Obama Bio-bombs Presidential History on White House Website


Did You Know? President Obama has also signed declarations!

The administration that brought you the worst Mother's Day card since that one from Futurama has been finding all sorts of interesting ways to campaign through the White House's website. In a move that is somehow both unbelievably arrogant but also completely pointless, congratulatory statements of President Barack Obama's accomplishments have appeared in the biographies of other presidents.

Rory Cooper of the Heritage Foundation tweeted his discovery of the edits, which were then picked up by Seth Mandel at Commentary Magazine. At the bottom of the biographies of many of the presidents of the 20th Century, a "Did You Know?" bullet point attempts to tie that president to Obama's accomplishments in office.

From Calvin Coolidge:

  • On Feb. 22, 1924 Calvin Coolidge became the first president to make a public radio address to the American people. President Coolidge later helped create the Federal Radio Commission, which has now evolved to become the Federal Communications Commission (FCC).   President Obama became the first president to hold virtual gatherings and town halls using Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, etc.

From Franklin Delano Roosevelt:

From Ronald Reagan (!!!):

The additions have, of course, led to a parody Tumblr featuring Obama photobombing history.

What, if anything, is the White House trying to accomplish here? Does anybody even go to the White House website to look up presidential biographies? Who is the target of this campaign? Kids whose schools won't let them use Wikipedia to write their history papers?

The biographies of the past presidents are from "The Presidents of the United States," written by Michael Beschloss and Hugh Sidey for the nonprofit White House Historical Association. Unfortunately, nobody was answering the phones at the association's office, so we don't know how they might feel about the Obama administration's self-serving additions.

And before anybody asks: No, James Buchanan's bio has not been amended to praise Obama's recent designation as the first gay president. At least not yet.

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  1. Yo, Fuck Calvin Coolidge.

  2. Dammit, Coolidge fathered the FCC? I knew there had to be something I didn't like about him.

    1. Read into it a bit more. All the FCC did was codify frequency designations and resolution standards the free market had already adopted. It was at the request of all involved players, so there may have been a bit of rent-seekimg, but the rules they established had already been in place for years, set up by the manufacturers and stations alike.

      1. Government: bringing you solutions to problems you already solved, and bringing you new problems in the process!

      2. That sounds less horrible, but it's still stupid; possible more stupid, since, as Wylie said, it was a problem that was already solved.

        At least my lack-of-dislike of Coolidge can now be maintained with minimal cognitive dissonance.

        1. Well, for something like radio frequencies that is ispossible to actually possess, the voluntary agreements only work until someone with lots of resources decides to be a dick and use whatever frequencies he wants to or jams competitors' frequencies. If that guy is not part of the industry agreement, he is not bound to repect it.

          But I agree that pretty much everything else the FCC does is stupid and harmful.

      3. If the FCC just made sure people didn't mess with frequencies that other people were using, I think that having them would be sensible. Some sort of artificial structure is necessary if people are to be able to own the rights to use certain frequencies. It certainly would not be high on the list of government agencies to get rid of.
        THe problem is that they get involved in content and things unrelated to radio frequency use and allocation.

        1. sort of like surveyors for the airwaves.

          1. Or handing out deeds to homesteaders.

  3. Does anybody even go to the White House website to look up presidential biographies?

    I refer to Wikipedia as "The White House", so yeah.

    Well, I mean, that's where I would look if I ever in my life wanted to look up a presidential biography for whatever strange reason.

  4. ensure Social Security will be there for future generations.

    What has he done that even remotely addresses the longterm solvency of SS?

    1. ^^RAAAAAAAAACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!^^

      /team blue flack or host on MSNBC

      1. This is why I don't think that a certain controvery that tanked the RP campaign in 2008 would be an issue this year if he got the Republican nomination. That card has been played by the left so much that most people either roll thier eyes or laugh if it is played.

    2. If "addresses" includes "impairs", then I would say he has done a lot.

  5. President Reagan designated Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday; today the Obama Administration honors this tradition, with the First and Second Families participating in service projects on this day.

    Shuji Nakamura commercialized blue LEDs, and now, I use them! *pats self on back*

  6. If Obama is reelected I am leaving the country - yes, I am serious. Panama is looking better and better all the time. The Dominican Republic looks promissing too.

  7. What a humble leader this guy is...

  8. Doesn't this mean someone violated the Hatch Act?


    I mean, unless the president edits the White House website itself, some federal employee has to be writing this stuff, right?

    Maybe I missed the memo about how the emperor stopped pretending he wasn't an emperor a long time ago, but this looks like evidence that a federal employee might be doing this.

    Maybe it's someone he's paying himself, just like a speechwriter? But that wouldn't seem right either if it's being done on a .gov website. We the People are paying for that bandwidth.

    It's jackassery even if it is legal, though.

    1. It certainly strikes me as Pernicious Political Activity.

      If the sex of the perpetrator is unknown, can we refer to them as a cunt in this thread? Because this is a pretty cunty thing to do, IMO.

    2. I would have guessed one of the interns did it.

      1. Well, we do have a precedent for the President being fellated by an intern.

      2. Using an intern to update the website might be okay.

        Unless the intern is getting a stipend courtesy of the taxpayer.

        Or, unless that whitehouse.gov address is owned and paid for by the taxpayer, in which case, he's using government resources for campaigning.

        Maybe Obama should use that presidential chopper to fly him into his next campaign appearance. Actually, a flyover from the Blue Angels might not be a bad idea--he is the Commander in Chief. Maybe Obama could use the Marine marching band while he's at it. In fact, maybe Obama should just kick everybody except for his campaign donors out of Yosemite for a weekend!

        He's the president--it's his damn park, isn't it?! If he needs Yosemite for his campaign, why isn't that part of being president?

        I'll tell you why: it's the same reason he's not supposed to use government employees or whitehouse.gov for his own personal campaign, that's why!

    3. I smell Media Matters. They need to do something to keep the checks coming from Soros.

    4. I'm guessing it was Al Gore.

  9. Johannes Gutenberg invented the modern printing press. It played a key role in the development of the Renaissance, Reformation, the Age of Enlightenment and the Scientific Revolution and laid the material basis for the modern knowledge-based economy and the spread of learning to the masses. Today, Barack Obama has the Federal Reserve Bank and the Department of the Treasury use printing presses at an unheard-of pace, thus hastening the destruction of the dollar's value.

    1. Gutenberg was never a US President, you racist.

      1. Not even the Stonecutters have that kind of power.

  10. This is an example of what happens when you have Top Men on the job.

    Seriously, didn't anyone involved have the basic sense to say, "you know, this looks pretty stupid."?

    1. you know he's the sort of boss who would fire someone for such accurate criticism.

      and by "the sort of", I mean "shitty."

    2. That would require introspection coupled with at least a tiny sense of objectivity.

      When everything you do is shaped and entirely by your feelings on the matter, your intentions, and/or your goals, you will never even develop that little voice that asks things like "Is this right?", "Does this make sense?", "Is there another way?", etc.
      If by some stroke of luck, you do develop that voice, you will always answer in the affirmative.

      Obama has set a new standard for presidential narcissism, and you can't have narcissism without being self-centered.

      1. There is no "I" in "team," but there is an "m" and and "e."

  11. Sir Isaac Newton developed the theory of gravitation, which revolutionized physics and in resulted in the rapid technological advancement of the human race. Today, President Obama continues the Industrial development of the United States by providing economic stimulus to our nation's important alternative energy industry.

    1. also never President. so many racists posting today, sheesh!

  12. Not Coolidge!

    1. Calvin is off my list for baby names.

      1. Grover Cleveland is still pure.

      2. Just think, "and Hobbes."

  13. OK, it's time to share my two snide nicknames for Mr. Obama: President "I,Me,Mine" or President Personal Pronoun. Feel to use them.

    1. Since Ken Shultz is in this thread, I'll withhold my nickname for the Obomber.

  14. Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz developed the Calculus which stands as one of the most influential mathematical techniquez in history. Today, President Obama honors this achievement by fighting for better funding in our schools and creating programs to help provide more teachers around the United States.

  15. 1963, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves with the Emancipation Proclamation. Today, President Obama is trying to enslave us all.

    1. HERE WE GO, someone actually using a president in the joke.

      +5 internetz

      1. (i'd even accept other historical leaders, but just random influential people from history weakens the joke)

        1. I disagree. There's no reason not to imagine if the White House website had bios of prominent historical figures, there's be blurbs linking them to various accomplishments of our current President.

          1. why would WH.gov have bios of prominent historical figures though?

            otherwise, sure.

          2. but why would the WH site have bios of prominent, non-governing, historical figures?

            otherwise, I accept your point.

            1. They would have them so that their paltry accomplishments could be compared to the Messiah's of course. We have only had so many presidents...

            2. The government agency I'm involved with (not the WH) had bios of prominent non-governing historical figures on one of its blogs. In fact, the entire blog was bios of these people. If ever there was a make-work project for some old-timey bureaucrat close to retirement, that was it.

      2. The joke is supposed to be lionizing Obama, not juxtaposing his horrible policies against a previous president's supposed accomplishments. We're adapting the meme.

    2. +100 for the obvious typo the White House would never catch.

  16. Pythagoras of Samos was a noted Ionic philosopher, religious leader and mathematician from the 6th Century BC. He is most notably known for the Pythagorean theorem involving triangles. Today, President Obama utilizes triangulation to determine what position he should take on an issue that will ensure him the most votes.

    1. Today, President Obama utilizes triangulation to determine the coordinates of suspected terrorists, or people he just plain doesn't like.

      1. nice

  17. all I notice is that Obama has not actually done anything himself. He has agreed with some things others did, but he is basically a follower. What a shock.

    1. No, he's done plenty. And he needs to stop it, now.

  18. Hippocrates was an influential Ancient Greek physician who is considered the Father of Western Medicine and whose contributions have save the lives of countless millions over the centuries. Today President Obama fights to ensure equal access to health care for all, continuing Hippocrates' lifesaving tradition.

    1. Hippocrates is famous for the Hippocratic Oath, which says "first do no harm".

      President Obama taking the presidential oath of office to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution was acting hypocritically, as events have shown.

  19. William Henry Harrison was inagurated on March 4, 1841 and died one month later, making his presidency the shortest on record. President Obama has so alienated many Americans that they wish that honor was no longer Harrison's.

    Is that better, wylie?

    1. It would probably be funnier if I had any clue to who WHH was. Thanks for accommodating me though, *highfive*

    2. that sounds like a good way to get a visit from the SS

      1. That or being a Columbian hooker.

  20. Franklin Delano Roosevelt succeeded Herbert Hoover to become President during the Great Depression. Today, President Obama is also struggling to overcome an economy he inherited from another evil Republican using the panacea of massive government expansion and hyper-regulation.

  21. In December, 1941, President Roosevelt signed the Declarations of War against Japan and then, 3 days later, against Germany and Italy. Today, President Obama has never convinced Congress to declare war. Nevertheless, he has sent American soldiers to Afganistan, Uganda, Pakistan and Iraq, and sent American missles into Libya, and sold weapons to Mexican drug cartels, all without any declaration of war whatsoever.

    1. How else is he going to keep holding onto that Nobel?

    2. How else is he going to keep holding onto that Nobel?

  22. Adolph Hitler killed millions of his enemies and innocent bystanders throughout Europe and northern Africa with manned bombers from the German Luftwaffe. President Obama is using advances in technology to kill thousands of his enemies and innocent bystanders around the entire world with both manned and unmanned bombers from the US Air Force.

    1. Hey, Hitler was killing enemies with unmanned craft as well.

      Hitler: shooting cruise missiled into residential neighborhoods BEFORE IT WAS COOL.

      1. Well if you want to get technical, Alexander the Great was doing it before destroying other peoples' shit was cool.

      2. Technically the V-1 was a drone aircraft.

  23. Before mankind was created, God banished Satan to hell for attempting to overthrow heaven. Today, thanks to the NDAA, President Obama can banish those who dissent to permanent detention without trial.

    1. God wasn't a president, but I think this is the winner.

  24. I look forward to what President Camacho has to add to Obama's bio in 2505.

  25. Thomas Jefferson was a noted political philosopher, and the forefather of the Jeffersonian view of American government (as opposed to the Hamiltonian). Like Jefferson, President Obama is widely believed to have had sex with a black woman.

  26. Where's the hat tip to ______ commenter tarran?!?!?!

    1. I heard about it from Twitter, not from any commenters this time. It must have been getting around.

      1. OK, what superlative would you have used in the vent you had heard this form tarran? What about John?

    2. First of all, it was John who brought it up first. The original articles had no links to the whitehouse website, and I had to use some google-fu to locate them.

      1. "Rational, humble commenter tarran?" That's not funny. You suck, tarran!

        1. Yeah!

  27. President William Howard Taft was so fat he once became stuck in his bathtub. Today, President Obama is taking action to help children live more healthy lifestyles through increased subsidization of school lunch programs in conjunction with First Lady Michelle Obama's "Let's Move!" childhood health initiative.

  28. George Washington had wooden teeth. President Obama is perfecting his design for the wooden nickel.

  29. If I were in Congress I would propose the real Buffet rule: lower the top rate to 15%. That way Buffet's secretary will surely pay less than Buffet himself.

  30. He who controls the present controls the past, and he who controls the past controls the future.

  31. 1837: Andrew Jackson became the last US President to pay the national debt down to 0.

    2012: President Obama became the US President who finally borrowed so much money we'll never pay it all back.

  32. I'm trying to be outraged about this one, but it's just so pathetic.

  33. That tumlbr is missing the image of Obama being nailed to the cross. After all, he is the Second Coming, isn't he?

  34. "Bio-bomb"? That's my favorite new move in Prototype 2.

  35. 1798: John Adams signs the Alien and Sedition Acts, making it a crime to criticize the government and undermining the promise of freedom in the nation Adams had helped found.

    Today, President Obama keeps renewing the USA Patriot Act, ensuring that the promise of freedom remains a pipe dream.

  36. In 1801, Thomas Jefferson was the first U.S. president to move a black family into the White House, in order to have sex with the mother.

    In 2009, Barack Obama continues that tradition.

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