Shake Out Those Creaky Knees and Prepare for the New Old Age
Reason's special issue on aging, pensions, and immortality
Aging is traditionally associated with loss of mental skills, declining physical agility, and a decreasing ability to care for yourself. In short, it's always been a bit grim and sad, offset by the slim hope that the youngsters consider old-timers sufficiently wise and experienced to make their continued presence at the dinner table worthwhile.
But while there's still troubling news about pensions, Medicare, and Social Security—programs mired in the traditional view of aging and equally bogged down in bad finances—there's new evidence that getting older doesn't have to mean losing capabilities or independence.
New technology and models for elder care show that innovation, kindness, and respect for personal preferences makes residents happier and produce better results. Techniques in development promise to reverse the effects of mental deterioration and render the mental skills of the old as agile as ever.
In fact, science is learning to extend not just life, but health, to such an extent that it's time to contemplate what it will mean for humans to live not just a long time, but maybe even forever. What if you could live for 10,000 years?
Click here to explore Reason's full exploration of The New Old Age.
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If you could live for 10,000 years, does that mean Tony and shriek get to live that long?
I'm getting older already--when can I expect extended life, invulnerability, superpowers, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope?
Here's your cushy chair.
Okay, great. Thanks. Oooh, a recliner!
I liked this less the first time I saw it when it was In Time with Justin Timberlake.
What is this number on my arm? And why is it going down?
If I could live to be 10,000 years old, I just might be able to get through the entire Buckethead discography.
The real question is why would you want to?
If I was rich I'd say ...
"Cause Co-Eds with daddy issues are always 21"
Obligatory Queen
"I apologize for calling your wife 'Bloated Warthog'."
"Hello, pretty..."
I find it ironic the generation that thought beating children was the best way to raise them demand special laws for elder abuse. Spare the rod spoil the grandpa I say.
2 wrongs don't make a right, and I suspect the pro-beating contingent of the aging population is probably fairly small at this point. All but one of my grandparents are dead, and I was never beaten as a child.
Also, childhood outcomes in the absence of corporal punishment don't seem to have made for a better population, really. And anybody who's spent any appreciable amount of time around an obnoxious little kid could probably excuse a parent for the occasional swat upside the head.
Look all I'm saying is old people are like kids. They are dependent on others and have poor cognitive function. The only thing they understand is pain.
Can I still retire at 67?
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As long as it's not in a lamp, cause 10,000 years in a lamp will give you such a crick in the neck
Ray Kurzweil called, he wants his "oh god I really want to live forever" schtick back.
Suddenly, 2 percent CD rates don't seem so bad. I'll have 27 million trillion dollars in the bank by then.
10,000 christmases, 10,000 superbowls, 10,000 oscar awards, 2,500 presidential elections...
Somebody pass the arsenic.
I'd think that I'd be making out like a bandit on Social Security?
Who am I kidding? My loser aura guarantees that the cutoff will be 3 days before my b-day.
Don't forget 3,652,500 military appreciation days.
The NFL will shut down long before then. Sadly we will still have Oscars and Election Days.