Brickbat: Which Came First, the Chicken or the Nosy Neighbor?


In Bulverde, Texas, Brian Johnson decided his daughters Indiana, 10, and Phoenix, 8, should learn about business and start saving money. During the February snow storm that shut down much of the state, the girls gave the extra eggs laid by chickens they raise to neighbors. After it was over, their father set up a bank account and the girls began selling the eggs and saving their money. Well, until someone ratted them out and they got a cease-and-desist letter from the city. "The selling of chicken eggs or any other animal products produced on the property, from a residentially zoned lot is a violation of city ordinance, regardless of the age of the person conducting the sales," the city said in a statement sent to a local TV station.

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  1. Judging from the disappointed look on the chicken’s face upon leaving the neighbor’s house, I’d say the neighbor came first.

    1. Ba dum tsss.

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  2. To get around government evil, the girls should give the eggs away free to anyone who pays for a knock-knock joke.

    Or is unlicensed comedy a crime, too?

    1. If the joke is actually funny, it’s probably considered a hate crime.

      1. Hate speech.
        Then comes the cancel.

    2. you can give the eggs away but ask for a donation. of course then there is IRS paperwork for donations so never mind just live off welfare

    3. It’s illegal to breath with out government permission.

    4. Obligatory:

      Heaton: Knock knock!
      Bragg: Get a warrant!

      Bragg: Okay, you say “Who’s there?”
      Heaton: That’s not how you do a knock knock joke.
      Bragg: This is a no-knock knock knock joke.
      Heaton: Uh, okay, “Who’s there?”
      Bragg: Police! We shot your dog… Oops, sorry, wrong house.

  3. Guess some Karen was all too eggcited to send the state on these girls. Not yolking around when I say this country is a shell of its former self.

    1. The neighbors were no longer enjoying free eggs, so they sent the state to make them free again. I cry fowl.

      1. They sent in the hard boiled detectives.

    2. Government Almighty spends all day laying around and doing nothing on hard-to-solve murder cases, but has time to bust young girls for selling their chickens’s eggs… Not selling THEIR eggs, I mean, their chicken’s eggs, fer Chrissakes!

      I’d say that Government Almighty has some serious egg on their faces! Don’t egg me on, or I’ll say even worse!

      1. Your post is coming across as a little scrambled.

        1. I was trying to come across sunny side up, but I can still see that you make an eggcellent point!

  4. Not a problem. Give the eggs away, charge for delivery.

  5. The subjects have flown the coop. All yolks critical of Government Almighty must cease if the subjects wish to remain cage-free.

    1. The parents are too chicken to tell the officious govt. to get the flock out of there.

    2. “… if the subjects wish to remain cage-free.”

      Winner, winner, chicken dinner-post of the day IMHO!

      1. Don’t count your comments until they’ve hatched.

  6. Mission accomplished.
    The girls have learned about business, and government too.

    1. And Karens.

      1. Well it certainly wasn’t the chickens who turned themselves in!

    2. I always advised my daughters to, within reason, avoid giving anyone cause to give them grief ; because given the opportunity they always will.

  7. I’m talking to the science teacher at my son’s high school, and she says tiredly, “these kids, they just don’t want to learn any more. They want it handed to them. I can look at my kids, see which ones will end up in jail, which will end up living of the government, and the 4 or 5 who will end up paying for it all.”

    This crap is why. My kids raised chickens for eggs, loved the free money, over a couple of years started figuring cost of feed and time they put in it, and learned they needed a high skilled job somewhere with air conditioning.

    If kids don’t get to do some work, and enjoy the benefits of the free market before they get to high school, of course they’re ready to sit back and accept a govt handout, just like they’ve been trained.

    1. I’m really sorry that you hate children. Maybe it’s not too late to call child services on you?

      yeah, sarc

    2. The school system that teacher is a part of is the problem. Not hte parents. Hell, my dad was a teacher and he blamed the parents fifty years ago. The story doesn’t change. What does change is the school system.

      Now it’s not specifically the science teacher’s fault. It’s her colleagues’ fault, collectively (gosh, did I just trigger all of you Randroids?). It’s the system. And to contradict myself, it’s the parents’ fault for going along with it. The problem is the government school system, which is just education welfare.

      p.s. It’s not the hard work. I knew hard working farm kids who ended up paying the taxes, I also knew a hard working farm kid who grew up to be the town drunk. Overall the farmies ended up better than the townies, but hard work and chickens is not a guarantee of not ending up a bum.

      1. There are no guarantees in life.

  8. No different than the cops raiding some kid’s lemonade stand.

    1. That would leave a sour taste in their mouth.

      1. When life gives you lemons, subjugate or shoot them.

    2. The difference is the cops would literally be walking on eggshells after shooting the chickens.

  9. Unfortunately what his daughters will be learning in school is that having more children out of wedlock means more welfare. They will be taught how to fill out government forms and how to pick the next man for their next baby.
    They will learn about SNAP , EBT and Section 8 housing.
    It’s the American way.

  10. That was once a quiet town, then of course all the white people moved even further north and changed it.

  11. Too many puns , we need to choke that off.

    1. Go to the source, choke the Johnsons.

    2. You mean choke the chicken jokes? *Huh-huh! Huh-Huh!*

    3. Upset we’re feathering in a few chicken puns? Well cluck you!

  12. In a generation the national attitude has gone from “Get bent, it’s a free country!” to “Who said you could do that? I’m calling the cops!”

    1. It’s astounding to watch the mayor from Ghostbusters’ litany about “Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.”

  13. I hope they find out who complained so they can deliver more free eggs to that person in a much less “controlled” manner.

  14. there are 5000 people in Bulverde someone knows who the rat is

  15. his daughters Indiana

    You were named after the dog?

    Maybe it’s because I was born and raised there, but there’s something really, really fucked up about giving your daughter the name ‘Indiana Johnson’.

    1. Maybe it’s because I was born and raised there, but there’s something really, really fucked up about giving your daughter the name ‘Indiana Johnson’.

      Holy shit! I don’t envy that girl when she gets to her teens and connects the dots that strongly indicate that her name should’ve been French Lick Johnson

    2. The other daughter is named Phoenix.

      The sons are named Gary and Arizona, presumably.

      1. See my post above. The pattern suggests a theme of naming based upon geographical conception and they realized they couldn’t name their daughter ‘French Lick’ or ‘Floyds Knob’.

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