LAPD Needs Military Motorcycles to Tactically Harass Homeless People


The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) recently bought a couple of military-grade motorcycles. The bikes are electric, silent, a sleek shade of all-black, and the LAPD can't wait to use them to harass homeless people.
"There are major benefits to incorporating these environmentally friendly motorcycles. It costs less than 50 cents to charge compared to using gallons of gas, maintenance is simple, and the community appreciates how quiet they are," said LAPD Off-Road Unit Officer Steve Carbajal in a press statement about the three new Zero MMX motorcycles. "Most importantly, our officers have an added tactical advantage while on patrol."
Where exactly do LAPD officers find themselves employing this new tactical advantage? "They're able to sneak up on some of the homeless encampments and some of the illegal activities in the hillsides," Lt. Andy Neiman explained on Monday. He assures that "the community loves" the bikes, because they don't make "that whiny noise that is commonly associated with the off-road bikes."
On the bright side, at least the Zero bikes being used in this pilot program "cost roughly $17,945 without additional department modifications, compared with the approximately $35,000 for a fully-equipped LAPD Harley or BMW," according to CBS. Though, the bikes need to be plugged in for seven hours to fully charge and then they only last two hours on the road.
This is another eyebrow-raising case of continued militarization of domestic law enforcement, particularly within the already-armed-to-the-teeth LAPD. Wired describes the Zero MMX as a "special forces-specific bike," and that's no exaggeration. "We developed it for the U.S. military. I'm not allowed to comment on the specifics, but we have a contract with the military, and they are testing it," a representative of Zero Motorcycles told Wired. Indeed, the Zero MMX isn't even for sale to civilians.
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"To protect and serve"
To protect their jobs and serve themselves.
It's a cookbook, not an employee manual.
Silent but deadly
..."Though, the bikes need to be plugged in for seven hours to fully charge and then they only last two hours on the road."...
Look on the bright side: Maybe it'll keep the cops in the station for seven hours, too.
Naw, they'll just buy three (or more) per motorcycle officer.
which of course brings them back up to the price of a BMW. They fail to mention that they can get a similar gas powered Street/Trail bike for half the price of one electric one plus a good muffler to keep it quit.
What the hell good are these to the military if they only last 2 hours on a charge?
Maybe that's why they're selling them to wannabes and not the SEALS
Stack four of them in the back of a humvee, drive to less than an hour away from the target, ride in on 'silent running', hit the target and ride back to the humvee for extraction.
Admittedly, it's a crappy justification, but it's a use.
Air combat controllers (CCTs) use bikes.
Not to ride into "assaults" like fucking Megaforce*
but to quickly get to places providing visibility/reception/signal for whatever they're doing.
(note* = Dibs on my band name)
Sorry, better image
I can see Jon on one of these, but Ponch?
You mean that's not Ponch in the picture?
they only last two hours on the road.
What happens when they thing craps out on some scrubby hillside? Will the cop push it home?
Haha. That's what I was thinking. How will they get the fat cops off the hillsides when the bike takes a shit?
Don't be silly. The diesel truck following him gives him a fully charged one and takes the other one back for re-charging.
No, no, no. The cop simply harnesses up some of the homeless guys he's captured and makes them tow him back to the station (think chariot here).
The trick is to get yourself a decent team of vagrants before your 2 hours is up.
Also, how long did OJ's chase last? It would be sort of funny to see some future OJ go on a low speed chase for 2 hours and then simply drive off safely after all the electric cars/bikes crap out.
y
Deeds, Not Words!
You can get a used Honda trail bike for far less than that.
So, to recap:
They are quiet, allowing cops to fuck with people easier. (assholes)
They work for two hours. (worthless)
Yeah, I'm sure people living in LA give a flying fuck about motorcycle noise. (liars)
"Looks like we can't go out on patrol. Someone forgot to plug the bikes in last night."
They'll never be as cool as the Delta Force dirt bikes.
Cyclone Water Blaster
the illegal activities in the hillsides
Is there some kind of hillside crime spree in LA that I'm unaware of?
Whatever it is, I'm 100% against hillsides in my neighborhood.
Ahem.
Sploosh!
/Cheryl Tunt
That was the late '70s. They can't be looking for a third strangler still.
Well, the third strangler only targets people's urban livestock. Surely you have heard of the rash of chickens being choked by some sociopath?
PETA is really urinated off that simply because the victims are not human the LAPD has not taken it as seriously as the other two Hillside Stranglers.
A message to LAPD: Lord Humongous was not the good guy in The Road Warrior.
WHAT!!?
Next you're going to tell me, "ET *wasn't* the secret infiltrator for a forthcoming invasion"
Is there some kind of hillside crime spree in LA that I'm unaware of?
Something tells me it involves sex. Because nothing is worse than people (in any combination of sexes) getting it on in the outdoors while admiring the city lights.
Yeah, hobo sex.
A bunch of Ds going in and out of As.
Probably. If you need military grade e-bikes to sneak up on these people they're probably not a threat to anyone around them.
I'm glad there's no violent crime in LA anymore!
Hmmm. For the Tesla Model S, Elon Musk famously demonstrated automated battery-pack swapping -- a fully-charged one for a completely depleted one -- in around half the time it took to fill a gasoline powered car's tank. The Zero's battery pack is necessarily much smaller and lighter than that of the Model S. Especially when used for military or public service purposes, isn't there a way to swap the battery packs of Zero motorcycles in only few minutes, rather than wait seven hours for a full recharge? If not, and I were Zero, I'd hurry up and get with the program. Harley is breathing down your necks!
How much does the battery cost?
Do they sound anything like the electric bikes in "THX 1138?"
It doesn't even have a mounted machine gun. How can they shoot people (or dogs) without stopping the bike?
Cops aren't civilians. Civilians go to jail when they murder people.
Cops aren't buying them, police departments are.