Sports

Friday Funnies: Lance and Manti

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  1. The Bokster has clearly been taking the cartoonist’s equivalent of performance-enhancing drugs (whatever those might be). Attaboy Chip!

    1. I guess there is a medically accepted use for Quaaludes besides recreational.

  2. Why does ‘Oprah’ have a goatee?

    1. Fuck you, that’s why!

      wait…

      1. Fuck yo couch, that’s why!

        1. Well, OK, but I warn you, Warty sat on that thing.

    2. Performance enhancing drugs, duh.

  3. It’s true, Rick James.

    They’ve asked me to reprise my role as the Goblin in the new Spiderman movie.

    1. Rick James in drag?

      Yep, I’m seeing it.

      +1 Superfreak

  4. This makes absolutely no sense. Chip, you can’t just pull random things from the news, put them together, and expect them to be funny. And did you really need to label Lance Armstrong? If people don’t recognize him without the label, they certainly aren’t going to get whatever joke you failed to make.

    1. Yeah, what does he think this is, Family Guy?

      1. At least Family Guy can take advantage of the medium to use physical humor…

      2. “You think that’s bad? Remember the time Muhammad gave me a salmon helmet while wearing a toga?”

  5. It’s good to see that the Face of Boe has gotten himself a body.

  6. They must be at one of those new hipster ‘shampoo and lawn-chair’ restaurants.

    1. It’s an outdoor shampoo and lawn-chair caf? you heathen!

  7. Why doesn’t that black lady have a sign around her neck? How am I supposed to know who she is?

    1. which black lady? There are two of them

      1. Pretty sure the one on the left is Venus Williams.

        I think the one on the right is Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, but I’m not sure.

    2. Oh, sure, we need to LABEL the BLACK LADY because RACIST!

  8. Lance Armstrong?
    No gun joke?
    I guess captain zero has that all wrapped up so no need to here.

    1. So you’re saying Lance Armstrong killed Manti Te’o’s girlfriend with a semi-automatic terror assault rifle after he got mentally ill from taking PEDs?

      1. What does Porcine Epidemic Diarrhoea have to do with this, exactly?

        1. Nice additional British “o” in the “oea” there, Doc.

          +1 Encyclopoeadia (not World Book)

          1. well he is secretly Canadian. And gay

            1. well he is secretly Canadian. And gay

              Ok, that’s bollocks! I notice A) You didn’t read my response to that; B) I AM NOT CANADIAN! C) I am straight as an arrow (NTTAWT or homosexuality), and if it wasn’t for Dr. Podruga Groovova, I would hop a flight to Sydney and sweep you off your feet, Spunky One, as it’s only a 9hr flight from Donets’k (and AeroSvit is finally back up and flying on time).

              So on with you!-D

              1. A) I did, but it bored me
                B) So the record collection of Neil Young, Anne Murray, Bryan Adams, Celine Dion and Tragically Hip is just quirkiness, not patriotism?
                C) C’mon, I’m just teasin’!

                1. A) Piffle.
                  B) Those are originals on first press VINYL and collectables, just like my action figures, Iraqi dinars and commemorative plates! A sound investment if you ask me.
                  C) Whew! Dr. PG is relieved.-D

                2. Why would Canadians like C?line Dion?

                  1. People who like Celine are canadiens.

              2. I think you’d melt in Sydney right about now. 🙁

                1. nah he’d be fine – it’s 71 F with 73% humidity. In the middle of the night. Much cooler than the 114 F with low humidity earlier today (which was fantastic to walk around in – I love bushfire weather)

          2. Thanks, I have been reading The Lancet and The BMJ quite a bit since I have been here (and did often in The States), in addition to the Brit smut rags. Also, if there is a Russian or Ukrainian word I don’t know, the English perevodchik at the hospital is written in The Queen’s.

          3. Actually, it’s Encyclopaedia.

            Or, if the server doesn’t choke on non-ASCII characters, Encyclop?dia.

            And diarrh?a.

        2. Everything! Like in everything else, you have to follow the money!

          Back, and to the left…Baaaaack. And to the left.

  9. Actually, if you take this as a scene from Super Troopers crossed with a scene from How Stella Got Her Groove Back as interpretted by the script-writer for The Program it’s pretty damn…well it’s pretty damn something.

    Wasn’t that a footnote from House of Leaves? Or am I thinking of Gravity’s Rainbow?

    1. HGH doesn’t improve wit, WRG.-))))

      1. Sure it does. If it doesn’t, you’re just not doing enough of it.

  10. UNFUNNY CRAP

    1. Let the hate course through your veins like a drugs.

      AAHHHHHH…

  11. If I were sage I would say, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” If I were Reppin’, I would say “Fuck Notre Dame!” But I’d be a day behind. If I were Lance Armstrong, I’d think this cartoon was a real kick in the nut.

    Also, fried chicken. Fer serial.

    Happy RACIST Friday, Reasonoids.

  12. I’d like to propose an alternative “comic” (I’d draw it myself, but I’m no artist):

    The setting is some guy’s living room. He’s sitting in his chair with a look of mixed terror and fury. To his left are a dozen armed SWAT members. They’ve got assault rifles, assault shotguns, assault grenade launchers, etc. At the lead cop’s feet the guy’s dog (a labradoodle) is laying in a pool of blood. The lead cop is holding a paper labeled “warrant” and he’s saying “Ooh, sorry. We got the wrong house…”. On the right side of the guy is a TV with President Obama’s picture on it. He’s saying “Common citizens simply do not need assault weapons for self defense…”.

    1. Needs moar labelz

      1. Ok, all the SWAT members are labeled “SWAT team”. Obama is labeled “Obama”. The TV is labeled “Television”. The guy is labeled “poor bastard” and his dog is labeled “poor bitch”.

    2. Well that’s even less funny than Bok’s.

      Can it be Lance Armstrong’s living room instead of some guy’s?

      1. And the guy in the chair could be Te’o!

      2. It wasn’t supposed to be funny. Every libertarian “comic” should make people die a little on the inside by pointing out the hopelessness of the cause.

        Sorry, the whole gun debatedebacle has made me extra cynical this week.

        1. No problem, I’m already dead on the inside, so humor is all there is.

          Nothing’s ever going to change for the better, so you might as well laugh as it scruds across the floor like a starving one legged dog. Sure, that cockroach may have died from pesticide and taste foul and make your eyes fuzz up, but if you get there in time, you can get a few calories out of it, so you can keep on living in agony for a few minutes longer, Fido.

          1. Sorry about your dog, man. I’m sure he’s happier knowing he can still make you laugh. Dogs are good like that.

          2. THANKS WG!!!

            I was thinking about some cool stuff and kind of getting all hopeful, but your post brought me right back around. Nothing like a 100mg shot of cynicism right into the heart to set the world right again.

        2. Every libertarian “comic” should make people die a little on the inside…

          Well good news, because every libertarian FF has made me die a little every Friday!

          The H&R comments help me recover.

    3. That was so bad it gave Lance Armstrong cancer. Oops, too soon?

      1. So you’re saying it was so bad it traveled back in time and irradiated Armstrong’s nether regions? That’s pretty bad, but it’s never too soon.

  13. Wow. Sorry I missed this one.

    1. Surely you’re not presumptuous enough to think that if you can’t be FIRST!, then at least you can be LAST!

      1. Not at all. Some spam comment for knock-off Nikes a few months from now will be last.

  14. Why are all supposed to give a shit that this gay Notre Dame LB pretented to have a gf? For that matter who gives a shit about cyclists.

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