Friday Funnies: Obama Sequester Jacking


Henry Payne

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  1. The POTUS can’t afford a cordless electric shaver?

    1. Sequester cuts. Also what happened to the alt-text.

  2. I’m pretty sure sequester jacking is when you masturbate to the thought of all the hard luck stories you’re going to get to report on your evening news show about impending budget cuts.

    1. +1 Friday Funny.

    2. Fist is funnier than the comic strip.

      1. So is muscular dystrophy.

  3. Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
    Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
    Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

    1. [an epidemic of food poisoning is sweeping the plane]
      Captain Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What’s going on?
      Rumack: I’m not sure. I haven’t seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.

      1. Longtorso, have you ever been in a… in a Turkish prison?

        1. I hear he likes gladiator movies.

  4. Rumack: Elaine, you’re a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?
    Elaine Dickinson: No.

  5. Soldier: Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
    Murdock: Make them blink in sequence.

  6. The teleprompter didn’t make it through security so they had to improvise.

    1. I chortled.

  7. Witness: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn’t handle it.
    Prosecutor: Buddy couldn’t handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?
    Witness: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn’t handle it, and he went to pieces.
    Prosecutor: *Andy* went to pieces?
    Witness: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
    Prosecutor: *Howie* came unglued?
    Witness: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
    Prosecutor: And he bailed out?
    Witness: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
    Prosecutor: Then Howie survived?
    Witness: No, ‘fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.

    Prosecutor: Over Macho Grande?
    Witness: No. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.

    1. Some Guy: Dollars? Like in taxes?

      Groucho Marx: Yes! Dallas, Texas!

      1. It was Chico.

    2. I remember watching this and Animal House when I was young (8?). Animal House was one of the first Betamax videos my folks bought (that, The Muppet Movie, and a porn video). Anyhow, I’ll always remember that in my naivety, I though Animal House was about a real college and that Airplane was referring to a real war.

      Stupid kid.

      1. Animal House, the Muppet Movie and a porno sounds like a great night in

        1. If you like furries, I suppose.

  8. Good heavens, sequestration has given the President scoliosis!

  9. Jive Lady: Oh, stewardess! I speak jive.
    Randy: Oh, good.
    Jive Lady: He said that he’s in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
    Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I’ll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
    Jive Lady: [to the Second Jive Dude] Jus’ hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da rebound on da med side.
    Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
    Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da help!
    First Jive Dude: Say ‘e can’t hang, say seven up!
    Jive Lady: Jive-ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.

  10. Why is President Obama holding a written sign when there’s a PA mic in his hand? Is the PA broken? Then why is he still holding the mic? Does he have the sign for deaf passengers, and the mic for passengers who can hear? Why didn’t he just bring someone who can sign? Were te signers laid off due to the sequester? Why are all the passngers white?

    so many questions

    1. PS Perhaps my questions would be answered if there were MOAR LABELZ. Thanks for nothing, Henry Payne.

      1. Hi Almanian,

        I’m sorry but I’m unable to shed any light into Payne’s alien mind.


    2. i just want to know why that passenger in the first seat has a weird bulge in their lap

      1. I think he’s sequester jacking

      2. It’s to label them a democrat.

  11. Obama: You ever play roulette?
    Sequester: From time to time.
    Obama: Always bet on black!

  12. It’s not so funny as I write this from Montreal with a 1.5 hour delayed flight to Philly that will probably cause me to miss my 2nd flight. They are all assholes.

    1. If there is a loving God, I shall never have to step foot in the Filthadelphia airport the rest of my days.

      1. Or the rest of the city.

  13. 1) Obama never gets his hands dirty through direct action.

    2) The cartoon should be about him hoping a plane crashes before the Senate gets that bill passed. He’s running out of time to get a fresh new pile of bodies to stand on.

  14. Way to only draw white people in first class, Payne!

    Say it with me boys and girls…*big deep breath*…RAAAACCISSST!!!!

  15. It’s Gumby Bill Cosby!

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