Beezin: The Awesome New Fake Teen Drug Panic Involving Lipbalm and Eyelids

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Just when you thought fake teen drug scares couldn't get any stupider, Ohio local news brings us beezin, in which kids rub Burt's Bees lip balm on their eyelids. 

"A new trend among teens may be concerning to parents," warns Newsnet5 Cleveland, with a blatant disregard for both research and grammar.

Most people think of Burt's Bees lip balm as just that—lip balm, but experts say teens have found a new use for it.

A new viral trend called "beezin" is apparently making the rounds. "Beezin" is when a person applies a light layer of Burt's Bees natural lip balm wax on their eyelids.

News accounts can't decide whether the tingle of menthol on delicate tissues is a pleasant complement to being buzzed—"Some who do 'beezin' said it adds to the experience of being drunk or high"—or a standalone activity—"others said it helps to keep them alert."

If I had to guess, I'd say beezin is probably most popular at rainbow parties after drinking hand sanitizer and butt-chugging some vodka. But that's just speculation, so I'd better not publish it in a respected news source, right?

Let's suspend disbelief for a second and imagine this trend is actually real. What then? Will our nation's teens be ruined? Will the Russians beat us to space? Let's go to the experts: 

"The peppermint oil in the lip balm is a very strong irritant and can cause inflammation in the eye redness of the eye swelling," Dr. Brett Cauthen told WNWO's sister station KOKH in Oklahoma City. 

The eye is one of the most sensitive parts of the body and 'Beezin' could cause pink eye-like symptoms.

Temporarily puffy eyes? Nooooooooo!

Just to make sure we hit all the components of the classic teen scare story, let's throw in some social media fearmongering, shall we?

Social Media Helping Teens Get High Off Burt's Bees Lip Balm: 'Beezin' Trend Can Cause Pink Eye-Like Symptoms [VIDEO]

There's no way on god's earth the [VIDEO] mentioned in that hed was produced sincerely (if you watch to the end, the makers actually note that it's a parody), but that has not stopped news outlets from linking to this masterpiece with sincere alarm:

Comments

[Citizen Nothing]

They're just trolling us now.

[Episiarch]

Now that weed is legal in two states, they have to get extra retarded about the teen drug scare stories.

Serious question for any journalists (I'm looking at you, CN): do you have a "how to be a fucking retard 101" class in J-school? Because you must, right?

[Pope Jimbo]

Huh? Why are you calling out Cartoon Network?

[Plopper]

Huh? Why are you calling out Cartoon Network?

Was wondering that myself.

[Somalian Road Corporation]

I dated a journalism student in college. She and her fellow j-school friends were very interested in fighting for causes despite having very little comprehension of the finer points regarding said causes. Had a very similar experience years later with somebody who worked for the local free newsweekly.

So glad the Internet is making life hard for legacy media and the false pretense of "journalistic objectivity".

[Episiarch]

That was sort of my point. What is it about J-school that attracts the stupidest people imaginable?

[Almanian!]

They couldn't cut the demands of being an Education major?

[DFG]

No, Theater major. It's too hard to memorize all those lines otherwise they would have gone into acting. So instead they go into a field where you get to be on TV and your lines (written by someone else in most cases) are fed to you through a teleprompter.

I started out writing those lines at a top 20 market CBS affiliate (taking a pay cut from having been a bartender) and handed my scripts off the teleprompter operator so that the pretty blonde woman could read my $5 a hour words for about $200,000 a year. She was a former Miss Texas who didn't understand half of what she read, but she read it quite convincingly.

[DFG]

Gah. "...TO the teleprompter operator..." Maybe that's why I didn't last.

[Pope Jimbo]

For me personally? It was the swarms of hot bubbleheads who wanted to be a news reader, but had to go to J-school before they would put them on air.

Ripe pickings.

[Mad Scientist]

I knew a number of journalism students in college and for the most part they're starry-eyed "let's change the world" proselytizers who know know they'd never make in politics because they're just too damn edgy to shake hands and kiss babies all day. Journalism gives them a venue to harangue people while "doing something important" and "making a difference" without ever having to do either of those things. They get to feel educated, smarter-than-you, in on all the big secrets and salacious gossip before everyone else, and they have every assurance they're swimming against the stream/truthing to power/fighting the man without having to think through any of the positions they hold. It's the perfect gig for the the smug douchebag who's good at regurgitating bullshit.

By no means is every journalist like this, obviously, but the bad ones are attracted to the field for all the worst reasons.

[Citizen Nothing]

the bad ones are attracted to the field for all the worst reasons.

Just like cops.

[Erasmus vs. Luther]

I recall the phrase a J-school graduate I'm acquaintances with regard the professors and fellow students of his being guilty of "cognitive distancing"(First time I heard the variation of the original phrase, loved it). They divorce themselves so far from reality that any story open to hysteria becomes a urgent, hot button, issue. Nevermind doing research, if it bleeds, screams, and creams, It's front page news.

[DenverJay]

What I have been preaching for a while now! The local news cast is where a large percentage of voters get their info; they don't watch the nightly network news, and don't have the time/interest to follow the news on the intertoobs. And the local news is done by people who don't have the talent to do real journalism.
So, you end up with the AP feed, which is biased and dumbed-down to start with, "summarized" by people who don't have the capability/desire to report the nuances.
So, you get stories like "the bad Republicans shut down government", or "fracking is causing tap water to light on fire."

[Almanian!]

Yeah, I was the opinion ed of our college paper my sr. year. Two things stick in my mind from my Editor (a "Journalism" major and "True Believer"):

1) Incorrectly "correcting" my correct use of the word "faze" (as in "he was unfazed by this") to "phase", so it looked like I didn't know how to spell, rather than her...and

2) "The important thing is to get a reaction from readers..." Wait...I was thinking all along it was to, first, put forth accurate, factual information, and THEN to get a reaction to the opinion about those facts....no?

Yeah - I still really enjoyed writing, but that just accelerated my mistrust and general disdain for "news" hacks. Especially if they call themselves "journalists". I always referred to the old skool dudes as "newspaper guys" - they liked that 🙂

[Citizen Nothing]

Some (not me, of course) say that J-School is the last refuge for those too dumb to get a degree in "education".

[Citizen Nothing]

Sorry, Epi. I never went to J-School. Some say that explains a lot.

[Episiarch]

That's good to know, CN. That does explain a lot. But it makes it harder for me to rip on you.

[Citizen Nothing]

I went the entrepreneurial route: founded and published my own weekly, ran out of money, became a wage-slave grunt for the city's big daily. A Cinderella story.

[anon]

Serious question for any journalists (I'm looking at you, CN): do you have a "how to be a fucking retard 101" class in J-school? Because you must, right?

Jesus fucking christ Epi, I'm sick of your shit. You do nothing but rag on people for being stupid. If this "journalist" saves just ONE CHILD it's WORTH IT! This brave hero of the American Children should be rewarded with a Pulitzer prize.

Oh wait, I meant the opposite of all that.

[Episiarch]

I'm just projecting.

[You gotta be kidding me]

"do you have a "how to be a fucking retard 101" class in J-school? Because you must, right?"

Journalism attracts students who - mostly - are there because they think they can "make a difference." When they grow old, they leave journalism and go teach it at J-school. Circle of life continues.

The brightests journalists either didn't go to journalism school, or leave for the private sector. What remains are the diehards.

[jesse.in.mb]

Burt's Bees is just a gateway balm. Soon kids will be rubbing Vic's or even Tigerbalm on their eyelids.

Will the madness ever stop?

[Episiarch]

Who told you to put the balm on?!?

[PD Scott]

Somebody set up us the balm.

[Vampire]

Then.....thiS...... might lead to the use of bag balm!!!!!! Oh my effing god!!!!!! Regulate!!!!! War on balm!!!!!

[Trollificus]

Take off every Burt!!

[mikheil]

Kids have been blowing vicks vapor inhalers in each others eyes and faces for a long time--I think since the invention of ecstacy! We called it blowin up, a breath of fresh air, and other things when we were rolling hard. Gas Station all out of vapor inhalers? No problem! Grab some vicks rub and dab some on the bottom of your eyelid! Oh I loved and miss raving some days

[Erasmus vs. Luther]

Bad Boy Bill!!! He never let you forget who he was. DJ Dara, Icey, AK1200, Paul Van Dyke, ect,ect... If you're younger than 30, check thrm out. If older, you know what's up.

[anon]

I really don't believe this is a "thing." I think someone just found out that the dumb fuck you knew in college/high school did it and now it's a "thing."

Everyone knows one of those dumb fucks. They're the people that grow up to be employed by the Federal Government.

[The Other Kevin]

I remember a long time ago hearing about kids snorting pixie stix. Again, there will always be one or two dumb asses who will try anything. But now we have instant news and social media, so those dumb asses get a lot more attention.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

*raises hand*

[Episiarch]

A friend of mine snorted coffee grounds when we were driving up to Smuggler's Notch in Vermont for a ski trip. He got really hyper for a while. It was pretty funny.

[elfprince13]

I had a friend do that too (and I live in Vermont). I feel like there's probably some weirdly short number of hops between our social network graphs.

[jesse.in.mb]

Huh, most of my 4th grade class did that at the same time. It's really not something anyone does twice. Everyone sneezing bright colors, holding their faces and groaning was entertaining though.

It was decidedly worse than the time I snorted a cayenne, salt and garlic mix to humor a holistic medicine practitioner I work with.

[anon]

I remember a long time ago hearing about kids snorting pixie stix.

When I was in school, we heard about that and considered it, but decided we'd just do good ole' fashioned cocaine instead.

I don't remember many specifics, but it sure was fun. And lots of sex.

[Pope Jimbo]

How about the guy who decides to drink the communal spit cup for $X?

That is the guy who is twisted.

[Vince aut Morire]

When I was in HIGH School decades ago my friends and I managed to get a hold of a fairly large container of 100% pure caffeine powder from our chemistry class. We tried snorting that. It would keep you up for hours on just a small bump. I cannot remember what we did with remainder of it. The following years were rather blurry.

[Zeb]

I'm kind of surprised more people don't do that. Caffeine is really cheap and completely unregulated. You can get 250g of pure caffeine in powder form for less than $10.

[Lonely Stalker]

"The LD50 of caffeine in humans is dependent on individual sensitivity, but is estimated to be about 150 to 200 milligrams per kilogram of body mass or roughly 80 to 100 cups of coffee for an average adult."

[Rick O'Shay]

I've met a bunch of military people that will routinely rub Carmex on their eyelids to help them stay awake. So yeah, federal employees.

[Brett L]

My wife left some in my truck. I'm going to go try this at lunch.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You'll just feel a little bit sleepy. Oh, and don't get any in your eyes. You'll regret it.

[Pope Jimbo]

By the way, everyone knows that Altoids are de rigueur for rainbow parties.

[Zeb]

I prefer ice cubes.

[Free Society]

The time has come; BAN LIP BALM, for the childenz

[Ken Shultz]

It's always funny until some kid with tingly eyelids goes and shoots up a school.

Isn't it obvious?! "Beezin" means we need to ban assault weapons before it's too late.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

This is a trick to help you fall asleep. A little bit of carmex on the eyelids makes them feel heavy.

[jesse.in.mb]

Carmex has a lot of salicylic acid in it to dry out cold sores. Why would you want to give your eyelids a mini chem-peel?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I never endorsed the idea. It's just been around for a long time. And it won't get you buzzed at all.

[The Late P Brooks]

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

[Andrew S.]

Burt's Bees lip balm killed my father. And raped my mother. IT MUST BE BANNED.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What does a guy have to do to get a hat tip around this place?

I sent this in yesterday at 9:07 MDT.

I want my first goddamned h/t!

[anon]

I'm betting it involves blowjobs. And I don't mean on the receiving end.

[Plopper]

It's because MDT is a terrible timezone.

[jesse.in.mb]

Did you sacrifice one blemishless goat or 6 blemishless doves?

You should really read the Hat Tip FAQ.

[Pope Jimbo]

No goat is entirely blameless. They were all asking for it.

[Almanian!]

So you're saying none of the goats can scape their fate?

*smacks self in the face for writing that*

[GILMORE]

Also, you need to use real cedar briquettes for the Goat Pyre = "MatchLight" is bullshit.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Shit! Only offed 5 doves. That's the problem.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Did you get a reply?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

NO!

They used to have an email address for suggestions at the bottom of AM/PM links. Then they stopped. When I'd send to those, I always got a reply.

Now I've been using '[e-mail]' and I get doodly squat.

Am I fucking up?

[Almanian!]

Two words - Skwerl Tribute.....

*gives knowing nod*

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I think they check the 24/7 email addy.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

If you sent them that exact link, I am prepared to declare that you got robbed.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I sent this one

[Byron]

Snubbed hat tip whiners are the worst...except the cuckolded ones.

[Anomalous]

Mind your own beeswax.

[GILMORE]

Ppptt. As usual, the Mainstream Media is years behind the curve. "Beezin" was popularized by underground Eskimo rap group, Seal Killaz almost a decade ago, in their hit song, "Pimpin Igloo Dubz" The Anchorage area scene started Beezin' after the British Columbian Weed Crisis of 2003; the temporary shortage of primo indica lead Alaskan youth to pursue other means of self-stimulation, and consequently the lip-balm-eyeball craze spread all down the Pacific Northwest coast. The notion that this trend is exclusive 'Burts Bees' lip balm is absurd as well = there's whole subcultures devoted to 'Tex'n' (Blistex) and 'Carm'lizing' (Carmex) use as well. God, the thing is deader than Purple Drank at this point, and NOW they're going to have a scare about it?? Fuck that noise. (Snorts some crushed smarties)

[Almanian!]

*applauds*

No wonder they love you on "Independents"

[EDG reppin' LBC]

As someone who has worked in drug and alcohol counseling, I am a bit of an expert in the field. And I can tell you that Beezin' is real and destroys lives. Sure, maybe some kids can handle it, but the majority will become addicted. If that means we need to incarcerate teenagers to keep them from harming themselves, so be it. Some people simply can't handle freedom.

Have a great Friday, Reasonoids!

[Episiarch]

Tulpa, is that you sockpuppeting again?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Textbook Rollo.

[lavaman]

I actually don't doubt this is a real thing, most likely coincident with MDMA consumption. 20 years ago, kids were blowing vicks inhalers in each others eyes at raves and, as another commenter joked, actually put vaporub on their eyelids and in their noses. Don't be too quick to dismiss this as a joke.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Tulpa?

[GILMORE]

You should try some BenGay on your ball-sack.

Now THAT"s a party. Seriously. The dance that goes with it is even better. Its what started DUBSTEP

[anon]

It's even better if you do it right after you shave your balls!

[GILMORE]

Someone did this intentionally
*(because EVERYTHING is on YouTube, somewhere)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZV1MzOkrFHo

This guy lasted a few minutes before he stripped screaming into the showers. I don't think the shower helps. There's a part 2 but i'm not watching it.

[anon]

Did he shave his balls first?

[jesse.in.mb]

How's it feeling Dan?

Like *hits falsetto* fiiiiree.

[GILMORE]

I now note = about 20 people have made videos of putting Ben Gay on their balls on YouTube.

Its craze among teens now!! Its called GAYBALLIN!!

SEE THE DANCE

http://youtubedoubler.com/?vid.....snoopsagan

[GILMORE]

By the way? You HAVE to click that link, and mute the BenGay part.

It has Carl Sagan reading while the guys balls are being burned off. Its pretty deep stuff.

[Trollificus]

"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that our balls have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this...medicated balm."

Sagan, balls, the vast and impersonal universe, Ben Gay... It's like a promotion for the best uses of YouTube Doubler.

[GILMORE]

I , GILMORE made that. And it was a joke. But i see it now, and i see truth.

Holy shit that is funny.

[Zeb]

The shower doesn't help, I can tell you.

[jesse.in.mb]

A friend of mine and his twin at some point in their youth got into a naked BenGay fight. Apparently trying to shower it off is exactly the wrong response.

[dinkster]

You guys never had poison oak on your sack.

[Carnival]

Nah, people do that. You inhale Vicks while on MDMA.
According to my friends, it feels amazing. I personally could never handle the ecstasy crash, so I've never given it a try.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

I just think we should make fun of whoever wrote this for obviously having no fucking clue what it actually means to get high. Because there ain't no way putting some peppermint oil on your eyelids is getting anyone high.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

I mean because if that's high than I have an even bigger Salonpas problem than I thought.

[Dr Fallout]

Two words: Vic's and scrotum.

You can thank me later.

[GILMORE]

You're late to the GAYBALLIN" party.

'Vicksballin' is bullshit. NW BC in the house mthrfkr! B.G. Down Low baby!

[Dr Fallout]

ah, dammit.

[Zeb]

It's just not the same without the camphor and salicylate.

[Warfario]

Hahaha. I actually discovered years ago that Carmex is great for stopping stys. Didn't know I was getting high at the same time!

[mapooler]

This is definitely the most stupid case of a placebo effect I've ever seen children convince themselves is real. I went through a period in the winter where the skin around my eyes and on my eyelids was red, irritated, and peeling. Sometimes I'd put vaseline, but other times I'd put some burts beeswax because it would work more to cool the skin that would otherwise be burning. I never experienced any sort of side effect of any kind to make me even think that I was getting high. All I got was a cooling sensation and relief. This is just so ridiculous.

[Zeb]

I would bet that someone saw or heard of some kids doing this for some reason (possibly while doing some other drugs) and just went from there in their imagination.

[Matthew Cline]

Next up: a report on how over 90% of teenagers are addicted to dihydrogen monoxide.

[BoscoH]

This has nothing on rolling Icy Hot on a few sheets of toilet paper.

[thorax232]

That article... haha!

[Trollificus]

The comments!! It's one thing for local newstards to promote something this stupid...but the comments!!

"They wouldn't have lasted long on the Oregon Trail."

"I pray for our youth."

and

"It's almost like civilization collapsing would be a good thing." Because, you know, pink eye-like symptoms.

[C. S. P. Schofield]

It used to be that anyone literare enough to have read Twain or Mencken knew that mefia Crusades were mostly bushwa. It used to be that people chose their newspaper according to its (tacitly acknowledged) political bias. Whoever started the myth that an unbiased news media was even POSSIBLE has much to answer for.

A reporter is a buttinski who has horswoggled somebody into publishing his drivel. A great reporter is one who can make their views and opinions consistently entertaining.

Mencken and Twain were great reporters. Not unbiased. Certainly not above manufacturing a story. But great.

[Paul Spomer]

Wait, what? I guaranteee you no one is doing this. Though kids are probably doing it now, now that they've seen it on the news.

[ibcbet]

Grab some vicks rub and dab some on the bottom of your eyelid! Oh I loved and miss raving some days

[sgtipster]

Some people simply can't handle freedom.

[duanedonecker]

Here is the point about this "Beezin" it's not that it in itself is that dangerous, the point is that teens are doing it and it could be used by parents as a possible sign of drug or alcohol abuse by their kids. No one is saying that they get high off the lip balm, or if it even increases the effects of drug or alcohol, its just something that parents need to be aware of.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

From the Tundra, always quick with the Replacements reference. Well done, sir.

[anon]

I lied to the SO about washing my hands after eating some really hot wings.

Man, I'll never lie about that again.

[dinkster]

no other show is brave enough to feature a rainbow unicorn that speaks korean