Obamacare

AWESOME NEW OBAMACARE SITE SHOWS THE WHITE HOUSE REALLY "GETS" MILLENIALS

No, I'm not a narc. Why do you ask?

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HEY GUYS I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GONNA SIGN UP FOR HEALTH INSURANCE BUT THEN I SAW THE OBAMACARE PEOPLE HAD THIS AMAZING SITE. IT'S BASED ON MARCH MADNESS AND I LOVE MARCH MADNESS.

WE EVEN GET TO VOTE, LIKE ON AMERICAN IDOL.

BUT INSTEAD OF NCAA BRACKETS, WE VOTE FOR OUR FAVORITE GIFS. THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT OBAMA, HE TOTALLY "GETS" MY GENERATION. WE LOVE GIFS! WE READ GIFS ON THE BUZZFEED, IT'S TOTALLY FULL OF GIFS. HERE'S ONE OF THE GIFS WE CAN VOTE FOR, IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS WHY WE SHOULD GET INSURANCE:

IT'S TRUE LOL

YOLO! KIDS LIKE ME SAY YOLO ALL THE TIME. AND THERE'S A HASHTAG, TOO! IT'S #GETCOVEREDNOW. WOW. HASHTAGS ARE AWESOME, LIKE GIFS. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF THEIR GIFS. IT'S A SORT OF A BLINGIE THINGIE AND IT'S GOT A CAT. I LOVE LOOKING AT CATS ON THE INTERNET, IT'S SORT OF "MY THING."

HANG IN THERE, BABY!

WELL ANYWAY I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THIS SITE, IT'S GREAT. I SWEAR I AM A REAL YOUTH OF TODAY JUST LIKE YOU. MAYBE YOU COULD "TEXT" SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS TO TELL THEM ABOUT IT? AND WHILE YOU'RE ONLINE, YOU SHOULD #GETCOVEREDNOW. HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

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  1. Ouch, my eyeholes, it burns!!

    1. Not just a little wut.. ALL of my wut

      1. This wins ALL THE WUTS.

  2. These people all need to be violently re-programmed.

    And then shot into space.

    1. haha, cant we just do the latter?

      1. No. They need to understand why they are being shot into space.

        1. just get rid of them

  3. You mock, but this bullshit got him re-elected.

    1. Indeed. It pains me to recognize that these “hey-you-guys” tactics work on people who actually vote.

    2. What got him re-elected was hsi complete dominance of the coveted “dead” demographic. He carried close to 150% of the dead vote, and almost as much of the “brain dead” vote.

      1. Cartoon character voters, however, were way down second time around at a piddly 117% of the US cartoon population giving the President their vote.

    3. The GOP’s inability to field a candidate that could credibly stand and debate Obamacare was the reason he won. ACA should have been the #1 issue but it was made moot with the nomination of Mittens.

  4. CALM DOWN MAN

    BLINGEEE!!!

  5. Alright, you guys can close the site now. Nothing is ever gonna top this post.

    1. Indeed –

      Here lies a Servant of the Swiss
      Slain by laughter – 2014
      RIP

    2. I used to get emails that sounded just like this from a Nigerian Prince.

      If I wasn’t so quick to hit the delete button, I could be rich right now.

      Maybe I’ll “get covered now”… Nahhh…

  6. My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

    1. “Real Acid!?”

    2. +1 McBain

  7. I love you, Jesse.

  8. If Patrick Henry were alive today, he’d say, “Fuck you, you clowns; you’re on your own.”

    1. You know what Washington would say if he were alive today?

      GET ME OUT OF THIS #$%*ING TOMB!

      1. HIYO!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        /Ed McMahon


    2. The Late P Brooks|3.17.14 @ 2:16PM|#

      “If Patrick Henry were alive today…”

      I think you got the quote wrong.

      It would be,

      “Ok, fine: Death, then.”

  9. Somebody needs another drink

  10. I am curious what the editing process for a post like this is.

    That’s not to say I don’t enjoy it.

    1. “editing” lol. Everyone one of their writers carries “editor” of some sort in their duty title, yet they are in need of proofreaders. I thought duty titles were inflated in my line of work…

  11. Ah yes, that’s exactly how to make a good gif. Use the ability to show changes in an image to…. show text which doesn’t change and just moves around a bit.

    1. I’m disappointed in the lack of blink tags.

      1. Don’t worry. It’s blinking. Your eyes are just perfectly in phase with the blinks.

        1. Have you ever seen what the web looked like back in the early 90s?

          1. My first foyer into the web from home was like like 97 or 98. I had been on from school a couple times before that, but probably not enough earlier to be “early” 90s. Though I did get pointed to this atrocity yesterday, for somewhat of a flashback.

            1. That’s like high tech compared to what they originally were doing. Just imagine a world where HTML was pretty much your only web tool.

          2. Have you ever seen what the web looked like back in the early 90s?

            I was just wondering if the web is doomed to the same cyclical fate as fashion and music?

          3. HA! Dial up modem and America On-Line. Man I’m glad those days are gone.

            In those days, the more flash the better, I guess.

            1. Prodigy for the win.

              1. COMPUSERVE, Bitch!

    2. Fuck GIFs substituting for video.

      That is all.

      1. I’ll take GIFs over video any day of the week. Video is almost always superfluous.

  12. Fucking Millennials. They did this.

    1. I was my hand of this crap.

      1. EDIT BUTTON wash.

  13. “I SWEAR I AM A REAL YOUTH OF TODAY JUST LIKE YOU.”

    Pajama Boy, is that you?

    1. Youth of Today: Break Down the Walls

      1. I have that split LP with BOLD.

  14. could the administration be any more openly contemptuous of the people whose votes made its election possible?

    1. Keep an eye out for P.M. links…I’m sure there will be something new for you there contempt wise this afternoon!

    2. Contemptuous implies intent.

      I think both supporters and supported are so absent of any real understanding of each other that ascribing intent assigns undue credit.

      The zombies voted for him and he’s spent most of his administration figuring out how to keep the zombies fed without getting the party’s collective heads cracked open and brains scooped out.

      1. he’s a bit late on the last part. Having brains scooped out is a pre-requisite for membership.

      2. clever analogy

        1. I can’t take full credit; The Onion had it called shortly after the election;

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3_95F5e-Ac

          So if someone would have come up with a catch phrase as simple and vague as “Yes we can”…- Oh, awful. They would have an entire army of extremely engergetic, insufferably annoying mindless pawns at their command.

  15. I signed up at Healthcare.gov and I’m going to save $2300 a year on my premium alone ? and more, because my deductible will drop from $7500 year to $3000 year. It’s still Blue Cross insurance, and I don’t have to change doctors either. I had a choice of over 30 plans and several different companies.

    LUCY from Texas

    That turncoat bitch.

    1. OUR Lucy’s not from Texas…

      *sniffs, turns up nose*

    2. I love that they are using blatant lies about the costs to sell this piece of shit.

      In a just world every dem that voted for it would be found choking on one of the thousands of pages.

    3. Ima need to see something more than LUCY’s word for it.

  16. Somehow I think the robot in This Video must have been programmed to be a progressive.

    1. The opening of this video reminds me of Warty’s basement.

      1. wait, you’ve been there and got out alive?

        1. Warty sometimes invites colleagues over and watches them work. He draws some amazing new ideas from that.

        2. Warty only kills and eats you if he likes you. It’s a far greater punishment to let you live.

          1. Yeah…lets you “live”.

            “live” while haunted by things that would have had H.P. Lovecraft run screaming from the room.

  17. A fabulous prize to anyone who gets their own #GetCovered story published on the site.

  18. I like the pliant white kitten. What a poser.

  19. We are not the target audience for this. The target audience is some amalgamation of the stupid-enough-to-be-impressed-by-this, the racist-enough-to-be-impressed that-a-black-guy-did-this, the clueless-enough-to-ignore-this and the hardline Obama cultists to make a 50.1% poll advantage supporting 0-Care. Once that is accomplished, President Soundbite will be able to dismiss any further opposition with “mandate, settled law, bitter clingers” and go back to Versailles to party with movie stars, most of whom apparently fall into one of the target demos.

    1. The clearest sign that we’re not the target audience is that we’re still capable of skepticism.

  20. I have a vague memory of something referred to as “the dignity of the presidency”

    I think that show was called the West Wing.

    1. I think that people used to just pretend that such a thing existed.

    2. If only the citizenry of this country were fortunate enough to have two honorable men like Santos and Vinick vying for their votes. When’s the last time you saw a politician allow themselves to be represented by Jimmy Smits, let alone Alan Alda, in a live debate?

  21. somehow I’m reminded of this The Young Ones skit Nozin’ Aroun’
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo9_aBj1Z84

    1. Best TV ever!

  22. One of those gifs is just another example of the government failing to follow their own laws: In the United States, burning banknotes is prohibited under 18 U.S.C. ? 333: Mutilation of national bank obligations, which includes “any other thing” that renders a note “unfit to be reissued”.

    1. I’ll forgive it since that gif is the sole piece of truth on the whole site.

    2. Those laws are for little people.

    3. Those might not be real Federal Reserve Notes.

    4. Can’t they… you know… just print more?

    5. It’s a special effect. It’s done with mirrors…and smoke…kinda like o-care

  23. Damn you, Walker, you resilient bastard!

    /Cliffhanger

    This is some of your best work. Bravo! Bravo!

  24. And they could only come up with 16 reasons. What half-assed condescension.

    1. They also left out:
      Pay for Old and Sick
      Obamacare is expensive, like, really expensive. If young healthy people don’t pay into the system, there is no way it is sustainable. Do you want old grandma, who receives money from the ponzi scheme you are forced to pay into, to go without her pills because you are too selfish to give up much more money than she ever had to when she was your age? I didn’t think so.

      P.S. It’s a mandate mother fucker!

  25. My favorite part of getting old is being able to bitch about how stupid the fucking kids these days are. Holy shit, the kids these days are fucking stupid.

    As far as the dumass animated gifs are concerned, this is obviously the best. What a tacky whore.

    1. I don’t know if it’s the kids that are stupid, so much as it’s the adults, who think the kids are that stupid.

      These ads don’t tell you what kids think. They tell you what the Obama administration thinks they think.

      1. Although. They did vote vote him. So may that accounts for his apparent impressions of their intellect.

        1. A plurality of “millenials” didn’t vote at all and a strong majority either didn’t vote or voted for someone else.

      2. the administration thinks the kids are stupid and for good reason. Most of the kids voted for the administration.

        “You fucked up; you trusted us.”

      3. It really doesn’t matter if they are that stupid or not. It’s still fun to have your chance to bitch about how stupid kids are these days. It’s the natural order of things.

      4. I don’t know: I’ve seen the hipsters voluntarily plugging all things Obama– Lena Dunham, the National, Pajama Boy, ad nauseam — and I’m going with “stupid.”

    2. What a tacky whore.

      Yeah, holding up a mini basketball goal for the President’s wife to dunk on is about as whorish as it gets.

    3. I thought you meant her and then I saw who was holding the backboard.

  26. healthcare.gov has an alt-text deficit

  27. It’s interesting how they think that lots of advertising will convince young people that they aren’t really spending $140 a month they wouldn’t otherwise be spending.

  28. In other news, sleazy shitbag Jim Irsay was busted for drunk driving and possession of controlled substances.

    Suck it, you parasite.

  29. ObamaCare is a tax on the retarded people who voted for Obama. Any millenial who signs up for this shit deserves to get ripped off for health insurance.

  30. Isn’t buying insurance kind of the opposite of YOLO?

    1. Whoa! Isn’t YOYO kinda the opposite of YOLO too?

      Trippy.

      1. Whoa dude, yur makin me loose my mind here. well haterz gonna hate. Suck it fools it’s the law!

      1. What the fuck is a “YOLO”?

        1. You Only Live Once

          …which we’ll all be very thankful for by the time our overlords are finished rearranging society to their liking.

    2. Its funny that kidz these dayz seem to think YOLO is a good reason to do all kinds of stupid shit.

      Whereas, to me, YOLO is a good reason not to do stupid shit. Because this isn’t a video game and you don’t get do-overs.

  31. This post made a fatal error

    ” AND WHILE YOU’RE ONLINE”

    tut tut.

    …you see, NO REAL MILLENIAL uses apostrophes appropriately on the internet. it should read “WHILE YOUR ONLINE”, because if you’re the type of person who bothers to get it right the first time? then:

    “LOL whatever dudes its like healthcare should be free dont be stupid”

    1. Or possibly “WHILE UR ONLINE”

  32. What that site needs is a hacker attack where obamacare mockers put insidious alt-text on each GIF.

    OR – just spam the link to every single person on Facebook, under the heading of, “This is how stupid the president thinks you are”

    1. I am seriously considering doing this.

    2. Another thing I note is the similarity to the famous Got Insurance? ads in Colorado, that seemed to make fun of the people they were trying to sell insurance too.

      The problem for the people hocking these overpriced plans is that they have to convince young adults that it’s actually worth the price. But the only way it is ACTUALLY worth the price (in terms of your real probability of using it) is if you ACTUALLY behave like the drunken morons in the ads.

      Another way of putting this is that the supporters of ObamaCare are FORCED to actually sell young people on the idea that they OUGHT to be free to act like utter morons because that is the only way that paying for insurance at these prices would actually be worth it.

      But of course, the irony is that if kids actually DID use the insurance they they couldn’t be used as milch cows to subsidize other people’s health insurance.

      So the backers of the ACA are stuck in this position where they essentially have to portray the people they are selling insurance to as far stupider than they realistically are.
      Which is really a terrible way to sell a product. “Hey, your a fucking moron who is likely to get drunk and fall off a balcony! You should buy insurance!” (While secretly counting on the fact that said person ISN’T a drunken moron, but is stupid enough to think that they are.)

      1. “Hey, your a fucking moron who is likely to get drunk and fall off a balcony! You should buy insurance!” (While secretly counting on the fact that said person ISN’T a drunken moron, but is stupid enough to think that they are.)

        This is actually a pretty nice summation of the whole thing.

  33. I dunno, that panda is pretty darn cute. And I can watch that panda gif over and over and over for the small price of mortgaging my future on a misconceived socialist health care system? What a bargain…!

  34. So ironic, yet so genuine.

  35. Why does this administration insist on insulting my generation at every opportunity?

    And why does my generation bend so happy about it?

  36. This administration understands millennials as well as Tulpa understands economics.

    zingggg!

    1. If they raise the price of a McRib by a nickel, and I still buy it, that means that demand for McRibs is inelastic.

      \Tulpa

      1. I think it’s more likely that he would argue that it has inverse elasticity.

        Sort of like a Stockholm syndrome for economics.

        Maybe I just thought of the next great economic concept!

  37. Actually the funny thing here is they probably do understand how the average millennial FEELZ, what they don’t understand is millennia’s don’t actually have the cash to fork over for the premiums even if they wanted to. Sure most of them probably can afford the policy if they cut every last bit of discretionary spending out of their budgets but there aren’t very many 25 year olds running around out there with an extra $150 – $200 a month in disposable income

    1. No way they’re giving up their smartphone with massive data plan for health insurance they don’t really need.

    2. Of course, ObamaCare supporters like to promote the fact that subsidies will reduce the price for a lot of young adults to less than $100 a month. (Which is still a significant number, eeven in my budget).

      But the thing is, if young people are supposed to be subsidizing the rest of use, then you DON’T want them being heavily subsidized. The whole reason to get young people into the market is to help offset the price of OTHER people’s insurance premiums. If we’re just going to give them subsidies too, why not cut out the middle man and give the subsidies directly to the old and the sick? Why even have the individual mandate? Why have this complicated jury-rigged system if you’re not ultimately going to follow through on your plan to mooch cash off of the younger generations?

      1. But without a web of subsidies, how do you prove a market failure?

      2. More importantly, if Grandma’s oxybutynin costs $30 a pill, how does collecting $30 from anyone suddenly make it $25 a pill?

        Because misdirection… Ponzi Scheme… FYTW.

  38. Sounds like a pretty solid plan dude.

    http://www.Anon-Works.com

  39. Needs more Poochie The Dog.

    He’s edgy.

    1. HAHAHA

  40. Just one more PR campaign, and it’s over the top! I promise, boss! This one’ll knock ’em dead!
    Where’s Jack and Ace? He swears it’s all sales. The Edsel? Just not sold well, that’s all. Communism? Bad PR, nothing else!

    1. That’s not very far off from what they actually think. Look at the way they talk about the free market.

      “You can’t have an unregulated market, because slick ad agencies will convince people to buy poison sandwiches and exploding cars.”

      OTOH those same ad agencies helped put their sorry asses in office, so they do have some ability.

      1. “OTOH those same ad agencies helped put their sorry asses in office, so they do have some ability.”

        True enough, but it was a battle of midgets and one of them one.
        I think the only success for the ad agencies was keeping the participation rate in double digits.

  41. If this doesn’t work, we’ve got big problems with a death spiral. If this does work, we’ve got even bigger problems with a whole generation.

  42. YEAH MAN! THE GOVERNMENT MAKES A STUPID VIDEO MEANS WE SHOULD GO BANKRUPT WHEN OUR SHITTY PRIVATE INSURANCE COMPANY REFUSES TO PAY FOR MEDICAL INSURANCE. I’VE NEVER SEEN A SHITTY COMMERCIAL FROM A PRIVATE COMPANY BEFORE.

    1. american socialist|3.17.14 @ 4:30PM|#
      “YEAH MAN! THE GOVERNMENT MAKES A STUPID VIDEO MEANS WE SHOULD GO BANKRUPT WHEN OUR SHITTY PRIVATE INSURANCE COMPANY REFUSES TO PAY FOR MEDICAL INSURANCE. I’VE NEVER SEEN A SHITTY COMMERCIAL FROM A PRIVATE COMPANY BEFORE.”

      You idjit; no private company fines you if you don’t buy their shitty insurance policy.
      Fucking asshole lefty…

    2. american socialist|3.17.14 @ 4:30PM|#

      THAT will show those people trying to mock progressives!

      1. “THAT will show those people trying to mock progressives!”

        Why bother when he does it himself?

  43. Maybe they want to cyber…

  44. As a millenial, I find this deeply insulting.

    1. “LOL man your joking healthcares a right also corporations arent people duh”

      – sorry, I just felt compelled to remind you *why* the administration treats your generation like idiots.

      1. Every generation has an abundance of idiots, look at the man in the White House.

        I think millineals could end up being a great generation. Many people of us are getting fed up with the bullshit the government is putting on our shoulders. With the internet it’s harder for the feds to hide behind their television and print media supporters.

        1. “Many people of us”

          I’m the winner.

        2. “I think millineals could end up being a great generation”

          Oh.

          You need to read this then =

          http://www.theawl.com/2014/03/…..ista-class

          Now, imagine “Red Dawn”, where suddenly communists fall from the sky to enslave them all.

          Generation Y would make them *coffee*

          1. I do know some pretty incredible hipsters.

            “they got together with their boyfriends?many of whom worked at a Starbucks across town?and made cocktails out of Starbucks-branded coffee liqueur.”

            Oh God, shoot me now…

            1. One reader’s comment:

              This article is an entirely too long piece on what, exactly? Having a job? 28 hours a week or so is NOT a job; It’s a hobby. And good writing tends to get to the point a lot sooner. What was the point? I lost it about three paragraphs in…

              1. I can’t believe this website is real and that these people are real and that these people really voted for the asshole who’s making my taxes go up by another 3 or 4 thousand dollars a year:

                I mean, I like teaching, and I particularly like teaching creative writing because there’s no real end-game or (as far as I’m concerned) entrenched pedagogy?one of my favorite jobs ever was teaching poetry to third-graders in Houston, because we just played around and mapped out Fugees songs and they wrote better stuff than I do now. And I take the job seriously, and I am the beneficiary of a lot of absolutely killer workshops, and I place a lot of value on a Real Talk classroom where students can discuss what we love without anyone getting precious or fussy about it.

                http://www.theawl.com/2014/03/…..nist-harpy

  45. All Your Votes
    Are Belong to Us.

  46. Whew, I was worried that Steve Buscemi was somehow involved with healthcare.gov. Fucking FB previews…

  47. YOU THE MILLENIAL NOW DOG

  48. For me, what gave away that the person writing this was not a millennial was “WHILE YOU’RE ONLINE”.

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