Secession

Statehood Dreams in D.C. and Northern Colorado

To stitch a 51st star on the flag, you may need to stitch a 52nd star too.

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How fares the dream of a free North Colorado? "Colorado's rural counties were split on the secession movement," The Huffington Post's Matt Ferner reports:

Oops -- we accidentally sent a massage instead.

Washington, Phillips, Yuma, Kit Carson and Cheyenne counties voted in favor of secession, while Weld, Logan, Sedgewick, Elbert, Lincoln and Carson counties rejected the 51st state question. Voters in Moffat County, the sole northwestern county involved in secession threats, also rejected secession, halting the possibility of it becoming a new panhandle to Wyoming.

The question to voters reads: "Shall the Board of County Commissioners of ______ County, in concert with the county commissioners of other Colorado counties, pursue becoming the 51st state of the United States of America?"

The counties whose voters approved of secession plans cannot automatically break free from Colorado now; it simply allows officials in those counties to pursue the idea of secession further.

Not my dream slogan.

One big roadblock for the counties that want to secede—and for relatively conservative rural counties elsewhere who want to fly their own banners, from the would-be State of Jefferson in northern California to the breakaway bubbling in western Maryland—is convincing congressional Democrats to admit a state that is certain to send more Republicans to Washington. A wise move for the secessionists would be to forge an alliance with the D.C. statehood movement, which has the opposite problem: Their new state is sure to vote in Democrats.

The government shutdown put D.C.'s municipal officials in the ludicrous position of begging Congress for permission to draw on their own budget. Everyone involved would obviously be better off if the feds finished the job of devolving authority to the people of D.C.—everyone, that is, except Republicans concerned about the balance of power in Congress. But if you admit the State of Columbia at the same time that you admit the State of North Colorado, or whichever rural secessionist movement manages to get its act together first, you can give people more power over their own lives in two places at once without disrupting gridlock. A win all around.

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  1. I refuse to replace all the flags I drape around myself. Northern Coloradans, take back your state. Washington D.C.? Go fuck yourselves.

    1. Washington D.C.? Go fuck yourselves.

      Oh come on, they need some representation. They’re only home to 535 Congress members!

    2. Just kick out some others, to keep it at 50.
      Nobody loves North Dakota anyway.

      1. You mean major energy-producer North Dakota?

        1. Why does anyone need more than one Dakota?

          1. Once North Dakota has sufficient wealth to afford new signage and stationery, look for a name change to. . .North Florida.

        2. shhh

  2. DC, fuck no. Fuck no now, fuck no tomorrow, fuck no forever.

    1. Cut spending?

      1. That, too. In fact, to unite these two concepts, I suggest scooping out DC, placing a dome over it, and launching it into interstellar space. Strangely, that would be cheaper than doing nothing.

        1. City in Flight

        2. I hope it doesn’t turn into that city from Halo.

  3. I still think this county secession trend is silly. 90% of the shit is coming from the feds, in almost all states. Do they really think things would be much better as a more free 51st state? Maybe, until they realize the strangle hold the feds have on them.

    1. I also see an irony in the county secession trend. At least in the part of the country where I live, the secessionists who go on about declaring their independence from the money-grubbing state capital often claim to speak on behalf of the counties are the first in line at the state-government teat.

  4. Can we make PR a state plz? Maybe it would help if they changed their flag to include a giant butt in a dress that’s too tight and short?

    1. Giving PR statehood would make a lot more sense than DC, if balance is needed with N. Co.

      If Washington residents want representation, give the non-Fed office areas back to Maryland.

      1. I second your plan. A single city will never warrant the sort of administration and power of a state. DC is smaller in area than nearly all of its surrounding counties. It has no native industry to speak of other than tourism and service to the government infrastructure. Its natural station is Washington, an independent city in Maryland. Redraw the District to include only the White House, the Capitol, the Court, the Mall, and the immediately adjacent federal buildings.

    2. So you like big butts and (Statehood) cannot deny?

    3. They voted to become a state, right? Seems like PR and VI should be merged into a new state.

  5. the D.C. statehood movement

    Why stop there? Let’s just go all the way and make it a separate country.

  6. It is strange that Reason supports the North ?Colorado secession movement. What do you think these people are seceding from? They are seceding because the Colorado they grew up in no longer has its character, mostly because of mass immigration from South of the border and from White liberals. They want their traditional White America of the olden days back. Why would Reason support such a movement that actively condemns the very policies Reason ardently supports?

    1. Cool story bro.

  7. One big roadblock for the counties who want to secede — and for relatively conservative rural counties elsewhere who want to fly their own banners, from the would-be State of Jefferson in northern California to the breakaway bubbling in western Maryland — is convincing congressional Democrats to admit a state that is certain to send more Republicans to Washington.

    The wiser move would be to have seceding counties join up with Red states like bordering Wyoming or Utah, thus keeping the balance in the Senate unchanged, and giving Democrats a slightly more Blue Colorado.

  8. One big roadblock is that 50 is a nice, round number.

    1. We still have some room to reconfigure before we get to 57. We can reduce the font size in the blue part of the flag.

    2. One big roadblock is that 50 is a nice, round number.

      BASIST!!!

  9. How long will it take to make Iraq a state?

    1. Iraq? Never. Kurdlahoma? Soon.

  10. Didn’t we fight a civil war over this issue?

    convincing congressional Democrats to admit a state that is certain to send more Republicans to Washington. A wise move for the secessionists would be to forge an alliance with the D.C. statehood movement, which has the opposite problem: Their new state is sure to vote in Democrats.

    I am pretty sure there was something about the territories becoming slave states in that war.

  11. DC statehood keeps coming back just when you thought it was dead, just like Bob Newhart. Unlike Bob Newhart, DC sucks. Make it a state, then make Pittsburgh a state, too. The great State of Yinzer.

  12. The state split thing is going to happen eventually, somewhere.

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