Klingons No Longer Represented on Indian Trails, North Carolina City Council
So a councilman in Indian Trail, North Carolina decided to resign in protest to what he viewed as "runaway development."
Oh, yeah, he tendered his resignation in Klingon:
Waddell says he wrote the note in Klingon as "an inside joke," but, reports the Charlotte Observer, Mayor Michael Alvarez
called the letter childish and unprofessional. "It's an embarrassment for Indian Trail, and it's an embarrassment for North Carolina," he said.
Which is like a totally Vulcan thing to say, isn't it?
Hat tip: Mike Hewlett's Twitter feed.
Seems like a good cue for this, the worst fight scene ever (Kirk and Gorn vs. the Audience):
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Worst fight scene? Ha! See how well you do fighting a giant lizard man.
Giant Lizard Man,
Giant Lizard Man,
They've given you a translator and
Taken away your ship.
Mayor Michael Alvarez called the letter childish and unprofessional. "It's an embarrassment for Indian Trail, and it's an embarrassment for North Carolina," he said.
Okay, Prissypants.
You know, Klingon lettering looks a little like katakana.
Klingon is the Comic Sans of galactic written languages.
Today is a good day to type.
And to make signs for the sneezeguards on the salad bars of our enemies.
Klingon military typography is well in advance of that of any other species in the galaxy.
Articles of speech are for lesser races.
As are conjunctions, which are dishonorable.
There is nothing shameful in being corrected by a superior grammarian.
Yours is the superior. . .pedantry.
He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two prepositional thinking.
Pah! There is no honor is your conjugations!
Goddamn it ProL.
Set phasers to conjugate.
If you are afraid to fuck up a link, you have already fucked up a link.
Inform the Klingons that we're on a mission from God.
Are you postulating a Blues Brothers/Star Trek mashup? With Kirk and Spock on a mission from God on an Earth-parallel world with Illinois Nazis, the blues, and a world that looks exactly the same as 1970s Chicago?
We could always steal this for an episode of ST: TOC. And with a special guest star!
"an episode of ST: TOC"
The Orange County?
The Odd Couple.
You know, Kirk and Khan, trapped in 1970s New York, forced to live together. It's been mentioned in Variety.
But they aren't so trapped that they couldn't catch a bus to Chicago to help out a stranded Spock who somehow makes it back to the future at the end of the episode without being able to bring them back too. Or maybe they hitchhike with hippies instead of catching a bus.
Definitely a two-part cliffhanger.
I can think of no better movie now, or for the rest of human history.
Besides, Belushi already played Kirk on SNL, so it shoud be a snap for him.
There is a slight parallel here--Elwood/Spock, Kirk/Jake. "How much for your space women?"
"We're putting the bridge back together."
Who is the Penguin, though? T'Pau?
You have brought dishonor upon the syntax of your ancestors. May your cadences never be heard in halls of Klingon Academy of Dreary Poetry again.
Your uumlats are weak and kitten-like.
You dare be diacritical?
If you were any other man, I would flame you where you stand.
Nick, hating on TOS is a dangerous occupation round these parts. But it has earned you a special place in my heart. DS9 4eva!
I loved DS9, but come on--you think Sisko would've known how to build a bamboo cannon?
A structurally unstable cannon which was more of a danger to the operator than the target? Not the best thing to point to.
It worked, didn't it? And don't give me Mythbusters, because they were using Earth bamboo, not artificially constructed-so-Kirk-could-build-a-cannon bamboo.
So a leap of faith that "oh this must be a gift from the superadvanced aliens ant not schmuck bait" is a postive mark?
Well, they told him and the Gorn that they could make weapons. And they left everything sitting out, too.
For the record, I haven't watched any episodes since I was a small child, so all of my arguments are for the sake of trolling.
I suggest you go watch the episode. Study it. Make it your own. Then produce a fan video making it into a romantic comedy.
Or I could do something more productive with my time, like work on my writing. That I can actually monetize.
According to my boys, there is no career more financially rewarding that posting videos on YouTube.
Than posting, I mean.
And you'd want me stealing their audience if they're making so much off of it?
Writing? Gorn/Kirk fic has some real money it. As Kirk learned, once you go cloaca you don't go a-back-a.
I don't do derivitive works.
You know, the Gorn wasn't ever identified as male. Yeah, the translated voice sounded kind of raspy dude-ish, but maybe the Gorn smoked and batted for the other team. It's not like Kirk couldn't convert a lesbian lizard.
If he didn't try something crazy the Gorn would have overpowered him. Kirk couldn't match him with a melee weapon.
I dunno, the Gorn was kind of sluggish in that lizard suit.
Kirk's diamond cannon only knocked the Gorn down. It doesn't matter how fast you can punch if your blows don't hurt the guy.
I was thinking stabbing. You know, with a spear.
Can you stab harder than a bullet? I know there are a lot of variables here, but I can't fault him for seeking a stand-off weapon even if it was unlikely. If it failed he could have just ran away and put something else together.
With superior agility and given the difficulty of building a cannon from scratch, not to mention the lack of food and water. . .yeah, I'm stabbing the lizard with a diamond-tipped spear.
You're going to stab this? I mean, look at the effect of the gun blast. The Gorn looks stunned more than anything; you can see one of the bullets sticking halfway out if its arm.
What do you expect from a bamboo cannon?
Do you think you can stab harder than that? Because I don't. That's my point.
What's really sad is that the Gorn had folks watching him, too--from his ship. The Gorn had their own space empire of sorts--and yet, when push came to shove he opted to just go all dinosaury.
Someone should shoot a fan film of that episode from the Gorn perspective.
I suppose Kirk would be portrayed as a cheater for his move at the end.
Sisko prefers a Colt Python, but like a space version or something.
What is this, some sort of horse-snake hybrid?
The Greeks called it a Hippohiss.
Not Hippothon?
No, you idiot, that's what Epi's mom's gangbang series is called.
I thought that was Hippopotass.
Sisko prefers a Colt Python Malt Liquor, but like a space version or something.
The Galaxy's Finest Malt Beverage.
Racist!
SynthaColt.
Sisko probably would have have just beat him up with a baseball bat.
He built a space sailboat, so probably.
Which went at warp speed.
I know, right? He also punched Q.
Hard not to like DS9 right there.
Sisko had no qualms about standing up to omnipotent aliens.
DS9 was the best of Treks, followed by Voyager/STNG
derp
Mayor Bill de Blasio shovels his sidewalk
What a nice progressive father!
It's a photo op moment. NYC pols will do a lot of things for a few minutes while the flashbulbs go off, then wander off again.
Why does De Blasio take away jobs from hardworking sanitation department workers?
If you can find one, I'd love to meet them.
Try the afternoon prayer meeting with their chaplain?
Fuck you.
Well, if you're going to show the worst fight scene ever, might as well show the best, too.
Lies. That was not Gymkata!
Believe it or not, people were belittling the talents of Carpenter. Not his later stuff, the good stuff. Here, on this very blog comments section.
Someone dares to insult Kah'penter? Who are these traitorous cowards!? Whose house do they fight for? Tell me now so that I may gut them in two with my bat'leth!
Surprised Carpenter never got asked to do a Star Trek movie, now that you mention it. Escape from Romulus or maybe Big Trouble in Little Vulcan.
They No Longer Live would be a big hit on Kronos.
With a longer fight scene. "I have come here to chew gagh and kick ass, and I'm all out of gagh."
PUT ON THE VISOR!
He'd see the signs all over the place:
THINK
DO NOT OBEY
PET THE KITTY
Assault on Outpost 13
Village of the Dishonored.
Cranial Ridges of Laura Mars
Starman Dies!
Oddly, Dark Star would be unchanged.
Only it would be a giant tribble and a photon missile instead.
This gives me another mash-up idea: Tribbles vs. Ewoks. Tribbles win, of course, by fucking the Ewoks to death.
Why didn't the Gorn just use the lightsaber he visibly had on his belt?
Kirk distracted him using Jedi mind-melding techniques he learned from Dr. Spock's famous baby book.
Lightsaber? Is that from a movie or something?
He used to have four arms... Then he learned not to turn that thing on.
THAT WAS A UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR!!!!!
Is that what Trekkies call lightsabers?
In pieces, all species are equal.
Did Yoda say that?
I just can't imagine in in the Frank Oz voice, so probably not.
In Frank Oz voice, I can imagine it not.
No, if Yoda said it the quote would be "In pieces are equal all species".
Also that was hardly the worst fight scene Shatner has ever filmed. Ahem...
In the director's cut, it's explained in painful detail that the Gorn was female, could not understand the alien overlord's instructions, and thought Kirk was trying to make awkward human love to her.
That's ludicrous, because, if true, Kirk would've had sex with the Gorn to win. Then he would've slugged it.
Dorks. You're all a bunch of dorks.
And your point is?
^this^ to the nth power
NERDS!!!!
a totally Vulcan thing to say, isn't it?
Embarrassment is an emotion.
-jcr
Guys,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaB_G1WNT70
A true Klingon would have defeated the rest of the council in ritualized combat! (Unless he was an Original Series Klingon, then he would have poisoned them.)
The problem with honor duels is that both sides have to have honor. We'd just shoot the Klingon.
You don't need honor when you have a PhD in archeology.
That's what the Klingons really meant by honor--terminal degrees. People just didn't understand that. They are really just grumpy academics.
He should have ended the resignation letter with, "Shaka, and the walls fell."
It's got a sort of woody quality about it.
Because he's in love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU2ftCitvyQ
...lol?