Ted Cruz

Watch Sen. Ted Cruz's First Campaign Ad for the GOP Primary

The 30-second spot highlights faith and family.

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Last month, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz became the first Republican to officially announce that he's running for the party's 2016 presidential nomination. Today he released his first campaign ad, Blessing, which emphasizes his faith: 

When Cruz announced his campaign, his campaign team told The Houston Chronicle that he was running first and foremost as a Tea Party candidate, and hoping to draw enough social conservatives and libertarians to consolidate a win. The idea was to score big with the Tea Partiers, and then be the second choice for a significant number of libertarians and social conservatives.

But this ad, combined with Cruz's decision to announce his candidacy at the evangelical Liberty University, really makes it looks like his priority is targeting religous social conservatives. With its emphasis on faith and family, and its megachurch light-rock background music, it almost feels like an ad for a church built around spotlighting its pastor (for example).

At least so far, Cruz's strategy seems to be paying dividends: He dominated media coverage during his announcement week. And this week a Public Policy Polls survey of Republican primary voters put him in the number three slot, with 16 percent, running closely behind Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (20 percent), and former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush (17 percent). That's a big jump for Cruz, who had landed in the six slot in PPP's prior poll, with just 5 percent supporting him. 

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  1. Wow, he went the full ‘Jesus Christ’ rather than something something Judeo-Christian. The GOP is usually fine dumping those Muslims and Hindus and such, but they’ve been much better regarding Jews lately. Guess he figures not many of them in the primaries?

    1. I should say ‘not pitching to’ rather than ‘dumping’

    2. At least he has a college degree.

      1. Cruz can’t be touched on his educational credentials. Probably the best in the field.

        1. Yeah but he’s always trying to sell Mr. Douglas something he doesn’t need.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY3ncbgbUYk

          1. Green Acres is arguably the greatest TV show of all time.

            1. It was surreal before it’s time.

              1. My brother told me it’s an extened Twilight Zone episode.
                A man who thinks he’s the only sane man in an insane world.
                But if you think you’re sane and everyone else is not….then aren’t YOU insane…duh.duh.duh.DUHM

                1. At least no one has had the balls to reboot that show.

        2. Duke and Baylor vs. Harvard and Princeton. Medicince vs. Law…

      2. Yeah, but is it from COLUMBIA JOURNALISM SCHOOL???

        Wait, fuck, I think I screwed up my joke. 🙁

        1. Mint Berry Crunch has been twice married and has three children from four different women.

    3. There’s Bo talking about the Jews again. Surprise surprise.

      Tell me more about your Jewish girlfriend from Canada.

      1. Why would you think I was talking about the Jews, I didn’t mention Israel at all (they’re the same for you, right?)?

        1. Bo talks about Jews
          Playa mentions Bo’s fixation with Jews
          Bo claims he never mentioned Israel so he wasn’t talking about Jews.

          Ladies and gentlemen……Bo Cara Esquire

          1. You really do struggle don’t you?

      2. “I don’t hate them gay shitstabbing faggots, I just hate their agenda to destroy America with their gay homosexual ‘marriage.'”

        -Red Bo

        1. “I can’t be anti-gay, I have a gay girlfriend.”

          -Red Bo

        2. Er, don’t look now but I was kind of defending Jews in my statement (talking about why he would leave them out).

    4. Yeah, why couldn’t he have thrown a bone to the Jews by perhaps mentioning a famous first-century Jewish religious figure instead?

      1. I’m sure it’s unintentional, but hilarious nonetheless IT.

        Because when Jews hear people say Jesus Christ should be the foundation for this nation most of them think, wow, this guy really loves us.

        1. Joke: not gotten by Bo

          Current status: tedious whining

          All is right in the world.

    5. I’ve made $64,000 so far this year working online and I’m a full time student. I’m using an online business opportunity I heard about and I’ve made such great money. It’s really user friendly and I’m just so happy that I found out about it. Heres what I’ve been doing

      http://www.work-mill.com

  2. Paging BarfMan …

  3. Can’t watch now. Is George Michaels Faith playing in the background? Or maybe Farher Figure?

    1. Father or Furher or something like that.

  4. So much for Ted visiting any pizza parlors.

    1. So at First Church of Cannibis do they serve pizza at communion?

      1. Eating pizza is the entire church service.

        1. Glory be to the Pizza
          and to the Toppings
          and the Holy Cheese.

          As it was in the pizza oven
          Is now and ever shall be (delivered)

          Pizza without end, amen, amen!

    2. I’m guessing Huckabee is the first to make a pilgrimage to Memories Pizza in Indiana.

      1. They closed already, right? Maybe he will ostentatiously film himself making a Gofundme donation?

  5. The only one who could never reach me, was the son of a preacher man.

    1. Dusty Springfield. Nice.

    2. That, and because Dusty was a lesbian.

    3. This song has a special resonance for Derptologist and I

      1. Is that because it was written for Dusty Springfield by two gay guys?

      2. der-PEH-to-lo-gist, he hissed angrily. GET IT RIGHT!

        And yeah, this song came on when we were at the Purple Orchid.

  6. I heard he told an audience in Iowa today that he stands against the “Fortune 500” that’s backing gay marriage and attacks on religious freedom. It’s a bizarre hybrid of fundie evangelicalism and populism.

    1. Fucking great

    2. Hmmm…out populisting Warren?

    3. “It’s a bizarre hybrid of fundie evangelicalism and populism.”

      Not much bizarre, from WJ Bryan to Pat Buchanan that’s a not uncommon strain.

    4. Wow. So Gary Johnson’s running as the L candidate again?

    5. Eh, backwoods campmeeting preacher types have said this same stupid shit since long before independence. He’s just signaling to the rubes that he’s one of them. I’m sure he holds them in the deepest contempt.

      1. Or shallowest contempt. Either way.

  7. I am in no way endorsing Cruz but he is FAR better than anyone being considered on the Dem side of the race. It just means I’m likely to skip yet another presidential election cycle.

  8. You know, were it not for the transformative and awesome power of Shub-Niggurath and the hideous curses of her thousand deformed young, I would never have had the opportunity to stand before you seeking the office of the Presidencey and Prime Supplicant to the Great Old Ones.

    1. “Will you be moving the capital to R’leyh?”

  9. I thought I made it pretty clear I don’t want to be involved in politics. Please cease and desist using me to validate your politics.

    Signed,
    Jesus

    1. If only you were omnipotent

    2. Hey man you’re dead

      1. Nothing can keep him down

    3. Pederast, Dude.

  10. I don’t fault the guy for being a Christian (I know no one else here does either btw). And I don’t fault him for being very, well, ‘evangelical’ and wanting to be very public about what he feels his faith has done for him in his life. It’s not how I exercise my faith but it’s pretty common. And he seems to just be saying that the same Christian principles which improved his life are ones that would be beneficial to the nation as a whole, and that’s not awful I guess. My issue is, he has to realize that a lot of Americans are not evangelical Christians or not Christians (or even religious) at all, and his ad just totally leaves them out. I mean, it seems to say that Christian faith rather than just general Christian principles should be a solid bedrock for this nation. That’s pretty ‘exclusive.’ If he doesn’t get any support from those groups he has noone to blame but himself.

    1. Not sure if you were sarcastic, but I most definitely fault him for being a Christian.

      1. You’re kidding, right?

        1. Why would I be kidding? As a non-Christian, I think he’s wrong.

      2. Yeah, I do too. Grow the fuck up and stop believing in fairy tales.

    2. It’s a Primary ad targeted at Team Red’s base. He’s hoping that this will be forgetting if/when he’s competing for sane voters in the General.

      1. But it’s on the internet.

        And the internet is forever.

    3. My issue is, he has to realize that a lot of Americans are not evangelical Christians or not Christians (or even religious) at all, and his ad just totally leaves them out.

      I don’t know if that’s true, to be honest. Every time I hear “Christian principles” in relation to politics, I break out in hives (and I am a Christian). That’s probably not an uncommon reaction. Reagan’s speeches touted the personal, evangelistic component to his faith; he did mention “Christian principles” and such but not in the same sense as, say, a Santorum type would. IMO Americans will forgive a sincere convert over a Caeseropapist every time — perhaps I’m being overly optimistic.

  11. I will say this after watching this, Beat That, Huckabee.

    1. Lose the second comma, and I agree.

  12. What the fuck is Gavin McInnes drinking.

  13. And then mincing gay faggots break into the house and shit on the Easter ham. Because that was their evil plan all along. Every damn gay one of them.

    1. Now, SF. They don’t have to “break into the house”. We’ll let *anyone* shit on the Easter ham.

    2. And then mincing gay faggots break into the house and shit on the Easter ham. Because that was their evil plan all along. Every damn gay one of them.

      And here ends Chapter One of Warty Hugeman and the Legend of Ishtar.

    3. I would never ruin perfectly good ham. I love ham more than Jesus!

      1. Jesus would never eat ham. DID YOU KNOW JESUS WAS A JEW?

        1. Kill him!

          /europeans

        2. Also, I knew there was a reason Bo hated Jesus.

  14. Wait. *Why* is he running for President?

    1. Because it’s there?

  15. Also, if you don’t already know his backstory, and you see this ad, I’m pretty sure you get the message, “Single moms, why didn’t you love Jesus more?!?”

    1. That seemed to be what the ad was saying.

      1. The real story is that Jesus told his dad not to divorce his mom. But that’s really not in the ad.

        1. Yeah Jesus told my uncle to stop fucking around after he got caught. Funny how that works.

        2. Jesus also told my ex wife to divorce me because I didn’t believe her recently deceased daddy was up in paradise smiling down on us.

          So all in all he’s done some good in the world.

          1. I noticed you brought up the difference in religious beliefs between a friend of yours and his fianc?e. That screams trouble to me.

    2. I’m going to defend Cruz on that one. He says the transformative power of Jesus kept him from being raised by a single dad. I took it to mean not that there was anything wrong with his mother, but that his dad was messed up until he found Jesus and rejoined the family.

  16. OK, just watched it and pissed away 30 seconds. That was the most uninformative POS ad I’ve seen this year. Bud Light commercials have more content.

    I’M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT BECAUSE JESUS

    1. As bad as “I’m running for President, because VAGINA”?

      1. At least it’s her own vagina

  17. Really, if you want to involve Jesus in it, then quote something, refer to something he said or did as an allegory to a modern political stance. That was utterly devoid of anything other than “I like Jesus, vote for me”

    1. Apparently he’s trying to capitalize on Jesus’s name recognition.

      1. You know who else had a lot of name recognition…

    2. Jesus is all like “Whoa, i never met the guy.”

    3. He does talk about how “Jesus saved his family”, or more specifically how his Dad was a drunk, found Jesus, and came back to the family. He’s talked about this before.

      I don’t have a problem with people using faith as the answer as to why their problems were relieved, but just make sure you don’t let that become something you want ME to do as well and we’re cool.

      I haven’t seen Cruz say anything Huckabee-stupid yet about the faithful vs. non-believers.

      1. Who cares? That’s my point.

        Save it for a memoir. As far as I’m concerned, that story has as much to do with a philosophy of and capability for governing as the average KUWTK episode. It’s fluff designed to attract a specific market segment that values appearances over content.

        1. It’s fluff designed to attract a specific market segment that values appearances over content.

          I agree that it’s fluff, but the people it appeals to value the content of his message over his appearance. The content they want is faith based, and Cruz is delivering it to them.

          It doesn’t get me fired up about him, but I’m sure the socon base loves it.

        2. I am more likely to vote for the guy who believes that people should make their own decisions and be charitable to others because their faith dictates to them that is how they should behave then the guy who had no faith who wants to dictate how government should run my life. The opposite is true as well. But to say that that a persons background and faith (in god or government) has no point is missing the obvious. You can tell how a person will behave in the future based on the beliefs they have now and in the past.

          Just because you hate icky religious people doesn’t mean their faith is unimportant.

          And yes I’m an atheist.

          1. *And the local chapter president for Atheists For Jesus!

          2. I don’t hate religious people. You’re conflating my issues with “religion as politics” with belief.

            who believes that people should make their own decisions and be charitable to others

            Shades of GW Bush

    4. “if you want to involve Jesus in it, then quote something, refer to something he said or did as an allegory to a modern political stance.”

      “…Because life is precious, and God, and the Bible….”

  18. Oh boy, it’s gonna be a long campaign season isn’t it?

    Santorum’s a complete ass, but at least his ads are amusing.

    1. So Santorum beats Cruz. It’s going to be a long election cycle.

      1. It’s going to be the sengoku jidai of election campaigns.

        The Obama clan is weak and the Democratic Shogunate is failing, everyone thinks they’ve got a shot at the top. The Clinton and Bush clans will have their second string candidates attempting to regain the power they lost, Cruz clan will attempt to favour the traditionalists, Warren clan will appeal to the Ikko-ikki, the son of the small Paul clan is back and far more pragmatic than his father.

        This historical metaphor seems to work a little too well…

        1. Yeah, but who’s Nobunaga?

        2. Except even Kurosawa couldn’t make an interesting movie of what’s coming.

          1. Election season would be significantly improved if all the die-hard followers of various politicians met up in random fields and fought each other with naginatas and big dumb flags on their back. Also, bring back seppuku.

            1. Then they would all be felons and couldn’t vote… that’s your endgame, right?

          2. Sure he could – lots of swords and a good dose of seppuku, yes?

  19. ? ? ? ? LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY ? ? ? ? ?
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    1. Wow, but does your friend’s step sister love Jesus?

    2. Unless you mention Jesus I’m not interested

      1. No no! this is “jobsfish.com” not “loavesandfishes.com”!!!!!

  20. You know, this “faith” horse shit just pisses me off in general. Faith means believing something without having any legitimate basis for believing it. How, on God’s green earth (so to speak) is that a fucking virtue? Fuck faith and the ass hats who hide behind it.

    1. You must be new to this country son. Faith? means apple pie, fresh cut grass, a strong handshake and good ole conservative values round ‘here.

      Also, Faith? is a registered trademark of the Republican Party, so don’t you be using it again you god hatin’ commie.

  21. Is it just a vanity campaign?

    I think it might be. The entire point of running? may not be ‘to win’ so much as to simply use the opportunity to burnish his status as the “last true” GOP socon, reinforcing his political credentials with the constituency he’s cultivated.

    IOW – while I don’t think there’s any victory behind trying to perpetuate the “Gods, Guns, Gays”-GOP… there certainly may be a career in it.

    that constituency will always fund *someone* to run as the “jesus-candidate”. It used to be that field had more competition. Now he’s the solo option.

    1. i.e. He’s not running for President, he’s running for Fox News Contributer.

    2. Hmmm. when is he up in Tejas? This would not hurt him there much – a safe way to run but keep the ol’ Senate seat?

  22. Santorum’s the real Jesus candidate. Cruz represents the pandering psychopath wing of the party.

    1. Santorum is the Catholic Jesus candidate
      Cruz is aiming for the Protestent Jesus candidate, but he’s battle Huckabee on that.
      Rand Paul is the AQUABUDDHA candidate.

      All hail SATAN AQUABUDDHA!

      1. Glory to Aqua Buddha, may his watery enlightenment touch us all.

        1. Aqua Buddha – “cologne of the mysterious Orient”?

      2. Mean-spirited protestantism vs. mean-spirited protestantism with a smile. Ah the esoteric factions of today’s GOP.

    2. “Cruz represents the pandering psychopath wing of the party.”

      BUT DOES HE SUPPORT GAMERGATE, BOTONY?

      Calling people psychopaths – the last refuge of the moron with nothing to say.

      1. I use the term quite selectively. I could be wrong, however, and in reality Princeton admits morons who love Jesus.

  23. Just watched the ad == fluff

    Harmless fluff, though.

    To be honest, Rand Paul (or better, a pro-Rand PAC) should be tossing out a couple of these ads, maybe one-up the rest with an ad combining his free eye surgeries for the poor with his faith.

    Hell, throw in some lines about how “voluntary faith, family and charity are what have made this country great” = aiming at all his constituencies in one ad in one fluffy package

    1. These were close to my thoughts on the matter.

    2. That’s how I thought a libertarianish guy like Paul should play this. Talk about how we can turn to civil society for solutions, including churches.

      1. Ah – clever! Bait the libertarian hook with a morsel of church….

        1. Deep down I think the concepts of church and liberty are mutually exclusive- but I don’t care enough about anyone else to argue with them too much.

  24. This makes me want to vomit.

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