Burmese Python Ban Ruins Magician's Grand Finale
In March, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service banned the interstate transport of Burmese pythons—a kind of Mann Act for giant, awesome snakes. The reason: Pet pythons that go rogue have a habit of getting super huge, freaking out civilians, and generally disrupting ecosystems.
But the tragic unintended consequence of the law is that Florida magician Lance Gifford has been forced to give up Cadabra, his longtime personal python assistant, and retire $20,000 worth of stage props previously used in his grand finale, the Hindu Basket:
Gifford's assistant would crawl into a basket, his torso sticking out of the top. Gifford would drape a red cloth over him, which would then suddenly drop as if the body underneath had vanished. The magician would then ram four swords through the basket. Then he would extract the swords, reach inside and pull out a huge Burmese python.
He'd wiggle the cloth over the top, and his smiling assistant would jump out before Gifford would reach inside the basket again to pull out a second snake.
For more about magic and big government, see Penn Jillette.
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How the fuck am I supposed to cross state lines now!?!?
Cue “The Final Countdown”, and end with a song from Franklin Comes Alive.
Leave them begging for more.
ROTFLMAO!
You know who else prohibited others from travelling freely…
The TSA?
New Black Panthers – oh yeah, and the KKK.
Crazy Horse?
Niel Young?
Crosby, Stills and Nash?
Niel Young?
Well, it was, in fact, after the gold rush.
GM Cars?
Dick Bavetta?
Dick Bavetta?
Die Squirrels!!
“Taffy Lewis presents Miss Salom? and the snake. Watch her take the pleasures from the serpent that once corrupted man.”
“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?
“Do you think I’d be working in a place like this if I could afford a real snake?”
Blade Runner reference = Automatic win
“This is it. This is where Forrestal cashed in.”
That’s supposed to be the serpent? In other words, she was working with Satan, the snake? I find that unlikely.
I don’t. But I do find it highly implausible.
I really enjoy these hard-hitting investigative pieces.
When pythons are banned…
The wild population is pure Burmese, while pet owners like exotic genetic morphs (like the albino in the picture).
One herpetologist believes that hurricane Andrew, not pet owners, was responsible for releasing these snakes into the wild.
Even so, the snakes aren’t adapted to our winters, and can only survive the southernmost regions of Florida.
Not that that will stop legislators from creating stupid laws based on sensationalist misinformation.
/rant
Could we somehow train and militarize these pythons?
“…with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!”
Why, yes, yes, that’s a good idea. Are you with DARPA then?
Crowdsourcing at its finest.
There are billions of dollars worth of cunning plans in this comments section alone. I’m surprised Reason Foundation doesn’t get an NSF grant.
Notice that interstate transport of lions and wildebeests remains perfectly legal, because every rural cop dreams of a redneck safari when one of them gets loose. Python hunting probably isn’t as fun.
People don’t have the same instinctual fear of lions and wildebeests that they have about snakes.
I once considered bringing in a python (blood or albino ball, no Burmese) or corn snake to work as a joke since one lady brings her dog in all the time. Except that people can get really crazy around snakes. Like totally freak out and stuff. Might even kill the poor thing.
Then my wife would kill me.
Q: What does Sigfried and the tiger have in common?
A: They both know what Roy tastes like!
That one never gets old…
This is the worst thing since they told Siegried he couldn’t take Roy across state lines.
So that’s what Vanilla Ice has been up to!
Good. Now we need to get rid of Malaysian Java and we’ll be another step closer to being rid of worthless programming languages.
Worthless? Python!? Damn, Tulpa, I know you like to be all contrarian, but, well, damn!
Yeah, Python is great for scripting access to things programmed in real languages.
The only useful languages are Forth, Brainf**k, and Befunge.
Whitespace.
Don’t forget Whitespace.
Apparently the USDA requires a license for the use of rabbits in a stage magic act.
This inspector did a very thorough review of my veterinarian records, and noticed my rabbit hadn’t been to the vet in three years. She told me she was giving me 30 days to get the rabbit to the vet, and it would be examined every year, or I would be cited. The last rabbit I had lived to 11 years ? much better than the 5 ? 8 year life expectancy of a rabbit, so I think I know how to care for my animals. But I will now pay $59 each year to my vet, and $40 each year for a license, so I can use ONE three-pound rabbit in my show.
Holy shit you can’t make that shit up.
Magic rabbiting is an old, and time-tested art. Only properly trained and licensed rabbits should be allowed to participate in order to preserve the profession’s reputation for quality. Also, consumers must be protected from rabbits falsely holding themselves out to be “magic.”
Wait, so a widely farmed and eaten animal has to be regularly examined if it’s given a cushy life of sitting in hats?
I say this as somebody who owns two rabbits.
Rabbits are good healthy food for pet pythons.
Yes, and there are no inspections or licenses for that.
That’s because you’re not making money.
Anytime someone makes money (magic shows for example) there needs to be someone from government there to screw it up.
Come on, now, haven’t we all had our grand finale ruined at one time or other by python issues?
Another gay-ass magic show….
Shouldn’t you have Kerry Howley reporting on this?
Lets hit it on up one time. Wow.
http://www.Global-Privacy.tk
I blame the movie “Snakes on a plane”