'Go Ahead and Call the Cops. They Can't Unrape You,' Say Cops


If you need something a little stronger than coffee to perk you up this Monday morning, perhaps disgust and outrage will do the trick? Because I think I have just the thing for that. Introducing… two Austin police officers who not only think mocking rape and robbery victims is hilarious but were too stupid not to record themselves during the conversation. 

In the video, the two unseen Austin cops—later revealed as Officers Michael Castillo and Mark Lytle—start out discussing how crime better watch out when they're riding together. "Shit would get real for the bad guys," says one of the officers. "The world would be at peace for a week."

The other officer counters that peace would probably be likely "because we'd turn a blind eye towards everything." It continues:

Officer 1: I want to report a robbery! You probably deserved it.
(something unintelligible about finding a rape victim)
Officer 1: Look at that girl over there.
(one of them blows a whistle at her)
Officer 2: Go ahead and call the cops. They can't unrape you.
Officer 1: Yeah, exactly. … You did turn your camera off, didn't you?
Officer 2: They can't unrape you!

The Austin Police Department confirmed to local station KXAN that the video is authentic and said an internal investigation is underway. "The investigation will include a comprehensive audit of the involved officers' contacts with victims of sexual assault to ensure the actions taken during the contacts meet the expectations of the Department, the public and most importantly, the victims," it said in a statement.

Austin lawyer Drew Gibbs, who first posted the video to YouTube, told KXAN the video was obtained as part of his firm's investigation into an auto crash. "The comments on the video struck me as inappropriate and I chose to allow the court of public opinion to decide if they agreed," said Gibbs.

"Arguably even more inappropriate than the rape joke made by the police officer was the other officer's initial reaction, which was to hope that the video camera was not rolling. … I would hope that when a police officer observes another officer acting inappropriately, or worse, illegally, that their initial reaction would be to correct that behavior and prevent its reoccurrence."

Watch the whole thing: 

A spokesman for the Austin Police Association said "we all would be embarrassed if everything we said was made public" and that the statements the officers made on camera do not "reflect those officers work ethic".

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  1. Jesus Christ on a flaming pogo stick, JUST ONCE I’d like to see a public statement after something like this that was more on the order of “Both officers are terminated, effective immediately. The Policeman’s Union has intervened on their behalf, so they will be given a fifteen minute head start.”

  2. I refer back to the sheriff talking about the media,dumb ass

  3. A spokesman for the Austin Police Association said “we all would be embarrassed if everything we said was made public” and that the statements the officers made on camera do not “reflect those officers work ethic”.

    To paraphrase Will Munny, “Work ethic’s got nothing to do with it.”

    This outrage, too, shall pass. What difference, at this point, does it make? Get me an MRAP, stat! Arrest that kid for bringing a butter knife to school!

  4. Austin lawyer Drew Gibbs, who first posted the video to YouTube, told KXAN the video was obtained as part of his firm’s investigation into an auto crash.

    That’s a nice law firm you have there.

  5. I’ll hold my outrage for the multitude of times when cops are recorded unduly enacting actual violence on helpless citizens.

    1. ^ Yes

      If I was miked all the time I would be fired from every job I ever had. And probably in jail for our dark humor in the Marines.

      1. On the other hand, how often have various government entities used stupid comments by private sector participants to screw them. “Shitty deal”, anyone?

    2. Thirded.

      This is a non-story. Worse, it’s kind of a weenie Progressive type be angry at what someone says instead of what they do story.

      It’s not a cops job to actually give a fuck about you. I will join in on the pig hating the second they actually violate someone’s rights.

    3. Quad…fourth….tupled

      I kept looking for the part in the story where the police officers *did* anything.

      This is basically, ‘politically incorrect humor’ being treated as a crime against humanity.

      People went apeshit over ‘Generation Kill’ because of the things the book/mini-series had these marines saying. All the marines shrugged and said, “That’s the shit we talk about”. Everyone shut up when they realized it was true, and not some ‘liberal journalist exaggerating shit to make the military look bad’.

      Jesus, how about riding along with some NYC EMT guys. That would be an eye opener. They just *love* the poor.

  6. Rape jokes can occasionally be funny… that is, until the person voicing the ‘joke’ literally possesses the authority to rape with a police and union racket protecting him.

  7. ENB: nice alt-text.

    I would have said ‘fuckhead’ rather than ‘douchebag’; but still, nice.

    1. The officer is a fungus that arose from mold growing on a douchbag.

      1. More likely a fungus growing on a turd.

  8. Remember, peace officers are wonderful, altruist individuals that only have your best interests at heart. People become cops because of their sense of duty and heroism, not out of a desire for authority. So quit resisting.

  9. The “the cops can’t unrape you” line is pretty horrifying, but one could charitably interpret it to be an orangutanishly stupid way of saying that people need to take responsibility for their own safety. I find this line to be a little more disturbing.

    Officer 2: Hey, put it this way; if we ride out for a week, crime is gonna be on the run and (expletive) non-existent. (Expletive) would get real for the bad guys. The world would be at peace for a week.

    In other words, let me be as brutal as I want to be and I’ll make the world safe. I have a hard time coming up with any interpretation that isn’t horrifying.

  10. [runs off crying]

    1. I can’t unrape you.

      1. Un-rape my ass
        Say you’ll love me again
        Undo this hurt you caused
        When you prolapsed my ass
        And snuck out into the dark
        Un-cry these tears
        I bled for so many nights
        Un-rape my ass
        My ass!

  11. Dialogue so embarrassingly over the top, that a 90s video game script writer would be ashamed to write it.

    The wit and wisdom of our police force.

  12. “we all would be embarrassed if everything we said was made public”

    Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

    Not to mention the court of public opinion.

  13. we all would be embarrassed if everything we said was made public

    Actually, no. Nothing I say while on the job would embarrass me, really. That’s because I’m a professional who understands that, while you are on the clock, everything you say has an audience. So, yeah, I self-monitor and self-edit constantly while I’m on the job.

    That’s what adults and professionals do.

    1. Seriously, Clown Hunter?

      I don’t know what your job is, or whom you work with, but if your every word you ever say at work is polite and something you could say at your Mom’s dinner table then you are probably a complete and utter jerk.

  14. Officers Michael Castillo and Mark Lytle?start out discussing how crime better watch out when they’re riding together. “Shit would get real for the bad guys,” says one of the officers.

    Yeah right, these “Big. Damn. Heroes.” would most likelt shit their pants in fear if they actually had to confront a real honest to God criminal. People who talk like that are almost always just that: all talk.

  15. Oh damn. For this, I’ll bet these guys get three days’ suspension WITHOUT pay.

  16. So is this the new police professionalism that Scalia referred to in the Hudson v. Michigan case? Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia dismissed the exclusionary rule as an effective remedy when police conduct an illegal no-knock raid because, Scalia argued, police departments across the country have implemented better internal review procedures and oversight functions to deal with officer misconduct.

    Hahaha, yeah right.

    1. No, this is the real world

      If you don’t think professionals like critical care nurses and docs, cops, and paramedics don’t routinely engage in far more ‘edgy’ jokes like this routinely, you are fucking high

      Dumb to do it on tape, but I applaud any of the above and more to keep it real, tell the PC police to fuck off, and joke away

      If you want to contrast with actual misconduct look ar the case where the officer took naked photos off the woman’s cell phone and passed it around to his co-workers sharing them and laughing et cetera that is actual misconduct that should result in discipline

      This is a bunch of sound and fury over NOTHING


      1. Look, I know they are just doing what I could easily be accused of in my job/life. No, the point is the police are NO more professional or virtuous than any other profession. It was wrong for Scalia to dismiss the only real remedy we had against abuses of illegal law enforcement activity – that was my point.

      2. Dunphy,
        Are the average cop’s balls chocolate or salty when you have them lolling around in your mouth?

  17. Who gives a flying fuck?

    Yes, cops engage in black humor.

    I have a friend who is a podiatrist critical care nurse and the shit they joke about makes me blush

    That’s what happens when you routinely deal with dead babies

    In that respect, his job is way more difficult than mine

    I’m reminded of when some port of seattle cops got blasted for ‘racism’ for emailing each other Chris Rock videos or when San Fran cops got blasted for making a hilarious video with some game homeless guys that was ‘insensitive’

    Yea, they were stupid for getting this stuff on tape, but man it is just suss as fuck to whine about this

    ‘Oh noes. A cop made an insensitive joke to a fellow cop’

    Derp derp derp

    Lighten up, Francis

    Go watch M.A.S.H. (The movie version) or read some Vonnegut

    I am truly ready eyed for the poor victims of this awful insensitivity!!!!!!

    1. Ugh, V TO T

      ‘PEDIATRIC critical care nurse’

    2. “…You did turn your camera off, right?” – Officer 1.

      Go fuck yourself, Dunphy. I realize that there’s absolutely nothing an officer could do that you wouldn’t defend (unless, apparently it happens against you), but that says to me they fucking knew what they were doing, and it also says to me that for all your talk about cameras, there’s a ton of shit that goes down when the camera is, gosh darnit, accidentally turned off or not working.

      I’d call you a skidmark on humanity, but that’s probably an insult to feces.

    3. re the 4 letter verbiage in this particular post,some others too,it strikes me that their use ads NOTHING to the discussion.

  18. WOW! Wouldn’t it be great if this was as bad as it got? I’d rather have these guys (obviously) joking than coming through my front door with flash bang grenades and a SWAT team.

    Amazed to see all the “outrage” on Reason.com. It seems some people just hate cops.

    There’s no story here.

    Move along … please

  19. Where the “bad apple in every bunch” crowd today?

  20. The text of the article about getting “unraped”along with the texts of some others aides the following questions in my mind.

    1. It appears that “authority figures” these days, all to often are going off Half-Cocked, to use a polite phrase for a serious problem. One wonders as o the why’s of this sad situation.

    2. I also note that perhaps in serious error, significant powers are vested in the above referenced authority figures. Being closer to 82 years of age than to anything else, I’m left curious re the following. Remembering back to when I was a school age kid, teachers, most of them anyhow, showed a much greater degree of common sense than is seemingly displayed these days, what with such stupidity as Zero Tolerance, which seems strangely oriented regards to how it is applied. If that game is to be played, Zero Tolerance should apply to officialdom too, perhaps with the proverbial vengence that we sometimes hear about.

  21. I’m 63. Me and my buddies have made jokes about almost everything. Lots of times crudely and stupidly. And, none of us have ever been arrested, or raped anyone, or assaulted anyone. Guys make dumb and crude comments sometimes, and sometimes it is really funny.

    Reason….you diminish the legitimate good work you do uncovering real wrongdoing on the part of the police when you go after idle chatter.

    1. And, I really, really wouldn’t like my every comment when not dealing with the public being listened to and criticized such that I can’t joke around.

      I talked to a priest once and asked if his buddies joked around as much as me and my friends do. He said, ‘yeah, we make crude jokes about the Pope’. We both cracked up.

  22. This just in: cops are humans.

    In a related story, some humans can be real douchenozzles.

  23. I thought it was funny. I laughed along with them. What, we can joke about them, but they can’t joke about themselves?

  24. Action Physical Man says expressing a dark sense of humor is not a crime, even for cops.

  25. On the face of it, the exchange between the cops is actually funny like the robbery part “You probably deserved it.” It’s stand up comedy night – the kind of jokes you hear on TV. However all good comedy has an element of truth in it and the truth in this one is that it reveals cops for exactly what they are – overpaid and disinterested public employees. Most cops are thugs, that doesn’t mean these two are, but most likely they are because of the other comments in their comedy routine. You should trust a cop about as much as you would trust any other thug. They aren’t here to protect you, they are here to collect a fat paycheck and retire early.

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