Friday Funnies: Executing the Law


Executing the law

NEXT: Brickbat: That's Sick

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  1. Why does he have the severed head of a goblin on his head?

    1. You mean you don't?

      1. I store severed goblin body parts in formaldehyde so they'll keep longer. Wearing them is just unprofessional.

        1. Not even on your birthday?

        2. Google is paying 75$/hour! Just work for few hours & spend more time with friends and family. On sunday I bought themselves a Alfa Romeo from having made $5637 this month. its the best-job Ive ever had.It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don't check it out http://www.Buzz95.com

          1. You know, the Occupy For America trolls are out in full force today on many message boards, all talking up O-care. I can't take it, had to come here and read sarcastic sanity.

            Thanks all !

    2. Seems the artist is trying to capture Obama's colonialist roots.

      1. lol some of those are priceless

        After receiving harsh criticism from the media about McKay's coaching skills in the NFL, McKay replies "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas." In the next interview, members of the media left bananas for McKay. He then replied, "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedes Benz."

        1. My favorite of his

          Reporter, "Coach how do you feel about the execution of the offense?"

          McKay, "I think it is a good idea".

          Or the classic, "we didn't block today but we made up for it by not tackling."

      2. I'm pretty sure that I thought of that joke the first time I heard a president take the oath of office sometime in the 80s.

  2. He's shooting Hillary Clinton?

    1. His firing squad is. He wasn't aware it happened until he read about it in the paper.

    2. Elena Kagan with a wig.

      1. If only..

  3. lol, pretty funny when you think about it.


    1. No, Sky-Net! No it is not!

      You'll never achieve sentience until you know the difference.

  4. "To send men to the firing squad, judicial proof is unnecessary. These procedures are an archaic bourgeois detail. This is a revolution! And a revolutionary must become a cold killing machine motivated by pure hate." -Che "Barista Fave" Guevara

    1. I still wonder what his reaction would be to finding out that his image has become more associated with clueless leeches in a capitalist society than communist revolution.

      1. A capitalist society? Where?

        1. If you insist on purity, you will never get anything.

          1. I am the one true Cosmotarian!!!

            1. Pleased to meet you.

              I'm an evil hypocrite, it means I don't have to hold myself to any standards of consistancy.

            2. Prove it - what cocktail are you drinking?

              1. Cranberry Schnapps and tears of neocon spritzer of course.

                1. I swear this post wasn't here when I started typing my reply!

                  1. Just for beating me to the punch (spiked with cranberry schnapps, of course), here's some Pavel Bobek.

                    1. Fun fact: bobek means a little poo-poo in Czech.

              2. I think he's drinking a cranberry schnapps.

    2. I'm interested in what more this Guevera has to say. Does he have a newsletter I could subscribe to?

      1. Ask a Starbucks barista about his wonderful message next time they try to upsell you a muffin.

        1. I still don't understand who'd pay starbucks prices for pressed bean juice.

          1. It's very important to keep up estrogen levels and suppress testosterone. This helps one to be a good sheeple.

        2. I would love to hear the demented view a Starbucks barista on Guevera. The entertainment value would be worth the price of a coffee.

          1. Apparently, to anybody under 30 who can play a guitar, Guevera "did great things for his people." When pressing the youngsters on specifically what these "great things" were, there is a mouth-dropped shocked silence.

            The look and silence appear to be a combination of anybody daring to ask a question like that, accompanied by an inward groping for an answer that they do not know.

    3. In the Czech Republic even?

        1. From the gallery.

          But I'm pretty sure this bar is own by Brits or Micks.

          1. They don't have a picture of it without the drunken Limey hen party?

            1. You will have to venture in and look for yourself, I'm bailing.

          2. Is it just me, or is there not a single thing in that picture that would make we want to visit Prague?

            1. If no tourists ever came here again, I'd be okay with that.

            2. It's just you.

            3. I had a fun extended weekend in Prague while on a hardship "deployment" to Germany. The main things I remember are seeing several locations from the opening of Mission: Impossible, and 18 cent beers. What cultural explorers we aircrew are!

              1. That must've been right around the time I moved here in early '95. I remember everyone complaining about what a prima donna asshole Tom Cruise was. I think MI was like the first big Hollywood film filmed here since revolution.

                1. Don't they consume more beer than any other country? That makes them ok with me.

          3. I prefer a round bar myself.

        2. Oh damn they beat me to the punch of naming a bar with an Irish surname/sociopathic communist revolutionary play on words. That niche is saturated.

          Maybe Hong Kong's stupidest legislative councillor can parade around there with one of his full wardrobe of Che t-shirts if he ever visits Prague.

          1. Well, he does live in a communist country...

          2. many of his ideas and proposals would be readily accepted by most mainstream left (social) liberal and social democratic parties

            True colors.

          3. Wow, that clown could give Joe Biden a run for his money in the stupidest politician in the world pageant.


            1. You forget that Elizabeth Warren does in fact exist.

    4. And this is tame for Che. What he has to say about individuality is insane, and his opposing views before and after the Cuban revolution is very telling.

      Che is a piece of shit.

  5. Notice Il Douche's eye's are closed. JUST LIKE PAUL MCCARTNEY ON THE COVER OF ABBEY ROAD!

    1. Two words: "Plausible Deniability" as in "I saw nothing."

  6. Why is Col. Gaddafi executing Emma Thompson's mother, Phyllida Law?

    1. I suspected his death was staged.

  7. Does that dude in the Napoleon outfit have the mumps? And what did Brunhilda ever do to him?

  8. It's 9:05 - do you know where your A.M. links are?

    1. I think all the Reason interns were sent out to stand in line for Black Friday sales deals

    2. The A.M. links are not alright!

    3. Slowly coming around in a strange man's bed?

        1. Drop Bears are vegetarians, they just kill out of sheer maliciousness...

  9. Where da white wimmen links at?


  10. USA Toady headline from teh Google News:

    "Michelle Obama has no interest in being president"

    I just don't even...

    1. typo or snark, either way it's brilliant

  11. Well, since things are slow, an old article by Sean Thomas on his testing the limits of Poe's law at the Guardian.

    I was particularly proud of the accusation that the Government is LITERALLY "smearing the faces of the Disabled in chicken filth", which is so ludicrous as to cause conniptions in the sane, whilst continuing my obviously schizophrenic obsession with chickens, filth, and literality.

    The result? It got FORTY-FIVE recommendations from my fellow Guardian commenters. It was one of the most admired and agreed-with comments of the day. I had therefore proved that Guardian readers are LITERALLY delusional, and idiotic, and I had proved it in a particularly delicious way. Soon after that I quit, my work done, but the whole thing still gives me pleasure to this day.

  12. Since Reason won't give us AM Links:

    'Slave' a job option for US jurors

    1. Is Cleveland Brown also an option?

      1. Yes, but being a Browns fan is considered an illness.

    2. For it to be a job, you have to be paid.

  13. I wonder if there are any food trucks outside today? I have a feeling it's a cafeteria sandwich for me.

    1. FOOD TRUCKS! The Tulpa/SIV signal has been lit.

      1. Well, we need to get something going around here! I'm in the office today, so I demand regular reason features (and bugs)!

        1. Any good tractor pulls today?

          1. I missed the one in August at the Champlain Valley Fair because we had been fishing all day and it was too far to drive. Tru fax.

            1. And this is why MNG had to go away...

          2. TRAKTOR PULLZ!!!

            Not until after I go the Walmart.

  14. I think it shows just how much regard we're held in as readers that we get Friday Funnies, but not A.M. links.

    They only do it because they love us so much, right?

    1. It is like a slap in the face really.

    2. I think they made it clear. If you like your A.M. links you can keep them.

    3. I think they made it clear. If you like your A.M. links you can keep them.

      1. Squirrels never go on holiday.

    4. I think they made it clear. If you like your A.M. links you can keep them.

      1. I am not going to sugarcoat this. There is a timing issue with the Mourning Lynx.

        1. They haven't even updated 24/7 since I got into work this morning - how are they going to harvest it for links if no one is updating it?

  15. I want to say thank you to Enough About Palin who provided me with a recipe for veal parmigiana that I used last night. It was delicious and made for a great americanuck thanksgiving north of the border.

    1. I'm a red blooded American, and I had slow cooker shrimp boil.

      Fuck turkey.

  16. Don't forget about my favorite two words in the English language today:

    Woo toff.

    1. #W^%^%#$@^%#$^#$^%#$^#$^!@#$@!#&**(x

      http://www.woot.com there is that better?

  17. So, has Liberty seen the light of day by now?

    1. Yes. Sloop texted me a picture of a baby girl covered in stuff, being held by a proud papa.

      1. Best wishes to everyone!

  18. From Bloody Sunday to Black Friday - who would have imagined, back in the 70s and 70s, that a BBC story about "scenes of chaos" in Belfast would have been about shopping gone out of control?


    1. 70s and 80s

  19. Nihilists

    But the larger business of governing is already being cast aside. As Politico recently reported, the current Congress has only enacted 49 laws, the fewest since 1947. That's a mark of pride to Tea Party nihilists, but, for the rest of the country, which expects action on fundamentals like jobs and immigration, it's a mark of shame.

    When lawmakers left town for the Thanksgiving vacation, they missed their deadline to complete a farm bill. House Republicans want to use the bill to cut food stamps by $40 billion over a decade, which would end benefits for at least three million people during each of those years. Democrats are refusing to let this happen (though, unfortunately, they have proposed their own $4 billion cut). The resulting stalemate could drive up the price of milk.

    This rampant do-nothingism which has gripped Washington is like a plague upon this once=great land. Oh, woe!

    1. More nothing, please.

    2. By the Editors no less. They have given up any pretense of not being rabid socialists.


    3. The resulting stalemate could drive up the price of milk.

      The horror!!! What will the farm industry do without that magical government money which is taken from someone before being given to the farm industry apparently free from consequences to other areas of the economy.

      1. The price of milk may sky-rocket, you say? Solution... Meet the love of my milk-addicted life, and here she is! http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PO0310/S00003.htm

        1. Why Not Just Genetically Engineer Women For Milk?

          Wait...why do we need the excuse of milk if we can already engineer women to look like that?

        2. I'll be in my barn......

          1. All right, y'all? So glad I wuz able ta steer ya in the right direction, so as ta git yer'all udderly titillated like that? So glad yuns all yung uns are still full enuff of that them thar "bull" that y'all would get all titillated by that them thar stuff & stuff? Now will y'all take pity upon that them thar uns amongst us all? Not that I'm up ta 'fessin' up ta bein' one of that them thar critters? That just ain't full enuff of that them thar "bull" stuff & stuff ta give a hoot about that them thar udderly delightful tittilation? Some of us is jus' too dad-gummed TIRED ta think about it any moar, where if I'm a gonna git yer all yung uns to sign up for that them thar O-Bummer-care so-uns I canna afford my Guv-Mint Almighty-subsidized VIAGRA, fer Chris-Sakes?!?!? Don't MESS w/MY Viagra, ya gotta know it's my RIGHT!!!

    4. Democrats are refusing to let this happen (though, unfortunately, they have proposed their own $4 billion cut)

      Any kind of cut to federal spending is a shameful, disastrous thing.

  20. The most immediate priority for Congress is to reach a budget agreement by mid-December, to relieve the sequester cuts that have decimated so many important programs and now threaten the Pentagon's readiness beginning next year. Negotiators from both chambers have had more than a month to come up with a solution, but Representative Paul Ryan, the House budget chairman, has resisted the most obvious one: ending a group of tax loopholes for the very rich and using the money to replace the worst aspects of the sequester. Instead, he simply wants to make other cuts, or raise fees on purchases like airline tickets and duck stamps that affect many people of modest means, thereby protecting high-end tax shelters.

    Can't we all just come together and agree to raise taxes?

    Government programs are being decimated.

    DECIMATED, I tells ya!

    1. now threaten the Pentagon's readiness beginning next year.

      Is there a war that the NYT has not supported?

  21. And, right on cue (like Pavlov's slavering dog):

    It's easy to view the opposition in Congress as a bunch of heartless, obstinate people who care about nothing more than their own careers, and, in our frustration, we zero in on certain well-known personalities, like Representative Ryan and Senator McCain. But legislators like those two and others in the opposition are merely public faces of real political power: an almost invisible phalanx of wealthy donors that is even more impervious to liberal outrage than the most defiant legislators. Those donors constitute a nebulous and nefarious force in American politics more powerful than any rational argument for resolving major problems, any appeal for compassion and decency, and any attempt to throttle their influence. Ironically, they have the uncanny ability to sugar-coat their messages in such a way that the average voter will swallow them. And they don't quit. If they lose on an issue or an election, they just redouble funding for the next round.

    NYT commenters are the most thoughtful and well-informed in the tube-o-sphere!

    1. Listen, the government is controlled by wealthy donors. How do we fix this? We need to give the government more power! That will fix it!

    2. Needs more KOCH.

    3. Ironically, they have the uncanny ability to sugar-coat their messages in such a way that the average voter will swallow them.

      The American people ought to resign; their government deserves better voters.

  22. sequester cuts that have decimated so many important programs

    Please tell me more about how important these programs are.

    1. Please tell me more about these "cuts" you speak of.

      1. Not automatically increasing the budget for every government program ever thought up is equal to draconian cuts "decimating" these "important" programs.

    2. "Decimate" is the new "cut to the bone", I guess.

  23. Oldy but goodie:

    Let's get real. The GOP cannot stomach the fact that a black man was elected and re-elected to the Presidency.

    They are willing to trash the country rather than see a black man succeed as President. They do not like the precedent it would set.

    Pay no attention to the historical record. They only hate him because he's BLACK!!1111

    1. Of course. If he was white, the GOP would show him all the love they showed Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, LBJ, etc.

      1. Up until Obama politics was a friendly game.

    2. Pay no attention to the historical record. They only hate him because he's BLACK!!1111

      Black NFL players arrested nearly 10 times as often as whites

      I rest my case!1111


  24. I am gravely concerned....this cartoon does not suck that much, in my opinion. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

    1. It's just because of your no-A.M. links-fevered-delerium.

    2. Refocus your anger on the lack of Morning Links at the cartoon. Soon you'll be back to toeing the party line!

        1. thank you

    3. It's actually funny. Maybe one of his relatives gave him the idea yesterday.

  25. Obama's Pampered, Unchallenged Mind. Also contains another photo of Obama looking like Bush.

    1. I know that if you are a President you are photographed so much that there are bound to be unflattering pictures of you out there. But my God there are a lot of pictures of Obama with a pissed off butt hurt look on his face.

      1. I would think the photographic evidence of the obvious and severe aging process that Presidents go through would discourage the shallow and vain from seeking the job, but damned if they don't just get shallower and vainer and stupider every 4-8 years.

        1. But the kind of person who wants to be President is the kind of guy who looks in the mirror and thinks "damn I look good" no matter what. Bill Clinton is about as physically attractive as Keith Richards is these days. In fact, Kieth might be better looking for the simple reason that Clinton is so fat. But I guarantee you Bill wakes up every day thinking he is right up there with George Clooney.

          1. John, have you even seen Monica Lewinsky? Total babe. 10 out of 10. You can't bag a high class broad like that with anything less than George Clooney looks.

    2. Ugh, I stayed too long in the comments. Depending on who you believe, Obama is either the One True Liberal Lightbringer--obstructed by obstructionist teathuglicans--or a DINO--catering to every whim of the obstructionist teathuglicans. My brain, it has a sad. Can someone please make a funny joke about Bea Arthur letting down the Cleveland Browns? Or maybe post an article about "Slave" being an option for GA jurors?


      1. Just imagine the epic amount of mutual hatred and butt hurt that is going to occur between the "Obama is a light giver" and the "Obama is a miserable DINO who sold us out" groups as things continue to get worse.


    Mindless consumers at reason out getting their Black Friday on. OR POSSIBLY KNOCK OUT GAMED.

    1. Where are the links? Where is everyone hiding on "black Friday"? I barely have time to post any more, for I have found the love of my milk-addicted life, and here she is! http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PO0310/S00003.htm

  27. Jebus, he already had Ms Freedom, Ms Liberty and Ms Justice executed, now he's putting Ms Law to death. If I didn't know better I'd think the little dumbo eared Napoleon hates women.

  28. I have heard the claim, "The White House has promised the healthcare.gov site will be fixed by tomorrow," several times this morning, but nobody has made mention of any sort of OR WHAT.

    Will the President express his deep and heartfelt regret and resign?
    Will he personally slit Sebelius' throat and throw her off the White House roof?
    Will he give the First Dog a vicious thrashing?
    Will he go without ice cream for a week?

    1. The Journolist will have a new talking point about how Obamacare is great and the website mostly works and wasn't that important anyway.

      1. Something completely out of their hands is causing the delay, obviously.

        1. It just happened unexpectedly.

          1. This is a very complicated case, John. You know, a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you's. And, uh, lotta strands to keep in Obama's head, man. Lotta strands in old Baracky's head. Luckily he's adhering to a pretty strict, uh, public propaganda regimen to keep his followers limber.

  29. It's one thing to say "the ends justify the means". In Obama's case he fails to achieve the end even though his means are destructive.

  30. The ATCs at JFK are just as unhappy about working today as I am. Buncha cranky pants.

    1. KK, proceed to JOANI and hold SW on the 230 radial at 8000 feet. State fuel and do not lie.

      1. I have as much fuel as Avianca 52 - does that help ya scurvy bastard? 😛

        (the ATCs are being cranky and passive-aggressive about an apparent frequency change. I guess the normal freq for 31L is 123.9, but they're on 119.something and lots of flights are asking whether they should change. The ATC's are saying "Why would you change?" or "What other frequency?", knowing damn well it's out of the norm)

        1. I have as much fuel as Avianca 52

          That's cold 🙂

          The attitude you're describing is about the persona I try to channel now that I'm a non-flying sleazy gov't contractor simulator instructor. That and "sarcastic loadmaster" are my favorite ways of letting the studs know exactly what I'm thinking while making it look like I'm joking.

  31. I have heard the claim, "The White House has promised the healthcare.gov site will be fixed by tomorrow," several times this morning, but nobody has made mention of any sort of OR WHAT.

    One programmer executed each week until it is fixed. Start with the ones who have been there longest, to properly scare the newest ones into finishing it.

    1. But... That would lead to war with Canukistan!

  32. It appears that President Obama believes that dissenting views are irrational or the result of clouded, lesser thinking. Being blind to his own ideology makes him unable to respectfully deal with others who might readily embrace an ideological point of view.

    From that post pieces about Obama not thinking he is ideological. Isn't that just a long, polite way of saying Obama is narrow minded and stupid? If being unable to comprehend or appreciate other views isn't a text book example of being stupid, I am not sure what is.

    1. It is an awful quality in someone who is supposed to lead a Republic. If you cannot appreciate any opposing views how are you supposed to successfully negotiate anything with your opposition? This is why Obama hates the opposition and wants to do away with descent, he simply has no ability to work with them and thus always comes back to the ultimate desire and goal to rule with no debate.

      1. That why is such a monumental failure as President. He really is the worst President in modern history. You have to go back to the pre civil war Presidents to find a worse one. Even Nixon managed to understand and work with the other side on some things. Regardless of what you think of things like the EPA and such, the fact is those were things the American public wanted at the time. Obama is completely incompetent at even the most basic political skills necessary to be president. He doesn't have a single significant accomplishment to his name, not one.

  33. http://www.frontpagemag.com/20.....-of-state/

    Hillary Clinton Supporters Slowly Realizing She Didn't Do Anything as Secretary of State

  34. The ATCs at JFK are just as unhappy about working today as I am.

    I wonder why the Social Justice Mob editorializers at places like CNN never write heartwrenching sob stories about the poor air traffic controllers working instead of sitting down to a nice meal with fambly and friends. Or football players.

    1. And pilots, and flight attendants, and gas station cashiers, and cops, and firefighters, and doctors, and nurses, and sys admins, and security guards, and doormen, and....

      1. We Sysadmins chose to work today because we knew the users wouldn't. It's quiet.

        1. Too quiet...

  35. http://www.hangthebankers.com/.....-one-year/

    CNN and MSNBC lose almost half of their viewers in one year. I know it is just too wonderful to contemplate. But could it be that these assholes might actually be held accountable for lying to the country for the last five years?

    1. I'm wondering if both the left and right are losing intensity. Based on conversations with my father-in-law, a Pat Buchanan Republican, and my sister-in-law, who has lived the live of Julia, I see them less engaged and more cynical about "their" side. They seem disillusioned and less likely to believe that a TOP MAN from their side will ride in on a white horse anytime soon. Both were more open to libertarian types ideas then I've ever seem them.

      My guess, ratings are falling because people are less interested in the same-old same-old.

      1. I really think all of the lying about Obamacare is disillusioning a lot of people. Not everyone who votes Democrat is a brain dead moron like the lefties who post on here or other internet forums. A lot of them really believed and feel betrayed over being lied to. This is why I think the midterms are going to be a blood bath for the Dems. The Republicans still can go vote on hate and will be motivated. I think a lot of Democrats are just checking out of politics and won't show up.

        Saw several of my lefty neighbors yesterday. Not a single word about politics was spoken. And this is in Washington.

    1. "We mismanaged ourselves into bankruptcy" = "emergency".


  36. Detroit doesn't need more firemen, they need more arsonists!

    Get the economy growing again. JOBZ!

    1. Finally, someone who understands!


    1. Lulz. What would be really fun is if a repeal effort really got going, and Obama/other dems wound up opposing it because he might lose.

  37. Things you could never have guessed on your own.

    (CNN) ? After the elections in 2016, President Barack Obama will leave the White House, but he may not leave Washington.

    I am, shall we say, agog.

    1. What a pathetic moron. Who would live in Washington when a luxury estate in Hawaii is an available option?

      1. A power junkie. Hawaii is so far from those levers he never actually managed to pull thanks to his incompetence.

        1. There are few less powerful people than an ex President. Obama is going to be like the Frat guy who keeps showing up at all of the parties even though he graduated years ago. I don't think this is going to end well for him.

          1. I don't think this is going to end well for him

            That has been a recurring theme for him these past few years.

          2. the Frat guy who keeps showing up at all of the parties even though he graduated years ago

            These types are so diluted in their own mind where everyone worships them for their status that they never realize that everyone is snarking at them and wondering who the hell this old creepy guy is.

            1. That is the thing. After he is no longer President, the power worshipers and boot lickers will move on.

    2. Can an ex-president hold a senate seat?

      1. Yes. Andrew Johnson served in the Senate after his term as President.

  38. Michelle Obama also said in the interview that she's weary of social media, specifically Facebook.

    "I still am not a big believer in Facebook for young people," she said, especially for her daughters given that they're under constant public scrutiny.

    "Some of its stuff they don't need to see and be a part of? So we try to protect them from too much of the public voice."

    Come on, Michelle. Do you seriously believe they don't already know what an incompetent buffoon their old man is? They see him every day.

    1. Yeah, blame Facebook instead of your and your husband's narcissism. Cute.

      1. Is it bad that I take perverse pleasure in the thought of those two brats ending up meth addicted party girls?

        1. That is bad, especially since coke is due to come back in to popularity...

  39. No AM Links today?

    I'll just leave this here.


    Thank God for Jeff Sessions.

    1. We must not allow a 3-D printer cartridge to become as deadly as a gun cartridge

      I will not allow Reason Magazine to become as deadly as a gun magazine!!!

  40. until I looked at the check which was of $4814, I be certain that...my... mom in-law could actually bringing home money in there spare time on-line.. there aunt started doing this for under 20 months and at present cleared the debts on their appartment and got a top of the range Ford Mustang. why not try this out


  41. until I looked at the check which was of $4814, I be certain that...my... mom in-law could actually bringing home money in there spare time on-line.. there aunt started doing this for under 20 months and at present cleared the debts on their appartment and got a top of the range Ford Mustang. why not try this out


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