Thomas Friedman's Favorite Dictatorship Bans Puns

Thomas Friedman, wealthy dispensor of statist conventional wisdom, once ruminated on Meet the Press that he has "fantasized" about how much better off the United States would be if it briefly ditched representative democracy for China's authoritarianism:
What if we could just be China for a day? I mean, just, just, just one day. You know, I mean, where we could actually, you know, authorize the right solutions, and I do think there is a sense of that, on, on everything from the economy to environment. I don't want to be China for a second, OK, I want my democracy to work with the same authority, focus and stick-to-itiveness.
The "authority, focus and stick-to-itiveness" of the People's Republic of China also includes crackdowns on dissidents, the destruction of homes standing in the way of Olympic stadium progress, and now, forbidding the scourge of puns.

As reported by The Wall Street Journal, China's State Administration of Press, Publication, Radio, Film and Television (SAPPRFT) has outlawed puns and wordplay in advertising and broadcasts because they are "contradictory in spirit to the promotion and continuance of excellent, traditional Chinese culture." The Journal also reports:
As part of an antipun rationale, authorities also cited the need to improve China's soft power abroad. Building soft power, the regulator said, required creating more cultural awareness and confidence.
"Confident Culturally Aware Soft Power" sounds like a possible title for a future Friedman column, but China's one-party communist government extends its soft power much further than outlawing attention-grabbing fun with language. According to Business Insider, China has banned hundreds of words and phrases. Here are some highlights:
"Victoria" (Weiduoliha)
In Roman mythology, Victoria was the goddess of victory. So does Weibo block the name because of that? The lingerie models? No, it's blocked for Hong Kong's Victoria Park.
Every June 4, Victoria Park acts as the site for a candlelight vigil commemorating those who died in Tiananmen Square in 1989. Other demonstrations frequently use the park as a home base, too.
"May 35" (Wuyue sanshiwu)
Since May has 31 days, the date "May 35" would technically be June 4 — the day the army arrived in Tiananmen Square in Beijing in 1989 to deal with demonstrators.
Since June 4 is obviously blocked on Weibo, users found other ways to discuss the date: "day four," "the beginning of June," and even phonetic translations of the words "six" and "four." All of them have been, or still are, blocked.
"Meow" (mimi)
Known to Westerns as the sound a cat makes (or an oboe-like folk instrument), "meow" in Chinese is roughly the equivalent to "tits" in English.
The banned phrases span from subtle political protest to silly sexual innuendos to words like "wifi," which the Chinese government views as a creeping Western threat to the aforementioned "soft power."
Headline writers have had a blast wielding "the lowest form of humor" while reporting on the pun ban and comparisons to the fictional government and its "Newspeak" language depicted in George Orwell's 1984 are obvious. But for big idea-thinkers like Friedman, this latest Chinese action serves as a helpful reminder that Big Brother also never lacked for "stick-to-itiveness."
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Confident Culturally Aware Soft Power
Sounds like somebody needs some Viagra.
I need a Power to be Left Alone ring.
Forged by Libertarians, who pulled it out of the Crack of Doom, heh heh.
Or off the cock of doom...
I was thinking more Green Lantern, given the evil nature of the Ring.
The Green Lantern ring is morally neutral and is powered by Will. That can be the will to protect or the will to destroy, depending on the wielder's mood.
Yes, thank you for that clarification, Hugh. Obviously, libertarians oppose the One Ring. Obama craves it, which explains every single act his administration has done since day one.
Libertarians are all in the Orange Lantern Corps*, so I hear.
*Yes, I know.
They tow the orange lion!
I should've paid yuan,
Knowing how you made me kneel.
And I should've been gone,
After all your words of steel.
Oh, I must've been a dreamer,
And I must've been someone else,
And we should've been over.
Oh, China, our love
Holds on, holds on.
Oh, China, our love
Holds on, holds on.
That's quite a pair he put up there.
Sometimes words have two meanings, lol
That sounds pretty homophonic.
Pretty sure that's outlawed as well.
And it makes me wonder...
I'd say Friedman's shadow is much taller than his soul.
And he's starting to get taller than his hair!
Banning puns?
But they should have sense or Reason.
Bartender, get me a double entendre
"Citizen, report for pun-ishment."
When puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
You can pry my pun from my cold, dead fingers.
Known to Westerns as the sound a cat makes (or an oboe-like folk instrument), "meow" in Chinese is roughly the equivalent to "tits" in English.
Yeah, but "Meow or GTFO" just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?
I dunno. I think I'd be interested in getting my hands on some big, honking meows.
Well, if you're a Furry...
Wielding soft power can protect them from joke-itch.
Normally, I would say that asking 'what if?' is a sign of intelligence.
Thomas Friedman disproves my theory.
Judge Napolitano School of Writing?
Napolitano is a great example of the adage about how "a little" being good does not necessarily make "a lot" better.
creating more cultural awareness and confidence
We're so confident in our culture that we outlaw poking fun at it!
words like "wifi," which the Chinese government views as a creeping Western threat to the aforementioned "soft power"
Soooo confident.
Can someone please tell me why Thomas Friedman is still a thing?
He's the Kardashians of "economics".
Only uglier.
Good point! I mean, he does have a pretty decent set of meows on him!
What's the Chinese equivalent to Gulag? Because report there, immediately.
What's the Chinese equivalent to Gulag?
Tibet?
Fun Facts:
Thomas Friedman graduated from St. Louis Park High School in the mid-1970's.
Joel & Ethan Coen graduated from St. Louis Park High School in the mid-1970's.
Compare and contrast...
That's in Minneapolis? I lived in St. Louis Park briefly in the early 90s.
"What if we could just be China for a day? I mean, just, just, just one day. You know, I mean, where we could actually, you know, authorize the right solutions, and I do think there is a sense of that, on, on everything from the economy to environment."
You know who else wanted ultimate power for just a short while in order to get the most pressing problems out of the way?
Superboy Prime?
Weng Li, the dry-cleaner who wanted to be dictator?
("pressing problems," get it?)
Cincinnatus?
Mr Hilter of Minehead?
Obama?
Good answers.
I was thinking every superhero ever. I just couldn't think of anyone else.
Pinochet?
if it briefly ditched representative democracy for China's authoritarianism
Don't worry, the Dictatorship of the Proletariat will wither away as soon as all those new bridges are built, and optical internet fiber is laid.
Honest. Would I lie?
I heard that in highschool Thomas Friedman was going to try out for the javelin throwing team, but he didn't get the point.
Being scared of puns makes them look like they're Yalu.
(woo-hoo, two for one pun!)
Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot
Confucius say: Lions not cheat on wives; but Tiger Woods
"Man who walk sideways through airport turnstyle is going to Bangkok"
"Boy who go to bed with sexual frustration wake up with problem in hand."
No! It's "Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with solution in hand"
But what will the pun-nishment be?
"Look, Your Honor, the host at the restaurant asked how many were in my party, and all I said was 'a few hundred million.'"
about how much better off the United States would be if it briefly ditched representative democracy for China's authoritarianism
He's getting his wish right now!
Alt text winner.
That is a good one, yes.
*takes a bow*
The Grass-Mud Horse [sounds like "fuck your mother"] Lexicon is an obligatory link here. I particularly like The Bureau of Dicking Around.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1U5Wa3Vgz4
I just saw that one of the Reason donors entered his/her donation as F you, cut spending. I applaud this move. One of the Koch brothers?
I'm wondering who entered their donation as OO========D
The other Koch brother?
'Tis I.
I was sure it was NutraSweet. Or maybe Warty.
No horns on it, couldn't have been Warty.
The regulations were announced by Culture Minister Long Wang. Unfortunately, he has too much "soft power."
I want my democracy to work with the same authority, focus and stick-to-itiveness.
SPOILER ALERT:
The whole point of our Constitutional Republic was to put a stick in the spokes of those who wanted the government to be smoothly running steamroller.
How's that workin out for ya?
Notice he used past tense.
gooooood point
Considering where the US stands relative to the rest of the world, it worked better than anything else that has ever come before or since.
Our system was intentionally designed to be slow-moving and inefficient. Which was a great idea.
Unfortunately, the system was not designed with any incentives to repeal shitty legislation. Without such an incentive, the logical conclusion of reacting to shitty legislation with more shitty legislation is a totalitarian state.
I don't think the failings of the Constitution are that simple, but a mere document has little chance if the people in general aren't motivated by a desire to be left alone and to limit government. Those used to be the defining characteristics of Americans. Not anymore.
Notice how the Progressive movement began the moment there was no longer a frontier to escape to.
"May 35" (Wuyue sanshiwu)
Obviously they need to refer to April 65th. Or maybe July -26th.
As for why Thomas Friedman is kept on staff at the NYT, it's simple. How else could they make Krugman seem smart, if not by comparison to Friedman?
You take that back! Paul Krugman has an Obama, ahem, Nobel Prize damn it!
Prosecutions under the new regulations will he handled by the Justice Minister, Yu Gon Dai.
Me No Ra Fing.
Now you can go where people are one
Now you can go where they get things done
What you need, my son:.
derp
I hate that asshole's voice.
Punk rock and puns have something in common. They're not good unless they're terrible.
Ah, the more annoying, crappier version of Beach Party Vietnam.
Aw, man, they renamed Fukien Province!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fujian
We had so much fun with a Kung Fu movie set in that province!
No indictment on the Garner case. Because cops are our masters.
He that would pun would pick a pocket.
Whatsa big deal? All kinds of "puns" are outlawed all over Europe if they are deemed "racial" or "intimidating". 88, 14, & The Celtic Cross are the obvious ones. I'm talking about lyrics I had to "censor" for an album from a band I was in because, while the lyrics were not racist, we were associated with some sketchy record labels and some of the art/concepts and the generally violent tenor of a lot of it, They were deemed unlawful in Germany. And I'm not talking about blatantly racialist stuff either, I'm talking stupid things like the following:
"But should he come again to free his children from their bloody chains" that had to be re-worked as "But should he come again to free his children from their bolt and chains" From a song called "Viking Thunder" or "The wretched of a third world nation" had to be "The wreckage of a third world nation" from a song called "Third World Bomb". It was all about "the feelz" more so than anything else. It pissed me off hard too.
Wow, the meow thing makes so much sense now. When I was over there I noticed that whenever people saw cats they would say "mao" not "meow" which I always thought was kinda funny. I just figured it was because of Chairman Mao. I had no idea "meow" was inappropriate. Same with "ma", depending on the tone you use it can either mean mother or horse so you have to say it carefully.