Friday Funnies: Obama's Idea of Home Defense

Chip Bok | 4.12.2013 7:15 AM

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sage 13 years ago

Did they attack the burglar with itch powder?
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

Is that burglar Dick Cheney? Because it looks like he's having another coronary. Also, that guy with the dildo around his neck is too old for her.
1. SugarFree 13 years ago
  
  The dildo is his. It's the only way he can feel anything.
Suthenboy 13 years ago

Are the glasses his Clark Kent disquise? What the hell is that on his head, a bandage?
1. BlueBook 13 years ago
  
  Yeah, and who wears white to a nighttime burglary? Unless it's some sort of counter shading camouflage scheme.
Counterfly 13 years ago

That's a shame that the internet meme business has gotten so bad that trollface.jpg has had to resort to a life of crime.
1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
  
  U criminal bro?
  1. Counterfly 13 years ago
    
    I ain't even
WomSom 13 years ago

SOunds like a prety solid plan dude, I like it.

http://www.SurfitAnon.tk
BlueBook 13 years ago

Why is he using a muzzle loader? Are single-shot breach loaders now defined as semi-automatic?
1. WTF 13 years ago
  
  There were no effective breech-loaders when the Second Amendment was written, so you know, PROHIBITED!
  1. Vince aut Morire 13 years ago
    
    Also I believe that home owner would be a criminal as well. That looks awful like a percussion cap and not a flint lock.
    1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
      
      Back to matchlock or wheel-lock guns.
      1. Rich 13 years ago
        
        Matchlock *shotgun*!
        
        /Joe Biden
        
        LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        Fire ye matchlock blunderbuss into the night skye and yon thief shall fly as if all the hounds of Hell pursueth!
        
        /Jebidiah Biden
        
        Ptah-Hotep 13 years ago
        
        + several chuckles
        
        Well done sir.
        
        Counterfly 13 years ago
        
        He means blunderbuss.
        
        /H&R gun nerd
Bee Tagger 13 years ago

If that burglar isn't careful he could end up in jail for shooting himself in the leg.
1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
  
  I had two cases of that when I was in the State's Attorney - one was really fun, banger was showing off his piece to the girlfriend and she told him to knock it off before someone got hurt - with unerring justice, he managed within 10 seconds of her saying that, blast himself in the upper thigh with a .45.
  
  When the cops and the ambulance came, he claimed some other gangsta shot him. When they got the ER - the doc looked at the injury and loudly asked why this guy had shot himself. After one half-hearted denial, he admitted the whole thing.
  1. Restoras 13 years ago
    
    Cool story, bro. I have to imagine a .45 wound at close range is...interesting.
    1. Suthenboy 13 years ago
      
      Interesting....yes.
      
      Cop friend of mine used to run the cop-range.
      Years ago when they first got their glocks he was instructing them on how to use the things...explained about the trigger safety etc. and told them never to draw the weapon with finger on the trigger.
      
      Within seconds of him explaining that for the seventieth time, and upon their first draw and shoot, one of the cops did just that. The gun fired in his holster, went vertically down his thigh breaking his humerus, bounced off his knee when it shattered it and deflected over to the other knee, shattered it and went down his left calf breaking both bones and came to a rest in his left ankle, which also was pulverized.
      
      The freakin' dunce died before the ambulance arrived.
      1. sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        The freakin' dunce died before the ambulance arrived.
        
        And let me guess: he was given a state funeral, had a highway named after him and his wife is still being paid his salary on your dime.
        
        LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        CORRECT!
        
        Plus the widow is still living off the Darwin Award prize money.
      2. Restoras 13 years ago
        
        That is one magic loogie...
        
        Jack the Reaper 13 years ago
        
        My exact thought.
SugarFree 13 years ago

Actually, making the burglar laugh made him drop his gun. So maybe this is a valid home defense technique.
1. Vince aut Morire 13 years ago
  
  Well, there is a lot less vomit or urine to clean up afterwards.
2. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
  
  what if you don't have comic timing?
  1. Vince aut Morire 13 years ago
    
    That's when the slapstick defense comes into play.
    1. SugarFree 13 years ago
      
      Or you offer to trade him the deformed woman and potato child for whatever Bitcoins he has on him.
      1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        Sold!
      2. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        perhaps that could be a new business - home alarm stand-up comedians, who go into their routine if the window's jemmied open in the middle of the night
        
        sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        "And what's the deal with ADT? I mean, they say they protect a home, but even [points comically] this guy made it in here."
        
        LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        *guffaws and claps*
        
        Waitress, another round! I'm staying for the whole act.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        "I mean, what's the deal with prison food?"
        
        Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago
        
        Homeowner: Ask me what the most important thing in comedy is.
        
        Burglar: What's the most impor-
        
        Homeowner: TIMING!
        
        Buglar: [BANG]
3. some guy 13 years ago
  
  The next time someone breaks into your house try it out and tell us how it goes.
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    Or it was just a joke I was making, Literal Larry.
    1. Counterfly 13 years ago
      
      Literal Larry! Classic, bwahaha *drops gun*
      
      You ain't seen me, right?
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        I agree that breaking and entering is wrong, but I think we all know the real crime here is wearing white shoes before Memorial Day.
        
        Counterfly 13 years ago
        
        He might have just come from the links.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Night golf. The sexiest form of golf.
  2. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
    
    Report for humor/sarcasm meter recalibration.
  3. Counterfly 13 years ago
    
    I've got my prop comedy routine all ready to go!
4. Cheradenine Zakalwe 13 years ago
  
  I think the bizarrely formed pistol grip made him drop his gun. Whose hands was that thing designed for, STEVE SMITH?
  1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
    
    STEVE SMITH NO NEED GUN - STEVE SMITH RAPE ENTIRE HOUSE, FURNITURE INCLUDED!
    1. Counterfly 13 years ago
      
      WHEN STEVE SMITH RAPE ENTIRE HOUSE, HE MEAN ENTIRE HOUSE!! FROM DRIVEWAY!
      1. Bobarian 13 years ago
        
        Take my wife, Please!
gaijin 13 years ago

Why does the homeowners phone look like a musket?
sloopyinca 13 years ago

The homeowner has bigger issues than the thief. I mean, he's married to a woman with pubic hair on her feet!
1. gaijin 13 years ago
  
  yeah, but those lips!
  1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
    
    She take a whole....powderhorn.
    1. Counterfly 13 years ago
      
      Also, she's got an ass you could rest a non-alcoholic beer on.
      1. sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        Good point. I fail to see what a Puerto Rican housewife holding a baby adds to this piece.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        They can't call the police. The wife's illegal.
        
        sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        Puerto Rico's part of the EE UU, you estupido bastardo!
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Hence the joke, my good man. I see you dropped your gun.
        
        sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        I thought it was a Dominican joke, seeing as 1/3 of the women on PR are likely illegal Dominicans.
        
        LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        Its undocumented immigrants all the way down.
        
        /AP
        
        sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        I didn't think Adrian Peterson had an opinion on the status of illegal aliens.
2. Vince aut Morire 13 years ago
  
  And the bitch didn't even have the sense to remove the umbilical cord. Lazy trash just wrapped it around the poor kid.
3. Cheradenine Zakalwe 13 years ago
  
  To be fair, I did like his wife in her role in Finding Nemo.
Cdr Lytton 13 years ago

Why does Bok have a gun and a child in the same frame? After the tragedy in CT, it's simply irresponsible to place the two together. 99% of Americans support this common sense approach to editorial cartooning. Only the gun lobby and dangerous mentally unstable criminals would seek to use children in this despicable manner.

Now some might argue that we have to put up with Bok's crap because of the Third Amemdment, but I reject that false choice. We must do everything within our power to protect our stupidity and keep the promise we made as America to those schoolchildren in Sandy Hook.
1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
  
  +1
  
  *cynical applause*
  1. Counterfly 13 years ago
    
    I may not agree with Chip Bok's cartoons, but I will fight to the death for his right to...
    
    ...tell you what, let me get back to you on this one.
2. Silly ol' Bear 13 years ago
  
  Why not? Obama has no problems surrounding himself with children when he discusses gun control; good for the goose, good for the gander!
  
  BTW, I lost my child to a gun and I STILL support the 2nd Amendment.
  1. Proprietist 13 years ago
    
    BTW, I lost my child to a gun
    
    So sorry to hear that.
Longtorso 13 years ago

Not even entertainingly bad.
1. Restoras 13 years ago
  
  I think Bok just mails it in and let's the asylum inmates create the funny for him.
sloopyinca 13 years ago

Why would someone buy curtains that have 2" on the floor? Those damn things are like dust magnets.

This family deserves to be robbed.
1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
  
  Maybe the burglar is laughing at the curtains, and not the muzzle loader?
  
  when interior decorates go bad.
  1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
    
    er, decorators
    1. Cdr Lytton 13 years ago
      
      This wouldn't happen if interior decorators were licensed by the state or if HnR had an edit button.
2. sloopyinca 13 years ago
  
  And who doesn't have baseboard in their house?
3. Cheradenine Zakalwe 13 years ago
  
  I just hope they take those striped boxer shorts.
  
  Uh, not that way.
4. BlueBook 13 years ago
  
  Those are vertical blinds. But why were they open at night? The burglar would've just pushed them aside, so I presume the occupants deliberately left them that way because they are weirdo exhibitionists.
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

worst evah!
VG Zaytsev 13 years ago

Needs moar labels.
1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
  
  True - this is an all-time low for Bok Labelz.
2. BlueBook 13 years ago
  
  That's right; for all we know, the couple on the right could be abducting the child of the man on the left, who is now forced to defend his home with an illegal weapon.
Suthenboy 13 years ago

Jokes aside, it is amazing to me how far removed from reality the anti-gun arguments are. They really are insane, on par with animal rights activists who argue we should ban hunting and get our meat from the grocery store where no animals are harmed. On par with progressives who argue the constitution should be ditched because 'natural born citizen' doesnt account for Cesarian section births, or with economists who argue that the government should fake an alien invasion or zombie apocalypse to stimulate the economy.

Who the fuck do these idiots think they are fooling? Do they honestly think someone is going to hear that horse shit and say 'ok, sure, I see what you mean now' and turn in all of their guns?

I guess if your true intentions are so malevolent that you cant admit what they are then that is all you have; half-baked whacko bullshit to try and nudge people in the general direction of insanity.
1. Tony 13 years ago
  
  I think you're the one being fooled.
General Butt Naked 13 years ago

Looks like Bok broke the first rule of holes.

Keep digging dickhead.

Fucking horrendous.

Jesus.
Almanian! 13 years ago

I got up off my death bed to read this?

FUCK YOU, BOK!

*coughs up other lung*
1. Jesus H. Christ 13 years ago
  
  Laughter is the best medicine, which means you're doomed after reading the Friday Funny. You do know the National Casket Association is Bok's main sponsor?
Rasilio 13 years ago

Eh screw that shit, if I was worried about a break in and couldn't get a gun, I got a Battle Axe and Sword waiting for any intruders and with over 2 acres in my new background am seriously considering taking up archery this summer

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