The Independents

Midnight on The Independents: Judge Napolitano, John Stossel, Peter Suderman, and TV's Andy Levy Talk Executive Power, Obamacare, Economic Freedom, E-Cigs, and More!


Finally! |||

Tonight when the gong strikes 12 in the east, your latest episode of The Independents will roll off the Fox Business Network factory shelves. (As in last night and also this coming Friday, the usual 9 pm hour is pre-empted by live coverage of the Barrett-Jackson car auction.) This installment is jam-packed with hot libertarian action, including:

* Andrew Napolitano talking about the National Security Agency, America's recently reaffirmed internal checkpoints, President Barack Obama's fondness for executive power, and the tension between Obamacare's contraception mandate and nuns.

* John Stossel previewing his Thursday night documentary about the regulatory war on the little guy, and how stuff like that is causing the U.S. to slip in global indices of economic freedom.

Handsome laddie. |||

* Beloved Reason Senior Editor Peter Suderman discussing the latest Obamacare setback, and also what this week's appeals court ruling means for Net Neutrality.

* TV's Andy Levy on the bitchy letter sent by several senators to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association about the use of e-cigarettes on the Golden Globes broadcast; plus the Los Angeles City Council's latest brilliant idea for a $15 hotel-worker-only minimum wage, and Beyonce's flawed gender stats.

In addition to these topics there will likely be devil babies, Francois Hollande's First Lady coin-toss, shark stunts gone horribly wrong, and more. As always, join the heckling both in the comments to this thread, and on Twitter at @IndependentsFBN.

NEXT: More Obamacare Regulations to Come in 2014

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  1. Ovechkin-Crosby at 8, Independents at 12. Life is good.

    1. What about those of us who are sick and tired of NBC showing the same few teams over and over and over?

      1. It’s as if the Habs (da greatest team in da world), Blues, Ducks, Avalanche etc. don’t exist.

        1. At least the Devils beat the Habs last night. 🙂

          And heaven knows NBC and the league hate the Devils. Why do you think the 29 Boring Teams instituted the Marty Brodeur Memorial Trapezoid, other than to keep him from handling the puck so much?

          1. When they came up with the trapezoid, I bet a friend of mine $10 that they’d kill the rule as soon as Brodeur retires. I still think that’s going to happen.

            1. Pat Burns should be in the Hall of Fame, too.

              1. Amen.

          2. Fine eliminate the trapezoid, but the goalie is subject to body checking without penalty when he ventures behind the goal line.

      2. It’s historic to see these two together. Like when I used to see Bobby Hull and Gordie Howe on Hockey Night in Canada when I was a kid. Enjoy it and feel honored.

        1. Martin Brodeur is historic, yet the Devils don’t get the national TV love Pittsurgh does.

          1. The Devils of the 90s and early 2000s certainly don’t get the credit they deserved. They were awesome.

            Hull and Howe. Wicked. I grew up with Lafleur, Gretzky, and Lemieux. Just missed Orr.

            1. Saw Orr’s flying goal in Game 7 (on TV), too. Enjoyed the Broad St Bullies w Bobby Clarke. Don’t follow it as much today – too many teams, games, playoff qualifiers. Stanley Cup Semis and finals still great.

              NHL games were rare on TV in the 60s. My Dad installed a special rotating antenna on our roof to pick up the games from London Ont across Lake Erie.

              Gretzky was the best. Crushed the record book. Ruthian.

            2. I was (and am,I suppose, all I follow hockey much less these days) a huge Devils fan in the 90s. They were indeed awesome, but the Trap didn’t really allow for much of a highlight reel.

          2. There’s not a lot of NHL games on Wednesday nights. I don’t know why NBC picks Wednesday to feature a game. Most games are on Thursday and Saturday.

    2. Ovechkin is sick at 33 goals. Hope Crosby stays healthy this year – dude should have a couple more Art Ross trophies under his belt.

  2. the Barrett-Jackson car auction

    With all due respect, WTF?

    1. It is an auction of mostly cars. Fast talking guy with a gavel, the whole deal, except it is cool stuff rather than what you see on Antiques Roadshow.

    2. Very high-end collector cars.

    3. FBN taking one for the corporate team.

  3. Quit effing with my DVR!


  5. Kristen Stewart to star in ‘romantic’ adaptation of ‘1984’

    The 23-year-old actress has signed on to star opposite Nicholas Hoult in the upcoming futuristic love story Equals. In a recent interview with The Associated Press, Stewart explains why she’s nervous to take on the part.

    “I can’t believe I agreed to do it,” Stewart told The Associated Press on Monday, Jan. 14. “I’m terrified of it. Though it’s a movie with a really basic concept, it’s overtly ambitious.”

    “It’s a love story of epic, epic, epic proportion,” she added. “I’m scared.”

    Equals is an adaptation of the 1956 film 1984, which itself was based on George Orwell’s classic novel about rebellion in a futuristic society. The project begins filming later this year with director Drake Doremus, who also directed Lawrence, 23, in 2011’s Like Crazy.

    Nothing says romance like a boot stamping on a human face forever.

    1. Nothing says romance ’90s German porn like a boot stamping on a human face forever.

    2. WTF. Its not a love story you ditzy bint. Hell the leads sell each other down the river at the end to save themselves.

      They *never* loved each other, were just using each other to fulfill their own needs.

      1. It is a love story: Winston Smith learns how to love Big Brother.

        1. Hmm, hadn’t thought about that – maybe it’ll be an allegory on how to learn to love Obama.

      2. star opposite Nicholas Hoult

        Seriously? Winston is in his late 30’s at a minimum.

        1. Yeah, but how can you trick get the tweener crowd to go see 1984 without giving them hot twenty-somethings to look at?

          By the way, it isn’t even called 1984 anymore. I have a feeling this is going to be an adaptation of 1984 in the same way that Twilight was an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.

          1. Yeah, I’m envisioning a love story with a distopian backdrop and a happy ending.

            1. So it’s “1985”?

          2. Oh man, they should *so* call it 1984. And watch the squirming and pissing when these tweeners get to high school and read the original.

            Of course, now we need to start a movement to force that book into the national curricula.

      3. “It was a political act.” That sounds like Kristen Stewart to me alright.

      4. They were in love.

        The story only shows that love will not save you.

      5. She might be right, after all, it is “Equals” not “1984”. Who the hell knows what the screenwriters did to the story.

    3. Normally it takes me until the bullet enter Winston’s head before I want to vomit in my mouth. This version must be extra good, since it gave me that feeling after reading who was in it.

    4. Did you guys know there’s a version of Animal Farm that has a horrible and tacked on happy ending in which the animals overthrow Napoleon? It was also financed by the CIA as a bit of anti-Communist propaganda.

      What is going to be a greater insult to Orwell’s memory: That neutering of Animal Farm or 1984 Equals with Kristen Stewart?

      1. based on George Orwell’s classic 1949 novel about rebellion in a repressed futuristic society.

        This is the greatest insult to Orwell’s memory. It follows two people attempting to rebel but, that’s not what the book is about.

    5. “It’s a love story of epic, epic, epic proportion,” she added. “I’m scared.”

      You should be scared – you can’t emote.

      Cate Blanchett in Hot Fuzz did better work than you’ve ever done and half her face was covered.

      1. Emoting is overrated. I still think she’s hot.

        1. Eh, from the eyes up she’s pretty damn stunning. From there to the bottom of her chin she looks like she broke her face and it didn’t set right.

  6. I know I would consider subscribing to the FOX Business Network if cable went a la carte, but how many other people would? It’s like the MSNBC of the right!

    1. You’d be a badass guest fo this show.

    2. I totally would because then I could watch Stossel.

  7. At least two perfectly good guests wasted on some bullshit west-coast-only episode. You know they’re all fucking hippies out there anyway, right?

    1. Sure, but we’re not all hippies.

      1. Wait, we’re not…

        *puts away patchouli oil and tarot deck*

        1. No, I understand – its how you lure them in, right?

  8. Things are a little slow. Lets get the ball rolling.

    Is consciousness an illusion? Say, you call it one, say you say, ‘consciousness is an illusion’, is that not a negation of any meaning that such a pronouncement you make has? I don’t see how the statement can remain unaffected as a value external to the condition in which it was stated.

    1. Ten minutes, no takers. Blast it. No revenge for that abomination of a thread I waded through last night!

    2. I don’t think consciousness is an illusion, unless something even more basic (like reality) is. I would say that free will is, at least in part, an illusion. Tests have shown that the brain often makes a decision before we think we do: our “reasoning” can be more of an after-the-fact rationalization.

      1. That doesn’t discount that the rationalizations that get measured are merely echoed sentiments of the thoughts that produced them.

        Can free will be distinctly separated in category from consciousness? I pretty much define ‘free will’ as consciousness with direction of purpose. Action being not a necessary condition given monadic being would still be in possession of direction of thought to even be considered conscious.

        1. But I see the distinction you are making here. Awareness often goes beyond what our conscious minds perceive at a given time. To give an example, someone lied to me Monday, it dawned on me that they had lied to me just this afternoon. The interesting thing to me as an observer of my own behavior, I have been taking actions over the past few days to protect myself from that lie. I happened to ask someone a question earlier today that revealed the first party’s lie. There was no other real reason for me to bring up the matter except to confirm it was a lie, yet it was still a surprise to me to find out the truth.

    3. You see that consciousness? Darwinism can’t explain that.

      1. Ah! I forgot the part that really got that discussion going! Yup. Darwin, what the fuck was he thinking?

        1. Hey, consciousness didn’t exist and then it did – you can’t explain that.

          1. Nullity tends to do that. The Texas tower shooter in the 60s had a golf ball size plug of necrotic gray matter in his brain.

            1. I thought using a legal term would be a nice dig at the person arguing against Darwin last night, but now its just looks too clever by half.

    4. Illusion presupposes consciousness. (An illusion to whom?)

      1. How do you know there are not billions of monkeys at their typewriters living inside your brain producing that content like ‘Illusion presupposes consciousness. (An illusion to whom?)’ one letter at a time, and so far they have merely gotten lucky? Your next post may very well be ‘1y1u1ogghabust yggy gyggy jcue!’ because the dice were finally rolled down in a way that no longer advanced the simulation of thought.

        1. Woah! Imagine if there were bilyuns and bilyuns of monkeys inside the heads of *those* monkeys!

          1. No wonder I need to constantly quell this thing with strong drink. I’ve got monkeys up in there!

            1. And those monkey’s heads are filled with crickets.

              And the cricket’s heads are filled with cats.

              1. Wait, no. A cat wouldn’t fit inside a cricket’s head.

            2. It’s monkeys all the way down.

    5. Who cares whether consciousness is illusory if the universe might be holographic?

      1. How literally do we take the ‘reality is a holograph’? The illusion of fluid motion is produced one pixel or voxel turning off and one on the other end of the rendered object turning on at a time to simulate it well enough to fool the eye. Also, you render an image, 2D or 3D, beyond the resolution it is set, you will see the jaggy lines that comprise it at some point. At what point do we see the Universe’s jaggy lines? At what point are we in Minecraft?

        1. If you think if a pixel 1 electron wide, then we already live in this universe. But it’s not so much a jaggy line as a jaggy waveform.

          1. I read of a study measuring cosmic ray blast looking for interpolation as you would expect of a simulation instead of smooth state motion. Wished I could dig it up. Your point was elaborated on.

      2. Don’t you need another universe to contain the hologram?

        Needing a second universe to simulate the first universe seems like something that would not make it past Occum’s razor.

    6. I would agree with this statement if you subscribed to the Simulation Hypothesis, which basically means everything is an illusion.

  9. Love the Obamacare pieces, Mr. Suderman. Keep ’em coming.

  10. Feinstein droned.…

    Which raises the question: if you wanted to assassinate the Prez, how hard would it be to do with a drone?

    1. Which raises the question: if you wanted to assassinate the Prez, how hard would it be to do with a drone?

      Nice try, NSA.

    2. Her ugly scared it out of the sky.

      Oh, and the SS would like to have a word with you.

      1. Which SS would this be?

        1. What, at this point, difference does it make?

    3. Is this because of my ‘Dick Durbin, die in a fire’ song from earlier, NSA?

      I assure you, it is merely the pleasing aesthetics of the lyrical sounds of the words — try them? ‘Die. Die. Die in a fire! Dick. Dick. Dick Durbin! — that I’m advocating here for all to enjoy. I wish no harm on the senator by that name even though he is a puss boil on the ass of America.

    4. Because the camera broke when it got a clear view of her face?

    5. Which raises the question: if you wanted to assassinate the Prez, how hard would it be to do with a drone?

      You know, a small drone with an explosive payload and an internet connection could be quite dangerous.

      I’m pretty sure they don’t do broad-scale jamming (at least in the US).

      On the other hand, I would think the SS is on the look-out for something like this and if spotted would move quickly to whisk him to safety.

      And the bigger the payload (making it harder to escape the blast) means it just gets spotted further out.

    6. Which raises the question: if you wanted to assassinate the Prez, how hard would it be to do with a drone?

      You know, a small drone with an explosive payload and an internet connection could be quite dangerous.

      I’m pretty sure they don’t do broad-scale jamming (at least in the US).

      On the other hand, I would think the SS is on the look-out for something like this and if spotted would move quickly to whisk him to safety.

      And the bigger the payload (making it harder to escape the blast) means it just gets spotted further out.

    7. fucking nine o’clock squirrels.

      Which raises the question: if you wanted to assassinate the Prez, how hard would it be to do with a drone?

      I’m going to briefly summarize my scholarly dissertation on snuffing the pres that the squirrels ate.

      Possible – give it explosives and guide by Wi-Fi through routers while your safely elsewhere.

      SS probably is on the look-out for flying objects and would whisk the man to safety.

      The larger the explosive (to make moving to safety harder) the earlier the drone is spotted, giving the SS more time to react, negating the advantage.

      1. Oh



    8. Just for the sake of Tom Clancey, who did of wonderful job of extrapolating these situations. I’ll venture that would be one of the less effective ways to carry out an assassination in Washington. A railgun built inside of an office building with nothing more that a line of sight on the Oval Office and less than a dozen feet of steel and concrete between it and presidential flesh, now we’re talking about a real danger.

      1. Except it would be Preeeety noticeable, what with all the construction needed to secure it to the floor and the extremely high capacity power supply, along with rewiring the connection to the building to supply the power anyway.

        *I’d* say you’d be better off stealing a handful of anti-armor missiles form some country with loose record keeping and drive-by that sucker.

        1. But, my way is so much more super villiany. I’m more an Ira Goldfinger type than a high tech Van Deiselish thug who would do a drive by with a rocket launcher.

          Set up a real business as the front, and put the construction of the railgun in an annex by the server room. No one will question the extra security and electricity it will need.

          1. It would be pretty spectacular.

            If you’re going super-villainy, try aiming it through a day-care, school, hospital, or old-folks homes.

            1. And of course the name for the front will be

              International Brotherhood for the Assistance of Stateless Persons

  11. http://vizual-statistix.tumblr…..2488930526

    Am I reading this SAT chard right? So-called left-wing states aren’t among the top?

    1. I think the only real conclusion you can take is that the higher the participation rate, the lower the score.

      Which makes sense , because only driven people take it where not required.

      1. The states on the left with really high scores and low participation require ACT or whatever the fuck its called for admission to their state schools so only those trying for admission to “prestige” out of state schools take the SAT.

        1. Yup. That’s why IL is up at the top left. All IL 11th graders must take the ACT. (It’s given as part of the State Achievement test)

          1. KY is the same way

  12. So I have a friend. He’s a nice guy and all, but he works in the law enforcement sphere, and he tends to be very pro-police in everything. He and I have gotten into arguments about this before.

    Anyhoo, in talking about a particular case, another friend mentioned that the state going after somebody was a “witch hunt”. His response was to ask how something could be a witch hunt “If there’s a law on the books that was violated”.

    The law is everything, apparently. If the state says something’s against the law, then dammit, people must be punished!

    1. Your po-po friend has never heard of civil disobedience?

    2. Ask your cop friend if he would obey orders to go house to house and confiscate guns.

      That should get him thinking.

      1. Ask your cop friend if he would obey orders to go house to house and confiscate guns JOOOOS!

        1. Ask your cop friend if he would obey orders to go house to house and confiscate guns JOOOOS! Mila Kunis for a full body cavity search.

          It’s good to be a cop in America, like knighthood in feudal days.

    3. I’m not an expert on the subject, but the “legal process”, such as it was, was a key element of the actual Salem witch hunts, was it not?

      1. Not really – the actual Salem Witch hunts less about witches and more about some incredibly nasty people being nasty to other nasty people.

        They ignored most of what was (then) established procedures, introduced evidence from dreams and visions and predominately targeted people who had some stuff to take.

        Apparently Salem town was not known as an abode of nice people – even those living in neighboring areas (farms, villages) were appalled at travesty being perpetrated.

        1. I suppose you *could* say that the legal system helped – simply because the rules were changed anytime it became too inconvenient for the prosecution.

        2. Again, not an expert, but the government and the courts participated. I think that claiming that something “can’t be a witch hunt” because heck, a law was broken, kind of misses the point.

          1. I think its a matter of degree – at what point does it stop being a legal system and just become a kangaroo court?

    4. Constitution of Tennessee
      Article XI: Miscellaneous Provisions: Section 14

      The intermarriage of white persons with negroes, mulattoes, or persons of mixed blood, descended from a negro to the third generation inclusive of their living together as man and wife in this State is prohibited. The legislature shall enforce this section by appropriate legislation.

      1. Still in the constitution?

    5. Your mistake is thinking he is your friend. He isn’t.

  13. Didja hear? Detroit is a conservative utopia. Special Ed and Bernie Sanders explain:

    1. Herpity, derpity doo.

      Made it to the 1:30 point. Any particular reason I need to go farther?

      Or is it further?

      1. Such bravery. I hereby award you a second class Derpal Heart.

    2. Holy flaming balls of bullshit soaked in turpentine. Who do they think they are selling that to? Oh, right . . .

  14. Need a(nother) Obama Barf Bag?

  15. I know I’m a bad person for (snerk, snerk) not feeling really (giggle) sympathetic here (chuckle, ha HA, HAAAAAAAAA):
    “A San Jose divorcee was conned out of more than $500,000 by a Nigerian scammer who wooed her on a dating website while posing as a British citizen stuck at sea on a Scottish oil rig, prosecutors said Wednesday”…..146414.php

    1. Dear god, is this what its come down to nowadays? Kids have to sit their parents down and have ‘that conversation’?

      1. Agy,
        She’s younger than me…
        (and I’m gonna posit, dumber)

        1. Well, let’s see – send me your email address.

    2. Seniors and their money are soon parted.

    3. Maybe she’s a big Star Trek fan and the guy kept saying, “She cannae take any more!”

      1. I’m kind of thinking I know why she’s divorced, but I’m also thinking the guy married her, so it’s not like he should have been surprised.

        1. Man and woman are taking a vacation on the occasion of their 30th wedding anniversary.

          The man is lounging on the bed in the hotel when his wife comes from the bathroom, dressed provocatively.

          She asks him “Honey what were you thinking at this point on our wedding night?”

          “That I was going to fuck your brains out.”

          “What are you thinking now?”

          “What a good job I did.”

          1. OK, good point!

      2. He probably wouldn’t have been able to make that reference.

        A coworker just left (yesterday) to meet a Nigerian guy. She’d been previously scammed by a different guy from Ghana (she just sent him money). It doesn’t matter what his accent was (the Ghanan claimed to be Danish) the people who get suckered into these things are so provincial that they have NO IDEA what a Scotsman/Dane sounds like.

  16. MSNBC’s Special Ed claims he’s not a hypocrite for keeping his tax cut; says he used it to create jobs:

    1. says he used it to create jobs:

      Which no other wealthy person has ever done in the history of the human race.

      1. “Which no other wealthy person has ever done in the history of the human race.”

        Dunno if I qualify as wealthy, but I know at least one of my suppliers has had to add employees (and machines) to meet his delivery schedule for my products.
        I’m pleased with that, as is he and as are my customers. And the product is subject to ZERO gov’t regs (for now).

        1. You sell heroin, don’t you Sevo?

          1. Naah. That’s require hundreds more workers. That stuff SELLS!

          2. Krokodil!

    2. But doesn’t Ed know that the government does a better job of that? Multiplier effect says that he is *morally* obligated to let the gov have that money.

  17. Sounds like some serious business dude. Wow.

  18. Sounds like some serious business dude. Wow.

    1. Hey – its not nine o’clock yet.

    2. The squirrels even go after SkyNet…


  19. Melissa Harris Perry explains why Obama said “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” It’s because Obama & Co. thought most people would not want to keep their plans:

    1. They believed their own BS about people being dissatisfied with our broken system.

    2. So it’s pretty much he lied ’cause he thought he’d get away with it?

  20. “Wow, Seriously?”- Actual title of recurring Melissa Harris Perry news segment:

  21. Haven’t watched How I Met Your Mother very much lately because it sucks, but apparently Monday’s episode was very racist nevermind the fact that the show has made fun of Canadians since Season 1.

    1. This will certainly dispel the stereotype of Asians being conventional minded sheep following trends instead of setting them, in this case hysterical griefers. You owe Al Sharpton royalties, bitches.

    2. So I suppose putting on a fat-suit and running into each other would be racist also.

      1. Racism is everywhere. Much like Elvis.

          1. How can they be the same race if they are not related?

    3. Is there something wrong with making fun of Canadians?

      1. No.

        We did strike you with that WMD, Justin Bieber, though.

    4. People really need to stop apologizing for racism that is not racism. They only give the idiot race baiters cred.


    I’ve had like zero time to post this year.

    Has anyone posted this yet?

    Gun hating losers seek to continue being losers.

    Some of the best comments ever, on a site that’s “not” H&R that is.

    I saw a movie once where only the military and the police had guns, it was called Schindler’s List


    1. Wait, didn’t Meryl Streep die?

      1. I always confuse her with Mecha-Streisand

    2. The producer replied that the justification for using a gun is “when you’re marching a half of a million people into Auschwitz.”

      Or, I don’t know, maybe stopping it from getting that far in the first place?

      1. Hmm, you think they can get Sean Penn And Charlize Theron in the movie also?

      2. Guns are ok if they prevent half a millions deaths, but not ok to prevent one?

        1. Well, we know what he is, now we just got to nail him down on price.

    3. If you wish you weren’t alive, why would you carry a gun?
      Friend sent this list:
      Basic GUNFIGHT RULES . . .
      In a gunfight, the most important rule is ….. HAVE A GUN!!!
      Shooting advice from various Concealed Carry Instructors.
      If you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules… If not, you should get one and learn how to use it and learn the rules:
      A: Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.

      B: It is always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

      C: Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.

      D: Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arm’s length.

      E: Never say “I’ve got a gun.” If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.

      F: The average response time of a ‘911’ call is 23 minutes; (try to sit still for 23 min ?or- go in your front door and go through your house like a thief would and see what you can take to the front door in 23 min.), The response time of a .357 magnum is one second for each 1400 feet.

      G: The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win – there is no such thing as a fair fight; cheat if necessary.

      1. (cont’d)
        H: Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets … You may get killed with your own gun, but he’ll have to beat you to death with it, cause it will be empty.

        I: If you’re in a gun fight: If you’re not shooting, you should be loading. If you’re not loading, you should be moving. If you’re not moving, you’re dead.

        J: In a life and death situation, do something … it may be wrong, but do something!

        K: If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?

        L: You can say ‘stop’ or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone’s head is pretty much a universal language.

        M: Never leave an enemy behind. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill. In court, yours will be the only testimony.

        N: You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.

  23. We’re under a thunderstorm watch.

    1. We’re under a paper moon

    2. Does that mean liquid water could fall from the sky and melt the igloos? You guys do live in igloos and wear wooden shoes, amirite? I like learnin about different cultures.

      1. It’s 31F and raining with wind gusting to 60mph

      2. 53 here today in Balmer, hon.

        I almost put my palm trees back outside…

        1. Is that even a real place?

          1. Balmer? You ever been downey ocean, hon?

      3. Where are the oiled-up, shirtless (I’ll grudgingly accept bikini-clad) beach volleyball players?

        If you’re showing how awesome it is to live here, you need sexy beach volleyball players in little clothing in mid-January.

        1. This was before breakfast. There was more of that sort of nonsense when I went back for sunset.

  24. SPECULATION is rampant in German media that seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher may never wake from his coma

    1. I haz a sad.

    2. Horse racing can be pretty dangerous…

  25. For some value of hilarious, I guess

    George Clooney played a hilarious prank on Matt Damon while filming ‘The Monuments Men’

    1. MATT DAMON!

    2. That is funny, even better if he started giving him ‘size pills’ to help with the weight gain.

  26. Successful comedians display symptoms of psychosis, study says
    Unusual personalities ‘connect random thoughts’ and impulsive, irrational minds can create best comedy, research suggests

    1. I’d be psychotic too if I had such a desperate need to please others, and get my affirmation from total strangers.

      1. Y’all think I make insightful comments, and like having me around, right?

        1. You have yet to pass the Tulpa Test.

          Also, how many monocles do you own and what is the average age of your child slave laborers?

          Also, do you hate roads?

          1. A road killed my mother.

            “I shall avenge you,” I said to an uncaring sky. “I will become a libertarian and make sure that no road shall ever kill again.”

          2. I thought the Tulpa Test was, “Should food trucks be allowed to park perpendicular to the curb?”

            1. The Tulpa Test is a multifacted maze of stoopid.

              1. To be fair, no one has actually passed the Tulpa Test.

                1. Its like getting jumped-in in a gang – it really doesn’t matter what you do, if they want you in, you’re in. If they don’t, you won’t.

          3. You have yet to pass the Tulpa Test.

            So I have to pay the troll toll?

            Also, how many monocles do you own and what is the average age of your child slave laborers?

            I have two monocles, which my three year old orphan slaves must polish after a 18 hour shift in the coal mine

            Also, do you hate roads?

            I hate all roads except Somali Roads

            1. You’ve almost reached enlightenment, weed hopper.

            2. coal?
              what about gold? rare earth metals?

              1. I only mine material that will harm the earth, poison our water, pollute our air, change our climate, and hurt more children.

                Asbestos sounds good

              2. If they can’t get me a diamond pickaxe by day 2, they always seem to accidentally fall into some lava…

                1. What happens when they reach The End?

            3. I hate all roads except Somali Roads

              wow man, that’s beautiful, is that, like, zen?

        2. Yeah, its like we’re the Avengers and you’re Spiderman.

        3. My first thought was that you were a troll.

          1. Nah, competition is too fierce.

    2. Why do you think psychos are always smiling?

  27. Has everyone cast their vote in the 32 candidate GOP straw poll?…..straw_poll

    I’ve never even heard of at least 6 of these people.

    1. At least half of those people aren’t going to run. Ron Paul? Seriously? Herman Cain?

      1. I voted for Ron anyway, since so many of those choices are terrible (Peter King, ugh).

      2. John Bolton? Ben Carson?

    2. FTW? There are only 3 people on that list that are even worth consideration, and 2 of them have the same last name.

      Peter King? They don’t call the GOP the Stupid Party for no reason.

      1. Who’s your 3rd?

  28. If you though FdA’s round Montana snowballs were cool, check this out.

  29. Ah, damn it. Recording Damian Lewis on Conan because the wife is a huge fan of DL. He reveals a huge spoiler for Homeland, and she is only half way through the current season. Delete. Thought it an easy score for me.

  30. Map showing countries that still use Fahrenheit as a temperature scale

    1. In other words: CONSENSUS!

      1. I know, I mean ‘if everyone else is doing it’.

        I don’t get this shit though – do these people not understand that it just isn’t that damn important to force most of the US to switch measuring systems for no gain (to them)?

        Those that interact with other countries learn metric.

        1. It’s measurement shaming at its worst.

    2. And they call us imperialist, even though we haven’t even bothered to enforce the right way of doing the most basic things on them.

      1. The EU likes to force the UK to penalize bars that serve beer in *pints*, simply because Brussels has said metric is standard so you can’t use another system for anything.

        1. Fine. Gimme a liter of beer.

          1. I prefer my beer in boots.

            1. If that boot fits somebody with cankles, sign me up!

          2. Uh what’s a liter, do we sell liters of beer?

            1. The amount of beer that comes in a normal bottle may contain some number of liters. Litres? Bah, fucking metric.

              1. No, no, no – you’re supposed to respond with

                Liter of beer is French for gimme some goddamn beer!

        2. A half liter of beer is basically identical to a pint. If the UK cared at all it should say that half liter mugs are henceforth called “pint glasses” not due to the measurement, but because of domestic cultural values.

          1. They can’t – because of the nature of the economic agreement between Britain and the EU, these directives are handed down from Brussels and must be implements be the member governments *without change*.

            Basically the UK gov can’t do that – the big thing with the EU is ‘harmonization’.

            They actually have rules as to what can be called a jam, a preserve, and a jelly.

            They have regulations on the maximum curvature of bananas that are sold directly to the consumer.

            When packaging tomatoes together there are size ranges in which those tomatoes must be grouped – no putting big one in the same package as little ones even if you’re selling packages, of big ones right next to the packages of little ones, for the same price.

            1. I’d heard about the jam/jelly/preserve thing, I hadn’t heard about the bananas. It’s still retarded though that I can sell a half liter and it’s identical to a pint but can’t say I’m going out for a goddamned pint.

              1. Oh, and god help you if your glasses aren’t actually half-liter in capacity.

    3. Farenheit is just more precise, and that’s why I like it. I have the version down. Same with kilos. But F is more precise.

      Wow, it’s 35 degrees, it’s really hot! It’s zero, it’s… sort of cold! … Meh.

    4. We should just make up a new temp scale based on the number 12.

      12 is the temperature of the boiling point of human blood on Venus and 1 is the temperature that Red Bull freezes 200 feet above the ordinary high water mark of the Dead Sea.

  31. I broke my laptop, so I won’t be live-blogging the show tonight. Instead I’ll be watching the very underrated Batman Returns on AMC.

    1. Porn virus?

      1. He was watching MSNBC again, right before the accident.

      2. Fell off the bed and shattered the display.

        1. If you’re going to fap that energetically you need to set it on a table or something.

          1. And then what happens when you’re furiously fapping on the mesa?

        2. Who fell off the bed? How was the display shattered? How shattered was the display?

          Come on man, you can’t just tell half the story.

          1. The laptop was sitting on the bed, I reach over to grab my ringing phone and it slides off, hits the carpet, and closes

            When pick it up and open it the screen looks like it is shattered on the inside and everything is scrambled. Satisfied?

            1. Needs moar Milf sex.

              1. Or more scenes from The Notebook

            2. HAWT!

            3. Have you called your lawyer yet to sue the carpet company for allowing your laptop to break? What about gravity? Is gravity your fault? FUCK NO! You need a lawyer now!

            4. Look man, I’ll give you a hint – no one wants to know what *actually* happened.

              Spice it up a bit for the tabloids.

              1. So I had just gotten back from a successful voyage to the orphan/janissary bazaar and banquet where I was a guest of the Sultan of Obabomaomao. As Is my custom upon my return from the Levant, the redheaded MILF who lives two doors down was waiting for me in my quarters.

                But being a man who always puts business before pleasure, I first grabbed my laptop to confirm with Ali, my head Janissary, that the new recruits were successfully delivered and were being processed. As I did this, my eager companion placed her arms around me in an attempt to get the evening started. And while I playfully pushed her down, I did unfortunately knock the laptop to the ground.

                And thus brings us to the present situation.

                1. now that I believe.

                2. Better, better.

                  I like the Janissary bit – you don’t hear that word much nowadays.

                3. I playfully pushed her down

                  She’s a MILF you monster, she could break a hip!

                  1. MILF, not GILF

                    1. No, I still broke her hip. But, uh, under different circumstances.

                    2. Ayn Rand’s corpse just reached a mummified hand towards its desiccated genitals.

    2. It could be worse.

      Your nose could be gushing blood.

    1. Team Discovery Channel!

      1. We are the superfriends!

    2. Yay! For once I’m here for the call to action!

      Am I supposed to have a superhero costume or something?

      1. It’s more of a stream of consciousness type deal.

      2. Just superhero PJs.

        Wonder Twin powers…ACTIVATE!

        Form of an ice penis.

        1. Shape of a wooly vagina.

      3. Yes. Plus, magic underwear.

      4. Does Pajama Man count?

  32. Titans of liberty!!

  33. Is she implying we’d have a drinking game for this show?

    1. when the show’s on, drink

      1. Is the show on? I don’t want to be a cheater…

    2. *drink*

  34. NFL QB’s wife leaves AR-15 in rental car when she returns it, later found by upstate NY hoplophobe.

    Fleissig told the South Florida Sun Sentinel that the seats were folded down when she picked up the SUV, and she didn’t look in the back until two days later.

    When she and her daughter saw the bag, they looked for an ID. They found the gun.

    Her daughter unzipped the bag and said, ” ‘Oh my God, it’s a gun.’ I said, ‘I think I’m going to throw up,’ ” Fleissig told the paper.

    1. Her daughter unzipped the bag and said, ” ‘Oh my God, it’s a gun.’ I said, ‘I think I’m going to throw up,’ ” Fleissig told the paper.

      They’re lucky to be alive, the gun must have been sleeping. Can you imagine the bloodbath if they had woken it up and made it angry?


      Look, I will be happy to return the rifle to Mrs. Tannehill.

    3. It would have been nice if she tossed her cookies onto the back seat. Then she could have got a nice cleaning bill to go along with her irrational reaction.

    1. Just looks thinner from the buzz cut

      1. His tailor is to blame also.

    2. I think he, Tom Woods, Lew Rockwell, and some others in that crowd all went paleo/primal a while back.

  35. Voracious appetite of the NSA – Christie, look out

  36. They need to stop saying Peter King. Every time I hear his name I risk an aneurysm.

    1. I once found Peter King in my back seat and said ‘I think I’m going to throw up,’

  37. Sen. Frank Church, Idaho. I have mixed emotions about that guy.

    1. Frank…. Church….

      I like that name, no, wait… it’s an extremely creepy name. Idaho? A guy named Frank Church from Idaho… Ok, I am getting a visual here, and it’s not pretty!

      It’s like Billy Graham freaks out and becomes a cult leader who leads his ill fated flock into the mountains of Peru to subsist on potatoes and sacrifice llamas to the God of …

      1. Ore-Ida. aka Big Potato. Big French Fry.

        1. You know what they fry those things in? It’s OIL! BIG OIL! Kochtopus!!!!

          1. oily like a teenagers face

            1. Why do you really think they employ so many?

              Its a local, ‘low-food-miles’ type of oil.

    2. reminds me of Frank Underwood?

  38. What’s up with the crackhead selling the PC cleaning software?

  39. I just had a Libertarian fantasy evening, which consisted of a cab ride from Lyft to where I played Defender and Off Road whilst drinking Milk Stout and Averno.

    Free Markets FTW.

    1. Defender is a deceptively hard game.

  40. Bend the edges of the 1st Amendment.

    It’s been worn away around the edges.

    1. Hey, you’re perfectly free to say what you want, as long as it doesn’t offend me in any way. I mean, you know, if it offends me, it might trigger me. Do you know what that means? Well, do you???

  41. A political colonoscopy!

  42. Tim Burton’s Batman does not appear to have a no-killing rule: he sets a dude on fire and causes another one to blow up.

    1. Hell, spoiler alert, he pushes the Joker off the belltower.

      I’ve never understood that whole ‘won’t kill’ thing.

      He’ll brutalize, maim, psychologically torture his victims, but he won’t kill them – he’ll let the justice department try them.

      Except even the most apathetic public defender could get you off, and probably get you a nice settlement from the city for letting crazy run rampant.

    2. It was a tough year for Batman.

  43. I didn’t expect Suderman to be this animated.

    1. Wait a minute, they have cartoon Suderman on their show?!

    2. What is “animated” a dog whistle for?

      1. Does everything have to be a dog whistle?

        1. Is a dog whistle phallic? (I honestly don’t know)

    3. Me either, he was pretty adorable.

  44. Ron Swanson runs Bristol?

    1. “One thing they do feel jealous about is the ‘grands projets’ side of things where Cardiff has stolen a march.”

      So? Get together and build something you jagoffs. It doesn’t have to be government funded. *AND* you’ll get exactly what you want for a price *you’re* willing to pay.

  45. He. He. Pete has yarmulke hair.

  46. So has taken a Lyft Cab here?

    1. there parts speech missing from sentence.

      1. I blame the Amaro Averna


        Still, Lyft is a libertarians best friend, is what I’m saying.

  47. Kmele looked like he’d be into polygamy. I could tell that about him pretty much immediately.

    1. Are you trying to say that black men like them some hos?

      1. They’re not hos if he’s married to all of them.

        Have some respect for Kmele’s 7 wives, 3 husbands, and 2 goat-brides.

    2. Wasn’t Kennedy all about it in one of the first episodes?

  48. The saxophone solo continues into 2014

  49. Ruh Roh. Francisco is about to cream his pants.

    1. Have I mentioned I like Stossel?

      1. At this time of night, I can’t seem to remember.

  50. You go inside the cage? Cage goes in the water? You go in the water? Shark’s in the water? Our shark? [singing] Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we’ve received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.

  51. I need drink recommendations from any amateur bartenders out there. I have on hand: tap water, cans of warm Squirt, lime juice, lemon juice, and no alcohol.

    It’s a tall order, but I want a nightcap so I figured I’d turn to the functional alcoholics experts of H&R.

    1. get thee to a beer store.

    2. Trepanning!

    3. Directions:

      Take the squirt, lime juice, lemon juice, and tap water and place in jar with ice in the fridge.

      Leave apartment/house/dwelling, drink fermented carbon of your particular choice, take Lyft cab, return home, pass out, wake and drink remains.

    4. First step: you’re going to need to pee into a pot and boil it.

      1. ok, that was funny.

      2. What Would Bear Grylls Do?

    5. Go get the bottle of Jack you’ve got hidden in the kitchen light fixture.

      Drink it straight out of the bottle. Paper bag optional.

      1. Homer: I keep a bottle of schnapps in the baby’s crib!

        1. I see nothing wrong with that.

        2. So that’s how you get the baby to sleep through the night!

    6. If you start fermenting the juice and Squirt now, you could be drunk in about 30 days?

  52. The libertarian TV singularity has been reached.

  53. Please, for the love of Gawd, don’t ever show Nancy Pelosi ever again.

  54. Just realized Ron Paul and Stossel have the same mannerisms and voice stresses.

    1. I don’t know, Ron Paul strikes me as the smarmy old douche that you want to punch in the face. Stossel is pretty cool.

      1. Hey, take that back! He’s a sweet ol- PUNCH! Oh, I see what you mean, now. But isn’t that true of everyone over seventy?

  55. The left despises Stossel, mainly, I think, because he used to be a liberal and his consumer reporting led him down the “wrong” path.

  56. The surprising diets of the Australian Open’s elite players

    Fourth seed Andy Murray reportedly eats 6000 calories a day on tour, and a lot of those come from sushi.
    The Scot (fourth seed at this year’s Open) can put away 50 serves of the Japanese delicacy in a single sitting, the Daily Mail reports.
    His team tracks down a good quality sushi restaurant in each city he plays, he’s been known to put sushi in an ice cooler so it’s ready to go straight after match point.
    He also eats large quantities of red meat, pasta and rice spread over six meals in a day. Breakfast is a yoghurt and a peanut butter bagel with a protein shake.

    1. How is that a surprising die? Nothing in that quote surprises me.

      1. I guess the writer thought they ate kale chips and hummus?

    2. If I were a hotel, I would require a plumbing surcharge from him.

  57. I didn’t get that reference but I liked it!

  58. Kids having kids

    A Winnipeg mom who locked up her her two young kids in a filthy apartment to go drinking faces six months in jail.
    The mother, 22, previously pleaded guilty to a charge of child abandonment and appeared before provincial court Judge Tracey Lord for sentencing Wednesday.
    She made plans to celebrate her 21st birthday at a hotel bar and left her children, aged two and four, locked in separate rooms of a Manitoba Housing suite in November 2012, Lord was told.

    1. Tracey Lord, former underage teenage porn star, is now a Canadian judge?
      What a wonderful world we live in.

  59. Manhattan Beach shoutout, although Hermosa is more for bros.

    1. I’m 2 minutes delayed, you beat me too it.

    2. Lotta bros here, from what I saw today.

      1. eh, they’re here but the concentration is much higher in Hermosa.

  60. Geez, tonight is winning on music. Queens of the Stone Age, the Screaming Trees? I’m in heaven!

  61. Next track is ‘Drown’ with the long tail solo, right, Kennedy?

    1. Maybe Temple of the Dog, Hunger Strike?

      1. I’m thinking she had the ‘Singles’ soundtrack going. “Seasons’ and ‘Birth Ritual’ are on that one to represent for the golden voiced one.

  62. Women make less than men. Again, I have no problem with this.

    1. But if you compare men and women in the same job, same experience, same education, they pretty much come out equal. The 77 cents on the dollar compares all women working with all men working, thus comparing some women as store clerks against men who are engineers.

      Long story, need more apples to apples, but that doesn’t make for good headlines.

      1. I’ve given up trying to explain this to libs, particularly liberal women. I don’t know what’s worse, when they don’t understand what I’m talking about, or they do understand and exclaim that that’s why we need *whatever the latest commie scheme* right now!!!!

    1. The nice thing about the midnight show…

    1. I’ve yet to see a serious push to make abortion a point of pride for people.

      But it wouldn’t surprise if some feminist start a campaign about abortion pride.

    2. When I think who would have an opinion important to me about abortion, Toure, yeah.


    3. Wow. Hope that dude doesn’t sprain his shoulder from patting himself on the back.


  63. Was Selma Diamond or Bull Shannon ever armed on Night Court?

    1. Bull was “armed” because he was Bull.

    1. Not to be confused with James Dobson

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