Gay Marriage

Watch Matt Welch, With Guest Host Kennedy, on This Morning's Red Eye


Neither "topless" nor #problematic. ||| Golf Digest
Golf Digest

Gladys Knight is reuniting with one of her erstwhile Pips tonight/tomorrow (depending on how you roll), as Red Eye (Fox News Channel, 3 a.m. ET) features guest host Kennedy, and guest-guest me, along with regulars Joanne Nosuchinsky and TV's Andy Levy, as well as my fellow guest-guest Joe DeVito. You should totally stay up to watch it.

Topics are slated to include the unpleasantness in Indiana, the sexual hangups of Millennials, Common's disinvitation to speak at Kean University, a Texas Trooper's punishment for taking a pic with Snoop Dogg, a welfare recipient's complaint about Food-Stamps micromanagement, some bogus controversy about whether a Golf Digest magazine cover is sexist, plus Nirvana's rejected band names, and more!

NEXT: Was Memories Pizza a Victim of Irresponsible Journalism? Yes.

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  1. I hope the episode will at least feature a short clip of Kmele Foster sitting at home staring at his phone waiting for it to ring.

    1. Foster can buy and sell all of them. He’s richer than the pope.

      1. Considering that the pope has taken a vow of poverty, that’s quite easy.

        1. He’s got a lot of bling for someone living in poverty, but I guess that’s true of a lot of people in America too.

          1. Fortunately I have yet to see the pope pull an EBT card out of a Gucci purse at the local Ralph’s

  2. Speaking of golf

    So after seeing a Masters commercial on TV, my friends and I got into a heated argument over whether I could beat Tiger at Augusta if Tiger has to play one-handed and left-handed. Some caveats:

    1) Tiger gets left-handed clubs.

    2) I am a terrible golfer. Like, I shoot 100+ at shitty municipal courses. I also haven’t played golf in almost a year, because golf is fucking stupid.

    Regardless, I believe that it’s ridiculous to think I couldn’t beat a one-armed man in any athletic endeavor, even if that man is a professional. He has one goddamn arm, and it’s not even his dominant hand. Am I wrong here?

    1. You are remarkably wrong. You saw the ad, right?

      They were supposed to shoot a different ad that day, but Tiger just started dicking around with his club, and the ad people were like HOLY FUCK FILM THAT. So they did, and that became the ad. Left-handed Tiger would throttle you, and I say that even though I firmly believe that Tiger Woods is done. He’s never winning a major again, but he is still a professional golfer, and the degree to which pro golfers are better than you cannot be overstated. He would beat you with his FEET.

      I’m not convinced, I think a one handed lefty Tiger is not going to do much better than double par on every hole.

      1. Tiger would kill him.

        With games like golf and tennis that rely on extreme levels of practice and training (think of them as games that you can’t just walk on and be great even if you’re a fantastic athlete, even fantastic natural athletes will suck without extensive practice and training), the people at the top are so much better than even “good” people that it’s just mind-boggling. And part of why is a deep understanding of how you hit the ball, how it moves, how to have the best possible form, etc. That knowledge doesn’t go away when you have to switch hands. Of course it’s going to handicap them, but they’re so much better than someone who sucks at the game that it’s not nearly enough to handicap them that much.

        I would predict that Roger Federer could absolutely destroy me even playing left-handed. In fact, I’d bet on it.

        1. I lost so much respect for you just now. Or rather, would have, had there been any to begin with.

          I mean, why would anyone want to talk about golf? Aren’t you already tired from all the other threads about gay stuff?

          1. Uh, JJ, I am the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown, after all. Also, if talking about golf pains you, I’ll just have to do it more.

            Nope. I’m all out of golf too.

            1. …just five more months of gay-ass bullshit until college football season starts…five more months…

              1. Spring games are right around the corner though.

                1. Lacrosse!


              2. Ah, college football, the only thing as boring as college basketball. Or the NBA. Can’t you just stick to the NFL like a normal person, JJ?

                1. Epi and I agree on something unrelated to libertarianism.

                  I will celebrate with an IPA and a NY style pizza tonight

                  1. The NFL? What do I look like, a fat drag-queen?

                    Look, my tribalism needs an escape, and now that I’m not playing in a tight-ass guild on Warhammer Online anymore, this is it. You went to UT? FUCK YOU AND DIE, RAIDER POWER BITCHEZ!!!!!!!!!!

                    1. FUCK YOU AND DIE, RAIDER POWER BITCHEZ!!!!!!!!!!

                      It’s a good thing you’re a Texan and into NCAA football, lest these words be misinterpreted as an endorsement of my blood rivals in Oakland.

                    2. Fog Fag, are you?*

                      *the term “fog fag” is to be taken as an insult directed to people of San Franciscan countenance, and not in any way an endorsement of homophobia or dislike of cocks in general.

                    3. Tonio is gonna have a new target now. Irish, you’re spared.

                      But no, not SF. I’m a Chiefs fan (born in KC). The Raiders were in L.A. when my family moved here many moons ago. I grew up mostly around Raiders fans. And they are in my division. Those evil fucks.

                2. Epi, the NFL is boring as shit. Every fucking team runs the same goddamn offense(except the Eagles) NCAA OTOH, has actual strategy that comes from diversity.

                  1. THANK YOU. Somebody gets it.

                    1. I agree. And I prefer college basketball to NBA basketball for similar reasons.

                      You get serious clashes of style in college that very rarely occur in the NBA.

                    2. It’s ok, guys. Your NFL teams suck. I get it.

                    3. The Panthers will beat the Seahawks one of these days

                      *shakes fist*

                    4. Whatever. I have highlights of the 85 Bears to watch.

                      We may have sucked pretty consistently since the early ’90s, but we still have possibly the most dominant NFL team in history so ya’ll can go fuck yourself.

                    5. Hank Stram’s 69-70 Chiefs would destroy Ditka’s Bears.

                    6. The gritz blitz was a better defense. Although I’d rather watch the old Junyard Dawg defense of UGA in the 70s and 80s.

                    7. That Falcons D may have been the best defense ever, but their offense was never good enough to get them into the playoffs even. By contrast, those 69-70 Chiefs had both the best D and the best O in the AFL, and destroyed a Vikings team that had the best D and second best O in the NFL. .

                    8. I would love to see some film from the 78 team when they were running the wing-t. Levy had a lot of balls to try that.

                  2. Epi, the NFL is boring as shit. Every fucking team runs the same goddamn offense(except the Eagles) NCAA OTOH, has actual strategy that comes from diversity.

                    So much wrong with this I don’t even know where to begin

                    1. You know Sudden, honestly, I don’t feel any kind of connection to any NFL team. They’re a franchise, that can move cities if the owners want, and most people never have any connection to them other than, “geographic coincidence”.

                      But I went to the school, I was at every home game, I lived, ate, and breathed the culture and atmosphere at Tech. I feel like I am part of the Red Raider tradition, and not just a spectator.

                      Of course, this is all predicated on humans having emotions, which I know is frowned upon in these parts.

                    2. If you went to a college that had even a decent college football team, it’s hard not to have an emotional connection to them far beyond what you have for a pro team.

                      I feel a much greater connection to the Badgers even though I wasn’t a fan of theirs until I went to school there, whereas I’d been a Bears fan my whole life. This might partially be due to the fact that the Badgers are always competitive, of course, whereas the Bears are often…not.

                      Speaking of, if we beat Kentucky this weekend, it’s very possible I’m going to die of alcohol poisoning in celebration, so it was nice knowing you guys.

                    3. I won’t be able to live in world where the championship game in Dook vs Kentucky

                    4. I grew up in Kentucky before moving to Texas in 97, so I still remember the Pitino years, and will cheer on UK.

                      Fun Fact: couple of years back, when UK won it all, I was in Hong Kong at the time. Some kids rioting in celebration was on the news, and I saw it on Chinese tv, and couldn’t make out anything except “Kentucky”, and I was thinking, “Oh fuck, what’s going down in the states? Did my homestate finally rise up against the oppression of not being able to marry their 1st cousins?”

                      Then I remembered the tournament and got drunk with a bunch of random chinks who didn’t know what the fuck I was blabbering about but they didn’t care because I was buying.

                      And my freshman year at Tech was when Leach started, so I got there just in time for the “good times”.

                    5. My “geographic coincidence” ceased to be relevant in 1984 when I was two years old. But I attended my first Chiefs game while I was still in the womb (though technically in the third trimester so VIABLE! and it counts). I’ve followed the team since, have had personal relationships with people who worked high up in the organization (used to email with former GM Scott Pioli several years ago, as I met him in Philly in 2009. The Chiefs won’t move out of KC in my lifetime. And especially as an out of market Chiefs fan in L.A. of all places, there is an almost family-like acceptance anytime I meet another out here.

                    6. I’m glad you have that. I wasn’t meaning to insult you personally, I just meant the vast majority of NFL fans I know (and in Dallas, there’s a lot of them) have no more connection to the team than, “The Dallas Cowboys? Hey…*thinks hard*…wait a minute, that’s where I live! GO COWBOYS!”

                    7. Sudden, I’ll argue that point anytime you feel like it.

                  3. NCAA football is much more fun than NFL. Unfortunately, the NCAA team that I like is so good that its games are boring to watch except when it kills Michigan or wins NCAA championships, and the NFL team that I like is so bad that…that…Jesus Christ, fuck the shitty fucking embarrassing Fake Browns. What was I saying? Oh yeah, fuck football.

                  4. Every fucking team runs the same goddamn offense(except the Eagles)

                    And the Eagles’ offense is the most boring of all.

                    God dammit Chip, we really don’t need an extra 27 garbage time snaps per game. They’re long enough as is.

              3. Football? Is that the game that muscley guys wearing spanks play and smack each other on the ass every chance they get?

                Yeah….the gay-ass bullshit will be over then.

                *thumbs up*

                1. And you call yourself “suthen”. For shame. Report to your local SEC Reeducation Center immediately.

                  Or, since SEC schools outside of Vandy don’t actually impart any education to begin with, I suppose it wouldn’t be reeducation. Just an Education Center.

                2. Not all of them are muscley.

                  1. I was expecting Johnny Manziel doped up on cocaine. Instead I got Ben Roethlisburger at a gay bath house.

        2. Tiger or any top professional golfer could beat 90 percent of the golfers in the world using the wrong handed clubs. They are good beyond anything your average amateur can even imagine.

          1. I saw Jeanette Lee beat some dude using a damn broom handle on some ESPN 47 show when the guy was bitching about having a crooked cue. They really are just that good.

            1. Yeah see my Arnold Palmer example below.

        3. CPA for the last hour

          I guess I need to see him swing one handed with his left hand to see what I am getting myself into, but I too, am a terrible 100 shot golfer. I challenge you Tiger!

          1. Your normal 100 will be a 130 at Augusta. However, one-handed, left-handed would be a huge handicap for even Tiger, so it could be interesting.

            Actually, he would do much better playing with one one hand (left hand) if he used right handed clubs.

            I once played with a guy who had only one arm (left). He hit with right-handed clubs essentially making a backhand swing. He had been doing that all his life so he had it down pat.

            He was an excellent golfer. Hit his drives around 230-240 total distance and straight. I just met him that one time, but I’d say he would be around a 8 handicap from what I could see.

            1. Golf is an opposite-dominant game, i.e. your dominant side does virtually none of the work in a golf swing, unless you’re Phil Mickelson. The left arm does 90% of the work in a right-handed swing. Teaching pros will often have you swing one-handed to emphasize the point.

              (Phil Mickelson is right-handed, but deliberately chose to golf left-handed because he learned from watching his right-handed dad and always set up to mirror him. So he was used to swinging lefty)

    2. When he talks about “Augusta”, are we talking about Augusta in Masters trim, from the TV tees, with Sunday hole placements and greens treatment? Or Augusta for the members the other 355-some odd days of the year? I don’t think Augusta has too many crazy forced carries, other than obvious ones like 12 or 16, so the lower distance of the muni hacker won’t be too bad. Also Augusta famously has next to no rough, compared to other professional (never mind other majors) courses, so he’s all right there vs trying to hack out of 6 inch rough at a US Open. But I think the greens will flat out make the muni guy cry.

      Also, we’re saying that Tiger has to play golf left-handed, with left-handed clubs, i.e., swinging with his right arm only? Because if it’s just that Tiger just has to play golf with only his left hand, the answer’s easy and he’s going to crush muni-guy.

      1. Here is how good professional golfers are. Arnold Palmer’s last round at the Masters came when he was 75. He shot an 86. Think about that. He shot an 86 at August, from the championship tees under tournament conditions. No mulligans or gimmes and abiding by all of the rules. I bet you not 5% of the golfers in the world could do that. And he did it at age 75.

        1. What if he was blindfolded and playing on his knees…could I beat him then?

      2. “Also, we’re saying that Tiger has to play golf left-handed, with left-handed clubs, i.e., swinging with his right arm only? Because if it’s just that Tiger just has to play golf with only his left hand, the answer’s easy and he’s going to crush muni-guy.”

        No. The original idea was Tiger can only use his left arm/hand and he has to play with left-handed clubs. Therefore, he will be making a forehand swing with his left hand.

        That is extremely difficult. If a player is forced to play one-armed, the best power and control comes from a backhanded swing.

        1. THAT would be quite hard. If it was left-handed clubs and a left-handed stance with the right hand, it would be a lot easier.

  3. From the comments.

    Good grief. Had this been Randy Quaid, Robert Downey Jr. or any other paler celebrities with past issues this would not have happened.


    Had it been Randy Quaid there would have been a headless chicken, a 50 gallon tub of gravy, and they would have been wearing foil hats to block the evil thoughts.

  4. Matt, I’ll give you a dollar if you bring up pizza.

    1. I’ll give you ten if you don’t.

    2. If you haven’t eaten at Gladys Chicken and Waffles at 4 am, you haven’t lived.

  5. “Joanne Nosuchinsky”

    She doesn’t just have a “come hither” look, she has a “come hither and bring me a vodka” look.

    1. Then when she gets the vodka, she has a “get thee hence” look.

  6. Yes, the magazine cover is sexy. What’s wrong with being sexy?

    1. Because, apparently, men are only interested in her because she’s sexy. Which is true, I mean really – who the hell gives a shit about *professional golf*?

      1. Lotsa hot women golfers. Lexi isn’t even top 20.

        1. I’ll just go on record right now as saying that I would like to insert my penis into several of Michelle Wei’s orifices.

          Keepin’ it classy on Reason since ’08.

          1. She does have cute nostrils.

            Jus’ sayin’

            1. It’s a toss-up between her and Jeanette Lee.

              1. After an extensive google image search I’m gonna say… yes.

              2. Our interests seem to be aligned, and I believe we could collaborate on projects of mutual interest and benefit.

                Please add me to your mailing list.

                1. I read that as, “wife swap”.

                  I’m in.

                  1. Masterful play. In chess notation, that would have deserved an “!”.

                    1. And now I combine these two threads of thought into one.

          2. JJ, once again you have failed yourself and all of us. Female tennis players are way hotter (well, some of them) than female golfers. I present Eugenie Bouchard as exhibit A.

            1. She has kind of a dough-y face.

              I mean, it’s still a “would bang”, but, you know, I wouldn’t be enthusiastic about it or anything.

              1. Of course, JJ. Of course. Exhibit B: Maria Kirilenko.

                1. Also, tennis is helped by the strong presence of Russian women. Golf is hindered by the strong presence of Asian women. I’ve simply never been into Asian women. I know, that makes me weird, since many a white man has yellow fever.

                  1. I know, that makes me weird

                    I fully believe in freedom of association for the dick. Which in itself is weird as I’m an open admissions kind of guy. I’m glad to have completed the trifecta (White, Black, Asian) before I got married. I didn’t get to reach the quintfecta as I never met any willing feather Indians.

                    1. I’ve completed the trifecta as well. In fact my first gf way back in high school was an asian girl. Though she was a poor student and from a lower class neighborhood, so I’m not sure if she counts. I did bang a girl in college who was black (though named “Asia” and had an asian father and white mother). I’ve had my share of white priviledges too.

                    2. “…who was black (though named “Asia” and had an asian father and white mother).


                    3. My friends and I hypothesized that he got cuckolded and then decided to get his revenge by naming the bastard spawn “Asia”. Her dad wasn’t Philipino either, where a darkness can be imparted naturally. And his daughter had explicitly African features.

                      It was a weird situation.

                    4. and then decided to get his revenge by naming the bastard spawn “Asia”.

                      Somehow, I don’t think that quite fits the definition of “revenge”.

                    5. I did bang a girl in college who was black (though named “Asia” and had an asian father and white mother

                      Adopted? Because if so, it would have been hilarious if they named her “Africa”.

                      This is my dog. His name is Dog.
                      This is my cat. Her name is Cat.

                    6. Though she was a poor student and from a lower class neighborhood, so I’m not sure if she counts.

                      You made me feel like a racist for laughing at this.

                    7. “Though she was a poor student and from a lower class neighborhood, so I’m not sure if she counts.”

                      My very Asian wife thought this was hilarious.

                      I called her an Uncle Tom and told her to report to the Salon twitter feed for reeducation.

                    8. You ARE a homophobe. Might as well just own your racism too. I’ll send you an application for membership in the OWGB soon. I just have to run it by Colonel RC first.

                    9. I have a sad for you HM.

                  2. Sudden, not wanting to fuck Asian women clearly makes you a disgusting bigoted monster. You will now be driven from polite society by a Twatter army.

                    1. If I ever have sex with an Asian woman and she doesn’t make those crying noises I’m gonna feel gipped.

                    2. In my experience that’s pretty much a Japanese (and Korean?) thing only. Though, with the worldwide spread of JAV, it may influence others outside their cultural sphere, much like those fucking terrible Korean dramas.

                    3. I’ve visited many a sideways vagina. The squeaky thing is definitely Japanese.

                2. Better. But still missing…something

                  1. @ Sudden

                    The problem is, then you have to deal with what I call “The Babyushka Ultimatum”. Having spent some time in Russia during college (minored in it), I can authoritatively state that, at midnight on the night of their 40th birthday, all hot Russian women shrink in height by 18 inches, which turns horizontal and extends them out in either direction by the same amount, their faces shrivel, and they take to wearing earth-tone shawls.

                    1. But the preceding 20 years. Awesome!

                    2. The problem is, then you have to deal with what I call “The Babyushka Ultimatum”.

                      It’s not like the Asian Woman Aging Process (TM) is any better in the long run.

                    3. You have to love how all Asian women turn into Kim Jong Il in their 60s

                    4. You have to love how all Asian women turn into Kim Jong Il in their 60s

                      I’ll be senile by that point, so it won’t matter.

                    5. Oh, I almost forgot. DEG hopes to attend the NH Reason get together, and he thought hamilton would want to come as well.

                      I have DEG’s email, and I assume he has hamilton’s contact info

                    6. Uhh, I don’t have your email. My masked email is in my handle though. If you email me I can send it along

                    7. Damnit Jim, I’m aware of this conundrum. That’s why I lease. I bought once, fucking thing broke down on me after 18 months. Now I figure leasing is the way to go.

                      As for Russian babyushka ultimatum, it’s not been too heavy a concern for me. My greatest weakness is Middle Eastern women.

                  2. Such a one track mind, JJ. Not that I’m objecting in any way to your link.

                3. Exhibit C: Carla Suarez Navarro, who is finally going to be in the Top 10 in the next rankings for the first time in her career. 🙂

                  1. You got me there, Ted. You got me. I laughed.

              1. We’re talking about hot female athletes and no one mentioned track?

                Some are a bit heavily muscled, but then there’s this.

                1. Holy shit Irish, that second one…”would bang”.

              2. @HM

                Ah yes, but do they immediately somehow qualify for a maddeningly nondescript small pension from the gov’t, which they will use to rent a shitty apartment and then spend all their time bitching about cabbage and beats and how small their pension is?

                Welcome to life with a Russian woman.

                1. True. Ignoring you to spend all their money gambling is a better outcome.

                  1. To heck with female athletes, I give you Maria Konovalenko, Russian biologist and anti-aging activist (header image, and several more down the page). I’ve seen her in person, and she’s even better looking than these pictures indicate.

  7. You should totally stay up to watch it.

    There’s this thingy called a DVR…

    1. There’s this other thingy called Matt will probably post it here tomorrow.

    2. I’m going to DVR it in case I ever need to extract important information from an enemy combatant. Waterboarding is for amatuers. I’ll have Red Eye and Kennedy I’ll delete the parts with Andy Levy so they don’t have any relief at all.

  8. Anybody else remember when the Moral Majority was threatening/boycotting Disney because Disney was offering benefits to the same sex-partners of their employees?


    Looks like the progressives have finally completed their transition into the Moral Majority. Same tactics, same goals–the progressives want to inflict their opinions on the rest of us through bullying and government just like the Moral Majority did.

    Those tactics probably hastened the Moral Majority’s demise. We can only hope that drinking the same poison will make the same thing will happen to the progressives.

    1. Oh Kenny Kenny Kenny my dear, sweet, naive child, let me enlighten you.

      You see, those people were bad, because they believed the wrong things. Since they began from an evil premise, ipso facto, any tactic at all they use to advance that premise is also evil.

      Since the mobs are now howling on the side of good, anything, anything at all, they do to advance that agenda is, therefore, axiomatically good.

      Hope this clears things up.

      1. I came here to get away from Pizzagate.


          1. What if we just talk about terrible, but real, pizza toppings. Will it stop them? Because they put imitation crab on pizzas in Thailand.

            1. I don’t know why this hasn’t just segued into deep dish yet. That seems like the obvious play.

            2. I won’t speak of the things I saw on “pizza” in Germany. Though it was an ostensibly “French” restaurant.

            3. Corn is a pizza topping in Slovakia

              1. They put corn on fucking ice cream in Thailand. And they serve it on a hot dog bun!

                Nevertheless, I still remember the advertisements for “salmon tatare pizza” at Pizza Hut in Bangkok. Raw sashimi salmon with mayo and some green sauce (dill? wasabi?).

                1. “They put corn on fucking ice cream in Thailand. And they serve it on a hot dog bun!”

                  Qualitatively, is that much different from Taro root ice cream served on a hamburger bun?

                  The girlfriend is Filipino, and exploring these differences in tastes is half the fun.

            4. You mean like pineapple? Or chicken? Or any cheese but buffalo mozzarella?

              1. You mean like pineapple? Or chicken? Or any cheese but buffalo mozzarella?

                Yes. Though, I’ll admit my tolerance for pineapple chicken rises as my blood alcohol levels do. It’s one of my drunk foods, like grilled liver yakatori or rice porridge.

                1. I have to admit, I’ll throw down on some rice porridge. Them shits is delicious.

                2. I don’t need to be drunk to want liver. Ever. Made some foie gras recently with a blowtorch and a 1/2 lb of fresh raw foie gras. HOLY SHIT. Not cheap though.

                  1. I have to say I’m pretty neutral on the foie gras. I’ll eat it, but I don’t consider it a delicacy, like, say, truffles, a good fresh Abalone or Westvleteren XII.

              2. Or any cheese but buffalo mozzarella?

                Jesus you’re an elitist. If you only make pizzas with bufalo mozzarelle, you should seriously consider opening a gay wedding pizza catering service for the SeaTac metro area.

            5. I had a pizza with onion rings on it which I thought I would hate but was actually pretty good.

            6. Bacon and Montreal Jewish smoked meat on the same pie. Made by Greeks. Legendary.

              1. I want that

                1. It sounds so good I want it at my gay wedding.

                  1. So good, you will randomly insert random u’s into your wedding vows.

              2. Wrong thread. I mean I love it madly.

            7. There was a pizza joint in Ann Arbor that had Fritos as an optional topping, at least back in the ’70s.

        2. Ah I was wondering which was the escapist thread

      2. “Since the mobs are now howling on the side of good, anything, anything at all, they do to advance that agenda is, therefore, axiomatically good.”

        That’s what the Moral Majority said, too.

        And they had the American people behind them, too, you know!

        Something about imposing your beliefs on others wears on people after a while–no matter how it’s playing in the media at the moment.

        1. Sorry man, but that was like, over half an hour ago. Now you need to contribute something about 1) the relevant merits of NCAA v. NFL football, 2) banging chicks from different races, or 3) unusual pizzas.

  9. I think someone’s a bit obsessed with me:

    Tonio|4.2.15 @ 7:20PM
    Because no straight boy has ever done that and there are a fuck ton more straight boys than gay men. But thanks for showing that all you need is a flimsy justification for your bigotry. Not that you need to justify it at all (Hi, Irish!), but you went out of your way to say that and this is very much the response you deserve.

    Apparently I’m a bigot even though I’m completely pro-gay and have never said anything bigoted and anti-gay. Weird.

    Tonio|4.2.15 @ 7:26PM
    Oh, Eddie, you’re finally learning to paint your victims without mentioning their religious beliefs. You are actually learning something. First Irish, now you. Will wonders never cease…

    Okay – I’m an atheist, but apparently I’m just not ‘mentioning’ my religious beliefs to give plausible deniability to my gay hatred.

    Tonio|4.2.15 @ 7:34PM
    ^This. And they are still within their rights to do so (pay attention to this, Irish, there will be a quiz later). But everyone else is also within their rights to call them on this (Irish, do pay attention here).

    I hadn’t even commented in that thread before this happened. I’ve never seen a meltdown quite this extreme, disingenuous, or based on the fantasies of the meltdowner since, well, Bo.

    Here’s a hint: Maybe find evidence of anti-gay bigotry from me before trying to smear me as a homophobe.

    1. I came here to get away from Pizzagate.

      But yes, Tonio is know to be quick on the trigger at even the slightest wiff of imagined homophobia.

    2. I’m jealous, I thought *I* was the only one he was stalking.

      1. So, Tonio, is there anyone else, you hussy?

      2. Well, in your case you’re at least opposed to gay marriage. I’ve been consistently supportive of gay marriage (even when various people yowled about how people would be forced to serve the gay weddings…which kind of turned out to be true).

        Literally I’ve supported actual gay causes pretty much my entire life and have been vocal about that support on these boards, but I got in a bit of a squabble with Tonio so I must be a gay basher.

        1. “Well, in your case you’re at least opposed to gay marriage. I’ve been consistently supportive of gay marriage”

          Oh, my poor Girondin, you hate being in the same tumbril as me, don’t you?

          “What am I doing here? I’m a zealous revolutionary, not a royalist enemy of the people like this guy. He’s getting what’s coming to him, but all I did was say maybe the Jacobins were going too far. Surely this is a misunderstanding which will soon be cleared up!”

          1. If you didn’t get the reference:

            “The Gironde (French: La Gironde), whose members called Girondists (French: Girondins), were a political group in France in 1791?95 within the Legislative Assembly and the National Convention during the French Revolution. They campaigned for the end of the monarchy but then resisted the spiraling momentum of the Revolution. They came into conflict with The Mountain (Montagnards), a radical faction within the Jacobin Club. This conflict eventually led to the fall of the Girondists and their mass execution, the beginning of the Reign of Terror.”


            1. How pig-ignorant do you think we are? And “The Mountain” is a terrible translation of Montagnards.

              1. “How pig-ignorant do you think we are?”

                I don’t know…do you believe the same-sex marriage movement is *totally unconnected* to the I Want Cake movement? If you believe that, you’re dumber than a box of rocks.

            2. I think of the Mensheviks, the Constitutional Democrats, and all the other anti-Czar forces, and their fate under the Bolsheviks.

          2. I wasn’t saying I was upset about being in the same ‘tumbril’ as you, I was saying that Tonio’s argument makes no sense when applied to me.

            If Tonio said ‘Hey Eddie, I see you disapprove of homosexuality,’ Tonio would be right. If Tonio says ‘Hey, Irish, I see you disapprove of homosexuality,’ Tonio would be wrong.

            That’s not about me not wanting to be lumped in with you, it’s about Tonio’s claim being totally inaccurate.

            1. OK, got it.

      3. Of course, the difference is that Irish isn’t a fucking bigot.

        1. I dunno, he might be, just not against the LGBT crowd.

          Maybe he fucking hates Romulans.

          1. I mean, he doesn’t hate them individually, and thinks the ones he knows are nice people and all, he just doesn’t want any of them living in the Federation.

            1. Look, there was this Romulan musician I used to like because of the hilarious ‘ooga booga’ Romulan spiritual dirges he used to play, so clearly I can’t be a racist.

              I laugh when Romulans entertain me, so it doesn’t make me a racist just because I oppose our schools being integrated.

              1. I’m fine with Romulans and their petty treachery. It’s the dumb Klingon brutes that can fuck off

              2. It would have been funnier and more accurate if you went with Klingons.

                And the episode fits too.

              3. Don’t get me started on the Catullans

                1. What about those fucking Betazoid empaths? It’s like ‘Oh, he seems angry.’ How’d you know, you Beta bastard, did his balled fists and flushed skin clue you in?

                  It’s like they have a power that allows them to know things about people that I could tell through visual cues. I guess that would be useful if you were blind, Deanna Troi, but it’s not much help in this instance.

                  1. @ Irish

                    I think most Betazoids were full telepaths. But the intergalactic cheerleader was only a half breed so could only feel vague emotions.

            2. Oh please, JJ. Irish is a clear anti-Ferengite. He once referred to Quark as “cheap”!

              1. I’m playing a Romulan-only fleet in Attack Wing, and getting my ass handed to me every weekend by my friend and his one stupid Borg cube with three cutting beam build. Fucking netlister.

          2. Maybe he fucking hates Romulans.

            Well, that’s different.

            When jesus said love thy neighbor, he clearly didn’t mean Romulans. They live too far away to be considered neighbors.

              1. Why did Kirk kill Spock’s dad?

            1. What the fuck are you nerds talking about?

        2. I’m not a fucking bigot, I’m a bigot about fucking.

          Human beings have always been of their rockers about sex, but at least they used to kinda-sorta acknowledge some basic norms – even if they were hypocritically violating those norms.

          Now the only norm is “thou shalt not judge, you judgmental hateful bigot who deserves to be boycotted and fined out of existence!”

          1. Human beings have always been of their rockers about sex,

            No. They haven’t. Puritanical Christians have always been of their rockers about sex.

            Now the only norm is “thou shalt not judge, you judgmental hateful bigot who deserves to be boycotted and fined out of existence!”

            You self-admittedly support using the power of the state to discriminate against those who are not harming others.

            SSM should not be recognized by the government, actual marriage should be.

            So, perhaps calling you a fucking bigot wasn’t right. I should have called you a statist fucking bigot.

            I don’t have anything against Christians Eddie. I just have issues with asshole Christians, like you, who feel the need to shit their beliefs all over everyone else. If the day comes, when the world turns against Christianity, it will be precisely because of assholes like yourself. The ones who insist on telling others how to peacefully live their lives.

            1. Matthew 5:11-12

              1. Francisco 1:1-2

                Blessed are you who are not bigoted statist assholes and actually follow the teachings of Christ. Particularly, do unto others, love thy neighbor and judge not lest ye be judged. Because you are the only fuckers gonna make it to heaven.

                1. “you are the only fuckers gonna make it to heaven”

                  Wow, you have more certitude on that subject than the preacher of the Papal household, who isn’t even sure Judas is in hell:

                  “The eternal destiny of a human being is an inviolable secret kept by God. The Church assures us that a man or a woman who is proclaimed a saint is experiencing eternal blessedness, but she does not herself know for certain that any particular person is in hell.”

                  (a timely subject, since this is Holy Thursday going on Good Friday)


                  1. Don’t preach your nonsense to me. Keep your fucking hypocritical mythology to yourself and leave me and everyone else alone.

                    1. Sorry, Francisco, there is still the possibility that you will live in eternal blessedness, beholding the face of God.

                      I hope that doesn’t annoy you.

                    2. That’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You can’t just worship as you wish. You need to wear it on your sleeve, revel in how sanctimonious you are and push your bullshit on others.

                      Fuck off.

                    3. I think I’ll classify you among the easily offended.

                    4. Yeah, Eddie. That I don’t care to be proselytized to is me being the dickhead.

      4. Good grief Irish.

        So, Tonio is a really bitchy fag? I thought I was the resident bigot around here.

        1. Well, if we’re trying to point out that I’m not a bigot, you might want to avoid filling the thread with comments about someone being a ‘bitchy fag.’

          1. There is no pejorative term that I will avoid.

            I insist on having access to the entirety of the language.

            I, and probably everyone else here except the bitchy fag, know full well that you are no bigot. Neither am I. However, if you let other people’s sensibilities determine what you can or cannot say you will soon find yourself unable to say much of anything, so when they get overly sensitive like that I am going to double rub it the fuck in.

            I actually like Tonio just fine, but his behavior with regards to this is more than a bit off.

  10. Didn’t see anything on this:
    “Hillary Clinton also used an iPad for e-mails, undercutting her single-device defense”…..e-defense/
    Did it get posted?

    1. Did it get posted?

      Reason has been devoting its resources to serious crimes today. Like people who refuse to cater gay weddings with pizza

      1. And I note the Olsen twins are getting some attention…
        Oh, well, the case could be made that they are at least as important as some criminal running for office. I know I wish that were true. Hell, I was traveling and only caught a TV feed on Ryan Newman’s tire ‘problems’ and that has to rank right up there!
        BTW, whoever provides Marriot’s net access REALLY doesn’t like some of H&R content; you gotta click through a bunch of warnings.

        1. Less than 2wks to Support a Socialist (or three) Day and the most important thing to be talking about is gay pizza.

  11. Netflix is reviving ‘Full House’ for a reunion season

    Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there’s a? classic TV series being reborn. And TVLine can exclusively confirm that the revival craze has extended to the Tanners of San Francisco.

    According to sources, Netflix is thisclose to ordering Fuller House, a 13-episode multi-cam continuation of Full House to star Candace Cameron Bure as D.J. and Andrea Barber as her BFF Kimmy.

    Fellow Full House vets John Stamos, Bob Saget and Dave Coulier are being eyed to make guest appearances, with Stamos having a producer role, as well. The project is being shepherded by the original show’s creator, Jeff Franklin, who will exec-produce alongside Thomas L. Miller and Robert L. Boyett (both of whom also EP’d the original).

    Between this and net neutrality Netflix has cemented itself as a premier evil organization.

    1. Holy shit the Olson twins look terrible.

      1. Yes, a diet solely consisting of cigarettes and diet Coke will do that to a girl or two.

        1. “Yes, a diet solely consisting of cigarettes and diet coke will do that to a girl or two.”

          1. Both are correct.

      2. One of the great tragedies of life. When the Olsen twins became legal they turned into things you wouldn’t want to fuck.

        1. They have that Joni Mitchell protruding jaw thing, as if their Xenomorph teeth are moving forward and about to emerge.

      3. Just get their younger sister in there. Elizabeth Olsen is amazing.

    2. Well, they did give us more of The Killing, Trailer Park Boys (which I wasn’t too thrilled with) and Arrested Development (though that sucked pretty hard), they gave us Bojack Horseman (which I’m thoroughly enjoying), and I understand a lot of people like House of Cards and Orange is the New Black. So their track record isn’t that bad. Not Full House bad, at least.

      And Yahoo Screen’s continuation of Community has actually been surprisingly good, though that has nothing to do with Netflix.

      1. Bojack Horseman

        Fool me once, fool me twice. Fool me chicken soup with rice.

      2. So you’re still working through Bojack? Interested in what you’ll think of the penultimate episode…

        1. I teared up a bit.

  12. Amanda Marcotte’s scorching hot take on Pizzagate

    Of course, there’s always a chance he’s lying. God knows that the right has fully embraced the idea that lying for the cause is acceptable behavior. But, in this case, I believe that they probably are getting harassed. I’ve been doing this work too long to believe that liberals are immune from using a good cause as a cover for shitty behavior.

    To those liberals, I must beg of you: Don’t do this. As you can see from the self-important preening of this asshole, bigots cannot wait to play the victim. Don’t give them legitimate cause. Just as with the people sending glitter bombs to anti-choicers. Yes, it’s funny watching a bunch of people who would literally force you to give birth against your will whine because they have glitter in the carpet. But these folks are dying for any angle they can get to play the victim. If they can get the tiniest toe hold to claim that your actions extend beyond free speech into harassment and attempt to cause material harm, they are going to grab it and hang on for dear life. So don’t.

    So, you know, don’t harass them and make death threats not because it is morally wrong to do that to anyone but because we don’t want to make the other side look like victims. That’s our schtick, dammit!

    Also, holy shit on the lack of self-awareness in the first paragraph.

    1. But these folks are dying for any angle they can get to play the victim.

      As always, mindblowing projection.

      1. Yeah. My jaw was hanging as I read that. Holeeeey shit.…

        1. God knows that the right has fully embraced the idea that lying for the cause is acceptable behavior.

          “He didn’t win, did he?”

          “I wanted to be able to use only one device for emails”


          1. “So she got some details of her gang rape wrong, it’s still indicative of a rape crisis.”

    2. As you can see from the self-important preening of this asshole, bigots cannot wait to play the victim.

      a person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.

      Amanda Marcotte is not a smart person, nor a knowledgeable one, nor an educated one, nor a good one.

      1. “if AMANDA MARCOTTE and other “fair minded” liberals would bother to apply some historical perspective, they could be taken seriously when they lecture people who take direct action. Most of what was done to the owners of Memories Pizza and Hate Shop was neither more nor less than an updated version of the 1961 lunch counter sit-in campaign in Greensboro. You may not recall that the campaign lasted for six months and involved as many as 300 protesters at a time sitting it at and around the small lunch counter, in addition to the clutter and disruption caused by reporters and TV crews that the sit-in organizers called to come and report on the disruption. DISRUPTION is a key tool of direct action. Disrupting business as usual is designed to upset and call into question status quo power. You can bet that the customers and wait staff at that Woolworth’s lunch counter saw this as harassment. And it is also true that the people most directly impacted, the counter servers, were not members of the Greensboro power structure responsible. But, the verdict of history is that the harassment and disruption was justified in order to force change. Memories Pizza could have done what Woolworth’s did: PUBLICLY ANNOUNCE THEIR ACQUIESCENCE TO THE PROTESTERS DEMANDS FOR JUSTICE.
        Centrist-minded, see-both-sides, liberals need to hush up and go to a library to discuss ends-means relationships while real progressive advocates get the job done for social justice by direct action. Act or be silent.”

        1. From the comments. Had to leave out a few words to get it to fit in one post.

          1. Someone out-crazied Marcotte? How is this possible?

        2. Marcotte is a centrist? She sees both sides? Furthermore…seeing both sides is bad???

          Also, let’s talk about how remarkably Amanda is toward those holding different opinions. Do you think she knows the meaning of the word “bigot”?

          1. Remarkably intolerant. Goddammit.

          2. Do you think she knows the meaning of the word “bigot”?

            “Someone who doesn’t completely agree with my worldview.”

          3. If your definition of ‘leftist’ is Che Guevara, I can see how you’d think Marcotte was a centrist.

        3. When the Indiana State Police are blasting protestors with firehoses, then he’d might have a point.

          1. “That’s funny, Chief, the protesters want us to *increase* the water pressure.”

    1. The flame throwing guitar makes me think the director of that movie gives 0 fucks which is basically what you have to do in a Mad Max movie.

      1. It’s the same director that created and did all of the previous three, George Miller. He’s a great director but he’s also a lot older. I’m sure there will be flashes of his brilliance paired with over-the-top stupidity just because he can. His stuntmen have always been utterly insane, and now he has CGI too. Also realize the Toecutter (from the first one) is back, or at least the actor who played him.

        I just like that half the cast is female models.

    2. I hope it’s more than just action scenes.

  13. So….
    Open thread, it looks like?

    1. You look like!

      I finally checked out that Clint Eastwood thread, which has several kinds of crazy going on. But the best thing so far is the information that, on Bo’s scale, Dondero is a “bit too GOP leaning,” while Warty and Irish and others are psychopathic Republican partisans.


      1. I just had a brief off-board chat about Dondero. He seems like a great lightning rod.

    2. The last post of the day always is.

  14. Now that “racism” has been expanded out of all real meaning, I guess it’s time for “bigotry” to follow along. How is not approving of same-sex marriage “bigotry” in any meaningful sense? It seems to me that disapproving of certain actions is not really “bigotry.”

    1. Disapprove all you want. Simply don’t support state sponsored discrimination and let others live as they see fit provided they aren’t infringing upon others.

      1. The trouble is that, to the left, non-approval of gay marriage counts as “discrimination,” which is only something done by “bigots.” It seems to make no difference to them that this based on an established religious view, and was the majority position until a few years ago (at most). Now that the smart and rational progressives have shown up, they are not only unquestionably right, but anyone who disagrees is a Nazi Klansman. 2000 years of belief among hundreds of millions of people must change this instant.

        1. The only discrimination is using government to treat homosexuals differently than heterosexuals. Private people may do as they wish.

          1. I dislike howling mobs attacking people for crimethink, especially newly-defined crimethink.

    1. I think this is another area in which some libertarians can be too purist/logical/ideological, as opposed to practical/traditional/conservative. In favor of free speech? Great. Is a mob expressing free speech? Well, um, in a purist/logical/ideological sense, they are. But there’s a range of speech, from simply (1) stating an opinion, to writing a letter to the editor, to boycotting, to organizing boycotts, to (10) a mob hounding people until they shut their business and cower in their homes, because things are right at the edge of mob-inspired violence.

      Free speech level 10 is “peaceful” in the sense of lacking violent and illegal action, but thousands of people hurling abuse and calling you vile names is intimidation just sort of violence. It should be reserved for truly momentous issues, not for hypothetical situations involving pizzerias.

      I think it’s reasonable and not anti-libertarian to disapprove of mob-like, career-ending SJW attacks on people who disagree with them, made the wrong political donation, or made a joke that didn’t go over well. It’s not enough to say “Well, there’s no physical violence yet, so it’s all A-OK.”

      1. Free speech level 10 is “peaceful” in the sense of lacking violent and illegal action, but thousands of people hurling abuse and calling you vile names is intimidation just sort of violence. It should be reserved for truly momentous issues, not for hypothetical situations involving pizzerias.

        Do you support the state coercively suppressing such speech? No? Then you consider it to be free speech. No further explanation necessary.

        Just because it’s free speech doesn’t mean you have to agree with it or approve of doing it.

        1. (Of course I meant “just short of violence” above.)

          No, there is an explanation that’s necessary. My point is that simply drawing a hard line between free and suppressed speech isn’t enough. I am always fine with free speech at the low end of the scale, but I think even libertarians should at least be wary of, if not condemn, speech that gets near the high of the scale, whether they agree with the message or not. That’s what Ace was complaining about in that link.

          It’s not enough to say everything 1-10 is somehow the same. In important ways, it isn’t. That doesn’t mean I want the government to ban everything higher than an 8 or whatever, but that I think it’s bad for politics and society if too many things are dialed up to 10 because some activists want it dialed up to 10 and want a mob to drive someone out of their livelihood and become the star of Hatred Week on social media.

    2. your link didn’t work for me, but this did

      i’m glad i’m not the only one who seemed to think matt’s indignation was a far more appropriate response than either of robby’s mealy-mouthed panderings on the topic

      i guess its hard to find good help these days.

  15. I will probably regret this, but –

    Good night!

    1. Stick to Latin, ya ring-kissing mackerel snapper

  16. What kind of schlub would order pizza for his gay wedding anyway? You’d pretty much have to turn in your gay card after something like that.

    Now lesbians, I could see.

    1. The owner should have been asked if he would change his mind if the hypothetical gay couple were bull dykes. Or lipstick lesbians .

  17. Well, I can’t tell with that hair.

  18. I do like that Reason magazine cover.

  19. Apparently you can discriminate against the religious, though. Which basically negates the law.

  20. We’re calling it a riffrah?

  21. I consider all pastries penis shaped.

  22. When has the press not acted abysmally? Especially on social issues.

  23. If you’ve fled to Cuba, have you really escaped prison?

  24. Yes! Sing it, Welch. New Jerksey is the worst. And not just because they’re in such close proximity to Philadelphia.

  25. Jesus. He should be punished for that gut.

  26. He’s wearing a sweater vest, for Pete’s sake.

  27. 20 minutes in and finally getting the first commercial break? This isn’t your father’s < i The Independents!

  28. Healthy is defined differently every time I read about what it is.

  29. Welfare isn’t a zero sum game!

  30. You think their boobs get in the way of their follow through now? Just take their tops off.

  31. How’s come they don’t have people standing at those windows looking in, a la Today on NBC? There’s a lot of foot traffic for three o’clock in the morning, by the way.

  32. Why do we even know that they went on vacation?

  33. They’re actually doing ten of these?

  34. Jam as filler. That’s what that was.

  35. An entire puppy farm burned down because the fire truck was dispatched to pick up this Life Alert lady who was too lazy to get up off the kitchen floor herself.

  36. Did I miss when they talked about singles?

  37. Back to the Thread.

    Lexi (the golfer pictured miles above this post) is just a fantastic golfer. She’s hits it very long by any definition. I’ve seen her play live several times. She just needs to learn to putt at a pro-caliber level and she’ll leapfrog up to the top-5

    1. “Lexi”

      I didn’t realize female golfers were now using Pro-Wrestling/American-Gladiator style names. Badass.

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