Friday Funnies: Lance and Manti

Chip Bok | 1.18.2013 7:00 AM

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invisible furry hand 12 years ago

The Bokster has clearly been taking the cartoonist's equivalent of performance-enhancing drugs (whatever those might be). Attaboy Chip!
1. Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
  
  I guess there is a medically accepted use for Quaaludes besides recreational.
WTF 12 years ago

Why does 'Oprah' have a goatee?
1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
  
  Fuck you, that's why!
  
  wait...
  1. General Butt Naked 12 years ago
    
    Fuck yo couch, that's why!
    1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
      
      Well, OK, but I warn you, Warty sat on that thing.
2. Jerry on the road 12 years ago
  
  Performance enhancing drugs, duh.
Whiterun Guard 12 years ago

It's true, Rick James.

They've asked me to reprise my role as the Goblin in the new Spiderman movie.
1. Almanian. 12 years ago
  
  Rick James in drag?
  
  Yep, I'm seeing it.
  
  +1 Superfreak
some guy 12 years ago

This makes absolutely no sense. Chip, you can't just pull random things from the news, put them together, and expect them to be funny. And did you really need to label Lance Armstrong? If people don't recognize him without the label, they certainly aren't going to get whatever joke you failed to make.
1. Xenocles 12 years ago
  
  Yeah, what does he think this is, Family Guy?
  1. some guy 12 years ago
    
    At least Family Guy can take advantage of the medium to use physical humor...
  2. Loki 12 years ago
    
    "You think that's bad? Remember the time Muhammad gave me a salmon helmet while wearing a toga?"
General Butt Naked 12 years ago

It's good to see that the Face of Boe has gotten himself a body.
General Butt Naked 12 years ago

They must be at one of those new hipster 'shampoo and lawn-chair' restaurants.
1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
  
  It's an outdoor shampoo and lawn-chair caf? you heathen!
Grenator Bole 12 years ago

Why doesn't that black lady have a sign around her neck? How am I supposed to know who she is?
1. invisible furry hand 12 years ago
  
  which black lady? There are two of them
  1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
    
    Pretty sure the one on the left is Venus Williams.
    
    I think the one on the right is Manti Te'o's girlfriend, but I'm not sure.
2. Almanian. 12 years ago
  
  Oh, sure, we need to LABEL the BLACK LADY because RACIST!
Suthenboy 12 years ago

Lance Armstrong?
No gun joke?
I guess captain zero has that all wrapped up so no need to here.
1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
  
  So you're saying Lance Armstrong killed Manti Te'o's girlfriend with a semi-automatic terror assault rifle after he got mentally ill from taking PEDs?
  1. Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
    
    What does Porcine Epidemic Diarrhoea have to do with this, exactly?
    1. Almanian. 12 years ago
      
      Nice additional British "o" in the "oea" there, Doc.
      
      +1 Encyclopoeadia (not World Book)
      1. invisible furry hand 12 years ago
        
        well he is secretly Canadian. And gay
        
        Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
        
        well he is secretly Canadian. And gay
        
        Ok, that's bollocks! I notice A) You didn't read my response to that; B) I AM NOT CANADIAN! C) I am straight as an arrow (NTTAWT or homosexuality), and if it wasn't for Dr. Podruga Groovova, I would hop a flight to Sydney and sweep you off your feet, Spunky One, as it's only a 9hr flight from Donets'k (and AeroSvit is finally back up and flying on time).
        
        So on with you!-D
        
        invisible furry hand 12 years ago
        
        A) I did, but it bored me
        B) So the record collection of Neil Young, Anne Murray, Bryan Adams, Celine Dion and Tragically Hip is just quirkiness, not patriotism?
        C) C'mon, I'm just teasin'!
        
        Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
        
        A) Piffle.
        B) Those are originals on first press VINYL and collectables, just like my action figures, Iraqi dinars and commemorative plates! A sound investment if you ask me.
        C) Whew! Dr. PG is relieved.-D
        
        Ted S. 12 years ago
        
        Why would Canadians like C?line Dion?
        
        Bobarian 12 years ago
        
        People who like Celine are canadiens.
        
        Ted S. 12 years ago
        
        I think you'd melt in Sydney right about now. 🙁
        
        invisible furry hand 12 years ago
        
        nah he'd be fine - it's 71 F with 73% humidity. In the middle of the night. Much cooler than the 114 F with low humidity earlier today (which was fantastic to walk around in - I love bushfire weather)
      2. Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
        
        Thanks, I have been reading The Lancet and The BMJ quite a bit since I have been here (and did often in The States), in addition to the Brit smut rags. Also, if there is a Russian or Ukrainian word I don't know, the English perevodchik at the hospital is written in The Queen's.
      3. Ted S. 12 years ago
        
        Actually, it's Encyclopaedia.
        
        Or, if the server doesn't choke on non-ASCII characters, Encyclop?dia.
        
        And diarrh?a.
    2. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
      
      Everything! Like in everything else, you have to follow the money!
      
      Back, and to the left...Baaaaack. And to the left.
Whiterun Guard 12 years ago

Actually, if you take this as a scene from Super Troopers crossed with a scene from How Stella Got Her Groove Back as interpretted by the script-writer for The Program it's pretty damn...well it's pretty damn something.

Wasn't that a footnote from House of Leaves? Or am I thinking of Gravity's Rainbow?
1. Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
  
  HGH doesn't improve wit, WRG.-))))
  1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
    
    Sure it does. If it doesn't, you're just not doing enough of it.
Rick Santorum 12 years ago

UNFUNNY CRAP
1. General Butt Naked 12 years ago
  
  Let the hate course through your veins like a drugs.
  
  AAHHHHHH...
Almanian. 12 years ago

If I were sage I would say, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" If I were Reppin', I would say "Fuck Notre Dame!" But I'd be a day behind. If I were Lance Armstrong, I'd think this cartoon was a real kick in the nut.

Also, fried chicken. Fer serial.

Happy RACIST Friday, Reasonoids.
some guy 12 years ago

I'd like to propose an alternative "comic" (I'd draw it myself, but I'm no artist):

The setting is some guy's living room. He's sitting in his chair with a look of mixed terror and fury. To his left are a dozen armed SWAT members. They've got assault rifles, assault shotguns, assault grenade launchers, etc. At the lead cop's feet the guy's dog (a labradoodle) is laying in a pool of blood. The lead cop is holding a paper labeled "warrant" and he's saying "Ooh, sorry. We got the wrong house...". On the right side of the guy is a TV with President Obama's picture on it. He's saying "Common citizens simply do not need assault weapons for self defense...".
1. Almanian. 12 years ago
  
  Needs moar labelz
  1. some guy 12 years ago
    
    Ok, all the SWAT members are labeled "SWAT team". Obama is labeled "Obama". The TV is labeled "Television". The guy is labeled "poor bastard" and his dog is labeled "poor bitch".
2. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
  
  Well that's even less funny than Bok's.
  
  Can it be Lance Armstrong's living room instead of some guy's?
  1. LTC(ret) John 12 years ago
    
    And the guy in the chair could be Te'o!
  2. some guy 12 years ago
    
    It wasn't supposed to be funny. Every libertarian "comic" should make people die a little on the inside by pointing out the hopelessness of the cause.
    
    Sorry, the whole gun debatedebacle has made me extra cynical this week.
    1. Whiterun Guard 12 years ago
      
      No problem, I'm already dead on the inside, so humor is all there is.
      
      Nothing's ever going to change for the better, so you might as well laugh as it scruds across the floor like a starving one legged dog. Sure, that cockroach may have died from pesticide and taste foul and make your eyes fuzz up, but if you get there in time, you can get a few calories out of it, so you can keep on living in agony for a few minutes longer, Fido.
      1. some guy 12 years ago
        
        Sorry about your dog, man. I'm sure he's happier knowing he can still make you laugh. Dogs are good like that.
      2. Jesus H. Christ 12 years ago
        
        THANKS WG!!!
        
        I was thinking about some cool stuff and kind of getting all hopeful, but your post brought me right back around. Nothing like a 100mg shot of cynicism right into the heart to set the world right again.
    2. Bobarian 12 years ago
      
      Every libertarian "comic" should make people die a little on the inside...
      
      Well good news, because every libertarian FF has made me die a little every Friday!
      
      The H&R comments help me recover.
3. Groovus Maximus 12 years ago
  
  That was so bad it gave Lance Armstrong cancer. Oops, too soon?
  1. some guy 12 years ago
    
    So you're saying it was so bad it traveled back in time and irradiated Armstrong's nether regions? That's pretty bad, but it's never too soon.
Fist of Etiquette 12 years ago

Wow. Sorry I missed this one.
1. Ted S. 12 years ago
  
  Surely you're not presumptuous enough to think that if you can't be FIRST!, then at least you can be LAST!
  1. Fist of Etiquette 12 years ago
    
    Not at all. Some spam comment for knock-off Nikes a few months from now will be last.
AlmightyJB 12 years ago

Why are all supposed to give a shit that this gay Notre Dame LB pretented to have a gf? For that matter who gives a shit about cyclists.

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Friday Funnies: Lance and Manti

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