Brickbat: Putting His Finger on the Problem


Police stop
Aiken Police

Video shows Aiken, South Carolina, police officers performing a three-minute roadside cavity search of Elijah Pontoon. They'd pulled Pontoon over for driving with a temporary tag on a car he'd just bought.  

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  1. To paraphrase PJ O’Rourke: Lawsuits are not enough. We need jail.

    1. Jail is not enough. We need woodchippers.

      1. Wood chippers are not enough. We need thumb screws.

  2. What kinda sick bastards are these cops? This is the war on drugs,enjoy your anal probe.

    1. Don’t know it till you’ve tried it.

      1. You first.

        1. You fist

      2. I foresee a market in bumperstickers that read: Drugs on Board, Cop, See If You Can Find ‘Em!”

    2. If probing you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

  3. “If that’s a hemorrhoid, that’s a hemorrhoid, all right? But that don’t feel like no hemorrhoid to me,” one officer said.

    These are not the roids you’re looking for.

    1. +1 I wish I thought of that.

      1. There is no try?

    2. Cops should be tested for steroids weekly.

  4. I’m sure they’re all dedicated public servants, determined to rid their community of scourge of drugs, that they perform this task out of a sober awareness of their solemn responsibilities, and that when they get rough with a suspect or perform a body cavity search, it’s only because such behavior is absolutely necessary, and they do it more in sorrow than in anger.

    They certainly aren’t the kind of sickos who get off on wielding their authority so as to degrade and humiliate their fellow human beings. They would never feel a strange excitement, a secret thrill, when they’re abusing a helpless suspect. That would be scary.

    1. In fact, I bet that if they every had occasion to pull over their own brother, and realized to their horror that their brother was a drug suspect, they’d give him the full butt probe, setting aside any personal favoritism in the interests of Law and Order.

      1. If they *ever* had occasion

      2. And if it was their own sister they suspected of carrying drugs, I bet they’d force *her* to bare her breasts by the side of the road, because they are motivated by the Public Interest, not personal grudges and favoritism.

    2. Then they all go to the cop bar and drink and laugh about it.

      1. as long as they all go home safe!!!

  5. “The City of Aiken denies the Plaintiffs’ allegations and is vigorously defending this lawsuit. We will have no further comment about the facts of this case during the pendency of this litigation.”

    They might want to rethink that stance and offer up a couple sacrificial pigs.

    1. Well, that statement right there is the problem. Their statement should have been “”The City of Aiken is appalled by the illegal actions of these officers, and they have been dismissed from the force and charged with assault.”

  6. Well, if the guy was black it was probably justified, right?

    1. The women they probed in Texas were white.

      1. heh, heheh, heheheh…you wrote probed!!! heh heheh

        1. Yeah, but those women were smoking, which is worse.

  7. Question – Could you use the checkpoint thing where you put your license, insurance and such in a bag and hang it out the window with a note saying you refuse to talk and want a lawyer, or are traffic stops different? And yes I realise that even if technically you could the cops are going to do what they do anyway, just curious.

    1. yeah you could do that, as long as you don’t mind the god awful ass whooping you’ll get from trying it.

      1. Along with all the extra charges they pile on for resisting arrest, assaulting an officer, etc. etc.

        1. According to Newton, every time an Ossifer punches you in the face, your face punches his fist in equal and opposite measure.

  8. Heroes.

    1. Hey, they got home safely at the end of their shift. It’s really all that matters.

      1. And no dogs were injured.

        1. He should be happy they didn’t shoot is nigger ass, right?

          1. Or give him a “nickel ride”.

  9. Hey, it’s some kind of progress that South Carolina is entering the digital age even if they don’t quite understand what that means.

    1. Oooh, nice one

  10. The article links to another article about the cops who arrested the mailman. It contains this gem from PBA head Patrick Lynch:

    “Everyone, including the police commissioner, should withhold public comment until all the facts are in,” Lynch said.

    “No one ever has the right to resist arrest,” Lynch continued. “Compliance is not optional.”

    1. Psycho asshole.

      1. ready for your search there, pal?

    2. That is why, in practice, there is no such thing as an unlawful order. Legally there is a distinction between a lawful order and a request. For example if you are smoking a cigarette and the police officer tells you to put it out, you are not legally required to comply. But because police officers face no consequences for initiating violence upon someone who fails to comply with a mere request, every word they utter has the power of law. They can tell you to strip naked and do jumping jacks in the middle of the road, and if you fail to do as you are told they can shoot you dead. And nothing else will happen. They have absolute power, and are absolutely corrupt.

      Or, to put it more simply: Obey or die.

    3. Although I doubt it will, it could lead to a federal charge against the officers for interfering with the delivery of the mail per 18 USC 111.

      That would be delicious.

  11. If this guy says that he self identifies as a woman, would a female cop perform body cavity search?

    1. This is why I come to Reason. You don’t get this kind of question on other websites.

    2. 1st read, I thought it was, if the cop identifies as a woman….

  12. Is that the new professionalism I feel in my ass or are you just happy to see me?

      1. read the card dearie, read the card!

  13. a three-minute roadside cavity search of Elijah Pontoon.

    Clearly his fault. He shouldn’t go around with a name that cops can misread as Poontang

    1. He shouldn’t have had a name whose letters can be rearranged to spell “Halo Enjoin Pot.”

    2. It’s what Animal Mother fought for.

    3. I thought his name tag read “My Name Is; Vagina”

  14. We don’t need another hero.

    1. Whatever you say, Tina.

  15. “Video shows Aiken, South Carolina, police officers performing”

    Wait. All of Aiken performed the searches? And police officers?

    1. They lined up,just like in Airplane! ‘Pardon me officer,I speak jive.’

    2. bet they were “Aiken” after those penetrative searches!

  16. Well, I don’t think that cavity search really floated his boat. He might want to find another town (or Anchorage).

  17. Government is just butt probes that we all do together.

    1. +1000000000 Barney Frank

  18. The officer is either a sadist or a freak.

    1. super freak?

  19. “There’s something hard right there between your legs.”

    “Well, who wouldn’t when you’re around, missy?”

    And then the cop blushes, they all have a good laugh, and go home, right?

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