Barack Obama

Barack Obama: The end?

The president's latest pitch points out election day might be the end of the opportunity.

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look up, every end is a new beginning!

As another monthly fundraising deadline approaches (just two more after this!), we get another campaign missive from the president. This one carries the subject line "The end?" There's no prize attached, unlike many of the Obama campaign's other fundraising pitches. Nevertheless though nothing is being raffled off, the prize couldn't be bigger. If you don't donate, the president might not win! The e-mail:

Edward —

It's August 23rd. And 75 days from now, I'll either be looking at another four years in the White House—or the end of this opportunity.

I know what's at stake for the parents worrying about health care, the kids who need help to go to college, and the seniors who want a secure retirement.

But we're getting outspent by wide margins in critical battleground states—and what we do about that today could be the difference between winning and losing on November 6th. 

So as we near one of the last fundraising deadlines of this campaign, I'm asking you to pitch in $3 or whatever you can right now…

 Thanks for all you do,

Barack

This guy sure looks like he knew opportunity's at stake this November; he was the independent reviewer of the White House's energy loans and after his work was finished he donated more than $50,000 to Obama's re-election effort.

An AP analysis of data, meanwhile, shows Mitt Romney attracting thousands of donors from liberal strongholds like San Francisco and New York City.

Romney and Republicans currently have a nearly $60 million advantage in cash on hand over Obama and Democrats, although head to head Obama is raising more than Romney and spending not only more than Romney but more than his campaign actually brings in.

Lest you forget, in 2008 Obama became the first major party presidential candidate to reject public funding for his campaign since the system started in 1976. That allowed him to surpass the campaign spending limit that comes with public money on his way to a record-breaking fundraising cash haul in 2008. This year, both Obama and Romney have foregone public financing, also a first since 1976.

Previous Obama campaign missives herehere,  here,  here and here.

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  1. I know what’s at stake for the parents worrying about health care, the kids who need help to go to college, and the seniors who want a secure retirement.

    I’m asking you to pitch in $3 or whatever you can right now?

    That’s quite a return on investment for parents, college kids, and seniors.

  2. I’ll pitch in a hand helping you move out.

    Provided, of course, that you pay me for it. If not, you’ll just be subject to the penaltax.

  3. For just a moment there I fantasized that the e-mail was a suicide note.

    And then I remembered who the vice president is, and breathed a little sigh of relief.

    1. You know things are bad when the death of the terminally incompetent President would only make things worse.

    2. He picked an insurance policy for VP, not a replacement.

    3. I’d really enjoy a brief Biden presidency. Seriously – once in a lifetime chance at lulz not imitating life, but being real.

      That would be so awesome – “God love ya, [insert name of leader of another country here]…”

      1. I don’t know. El Presidente for Life Joe Biden may be just what this country needs.

        1. That would be a big fucking deal!

  4. Needs more Doors playing in the background.

  5. Give the man $3, you cheap bastard.

    1. Get a job, president mooch.

    1. Cillian Murphy is racsit?

      1. Cillian Murphy was scarecrow. Sandman was Thomas Haden Church.

        1. dammit

        2. Sandman was Lowell from Wings who got caught pounding Sandra Oh in Sideways. c’mon man.

          1. That scene where she hits him in the face with a motorcycle helmet is both disturbing and wildly funny.

            1. His character carried the middle of that movie.

    2. Leave Mariano Rivera alone, he’ll strike out anyone, regardless of what they look like.

    3. How well you sleep may hinge on race

      Non-Hispanic whites get more and better-quality sleep than people of other races, studies repeatedly show. Blacks are the most likely to get shorter, more restless sleep.

      What researchers don’t yet know is why.

      How about the old adage that an honest man’s pillow is his piece of mind?

      1. So….sleep is racist, too? Who knew?!

      2. Speaking of – I’m gonna take the new ZzzQuil liquid for a test drive tonight. See how well n quickly it knocks me out for my flight to PHX tomorrow.

      3. then that settles it – Zimmerman’s innocent.

  6. Hmmmmm.

    The Social Security Administration (SSA) confirms that it is purchasing 174 thousand rounds of hollow point bullets to be delivered to 41 locations in major cities across the U.S. No one has yet said what the purpose of these purchases is, though we are led to believe that they will be used only in an emergency to counteract and control civil unrest.

    ——–

    If this were only a one time order of ammunition, it could easily be dismissed. But there is a pattern here. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has ordered 46,000 rounds of hollow point ammunition.

    ——–

    In the war in Iraq, our military forces expended approximately 70 million rounds per year. In March DHS ordered 750 million rounds of hollow point ammunition. It then turned around and ordered an additional 750 million rounds of miscellaneous bullets including some that are capable of penetrating walls. This is enough ammunition to empty five rounds into the body of every living American citizen.

    It’s ridiculous to think they’re going to shoot EVERYBODY. Just the ones who refuse to OBEY.

    1. Suffice it to say that if something like that ever does happen, I’m not going to survive, because that’ll be the point at which my limits will have been transgressed beyond return.

    2. We will shoot twice 5 times and go home.

    3. Hmmm…. So they’re going to Einsatzgruppen their way to social security reform?

      /Godwin

    4. And this much ammunition can’t be just for training, there aren’t that many weapons and “shooters” in the U.S. to fire it. Perhaps it is to be used to arm illegal immigrants?

      I was going to say that this sounds crazy and paranoid, but then I remembered that Obama is crazy and paranoid. Who knows, for example, if this has any connection to Fast and Furious and the ongoing cartel wars just south of our border? I want to say that the author is overreacting, but these seem to be apocalyptic times where anything is possible.

    5. Maybe they’re just trying to corner the market. I don’t think it will work, though it will of course be a huge boon for the ammo industry.

      1. The Zetas called and asked for assistance. Ebony Messiah, naturally, obliged.

    6. STOP RESISTING and RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!

    7. The Social Security Administration (SSA) confirms that it is purchasing 174 thousand rounds of hollow point bullets

      Two words: Grey Dawn.

      1. Plus, remember this gem: “We cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we’ve set. We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.

        For once he’s actually making good on something he promised.

        1. So something like the Basij-e Mostaz’afin then huh?

    8. You think that face eater was really just a crazy person?

  7. 75 days from now, I’ll either be looking at another four years in the White House —

    or looking for a JOB! HELP ME, AMERICA!!!

    For God’s sake, help meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    1. Don’t put another black man on the unemployment line!!

      1. His unemployment benefits will only last about halfway through the term!

  8. They keep spending huge amounts of money before it really starts to count. I really wonder if the internal polls are really bad. If the polls were bad, Obama wouldn’t want to admit to it. And I am not sure Romney would either. Romney wants his supporters to feel like underdogs and not get cocky. Obama doesn’t want anyone to know how bad things are.

  9. This year, both Obama and Romney have foregone public financing, also a first since 1976.

    And yes, GaJo notwithstanding, public campaign funding is finished in presidential elections.

    1. Yes, because of Obama, who broke his promise to take public funding in 08 even though McCain stuck to his word.

      1. I brought this up a couple of weeks ago to an Obama supporter at work. He was railing against Romney at lunch for changing positions, and said it was obvious that was going to make him lose. When I objected, saying that Obama has switched positions on tons of stuff, he asked for examples. I started with this because it happened before he even won.

        (Unsurprisingly the response was “but not taking it was the smart move, which he had to do to win!”)

      2. The man couldn’t even wait until he was elected to start breaking his campaign promises.

  10. $3? That’s not enough to buy a decent cup of coffee.

    1. Not if you’re living in the Red North, where the communists and Loyalist interlopers dwell. God DAMN the Queen!

      (It’s a Canada joke. Lololololol).

      1. Ooooooh Caaaaaaaaanada
        A dull and lifeless place
        Lots of singers and actors
        Depart the bleak Northland
        To America
        They come each day
        To earn their fortune here
        But Caaaaaaaanada
        With no talent left
        Just drinks the daaaaays awaaaaaay
        God keep yer healthcare
        Glorious and “free”
        Oh Canada who stands on guard for thee?
        Oh Caaaaaaanada our nukes watch ooooooo–veeeer theeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  11. I was saving this for the PM links, but this kind of idiocy just can’t wait. Obama to Romney donors: You should be donating to scholarships instead of to Romney and aginst me.

    1. So Obama is about to give back all of his fundraising and create a bunch of scholarships?

      1. Uhh, let me be clear: my reelection is too important to be jeopardized by donating to help other people. Instead I promise to rob other people and use that money to bribe students into accepting government dependency. You didn’t build that, vote Obama.

        1. That’s a good point. Sure, he could fund a billion in scholarships with his reelection money, but if he uses that to get reelected, then he can just fund $100 billion in taxpayer funded scholarships! Everyone wins (except that filthy Mormon)!

          1. That sentence– You didn’t construct it. Someone else constructed that.

  12. I’ll help Ebony Messiah move out of the White House, and I won’t even charge him for the service.

    Please, Barack, just go away and never show your face again. Ever.

    1. I bet he loses and runs again in 2016. And he might win. Who else will the Dems have? Elizabeth Warren?

      1. A fossilized turd would be a better president.

        TURD/A DISCARDED JOINT 2016

        CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN.

        1. If he does lose. How long before some distraught hipster writes a post on how this is his generation’s Kennedy assassination? Beautiful young President cut down by the racist radical right before the country’s dreams could be fulfilled.

          1. About a tenth of a second, I’m guessing. Right before some pinko degenerate walks into a local GOP office, or something, and shoots up some asking-for-it Rethuglicants.

          2. it’s already written. it’s a fight for who pushes “publish” first.

            1. Stewart Ackerman and Ezra Klein are going to slap fight for it.

              1. But they’ll all lose to Rachel Maddow, who’ll pull her cock out and slap both of them into a comma before blogging about the upcoming American apartheid, or some shit.

                1. A coma, too.

              2. Please, please, please let there be video.

                1. That was a reply to John’s comment. NOT RPA’s.

                  1. Yeah, I was curious as to why anybody would want to see Rachel Maddow murder people with her penis on national TV. Phew.

                    1. Who’s talking about sex video? I thought it was just a good old fashioned purple mushroom.

                  2. Nobody wants a Maddow sex vid

                    1. Nobody wants a Maddow sex vid

                      I’d like to think so too, but I fear that it is not the case.

                    2. “EVERYBODY wants to see ANYBODY fuck. I hate Rosie O’Donell, but if somebody said ‘I got a tape of Rosie O’Donell getting fucked stupid’ I’d be like ‘Why the fuck aren’t we watching that right now?'”

                    3. Madow wouldn’t even have to hit them. The mere sight of a dick that big would put Klein and Ackerman into a coma.

          3. Have you ever been to the book depository building museum, John? The whole thing is one big accusation against The Right.

            1. Because he was killed by a communist who actually tried to defect to the Soviet Union?

              1. The teabaggers created a climate of hate, which is what really killed Kennedy.

                1. The teabaggers created a climate of hate, which is what really killed Kennedy.

                  Watch that one start showing up in high school history texts in a few years.

              2. You know who else defected to the Soviet Union….

              3. the funny thing is that they tell you Oswald walked into the Soviet Union 1960 or so as though it was no big deal, and walked out not longer after that with a Soviet national on his arm. The longer I watched a NatGeo piece attempting to debunk conspiracies, teh more likely a conspiracy seemed.

            2. I have been to Deely Plaza but never did the museum. I did once do a drunken reenactment of the assassination at three in the morning during a college trip to Dallas. A friend had a Chrysler convertible. I got to play the secret service agent jumping in the back to cover the wounded President. Thank God there wasn’t a cop around.

              Good times.

    2. Undercutting me, you bastard?

      1. Maybe Obama’s just a cheap motherfucker. So I thought if I offered to move his shit out of the White House for free, he might consider it. STOP RUINING MY PLAN.

  13. This is the end,
    Beautiful friend.
    This is the end.
    My only friend, the end,

    Of our elaborate plans, the end,
    Of everything that stands, the end,
    No safety or surprise, the end,
    I’ll never look into your eyes. . .again.

    Can you picture what will be
    So limitless and free.
    Desperately in need. . .of some. . .stranger’s hand
    In a. . .desperate land.

    Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain,
    And all the children are insane.
    All the children are insane.
    Waiting for the summer rain, yeah.

    There’s danger on the edge of town.
    Ride the King’s highway, baby.
    Weird scenes inside the gold mine.
    Ride the highway west, baby.

    Ride the snake, ride the snake.
    To the lake, the ancient lake, baby.
    The snake is long, seven miles.
    Ride the snake. . .he’s old, and his skin is cold.

    The west is the best.
    The west is the best.
    Get here, and we’ll do the rest.

    The blue bus is callin’ us.
    The blue bus is callin’ us.
    Driver, where you taken’ us.

    [Spoken: The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
    He took a face from the ancient gallery,
    And he walked on down the hall.
    He went into the room where his sister lived, and then he
    Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
    He walked on down the hall, and
    And he came to a door, and he looked inside.
    “Father”, “Yes, son”, I want to kill you.
    “Mother, I want to…fuck you.”]

    1. C’mon baby, take a chance with us.
      C’mon baby, take a chance with us.
      C’mon baby, take a chance with us.
      And meet me at the back of the blue bus.
      Doin’ a blue rock
      On a blue bus.
      Doin’ a blue rock
      C’mon, yeah.

      Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.

      This is the end,
      Beautiful friend.
      This is the end,
      My only friend, the end.

      It hurts to set you free,
      But you’ll never follow me.
      The end of laughter and soft lies.
      The end of nights we tried to die.

      1. “Four years,” you think, for sure —
        That’s all you’ve got to endure.
        All the total dicks,
        All the stuck up chicks,
        So superficial, so immature.
        Then, when you graduate,
        You take a look around and you say, “HEY, WAIT!
        This is the same as where I just came from.
        I thought it was over.
        Aw, that’s just great.”

        The whole damn world is just as obsessed
        With who’s the best dressed and who’s having sex,
        Who’s got the money, who gets the honeys,
        Who’s kinda cute and who’s just a mess.
        And you still don’t have the right look,
        And you don’t have the right friends.
        Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends.
        High school never ends.

      2. Check out the popular kids.
        You’ll never guess what Jessica did!
        How did Mary Kate lose all that weight?
        And Katie had a baby so I guess Tom’s straight.
        And the only thing that matters
        Is climbing up that social ladder.
        Still care about your hair and the car you drive,
        Doesn’t matter if you’re sixteen or thirty-five.

        Reese Witherspoon,
        She’s the prom queen.
        Bill Gates,
        Captain of the chess team.
        Jack Black, the clown
        Brad Pitt, the quarterback.
        I’ve seen it all before.
        I want my money back.

      3. When the music’s over,
        Turn out the light
        Turn out the light
        Turn out the light.

    2. Needs more hope and change and free birth control.

      1. It’s implied. Remember, his audience is superbrilliant and educated, unlike conservatives and libertarians.

        1. So the West is really California and the blue bus is Obamacare? got it.

          1. When all else fails,
            We can whip the horse’s eyes

            1. The horses are the rich and their eyes are their Swiss bank accounts.

              See? It’s all so clear!

              1. Well, it’s clear until you’ve had your eyes whipped. Then you can’t see a fucking thing. FUCK!

    3. This is the way the world ends,
      this is the way the world ends,
      this is the way the world ends:
      Not with a bang, but a whimper.

      1. The horror. The horror.

    4. DC… shit; I’m still only in DC… Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back in the jungle.

  14. So they’re going to Einsatzgruppen their way to social security reform?

    Reduce the number of beneficiaries in order to ensure the survival of the program?

    It could work!

  15. The end? Yeah, I think it’s coming. I’m starting to get the feeling that this is the week that was. The Quinnipiac poll showing Obama slipping in battleground states, the failure of Obama’s slime machine to adversely affect Ryan’s stature, Ryan’s in fact impressive reception, Biden’s unending gaffes, all topped off by the inevitable post-convention bounce for the Repubs – I think Obama is in trouble.

    1. I am starting to think the Akin moron is a Trojan horse. They are going to go full retard on abortion and free birth control during the convention when most people are worried about the economy and the deficit.

      1. I can’t believe that decision. I mean, i know the base wants to be let of its cage. but that’s just crazy.

        My ad would be

        wife: “We might lose the house next week? What’s obama doing?”
        husband: “free birth control?”

        1. I thought John was saying it was a Republican trick to fool Democrats into talking about ridiculous culture war bullshit and not appealing to people who are mainly concerned about the economy.

          1. right. and if they fall for that you point to how clueless they are.

      2. They are going to go full retard on abortion and free birth control during the convention when most people are worried about the economy and the deficit.

        Yes, more Barbara Boxer please. Did you catch that buffoon yesterday? Unreal.

        1. Akin really did the Republicans a favor. He totally scared all of the Republican culture war nuts back into the closet. The Republicans thanks to Akin are not going to tough the culture war during their convention. The Democrats think they have an opening and are going to make it their theme. It is crazy.

          1. I don’t think that they see it as an opening, so much as a distraction to deflect attention from the shitty economy, because they obviously don’t want to have that debate.

      3. You really think the democrats want to talk about the economy? They are glad to have a distraction to pull attention away from the economy.

        1. but they’re running out distractions. No one bought the notion that Romney killed a guy’s wife; people don’t much care about his tax returns; and, folks realize Akin is a one-off buffoon.

  16. So is George Soros a racist now? How come he’s not buying the presidency this time around?

    1. He’s too clever to throw good money after bad.

    2. “So is George Soros a racist now?”

      That depends if you consider Jews a race.

  17. Why does my heart go on beating?
    Why do these eyes of mine cry?
    Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?
    It ended when you said goodbye

    Don’t they know It’s the end of the world?
    It ended when you said goodbye

  18. “So, umm, Barack- that’s right isn’t it?”

    “Yes Sir.”

    “I’m looking at your resume here, and it says you served a partial term as a United States Senator. So what happened? Did you quit, or did they ask you to leave?”

    “Oh, no. I left that position when I was elected President.”

    “So you bailed. Okay.”

    “I don’t think ‘bailed’ is a fair description. I wanted to move up to a position where I could really make a difference.”

    “Yeah, okay. So then what- President of the United States. Now, I’ll be honest with you. I just am not seeing much here to make me believe you’d really be that good at running this Starbucks for me. It’s nice you join clubs and make speeches, and stuff, but I need somebody who can make me money, you know. For one thing, you have to be good at basic math; simple addition and subtraction. And we actually provide a product, which needs to be provided to our customers on a timely basis, and on a consistent level of quality. I just don’t see anything in your work history that makes me think you can do those things, I’ll tell you what- I’ll put this in the file, and think about it. If you’d like, I’ll okay a complimentary latte for you as you leave. Thanks for stopping by.”

    1. Nice:)

    2. PWNED.

      +slow clap

    3. Barack? Hi, thanks for coming in. Please, have a seat. Several of our baristas have been complaining about your style of management. They’re alleging that you took the contents of the tip jar for yourself, even though you, and I’m quoting one of the complainants here, “spent the entire time texting his friends and hitting them up for money, when he wasn’t playing Angry Birds”.

      They’re also claiming that when they asked asked you to justify raiding the tip jar, you told them, again I’m quoting them quoting you here, “Those lattes? You didn’t make those.” Now, of course, as district manager, I can agree that none of them could receive any tips without Starbucks providing the facilities and coffee and so on, but the tip jars are really expressive of a direct relationship between barista and customer, and it’s incredibly demoralizing for them to lose those in a way they feel is unfair. You can understand that, I hope, Barack. Barack? Barack? Yes, please put the phone away, I’ll only be covering one more point here.

      1. I’ve been reviewing the receipts from your store, and I’m seeing an awful lot of Caramel Macchiatos and Cheese Danishes being comp’d to your wife. Now, as manager we do allow you a little leeway, of course, but three times a day is really excessive. Do you think you could rein that a little bit?

        As you know, your four year review is coming up soon, and I’d really hate to see you go. Do you think you can work on that a little, Barack? Barack? Oh, for fucks sake, put the phone away and get out.

  19. Should Obama not win, I will feel bad that Dandy Don Meredith is no longer with us to sing “Turn Out the Lights, The Party’s Over”. Because that would fucking rule.

    1. Man, those were the days on Monday Night Football. You could occasionally here the ice cubes clinking in Dandy Don’s glass on-air as he got more inebriated as the game progressed.

    2. Don Meredith is dead? When did that happen?

      1. A year or two ago. Sorry to see Dandy Don go. That guy was great even for a Cowboy.

      2. a year or so ago, I guess. He really stepped out of the spotlight when he left MNF. Him and Howard really was must-see tv.

        1. Read North Dallas Forty sometime. The quarterback in the story is based on Don. That guy knew how to party.

          1. I did. Peter Gent did not leave the Cowboys with fond memories, it seems.

            1. Yes and no. He was a total wanna be. He loved being a professional football player. You get the sense from reading that book that it was despite all of the bullshit, the greatest time of his life. It reads like a war memoir.

  20. Sweet Jesus, the gall of Hopey McChange…whining about Citizens United while conveniently forgetting to mention that he refuses to subject himself to spending limits in 2008. Limits on speech are A-Ok as long as it’s someone else’s speech being limited.

    1. Limits on speech are A-Ok as long as it’s someone else’s speech being limited.

      THIS IS WHAT PROGRESSIVES ACTUALLY BELIEVE.

      1. Yes. In more honest times it was called Fascism.

  21. Three bucks? Mitt Romney keeps asking me for 200. Maybe that’s the problem right there.

  22. I keep seeing this article and thinking, “Game over, man. Game over.”

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