Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum Formally Drops Out, Endorses Marco Rubio

The evangelical vote may have gone to Cruz, but the ex-senator doesn't join them.

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Rick Santorum
Credit: Gage Skidmore / photo on flickr

Rick Santorum, the former Pennsylvania senator whose frothy mixture of unwavering social conservatism and blue collar populism helped him (barely) win the Iowa caucuses in 2012, is out. I mean out of the race. Not out of the closet. After losing his evangelical and social conservative base to Sen. Ted Cruz Monday and getting a measly one percent of the vote, he announced this evening that he is suspending his campaign.

Santorum formally made the announcement to Greta Van Susteren on Fox News, eventually. Susteren made him wait until after the show covered fights between both better performing Republican candidates and even the Democrats. Once Susteren got to him, he told her, "We decided that we would be better advocates for somebody who shared [our] values and was in a better position in the race."

And that candidate would be Marco Rubio. Santorum said that he felt Rubio had a better understanding of the threat of ISIS and "the central role of the family," including the needs of middle class conservatives. "He's a tremendously gifted young man and a born leader," he told Van Susteren. Santorum argued Rubio attracts people across generations, including younger conservatives, and has an optimistic message. In a post interview email he told supporters, "When it comes to the issues that we care about the most—restoring the American dream for hardworking families, standing up for the rights of the unborn, protecting our nation's security, and fighting for international religious freedom—we believe Marco Rubio's position are [sic] right on, and he has earned our endorsement." (Emphasis in original)

Santorum, like Mike Huckabee, is a quintessential big government conservative. Not only does he favor government meddling in our bedrooms and personal lives in order to allegedly preserve his definition of families, he supports the cronyism of the Export-Import Bank and increasing the minimum wage.

Read more about Santorum here at Reason. But whatever you do, don't Google his name.

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  1. “the former Pennsylvania senator whose frothy mixture of…”

    Talk about kicking a guy while he’s down.

    1. I see what he did there.

    2. I ALREADY USED A SANTORUM JOKE TODAY.

      1. Senator, um?

  2. He was running this time?

    1. He’s always running

      1. He hasn’t held office for almost 9 years now and has lost in 3 presidential Republican primaries. Badly. You’d think he’d give up by now. Nobody likes you, Rick. (I wish people called him Dick Santorum, but whatever.)

        1. I wish people called him Dick Santorum

          I wish people would call him ‘Dick That’s Dripping Santorum’, but I guess I can’t have everything.

          1. He’s Rick Santorum. His personality and worldview provide all the inanity and self-ridicule we could want — there’s no need for nicknames.

      2. As in dripping?

  3. “The evangelical vote may have gone to Cruz, but the ex-senator doesn’t join them.”

    Cruz isn’t warboner enough.

    1. Look up Santorum’s voting record. Cruz isn’t spendy enough for him.

  4. The Plug rushes out to invest in sweater vest futures.

  5. There’s an election this year?

    1. Yes. For King of the Boobs

      1. Not the good kind

          1. I’m sorry. Not as disappointed as you’ll be come November though I’m sure.

          2. I’m sorry. Not as disappointed as you’ll be come November though I’m sure.

            1. When you’re right, you’re right!

          3. And you just couldn’t hide it.

            1. He’s about to lose control.

              1. I don’t think I like it.

        1. Here’s an example of the good kind to cheer you up (no, it’s not some sick shit):

          http://s22.postimg.org/w4e55tfv5/1147.jpg

          1. Yum. She look’s like a young Cindy Crawford.

            1. speaking of…here’s some more good cheer

                1. Yum. She look’s like a young Cindy Crawford.

            1. Why do you hate me so?!

              *Dramatic violin.*

            1. That’s more Crusty’s speed

            2. That’s more Crusty’s speed

                1. Saw him with Def Leppard early 80’s. In fact I was right in front of the stage literally a few feet away (briefly).

  6. I can’t wait for him to suspend his 2020 campaign.

  7. He is the republican’s pat paulsen.

  8. Zika virus not to blame for microcephaly: vaccines given to pregnant women is. A Brazilian acquaintance posted this earlier. We can totes trust Venezuela on this, though.

    1. My Spanish isn’t that good but this website looks about as credible as VDARE.

      1. Actually, your Spanish is so bad that you can’t tell you’re looking at Brazilian Portuguese! 🙂

        1. Damn. I’ll need to apply agua to that.

          1. At least VDARE readers can discern the difference between Spanish and Portuguese.

            1. to be fair, they are pretty close. Basically the spellings are just a little different,

              1. no

                anyone who sees “??” and thinks “Spanish?” is pig-ignorant

                1. What?

                  I don’t eat ethnic food.

        2. What is Portuguese, but drunken Spanish really?

  9. One Big Government/interventionist Republican endorses another Big Government/interventionist Republican, News at 11!

    1. Santorum and cornhole mentioned in the same thread. Are the planets aligning?

      1. Correction, semi-O/T

  10. Santorum won the straw poll, but Ron Paul won the Iowa caucuses in 2012.

  11. Santorum belongs in a sanatorium.

    1. How many time i got to tell you? *sanitarium*

  12. After the reacharound he gave to Trump, I’m shocked that he went and did a thing like endorse Rubio. Guess that was just a wild fling — glad Santorum could settle on a man, though. Maybe he’ll be able to make it official and tie the know — oh wait

  13. Santorum’s out. Now this. You were warned people!

    1. That is one of the most unappetizing things I have ever seen.

      And I have eaten a pig’s uterus.

      1. I’m glad this is getting some play here, because I need others to share the disgust.

        How could you eat a bagel that looks like that? Especially if you are someone who worries about chemicals and preservatives and blah blah blah.

    2. It looks like play-doh

    3. WIN
      FAIL
      OMG
      WTF
      LOL
      BAE

      1. Was that an impression of a Buzzfeed article? If so, too erudite. The comment under the first photo consisted of 5 emoticons (do they even call them that anymore? I’m so not bae)

        1. You’re my bae any day.

          *winks seductively with both eyes*

      2. add some L and G and fucking unending steps of niggas on hash and Gilly’s got some goddamn worldstar

          1. Oh, shit. Now I need to find the Worldstar thread on a Dennis Prager video.

            Comedy gold.

    4. These cookies look tastier: http://www.instructables.com/id/Unicorn-Poop/
      I would love to make them and bring them to a gathering, but the processes seems far too complicated for my feeble brain.

      1. (You can never buy too much food coloring.)

        You huff the food coloring, then it all becomes obvious.

      2. perfect for your next brony meeting

  14. So this rag has to figure out how make this fucking place entertaining since the fucking dentist quit. Fucking goddamn bullshit about motherfucking stack heads with bible wings should peak sum interest cum dollar bill dollar quid. right? Nah. nah. meh. blech. Fucking evangelical rivers are violently roiling with arms raised to jesus and the healings and ortho-wat-da-fucks not that THIS goddamn libertarian desires to hate those bitches but their motherfucking tendencies do incline like a solid bureacratic squeeze farm…..

    SQAWEEZE the motherfucking non-adherents…. OH? He is NOT willing to give up his guns?.. check… OH? he is not WILLING to give up his drugs? … check… OH? he is NOT willing to give up his swinging lifestyle for the good of the state and Jebus?… Check….Oh? he is not willing to bend his strong white legs over a barrel for all the goddamn political rapings all you motherfucking assholes in the political state wish to wage on my gape because of your Marx/Jesus bullshit…. NO, I will punch you right in the goddamn dick with my fist and I will rip your goddamn asshole out and barbecue it on my spit out back and EAT all your motherfucking assholes on mayo and jalapenos while I do blow and smoke buds and watch the goddamn clouds revert to space rainbows and then I will crawl into my hammock amoung the tops of the tallest oaks and listen to the old voices and dead people singing my tripping ass to sleek.

      1. Zup Q artist mad beast

        1. Drew a Mozart shocked he’s airborne. That and hatch, hatch, hatch,

          1. Q resurrect Mozart. not surprised . Q can resurrect fucking bitches even jesus. with his brain dust flickering on the goddamn sheets of papers and alleys. Shatterings and smatterings slivering through the loggerings of smashing mountains the Q sails off the toffs and wangs and shit.

            1. on the goddamn sheets of papers

              Bolts of muslin, mofo. I ain’t standing at a desk, I draw lines with my legs. Furlong an hour.

              1. q is powerful misty honeys

                1. Damn straight.

    1. bend his strong white legs over a barrel

      Sybian? For men?

  15. Fucking remember the dang old alleys
    where the chirping old boys winged and silently
    crept behind the painted walls and gathered
    whispering into the peelback hole and the door
    opened and lights spilled with jazz rainbows and
    alcohol ladies and candlelillies on drunk ponds
    where the fucking dancing people smartly
    out goddamned said FUCK YOU FEDS

    my grandmother was a flapper and before
    she died she told me stories when the boys
    would strut like space cocks and old wrinkly
    gramama told me about her back room in Chicago
    where she would train prohibition boys… theyd pour
    in and granmama would tie them on the post bed
    and flick a record and whomp these boys and she
    would toothlessly guffaw and chortle how she gotsum
    boozy drunk going down and she would stick umbrella
    handles into their asses and these dudes prob working on steel
    structures would cum like old stud cows and they’d wobble from
    the room and she’d fucking be like cum BACK yo IRISH!

  16. That convenience clerk was hot.

  17. UPDATE =

    For those following Augustus Sol Invictus’ run for US Senate?….

    He released his “LSD Journals” a few days ago… i presume as part of a “getting to know your candidate”-effort

    Augustus Sol Invictus, 32, is an Orlando lawyer who earned some fame as counsel to accused neo-Nazis, then filed to run for the U.S. Senate as a Libertarian. He drew more notoriety last summer for claiming to have drunk goat’s blood as part of a pagan ritual.

    Now there are his LSD Journals, which contain writings full of pathos, philosophical meditations, classical references, anger and descriptions of imagined violence. The set of writings posted on his campaign website late Sunday evening ends with the words, “Let the Earth be drowned in Blood.”

    “‘Beneath the silk & steel, the slick hair & friendly eyes Zagreus there lurked. This downtown elegance is all part of the packaging I’ve been using to smuggle in All this Wild F- Culture The veil is now lifted ? the trap is now sprung.’ ‘I am the suburban time bomb detonating downtown at full cultural capacity.'”

    “I do not suffer from mental illness. I suffer only from a profound sensitivity to the reality civilized man deems fit to ignore.” he stated.”

    So, there’s that.

    1. I’d vote for him. If I lived in Florida, and could vote.

    2. Yet nothing in that disqualifies him.

      1. He also has great skin

        1. He gained “fame” for defending a neo nazi, but “notoriety” for drinking goat’s blood?

          1. What’s weird is they don’t even mention the time he drank a Nazi’s blood.

            1. Nazi Goat = good band name.

              1. Baa. A quick internet search shows there are three different bands named Nazi Goat, one named Nazi Goatee, and one called Not-see-goats.

        2. That airbrushed image in light of the “reality man deems fit to ignore” quote is…funny

          He’s sensitive to the suppressed truth of humanity, but dammit if a man wants to look good in a photo…is that so wrong?

    3. I started taking Paxil for anxiety and depression because I can’t be arsed to address all the bullshit reasons I feel incomplete as a human being. It’s been an interesting couple weeks on the stuff. Mostly, I feel silly for being medicated for symptoms which are, let’s be honest, probably pretty universal. Who doesn’t generally feel anxious and upset about their lives?

      But this is the sort of thing that seems like medication is made for.

  18. Sometimes your arms dont’ work and If you use your elbows creatively your arms do wreak work of some sort of bullshit crap. i guess or whatever the goddamn fuck.

      1. CJ juggle me some gods, love

  19. I chipped a hole into my screen one day and i crawled into it and tossed a couple of tramadol into my whiskey and the hole shat my asshead into the army of space. did not help that I did trees and blow. so the quiet distractions of wayward dreams fall like leather on the feathers of the tripping and music gets twisty and demanding like a NYC play. and shit or when the waves on the lake feather the pebbles under the dripping angles of the moons
    and the inquisitive plants strain at their stems bending under
    the violins of the washings and big bowl earth ebbs.
    where the licking of the waters slap the cheeks of sober rocks
    glittering suns and fires and dreams along
    the chum times and strokes of dancing gibbles

    1. “I chipped a hole into my screen one day and i crawled into it and tossed a couple of tramadol into my whiskey and the hole shat my asshead into the army of space.”

      Bwahahahaha, you are killing me.

    2. This is how the comment section should be on every Santorum article.

  20. Chili stabbed my angel midget
    and my angel midget killed my chili
    by eating it with his agile dude

  21. there was a time when books did not have wormholes
    and comments mentioned at the goddamn edge of streets
    flew across the world and when friends did not fucking give a goddamn fuck
    about what their goddamn pieholes was slurping up in so and so fuck eat house
    there was a time before all of this when games were actually goddamn hard
    and girls were actually nice
    and boys that were assholes would have been beat up by powerful nerds such like this. and all
    and songs were written from real alleys among the beaten alleyways and not fucking
    stricken on parchment of the corporate reality organizers.
    songs today lack… reality.
    songs today lack… realness
    fuck your goddamn rap crap.
    i grew up in the motherfucking hood… i ate your goddamn rap all day long in the 80’s when rap was fucking real…

    Today? fucking dummies flicking steel like shitty robot ghetto dummies and the white rich fucks aren’t much better with their goddamn BMW wrist flick and bullshit millenial empty down time like brain vacuum crap.

  22. Being alive in America is generally about
    submission but this wasn’t always
    being alive in America is a listless call
    searching among the oceans of the future
    within the wings of a planet state that is not super
    shitty like the rest of the crap organized cum that
    pretends to be a world player on this round ball
    of dreams

  23. If you stop for a second and purvey all the rest of the crap shit that demands to
    be hitler on human bodies and shit. It is everywhere….

    WE AMERICA and ALL OUR POLITISHITTIES HATE PUTIN FOR BEING A DICK and ALL the NEWS be all and all and PUTIN IZZ def a DICK BUT HOW can PUTIN be a WORSE DICK THAN SAUDI ARABIA which BEHEADS TONS of people all the time?

    FUCK PUTIN. He is being a dick Russian. and KILLING tons of innocent people and shit in his weird cheese shit. Sorry, dead, UKs. God.

    BUT! McCain and ALL the Americans we ‘LOVE’ so much WILL NOT KICK THE ASS OF SAUDI ARABIA for its…
    well, head removals?

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAH

    FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK AMERICAN POLITICAS UP THE ASSHOLES

  24. FUCK MUSLIM GOVERNMENTS!

    FUCK YOUR goddamn asshole shitty hells. You shitty broken dream states striving to the last breath to live. BECAUSE your shit is passing through, you kneeling fuck wrenches because your entire system has NOTHING to do with poetry because it lives for hells and killings.

    The power of the secular bicep should never be underestimated
    we do NOT murder or kill over the many years
    this letters will transmit the thoughts of lost seculars
    in the wine of the plural alleys
    the secular bicep can HURT
    but it will never KILL
    YOUR MOHAMMED or JESUS
    you should worship but do NOT direct my society on his whims
    OR my angels will slowly hurt you into not fucking
    with real open zealous society dreams and mountains
    PLEASE be free to worship and turn to the suns and moons
    but DO NOT FUCKING take over my liberty based society OR

    America will revert to kicking some goddamn ass! And I will also.
    because you came here and acted like you could erase agile from the soil
    of America and Agile will never be erased from the soil of America so BACK
    OFF BITCH or COME HOME and be loved.

  25. I love the dripping dreams of dead histories calling like a divine unto my dreams and the old calling clouds with tombs flapping on their astute news in the now I think that I saw quiet ancient flickers swinging about the tragic
    keep of the tables placed among the echoes of the great mountains towering above the grasses

  26. Elon Musk, defensive twit, more later…

      1. Yeah, and if it gets buried in the AC waterfall so be it.
        “Old-line NE money corrects the manners of the new, tech, money. New money defensive, blows stockholder’s money, well, he IS the ‘master of crony’!”
        Two hours late? There had better have been a death in the family. I give you 10 minutes with ‘traffic’ excuse, 15 means it should be on the evening news. 20 minutes? Can I see the cast on your leg?

        1. “No Tesla for you!” EV Nazi says.

          1. +1; he doesn’t seem to understand he’s SELLING them.

            1. “Can’t hear you! There are rockets going phwoosh all around me. Somebody’s dying on Mars. It ain’t you!”

  27. in the old hearth of smoking dreams
    I traveled so deep into time my arms
    became small and my body died
    among the coalescence of structures
    shivering among olden times where agile
    sat watching he man at Mr Fry piano class when
    his sisters got trained to punch crap and I hated this fucking hell
    but agile never got to watch tv ever. Agile was not allowed to watch
    he man or tubes because his dad was a vile cultist and I HATE
    that shit … he man i sorta liked while the goddamn sisters
    trained with Fry and fucking met Brooks W…. the man with
    a thousand Playboys and a handsome face and a million records in his basement

  28. i am sort of super fucked up, babes. waaaaay too much dreams and acid and stout.

    i love my LED web gods. Forever. Planet dark matter speed bros…

    1. Cheers. Raises Vodka Something at screen.

  29. Santorum was also reputed to have said,

    “Without the family incest is impossible.”

    1. I’m Googling that.

  30. After reading this thread, I have *no* idea what is going on.

    1. Agile Cyborg takes drugs and then writes beautiful poetry.

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