So the Republicans are heading to Tampa to whoop it up at their "Yes We Did Too Build It Ourselves" convention.
Florida in late August? Goodness gracious, it's not about the heat, or the humidity – it's about the nudity!
There's a reason that Tampa was the backdrop for Magic Mike, the hard bodied hit movie of the summer: The city is packed ass-cheek to jowl with strip clubs catering to every customer niche. That's capitalism at its finest and something the GOP pretends to understand.
The moist evening air in the lightning capital of America ripples with anticipation the way that the chins of convention speakers such as Governor Chris Christie do at snack time.
Is it just a coincidence that the Mitt Romney picked Congressman Paul Ryan for his running mate?
Ryan is a highly public practitioner of the P90X "insanity" workout and is reported to have washboard abs that the ladies dream of taking out for a spin cycle or two.
Ryan famously wears his suits David Byrne style – two or three sizes too big – but as anyone who saw Magic Mike can tell you, oversized clothes just make the stripper-reveal that much sexier.
Local strip club owners aren't expected the GOP base to flood the red-light zones like Super Bowl attendees have in the past. One of them told the press, "The Mitt Romneys aren't going to go into adult entertainment clubs" and another opined, "I don't think those people are coming to party."
But maybe the top – and bottom – of the GOP ticket ought to skip the boring speeches and funny hats at the convention center and instead check out the fleshpots of Tampa.
And Mitt Romney could get to know the non-unionized independent contractors who work hard for their money and have overcome more than a few bumps and grinds to inject life into an economy that's limper than Liberace at a speculum convention.
Strippers, like the rest of us, built their business the old-fashioned way: They earned it.
And a loosened-up GOP that showed some kinship – or is that skinship? - with real working men and women just might be worth tipping a few bucks.
Written by Nick Gillespie, narrated by Kennedy, shot and edited by Jim Epstein, with help from Anthony L. Fisher.
About 2.15 minutes.
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