Marijuana

This Utah Cop May Have Conceived the Worst Argument Yet for Pot Prohibition

Legalization will bring an epidemic of stoned bunnies, or something.

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Christopher Ingraham writes in The Washington Post:

Of course you realize this means war.
Warner Bros.

Utah is considering a bill that would allow patients with certain debilitating conditions to be treated with edible forms of marijuana. If the bill passes, the state's wildlife may "cultivate a taste" for the plant, lose their fear of humans, and basically be high all the time. That's according to testimony presented to a Utah Senate panel (time stamp 58:00) last week by an agent of the Drug Enforcement Administration.

"I deal in facts. I deal in science," said special agent Matt Fairbanks, who's been working in the state for a decade….Fairbanks spoke of his time eliminating back-country marijuana grows in the Utah mountains, specifically the environmental costs associated with large-scale weed cultivation on public land: "Personally, I have seen entire mountainsides subjected to pesticides, harmful chemicals, deforestation and erosion," he said. "The ramifications to the flora, the animal life, the contaminated water, are still unknown."

Fairbanks said that at some illegal marijuana grow sites he saw "rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana…." He continued: "One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone."

Ingraham then makes the obvious points that (1) the best way to end environmentally damaging grow operations is to legalize the plant, since that will let people "grow it on farms and in their gardens, rather than on remote mountainsides," and (2) even if Mr. Fairbanks did possibly once encounter a bunny afflicted with amotivational syndrome, "I don't know that the occasional high rabbit constitutes grounds for keeping marijuana prohibition in place, any more than drunk squirrels are an argument for outlawing alcohol." I'll just add that marijuana grows wild in plenty of places—they call it weed for a reason—and before it was banned it grew in still more. If any species then lost its will to run and died out, the news never reached me.

To hear Fairbanks describe his close encounter with a bunny, go to 1:02:03 below:

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  1. I deal in facts. I deal in science

    Whenever someone feels the need to say that, it is almost certain they are about to rely on anything but those things.

    1. Tony told me that he’s very scientific. I think the Soviet Politburo felt the same about their policy preferences too.

    2. “I don’t mean to sound factual or scientific but…”

    3. I think the allure of scientific government management of society is what drives socialists. I understand that allure; if only society could be properly managed, how much more progress could be made!

      Unfortunately for the rest of us, they are as scientific as astrologers: they got the buzzwords, the books, the tables, charts, equations, graphs, and all the other trappings of real science — everything but the science. But it sure impresses the rubes.

  2. Holy autoplay! Batman!

  3. Hey, if a terminally ill cancer patient has to endure months of unnecessary pain so that a bunny won’t get high, I say it’s worth it.

    1. Yeah. If you can’t obey the law, then don’t get cancer. That’s what I say.

  4. Its like Tomacco!! Simpsons episode will come to life.

    1. Can’t we live in an episode from a better season?

      1. We don’t get to choose which Simpsons episode we get to live in. We are more like those space ants.

        1. Freedom! Horrible horrible freedom!

  5. I’ll just add that marijuana grows wild in plenty of places

    When I lived in Wisconsin, I probably had about 2 acres of wild hemp/ditchweed. Came back every year. A friend of mine who worked for the DNR there told me they constantly found big fields of wild pot on state land.

    It dates back, apparently, to when rope was made out of pot and it was grown in industrial quantities.

    1. In WWII, farmers were encouraged to grow as much as possible.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0xHCkOnn-A

    2. It sounds like the best way to turn the tide once and for all is to let the “wind” carry some seeds to the property of these prohibitionists. Then call the cops once you see a few mature plants on the other side of the fence. “Oh, it’s naturally occurring? Tell it to the judge, Congressman.”

  6. “I don’t know that the occasional high rabbit constitutes grounds for keeping marijuana prohibition in place, any more than drunk squirrels are an argument for outlawing alcohol.”

    Drunk squirrels are far more a public nuisance than high rabbits. Just ask any reason commentor. Drunk squirrels oppose free speech.

    1. Actually it’s not the drunk squirrels that steal our comments. More like the pissed off hungover ones, the stolen comments function like Advil for them.

  7. Fairbanks said that at some illegal marijuana grow sites he saw “rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana….”

    And don’t forget — tt’s a gateway drug. Those rabbits are probably tearing up the whole region looking for poppy fields.

    1. I think we know exactly where this leads, too.

      End-stage marijuana addiction consequences in bunnies

  8. I’ve only ever seen research on primates. All effects were transient and there was no indication of long term risk from moderate consumption.

    1. Why do you think such research was banned?

  9. An ex-girlfriend and I once attempted growing, well over a decade ago. We sucked at it, but her pet rabbit got to enjoy our failure. He really seemed to enjoy the stuff.

  10. Guys like this are great. They ensure marijuana reform will only accelerate.

  11. Yo, fuck autoplay.

    1. Especially when you shut it off and the fucker starts again when you switch tabs. Release the rabbits! (see below)

  12. Fairbanks said that at some illegal marijuana grow sites he saw “rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana….” He continued: “One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone.”

    You have to admit he’s got a point. If marijuana causes us to lose our natural instincts to run away from government agents then it should be banned.

    1. I don’t remember if this is the exact quote- but Heinlein said “Beware of strong drink, it might cause you to shoot at tax collectors- and miss…”

  13. Fairbanks said that at some illegal marijuana grow sites he saw “rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana….” He continued: “One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone.”

    Consult the Book of Armaments!

  14. He’s lucky that he didn’t get attacked. It’s been known to happen.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J…..t_incident

  15. Impeccable timing for this post. Saturday at the jobsite, foreman explained to me it was crucial to fence off a grow or the rabbits will surely ruin it. In fact, he had a story of a pet rabbit unknowingly put in an outdoor kitchen with plants in it. That poor rabbit became dinner.

  16. Buds Bunny

  17. That rabbit is smoking a carrot.

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