Friday Funnies: Obama's Idea of Home Defense

Chip Bok

Comments

[sage]

Did they attack the burglar with itch powder?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Is that burglar Dick Cheney? Because it looks like he’s having another coronary. Also, that guy with the dildo around his neck is too old for her.

[SugarFree]

The dildo is his. It’s the only way he can feel anything.

[Suthenboy]

Are the glasses his Clark Kent disquise? What the hell is that on his head, a bandage?

[BlueBook]

Yeah, and who wears white to a nighttime burglary? Unless it’s some sort of counter shading camouflage scheme.

[Counterfly]

That’s a shame that the internet meme business has gotten so bad that trollface.jpg has had to resort to a life of crime.

[LTC(ret) John]

U criminal bro?

[Counterfly]

I ain’t even

[WomSom]

SOunds like a prety solid plan dude, I like it.

http://www.SurfitAnon.tk

[BlueBook]

Why is he using a muzzle loader? Are single-shot breach loaders now defined as semi-automatic?

[WTF]

There were no effective breech-loaders when the Second Amendment was written, so you know, PROHIBITED!

[Vince aut Morire]

Also I believe that home owner would be a criminal as well. That looks awful like a percussion cap and not a flint lock.

[LTC(ret) John]

Back to matchlock or wheel-lock guns.

[Rich]

Matchlock *shotgun*!

/Joe Biden

[LTC(ret) John]

Fire ye matchlock blunderbuss into the night skye and yon thief shall fly as if all the hounds of Hell pursueth!

/Jebidiah Biden

[Ptah-Hotep]

+ several chuckles

Well done sir.

[Counterfly]

He means blunderbuss.

/H&R gun nerd

[Bee Tagger]

If that burglar isn’t careful he could end up in jail for shooting himself in the leg.

[LTC(ret) John]

I had two cases of that when I was in the State’s Attorney – one was really fun, banger was showing off his piece to the girlfriend and she told him to knock it off before someone got hurt – with unerring justice, he managed within 10 seconds of her saying that, blast himself in the upper thigh with a .45.

When the cops and the ambulance came, he claimed some other gangsta shot him. When they got the ER – the doc looked at the injury and loudly asked why this guy had shot himself. After one half-hearted denial, he admitted the whole thing.

[Restoras]

Cool story, bro. I have to imagine a .45 wound at close range is…interesting.

[Suthenboy]

Interesting….yes.

Cop friend of mine used to run the cop-range.
Years ago when they first got their glocks he was instructing them on how to use the things…explained about the trigger safety etc. and told them never to draw the weapon with finger on the trigger.

Within seconds of him explaining that for the seventieth time, and upon their first draw and shoot, one of the cops did just that. The gun fired in his holster, went vertically down his thigh breaking his humerus, bounced off his knee when it shattered it and deflected over to the other knee, shattered it and went down his left calf breaking both bones and came to a rest in his left ankle, which also was pulverized.

The freakin’ dunce died before the ambulance arrived.

[sloopyinca]

The freakin’ dunce died before the ambulance arrived.

And let me guess: he was given a state funeral, had a highway named after him and his wife is still being paid his salary on your dime.

[LTC(ret) John]

CORRECT!

Plus the widow is still living off the Darwin Award prize money.

[Restoras]

That is one magic loogie…

[Jack the Reaper]

My exact thought.

[SugarFree]

Actually, making the burglar laugh made him drop his gun. So maybe this is a valid home defense technique.

[Vince aut Morire]

Well, there is a lot less vomit or urine to clean up afterwards.

[invisible furry hand]

what if you don’t have comic timing?

[Vince aut Morire]

That’s when the slapstick defense comes into play.

[SugarFree]

Or you offer to trade him the deformed woman and potato child for whatever Bitcoins he has on him.

[LTC(ret) John]

Sold!

[invisible furry hand]

perhaps that could be a new business – home alarm stand-up comedians, who go into their routine if the window’s jemmied open in the middle of the night

[sloopyinca]

“And what’s the deal with ADT? I mean, they say they protect a home, but even [points comically] this guy made it in here.”

[LTC(ret) John]

*guffaws and claps*

Waitress, another round! I’m staying for the whole act.

[SugarFree]

“I mean, what’s the deal with prison food?”

[Fist of Etiquette]

Homeowner: Ask me what the most important thing in comedy is.

Burglar: What’s the most impor-

Homeowner: TIMING!

Buglar: [BANG]

[some guy]

The next time someone breaks into your house try it out and tell us how it goes.

[SugarFree]

Or it was just a joke I was making, Literal Larry.

[Counterfly]

Literal Larry! Classic, bwahaha *drops gun*

You ain’t seen me, right?

[SugarFree]

I agree that breaking and entering is wrong, but I think we all know the real crime here is wearing white shoes before Memorial Day.

[Counterfly]

He might have just come from the links.

[SugarFree]

Night golf. The sexiest form of golf.

[LTC(ret) John]

Report for humor/sarcasm meter recalibration.

[Counterfly]

I’ve got my prop comedy routine all ready to go!

[Cheradenine Zakalwe]

I think the bizarrely formed pistol grip made him drop his gun. Whose hands was that thing designed for, STEVE SMITH?

[LTC(ret) John]

STEVE SMITH NO NEED GUN – STEVE SMITH RAPE ENTIRE HOUSE, FURNITURE INCLUDED!

[Counterfly]

WHEN STEVE SMITH RAPE ENTIRE HOUSE, HE MEAN ENTIRE HOUSE!! FROM DRIVEWAY!

[Bobarian]

Take my wife, Please!

[gaijin]

Why does the homeowners phone look like a musket?

[sloopyinca]

The homeowner has bigger issues than the thief. I mean, he’s married to a woman with pubic hair on her feet!

[gaijin]

yeah, but those lips!

[LTC(ret) John]

She take a whole….powderhorn.

[Counterfly]

Also, she’s got an ass you could rest a non-alcoholic beer on.

[sloopyinca]

Good point. I fail to see what a Puerto Rican housewife holding a baby adds to this piece.

[SugarFree]

They can’t call the police. The wife’s illegal.

[sloopyinca]

Puerto Rico’s part of the EE UU, you estupido bastardo!

[SugarFree]

Hence the joke, my good man. I see you dropped your gun.

[sloopyinca]

I thought it was a Dominican joke, seeing as 1/3 of the women on PR are likely illegal Dominicans.

[LTC(ret) John]

Its undocumented immigrants all the way down.

/AP

[sloopyinca]

I didn’t think Adrian Peterson had an opinion on the status of illegal aliens.

[Vince aut Morire]

And the bitch didn’t even have the sense to remove the umbilical cord. Lazy trash just wrapped it around the poor kid.

[Cheradenine Zakalwe]

To be fair, I did like his wife in her role in Finding Nemo.

[Cdr Lytton]

Why does Bok have a gun and a child in the same frame? After the tragedy in CT, it’s simply irresponsible to place the two together. 99% of Americans support this common sense approach to editorial cartooning. Only the gun lobby and dangerous mentally unstable criminals would seek to use children in this despicable manner.

Now some might argue that we have to put up with Bok’s crap because of the Third Amemdment, but I reject that false choice. We must do everything within our power to protect our stupidity and keep the promise we made as America to those schoolchildren in Sandy Hook.

[LTC(ret) John]

+1

*cynical applause*

[Counterfly]

I may not agree with Chip Bok’s cartoons, but I will fight to the death for his right to…

…tell you what, let me get back to you on this one.

[Silly ol' Bear]

Why not? Obama has no problems surrounding himself with children when he discusses gun control; good for the goose, good for the gander!

BTW, I lost my child to a gun and I STILL support the 2nd Amendment.

[Proprietist]

BTW, I lost my child to a gun

So sorry to hear that.

[Longtorso]

Not even entertainingly bad.

[Restoras]

I think Bok just mails it in and let’s the asylum inmates create the funny for him.

[sloopyinca]

Why would someone buy curtains that have 2″ on the floor? Those damn things are like dust magnets.

This family deserves to be robbed.

[LTC(ret) John]

Maybe the burglar is laughing at the curtains, and not the muzzle loader?

when interior decorates go bad.

[LTC(ret) John]

er, decorators

[Cdr Lytton]

This wouldn’t happen if interior decorators were licensed by the state or if HnR had an edit button.

[sloopyinca]

And who doesn’t have baseboard in their house?

[Cheradenine Zakalwe]

I just hope they take those striped boxer shorts.

Uh, not that way.

[BlueBook]

Those are vertical blinds. But why were they open at night? The burglar would’ve just pushed them aside, so I presume the occupants deliberately left them that way because they are weirdo exhibitionists.

[Lord Humungus]

worst evah!

[VG Zaytsev]

Needs moar labels.

[LTC(ret) John]

True – this is an all-time low for Bok Labelz.

[BlueBook]

That’s right; for all we know, the couple on the right could be abducting the child of the man on the left, who is now forced to defend his home with an illegal weapon.

[Suthenboy]

Jokes aside, it is amazing to me how far removed from reality the anti-gun arguments are. They really are insane, on par with animal rights activists who argue we should ban hunting and get our meat from the grocery store where no animals are harmed. On par with progressives who argue the constitution should be ditched because ‘natural born citizen’ doesnt account for Cesarian section births, or with economists who argue that the government should fake an alien invasion or zombie apocalypse to stimulate the economy.

Who the fuck do these idiots think they are fooling? Do they honestly think someone is going to hear that horse shit and say ‘ok, sure, I see what you mean now’ and turn in all of their guns?

I guess if your true intentions are so malevolent that you cant admit what they are then that is all you have; half-baked whacko bullshit to try and nudge people in the general direction of insanity.

[Tony]

I think you’re the one being fooled.

[General Butt Naked]

Looks like Bok broke the first rule of holes.

Keep digging dickhead.

Fucking horrendous.

Jesus.

[Almanian!]

I got up off my death bed to read this?

FUCK YOU, BOK!

*coughs up other lung*

[Jesus H. Christ]

Laughter is the best medicine, which means you’re doomed after reading the Friday Funny. You do know the National Casket Association is Bok’s main sponsor?

[Rasilio]

Eh screw that shit, if I was worried about a break in and couldn’t get a gun, I got a Battle Axe and Sword waiting for any intruders and with over 2 acres in my new background am seriously considering taking up archery this summer