Declarations of Impotence

7 forgettable State of the Union speeches by second-term presidents

(Page 3 of 7)

Credit: Wikimedia CommonsCredit: Wikimedia CommonsRONALD REAGAN, 1985

Funny, we've never been so prosperous!

Tonight we can take pride in 25 straight months of economic growth, the strongest in 34 years; a 3-year inflation average of 3.9 percent, the lowest in 17 years; and 7.3 million new jobs in 2 years, with more of our citizens working than ever before.

So this time we're really gonna balance that budget!

To move steadily toward a balanced budget, we must also lighten government's claim on our total economy. We will not do this by raising taxes. We must make sure that our economy grows faster than the growth in spending by the Federal Government. In our fiscal year 1986 budget, overall government program spending will be frozen at the current level.

Retrospective laff lines:

Our automobile industry has overhauled assembly lines, increased worker productivity, and is competitive once again.

WTF?

In the zero gravity of space, we could manufacture in 30 days lifesaving medicines it would take 30 years to make on Earth.

Big (failed) successful idea: Tax reform.

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  • Pro Libertate||

    I don't remember much of anything this president says. And these speeches are pointless most of the time, anyway.

    In earlier threads, I've proposed two speech options for Obama:

    That which is ours is ours again. It will never be taken from us again.

    I am O-Ba-Ma, chief. Also son of chief. Guardian of the holies, speaker of the holy words, leader of warriors. Many have died, but this is the last of the capitalist places. What is ours is ours again.

    or

    Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow Americans:

    America, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes. You fucked up. . .you trusted us. Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.

    Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.
  • Bill Dalasio||

    Personally, I'd be more impressed to see him deliver something akin to this

    Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution...Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING.
  • Pro Libertate||

    Obama's not that advanced, I fear.

  • ||

    Greatest of holies. Chiefs and sons of chiefs may speak the words, but the Evil One's tongue would surely turn to fire. I will begin. You shall finish.

  • Pro Libertate||

    If I'm ever president, I'll start one State of the Union (broadcast from my house in Tampa) with "E Plebnista."

  • T o n y||

    Point of definition, a president is not a lame duck until his successor has been elected.

  • Pro Libertate||

    This is absolutely correct. Obama is a lame fuck.

  • An0nB0t||

    who tend to strangle such ideas in the crib.

    I would pay good money to witness the remainder of Barry's grand ideas, from now until his dying day, strangled in the crib.

    And, since I do not presently have sufficient funds, the Koch brothers should dedicate a small fraction of their resources to hiring VFW bikers to follow Obama around and rev their bikes to ear-splitting levels each time he opens his mouth in public.

  • Johnimo||

    When will we have a politician to tell us the truth, "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat, roll up you sleeves and get to work, for there is truly nothing I can do for you but get government out of the way." Oh, now I remember .... politicians using those phrases don't get elected until there's a dire emergency.

  • Brendan||

    Summary:
    chocolate rations are up
    we're winning the war with Eurasia, the country we've always been at war with

  • Brandon||

    I would be impressed if he would return to the tradition of delivering the SOTU by letter. Throw the USPS a bone.

  • Syd Henderson||

    Johnson and Truman weren't lame ducks. Johnson ran in 1968 and dropped out of the race after the New Hampshire primary. Harry Truman was exempt from the 22nd Amendment and was defeated in the New Hampshire primary by Estes Kefauver.

  • CE||

    And every year, every president has this obligatory phrase: "the state of our union is strong."

  • Not a Libertarian||

    There are serious commentators who propose that the Presdent may be in at least as strong a political position as he was at his first State of the Union address.

    I am not not so certain that the content of the address will be forgotten by March.

    Over/ Under of which of the President's proposals will have been enacted by summer recess?

  • Government Hack||

    Which serious commentators did you have in mind?

  • Renfred43||

    Sienna. I see what you mean... Edna`s c0mment is cool... on tuesday I got Smart ForTwo from earning $9836 this-last/5 weeks and a little over ten-k last-month. it's certainly the nicest-job I have ever had. I actually started 8-months ago and right away started making a nice at least $84, per-hour. I follow this website, http://www.FLY38.COM

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