Friday A/V Club: In a Parallel Universe, a Steakhouse Won the 1992 Election
Don't blame me, I voted for Sizzler.
Remember the 1992 presidential election? In the GOP, Pat Buchanan was challenging George H.W. Bush from the right. On the Democratic side, Bill Clinton faced off against Paul Tsongas, Jerry Brown, and others. Outside the major parties, Ross Perot's independent campaign attracted millions of supporters.
And then there was a candidate who knew what America was all about. A candidate who believed in choice and freedom, and who didn't want any child to go to bed hungry. As the race began in 1991, this candidate's team put together a video showcasing their standard-bearer's values. It's a masterpiece of political persuasion—at least up until the final moment, when the producers made the questionable decision to end the ad with Satan urgently hissing the candidate's name:
We don't know how different the country would be if Sizzler had won the presidency. But I have a feeling we'd be a land of freedom, family, big buffets, creepily excessive smiles, and early-'90s hair.
(If you want a more detailed analysis of this video, Dave Holmes has you covered here. Wikipedia blames the buffet court for Sizzler's 1996 bankruptcy here. For past installments of the Friday A/V Club, go here. You may find it particularly interesting to compare and contrast today's edition with this one.)
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That ad was a lie. Where are all the fatties I see at every buffet I've ever been to? WHERE ARE THE SCOOTERS AND REACHING STICKS?
Reaching sticks? What on Earth/at a buffet are reaching sticks?
I believe the instrument Fist is referring to is "tongs".
Apparently, someone(s) never been to a buffet. Picture in your mind a back scratcher with tongs on the end. Or maybe one of those sticks used to corral the dice at a craps table.
The clickers. See also: the grabber-nabbers. Best kitchen utensil EVER.
I've seen and used tongs, but never at a buffet have I seen anything like Spark and Doom described.
Tongs don't work if you're seated in your Rascal/electric personal mobility device.
Excellent point.
The counters at the two buffets I ferquent must be lower than others.
Ever seen a custodian use long-handled tongs to pick up litter without having to bend over and kill their back? Imagine an obese person in a Rascal using that to acquire chicken dinosaurs and bowls of Jell-O cubes that are out of reach in the back of the buffet.
She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro.
Where is Tonio? I need his opinion of the actor playing the sailor at approximately the 4:20 mark.
Cis- or not?
I think not. He reminds me a little of one of my buddy's ex-boyfriends.
Cis- or not?
The important question is "Will Sizzler cater the wedding?"
Nice.
I went to a Sizzler recently in Auburn, CA. The decor was exactly like this video. I can imagine that the entire nation of Djibouti could be fed on the throwaways from that single Sizzler buffet in Auburn, CA.
Sizzler: They All Float Down Here?
"Jerry Brown"
You bet I remember it. Brown's campaign slogan was "take back America". For the young kids in the room, that phrase is now racist, causing progressives to ask pointedly, "take it back from whom?"
This is not the Sizzla i am familiar with
Although, i believe there is a buffet of bumbaclot up in both.