Free-Range Kids

Man Helps Boy Retrieve Ball. Don't Worry, The Police Are Investigating.

What are they going to charge him with? Attempted kindness?

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Ball
Dreamstime

Alexandria, Virginia: In a world gone crazy with mandemonium (pandemonium sparked by seeing a man near a child), this all points bulletin may be a new low. Notice that while "at no time did the unknown man attempt to leave the area with the child," the police nonetheless give a detailed description of the suspect… er… Good Samaritan… er… suspect.  And they are looking for leads.

What are they going to charge him with? Attempted kindness?

Police Investigate Incident at Lyles-Crouch Elementary School

For Immediate release: May 20, 2015

The Alexandria Police Department is investigating an incident that occurred earlier today involving a six-year-old student at Lyles-Crouch Elementary, 530 S. Saint Asaph Street.

At approximately 10:15 a.m., a male student went to the edge of a fenced playground to retrieve a ball on the other side. The student was approached by an unknown man who lifted him over the fence to retrieve the ball. A teacher saw the child being picked up and challenged the stranger, at which point the man escorted the student to a fence opening to re-enter the playground. The unknown man then left the area. At no time did the unknown man attempt to leave the area with the child.

The man is described as a black male in his 60's, 6'0″ tall, wearing a beige and green shirt and khakis.

The Criminal Investigations Section is continuing to investigate this incident. Anyone with any information is asked to call Detective Alma Zepeda…

Hat tip: Julie Gunlock, author of From Cupcakes to Chemicals

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  1. We’re getting to the point where we’re going to have no in-person social interactions at all, beyond our immediate circle.

    1. Yay Internet! All hail social media!

      1. I suspect the government is working on full immersion VR with haptic interfaces so that people will never leave their homes again. By law. Thus reducing carbon emissions, the need to maintain most roads and commercial buildings, etc.

        1. I suspect the government is working on full immersion VR with haptic interfaces so that people will never leave their homes again.

          I suspect the government pays people to work on it and they produce something 1/10th the sophistication and refinement of an Oculus Rift rig and several years over any sort of deadline.

          I also suspect that the government pays people to talk to the execs at Sony, Samsung, MS, etc. and recommend that their products use public standard protocols and network flows and to “allow investigators to access user data for the users’ own, as well as everyone elses’, safety and security”.

          The government paying people to develop consumer technology is too straight-forward capitalistic even if they do drop the hammer afterwards.

        2. Can you be raped by a haptic interface?

          1. “Can you be raped by a haptic interface?”

            No, but that won’t stop some whiner from claiming she was.

            1. Agreed, “That depends, is it a ‘male’ haptic interface or ‘female’?”.

            2. Hell of a lot easier for a chick to lug around a smartphone than a mattress.

          2. The first woman to be raped by haptic interface has already been born.

          3. Skin is a haptic interface, so yes

        3. If a virtual Kate Beckinsale is involved, count me in.

      2. Yeah. The govt would love all conversations to happen on phones or computers. Much easier to monitor.

        I assume pen and paper will be the first to be banned. Dungeons and dragons nerds will be hardest hit

        1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

        2. Have to work on my “tap code”.

      3. Don’t worry, online anti-bullying laws will soon take care of social media as an avenue for people to interact as well.

        1. Yes. They’ve definitely taken care of it in New York. The current major case in this area will, once the silly federal appeal is thoroughly wrapped up, have put an end to the inappropriate “sock puppet” campaigns we’ve been seeing and set very clear boundaries for online interaction concerning academic controversies. See the documentation at:

          http://raphaelgolbtrial.wordpress.com/

    2. This too was predicted by Isaac Asimov in one of his Robot novels. And probably by countless other authors over the ages.

    3. We’re getting to the point where we’re going to have no in-person social interactions at all, beyond our immediate circle.

      So, Asia, basically.

    4. how will someone become a member of your immediate circle if its illegal to interact with them?

      1. They will be assigned to your circle by the State, silly!

        1. All Power to the Soviet.

        2. This is Kendy for the State.

    5. Well, women will be free to do what they want, so long as no men are involved.

      Seriously, the fear and hatred of men in American society is something incredible. Like most men, I have learned to feign callousness and indifference to children in order to get by, but it really pisses me off that I have to pretend to be indifferent to children’s suffering in order to maintain some semblance of freedom. (And let’s not forget that a majority of child abuse is committed by women.) In fact, a concerned female professional from Minnesota once intervened (with lots of shouting and implied accusations) to prevent me from providing some protection for a child who was being verbally abused by her mother.

    6. I just helped a little girl last night that was lost.

      Now, in the back of my mind is that I may get
      a phone call asking me to come answer a few
      questions or see something in the newspaper
      that they are looking for the man in the green
      shirt to come forward. Kinda sucks.

      1. The day will come when a child dies waiting for EMS because no man will provide first aid for fear of being questioned harshly by the gestapo as a suspected paedophile.

        I hope it’s the child of one of these social justice bullies.

  2. Jesus fucking Christ, I seriously question whether it makes sense for me to even consider helping out a kid who was having some kind of trouble. This is just insane.

    1. Indeed, could you imagine if a child was in need of CPR. You could get charged with molestation and labeled a sex offender for life for performing mouth-to-mouth. Good luck getting a job after that.

      1. Actually, for teens and adults CPR is hands-only now. So, check their ID for age-appropriate mouth-to-mouth CPR.

      2. No joke, as a doctor. If you see someone joking, ask them if they want your assistance. Then have them place your hand around their belly button to perform the heimlich.

        I have known several people to be accused of assault after not asking permission, and a mom accusing a person of sexual assault of a minor (or whatever) for what she deemed to be “inappropriate contact”. In these cases, without intervention it was likely they would have died otherwise.

        1. choking or joking, same difference.

        2. Just so I feel better I am going to pretend you just made all of that up. No offense.

        3. I’m guessing my response to being accused of assault would be to assault them.

          1. “*That* wasn’t assault. *This* is assault.” [picks up pipe wrench]

        4. If you see someone choking, ask them if they want your assistance. Then have them place your hand around their belly button to perform the heimlich.

          Not to tell a doctor their job how to perform CPR but, asking first is not just social gratuity, it’s part of the procedure. If you ask them if they are choking and need help and they can answer, heimlich isn’t unwaranted but not crucial.

          Not to mention that applying the heimlich isn’t a pleasant handshake (broken ribs are not unusual) and doing it to someone who isn’t choking (i.e. just gagging/vomiting) without asking is actually a pretty assault-y thing to do.

          I agree mens reas and mea culpas ought clarify accidents, and I’d rather have a ‘molested’-while-choking but alive kid than a dead one, but it’s still grabbing someone and squeezing the air out of them.

          1. Let ’em all die and let God sort it out.

    2. Jesus WHO????? Clean it up, man

      1. Right. It should be “Jesus titty-fucking Christ!”

  3. Being a man myself, I just pretend any children that happen to be in my vicinity aren’t there. Most women too. It’s just safer that way. Nice friendly world we’re creating here, aren’t we?

    1. Same here. If I saw a kid walking into traffic, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t act. Touch a kid, even to save their life ? Not worth the risk.

      1. Again, we’re turning Japanese Chinese.

        1. Argh!! day ….ruined.

          1. I knew the ruthless Commies don’t value the live of their daughters but I never saw anything like this in my life.

    2. Same here. If your kid is in trouble, and I’m the only there to help, he’s out of luck. I’m not going to risk it. You asked for it, you got it, Mom.

    3. Being a man myself, I just pretend any children that happen to be in my vicinity aren’t there. Most women too.

      http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dbsmbCWUNEE

  4. Is all of Alexandria, VA like this?

    1. Except for me, yes. Except I live in Fairfax County, Alexandria, not Alexandria City. We county residents are poo-pooed by the hoity toity soccer moms of the City.

    2. Yes. Everywhere inside the D.C. Nonreality Zone is like this. It’s safest if you just stay well outside the I-95 boundary.

    3. It’s an epidemic in all coastal areas and inland for a couple hundred miles.

    4. All of Northern Virginia is like this.

  5. That’ll teach that elderly man to help a child ever again.

  6. How dare that man help another person? That’s what government is for!

  7. Last night my daughter, who has a weekend job as a waitress, was at the ATM depositing her tip money. An NJ Sate Trooper stopped her, ran all her license and insurance information, and questioned her on what she was doing.

    We live in a low-crime area. I have no idea what he was trying to get at – other than talking to a pretty teenager.

    1. Gets to be all powerful and such with an attractive young lady…. and with an outside chance at an asset forfeiture.

      1. Or a phone number.

        1. Fat chance. She came home complaining about the arrogant idiot and was not corrected by either parent.

          1. The correct line is “Fuck off, slaver.”

            1. “Furtive movement! Thought she was reaching for a gun! Feared for my life!”

              /The Squeals of a Pig with his Slop taken away

          2. Instead of complaining to the parents, complain to the watch commander. This was an illegal stop.

      2. Screw asset forfeiture, more likely an outside chance that there was something minor he could threaten to arrest her for unless she forfeited the booty

    2. “Papiere, bitte.”

      1. Nein. NEIN!

    3. “Yeah, none of your business, asshole.”

      BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

      *all misses*

      “She was coming RIGHT AT ME!!!”

    4. How else are they going to meet chicks potential victims?

    5. He saw cash and an opportunity to steal it. Had she not been able to convince him that it was tip money from work, he would have claimed it was drug money and robbed her. Then it would have been up to her to hire a lawyer to prove her money’s innocence.

      1. This is exactly right. Only criminals have cash after 10pm, and visit ATM’s alone.

    6. I completely understand your daughter’s typical, understandable fear and reflexive (but unfortunate) deference, but the ideal response would have been to defy every command with the questions, “Am I being detained? Am I free to go? Am I being detained? Which one, officer? Do you possess a lawful warrant issued by a judge in this state authorizing my arrest? Do you have reasonable suspicion that I have committed a felony? Do you have reasonable suspicion to believe that the commission of a felony is underway? Am I under arrest? Do you understand that effecting the illegal detainment of any individual under the color of law is technically and practically tantamount to abduction, assault, and battery, and that I can rightfully and lawfully resist such action with any force I deem necessary for the protection of my self and my property, potentially entailing the use of deadly force against you?”

      1. That’s a guaranteed way to get arrested on false charges, only to see them dropped after spending a night or two in jail. And nothing else will happen. Well, except for an arrest that you have to disclose on employment applications that will keep you from getting many jobs.

        1. Or a dead cop, if his daughter has cops and carries.

          1. Or a dead daughter. The moment “Use of deadly force” leaves your lips you might as well be an overweight black man selling undertaxed smokes.

        2. Actually that last line is guaranteed to get you assaulted and likely shot since the officer will now be able to claim that you threated his life and he was afraid of you

          1. There is a way to threaten to kill a cop and get away with it. You use their language. “If you do that then I will fear for my life” is the same as “If you do that then I will kill you” without saying the words.

        3. They call this “catch and release”, and there are more than a few dirtballs that do this.

      2. The proper response is “Mowimy po Polsku?”

    7. If you have his name and badge number, file a complaint…it’s the only way you’ll find out his motivation, whether actual or contrived.

  8. It does beg the question of why he didn’t just throw the ball back.

    1. Yeah. Pick up the ball, or pick up a strange kid, hmmmm? Tough choice.

    2. He helped the kid over the fence. The man and the boy started out on the same side, neither able to reach the ball. Once the kid had the ball, only the kid has the ability to reach and/or climb over the fence. The teacher harassed the man while the boy was on the other side, the kid ran around.

      Damn. You’d think we were trying to move a goat, a cabbage, and a wolf across a river or something.

      1. Ah, didn’t pick up on the fact they were both on the same side

        1. Given the man’s description, elderly w/ khaki pants and shirt, combined with the fact that he and the child were on the same side of the fence I expect the investigating officers to find him on school grounds tonight behaving suspiciously by collecting all the trash and using a mop to clean up any/all evidence in the school.

          1. He’s black. Why did they shoot him first? Then we can straighten all this out.

      2. fenced in playground at a school, during the school day – I doubt the man was on the inside, and if he was, probably shouldn’t have been.

        1. So, did the kid originally climb over the fence (from inside) to get the ball, but couldn’t climb back over holding the ball?
          Perhaps next time he’ll throw the ball back into the playground and then climb back in?
          Or, the school district will raise the height of all fencing to 12-16′.

    3. When you ask that question, you deserve the world you get.

    4. sometimes the kid needs to fix his own problem even with help from a total stranger. Its good for the psyche to succeed once in a while to overcome adversity, even with help.

  9. The part that really gets me is the “continuing to investigate”.

    I like to think the police are just saying that while doing nothing. That would mean that, privately, they acknowledge it’s all B.S. to appease the helicopter parents.

    My fear, though, is that they are actually committed to investigating.

    1. Police don’t actively investigate. They only do that on television. In reality they sit by the phone and wait for someone to call, or beat the information they want out of someone they arrested. But actual investigating? That only happens in fiction.

      1. My favorite example is how they caught the UnaBomber.
        His brother called up and said, Hey, I’m pretty sure my brother is the UnaBomber.
        That’s some solid police work there, Lou.

    2. The only think police investigate is drugs. They barely even lift a finger on murder investigations anymore, there’ no money in it.

      By “continuing to investigate” what they are saying is “Because he’s black, he might have priors for drug possession so we may be able to seize his assets.”

      1. Yeah. Every time I’ve called the cops after being a victim of a crime, they ran me for warrants, searched me for drugs, then left without asking a single question about the crime. They don’t give a shit about crimes with actual victims. They only care about victimless crimes against the state.

    3. I’m pretty sure they’ll roust some random black guys – 40 years younger, but what ya gonna do?

    4. What crime was there to investigate? What part of No Harm,,,, No Foul… do they not understand?

    5. yeah, :continuing to investigate” like local cops did a few years ago. Friend had an ex-employee break in and steal a rather valuable chest of tools. His name engraved on each one. Know where the punk lived, told the cops, and why he thought the punk did it. Cops went away, never lifted a finger. He drove by the guy’s place in a different car one time, saw HIS tool chest rollaway in the punk’s gagare, KNEW it was his, told the cops… still nothing. A couple thou worth of tools, felony level never mind the breakin to steal it. Cops did nothing. Oh, but they DID “continue to investigate”. More open cases means more funding, right?

    6. May not be the parents but the “No Contact”
      rules at the school – no doubt helped along by
      some kind of govt. extortion along the way.
      (i.e. If you don’t implement rules addressing
      x, y, and z you will lose funding for a and b).

  10. Government has a monopoly on “helping” people.

  11. The Criminal Investigations Section is continuing to investigate this incident.

    Because, clearly, what went on there was CRIMINAL!

    Abandon hope, all ye who enter!

    1. If Imwas a local voter, I would be taking copies of this report to “town hall” photo ops and asking assorted job-seekers to justify the levels of local taxation, since the police clearly have too much time on theor hands.

      But I’m a wisenheimer.

      1. So, you saying you don’t care about the children?

        /sarc

    1. Have you got a 27B/6?

  12. Some grandfatherly figure helps out a child, and someone else sees it and immediately thinks sex crime. Sick.

  13. Lyle’s Crotch Elementary? Are any of those kids safe?

    1. Listen up, Lyle. You just stay in your office.

    1. blue privilege?

  14. Why didn’t the guy just toss the ball back over the fence?

    1. cause the kid was trying to get it himself. Easy. Let the kid succeed at something once, hokay?

  15. I know four cops. Three are fuckbags. That’s 75%. Even anecdotally, I’ve nothing good to say of them.

    1. What a horrible and offensive thing to say! I know plenty of kind, decent fuckbags who do not deserve to be unfairly lumped together with cops. 😛

      1. You’re right. Antifuckbagism is reaching perilous heights in this country. We shouldn’t unjustly conflate them with cops, or compare them to cops. It’s bigotry.

        There ought to be a law banning antifuckbagism.

  16. “Do you have any idea how black you were going?”

      1. No this one goes to 11

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  18. If I were a young guy, I’d be on pins and needles waiting for sex robots to be perfected. Someday, women and children are going to look around and say, “hey, where have all the men gone?”

    1. All the children? Not after “hey, where have all the men gone?”

      1. I have three letters for you:

        IVF

    2. In some neighborhoods, that’s already happening.

    3. It’s already happening some places. MGTOW.

  19. Poor old fart doesn’t realize what a pussy society we’ve become.

    1. oh I”m certain he does. But he just don’t care WHAT anyoe thinks about him any more, he’ll STILL do the right and kind and good thing.

  20. I just don’t understand why it isn’t compulsory for us all to wear body cameras. That would solve all these little problems. How could a pedophile steal a child, as is very likely what this person was attempting to do before the hero (teacher) saved that child? How could any co-ed be raped by a student, or flirted with, which really should be called ‘pre-rape’ if we are all wearing full-time body cams. The feed can go to the NSA, let it actually earn its trillion dollars a year, forget the terrorists, it is the Samaritans we need to deal with. And, to be clear, Samaria is in the ME.

    1. There’s a Sci-Fi story that’s pretty much exactly that. Cameras everywhere, in every room of every building, on every street and in every vehicle AND people on the other end watching the feeds from all those cameras, with cameras watching the watchers.

  21. Aiding and abetting a kid getting a lost ball. How criminal!

  22. I used to live a few blocks from this school. Coincidentally, I was once sitting on a bench in a nearby park, resting after a jog, when I had a very similar experience, albeit a different outcome. A little girl climbing the monkey bars got stuck halfway across (basically, she chickened out) and started hollering for her mom to get her down. Mom was too busy socializing with other moms and didn’t help. I almost got up to set the kid on the ground, but then stopped myself, lest I be arrested as a child molester. So she fell (all of 18 inches), cried and her mom yelled at her for crying.

    Moral of the story for the old man in this situation: If you are male, never help a strange child unless s/he is in mortal danger.

    1. In today’s “progressive” social environment I wouldn’t pull a kid out of the way of a speeding bus unless it was one of my grandchildren.

      1. Even then, you’re taking a chance.

    2. I’m not sure a man should risk helping anyone except maybe another male adult of his own race and gender orientation. Everyone else is out to get ya!

    3. Not even if s/he is in mortal danger. Not worth the risk.

  23. This is pretty much the reason why I never interact with, speak to, or even acknowledge children in public unless absolutely necesary (like if they’re in my way or something, in which case I just wait for them to move, or if they speak to me first, at which point I give short one word answers as much as possible).

    That and the fact that I don’t really like kids anyway.

    1. “… I don’t really like kids anyway.”

      Now that the children have been converted in prog royalty placed at the center of the Universe I prefer they be kept away from me as far as possible.

  24. Somehow I knew we were huge trouble when Americans switched from letting children roam free so nature could eliminate those who gone as far as they were naturally intended to, to the ending liberty “for the sake of the children” mode.

    1. who’d*

    2. “If it saves just one child’s life…”

  25. It takes a village and every villager is suspect. Now that is progress(ive).

    1. But isn’t witch hunting supposed to be considered regress(ive)?

      1. It’s all very nuanced which anyone who truly cares about children should not be concerning themselves with. It was all the man’s fault as he surely was not displaying the appropriate license permitting him to be near children.

  26. I think it’s time to start a new Twitter handle for these Arlington/Alexandria area nanny-state stories. A FloridaMan for the NoVa set — #NoVaMan

  27. I wish there were a link for more info, so we could be sure the story above isn’t cherry-picked.

    1. Seems verbatim from the Old Town Alexandria Patch ? http://patch.com/virginia/oldt…..ary-school

      The comments are hilarious. We need to step up our game here. Maybe if they offered prizes.

  28. More proof that the LIBTARDS living off the federal government have flocked to NOVA (Northern Virginia)

  29. Call NCIS, he’s most likely a Vet.

  30. I’m thinking police all over the country need a 50% budget cut.

  31. While women are virtually being taken by hand and led into to the world of work, here are ways men are barred from the world of children:

    At Male Matters USA, search for:

    “In movies, dads not treated as equal to moms”

    “Eek! A Male!”

    “Segregating Children From Men”

  32. Can you believe this son of a bitch? Not only is he WOWB (walking outside while black) he thinks he can just go around and help people retrieve their personal property? When oh when will they allow summary execution of any male who DARES look in the direction of a child that is not his own (well even if it is his own too, he probably raped the mother)?

    Someone’s gotta pay.

    Seriously though, fuck the world if this is what we’ve come to.

  33. The reason nonsense like this happens so often now is that America is terrorized. Being terrorized means that we have lost the ability to discern what is an actual threat. We just can’t tell. So we no longer trust anyone. Not the government or the police, or doctors, or nurses. We don’t trust teachers, or coaches. We are vaguely afraid all of the time.

    1. Not trusting those groups is pretty much appropriate. In fact limiting trust to only those who have explicitly earned it is pretty damn rational.

  34. I am glad this man helped the boy, and I hope more men stand up against the stereotypes imposed upon them and choose to have the courage to be decent human beings. Here is hoping this man is never, ever bothered, and instead the woman who panicked because of her own imagination learns a lesson. There are many, many brave, kind, gentle, honest, noble, good men, and I want them to be honored and respected for their virtues. Males who let stories like this cow them into being selfish, uncaring robots need to man up. You can’t let these falsehoods win.

  35. I make it a habit of interacting with unknown children in public settings. I wait till they seem interested, I’ll smile, wave, say HI, something like that. I always keep a decent distance and keep eye contact with the parents.. who often will engage in conversation with me and the child. I HATE this business of “stranger danger”, every unknown adult is out to kidnape, rape, molest, beat…… had the pleasure of saying something to a young boy, about 8 I guess, who was standing next his Mum, with whom I was talking…. the boy brightened up, responded, and he and I got into quite the amazing conversation about a home business he has raising chicks to sell to others who will then “finish” then as egg layers or meat birds. I was able to encourage him. Later that day I happened to run across the Mum again, she thanked me profusely for engaging her son like that. Said he NEEDS to communicate and be verbally and intellectually challenged by men besides his Dad. It is a travesty that most adults ignore or avoid children. HOW they gonna lean to act like adults when they never get interact with any?

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  37. Hell of a lot easier for a chick to lug around a smartphone than a mattress.

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