed to breath in public makes me think not everyone agrees with this seemingly obvious statement.

  • ||

    Every ounce of respect I had for Steven Seagal as an actor and a martial arts master has been dashed. It's like learning that Santa Claus isn't real, All. Over. Again.

    Damn your eyes, Steven Seagal.

  • ||

    Wait, you had an ounce of respect for Steven Seagal?

  • mad libertarian guy||

    His films are some of the best cinematic masterpieces ever put on screen.

    That is all.

  • ||

    I had many ounces of respect for Mr. Seagal. Probably enough to equal several pounds. He was once a god among men, but now he's a fallen angel.

  • cdub||

    Good TV almost always equals bad policy.

  • ||

    This guy would not be pleased.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morihei_Ueshiba

  • ||

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