Monsters in the White House

Creature-feature politics.

Consumer items of the day:

Heroes in Action have a line of Presidential Monster action figures, including JFK as the Phantom of the White House, Ronald Reagan as The Ronmy, GW Bush as Zombush, Bill Clinton as Wolf Bill, Richard Nixon as Monster from the Watergate Lagoon (my favorite of the bunch), Barack Obama as Baracula, and Abe Lincoln as Lincolnstein.

You can see the line-up here. Reason readers are invited to propose more presidential/monster mash-ups in the comment thread. William Howard Taft as Yog-Sothoth? LBJ as Leatherface? Maybe some sort of Killer Fordbot? America's toymakers await your instructions.

Comments

[Matrix]

They nailed it with Baracula... because he really does suck!

[SugarFree]

Gerald Ford Pinto. Explosive action!

[Albertus Magnus]

I like how you combined two things no one wanted and suddenly made the new thing desirable.

[SugarFree]

Stick with me, baby. It's a helluva toboggan ride.

[Tim]

I knew I was beat as soon as I read it. Fuck you.

[Bob_R]

Calvin Coolidge as the invisible man.

[Bob_R]

Though, for a president that's a good thing, not monstrous.

[Raston Bot]

Coolidge was stopped by a woman on the street who said her friend bet her she couldn't get him to say three words. To which Coolidge replied, "Fuck off."

[Ice Nine]

Who wouldn't want a couple of these?

[Episiarch]

How about not glorifying these scumbags in any way? Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I just got up and I fucking hate presidents.

"God, you're gay! You don't think violence solves anything? What kinda monster are you?"

[SugarFree]

Obviously, you are not sorry. If you were really sorry, you'd stop.

[Episiarch]

Calm down, Hitler. Do you think Ron Howard just wished Willow was great? No, and yet it was.

[SugarFree]

HOW DARE YOU BRING WILLOW INTO THIS!

[Episiarch]

Madmartigan, where have you gone?!?

[Ice Nine]

Weight Watchers?

[SugarFree]

Barack Obama as Baracula

Jefferson Twilight: I hunt Blaculas.

Villain: Oh, so you hunt African-American vampires?

Jefferson Twilight: Nooo, sometimes I hunt British vampires. They don't have African-Americans in England.

Villain: Oh, I guess that makes sense...

Jefferson Twilight: Look, I hunt black vampires, I don't know what the PC name for that is.

[Restoras]

Damn good alt+text. Damn good.

[Albertus Magnus]

Theodore Roosevelt as the "Headless" Horseman. Also, a complete line up of presidents re-imagined as characters from the Puppetmaster films would sound right.

[SugarFree]

Question: Are mummies a subset of zombie? Show your work.

[Episiarch]

No.

"The curse of the mummy is actually just a figure of speech. Vomiting locusts for a thousand years is just an old wives' tale. The real curse of the mummy is that he is completely socially inept, devoid of all manners, gold-digging, manipulative, and a selfish brat. Don't ever wake him unless you have a lot of time and money on your hands. Thank you for buying Mummies for Dummies."

[Tim]

And the 2000 year old skid marks... (shudder)

[Fist of Etiquette]

Neither of those things is real. Gawd.

[Albertus Magnus]

James Puke-Cannon.

[Jeff]

JFK looks more like Reagan than Reagan does.

[SugarFree]

Grover Cleveland married the daughter of a dead law partner who he was made gaurdian over. I assume that the outline of a shadow in a darkened bedroom really doesn't make for a very exciting action, though.

[LTC(ret) John]

So, a proto-Woody Allen?

[Sevo]

Wooden-head Wilson?

[Way Of The Crane]

The Abominable William Howard Taft

[Tim]

Andrew Micheal Jackson, WARNING NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.

[Joe M]

Calvin Cthulhidge

[LTC(ret) John]

FTW!

[LTC(ret) John]

In his house at D.C., dead Cthulhidge waits dreaming.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhidge White House wgah'nagl fhtagn

[Tim]

Lyndon BANE Johnson

[SugarFree]

YEAHAHAHYAEHYEHAYHEAHYEAEHYAHYEAEHYEHAHEAEAH!

[Joe M]

Thomas Jefferson of Sam

[Tim]

Hairy Truman (Sasquatch)

[LTC(ret) John]

STEVE SMITH NOT AMUSED

[Death Rock and Skull]

Baracula... Blackula- RACIST!!!!!!

[Tim]

Baracula is cute but I would have done him as the "Creature from the African American Lagoon."

[angrygnat]

Cthulhu Delano Roosevelt

[The Late P Brooks]

If anybody should be portrayed as a zombie, it's Nixon.

I would depict him gnawing on the limp corpse of Checkers.

[PapayaSF]

I'm imagining some sort of Eisenhower/Tor Johnson in Plan 9 From Outer Space mashup.

[SugarFree]

President Eisenhowitzer: half-man, half-gun, all President.

[LTC(ret) John]

+105mm

[LTC(ret) John]

"William Howard Taft as Yog-Sothoth?"

That is pure WIN, that is.

[LTC(ret) John]

Tippecanoe and Tentacles too?

[swizzard]

Martin Van Buren, the Kinderhook Were-Fox?
John Quincy Addams?

[LTC(ret) John]

"John Quincy Addams"

Well played, swizzard, well played.

[Disgusted Dem]

How about The Carter from the Black Lagoon?

[Disgusted Dem]

And the Tru-Man with the X-Ray Eyes.

[IceTrey]

Lincolnstein makes no sense. Frankenstein is the name of the doctor, not the monster. He is just called The Monster. Lincolnstein should be dressed in a lab coat.