Drug Policy

Why is the Bankrupt Fed Gov't Taking Roger Clemens to Court Over Steroid Lies?


Note: I'll be on the Jerry Doyle radio show at 5.30pm ET talking about this. Go here for more info.

The good news for once-great baseball pitcher Roger Clemens, who faces a second federal trial for allegedly lying to Congress in 2008 about using banned substances during his playing days?

Nobody on the jury apparently knows what a jerk he was when he was one of the greatest pitchers in the game. (Even more jerk facts here; and here's stuff about whether he jail-baited country singer Mindy McCready when she was just 15.)

Or that he played for the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees, the Leopold and Loeb of sporting franchises.

From a CBS News account:

The seven-time Cy Young Award winner returned to court Monday for the government's second attempt to prove that he misled a House committee at a landmark drugs-and-sports hearing in 2008. The first trial last July ended in a mistrial when prosecutors introduced inadmissible evidence after only two witnesses had been called….

The trial is supposed to take six to eight weeks. Maybe this time the feds will get all the way through the proceedings before pulling a hamstring in the on-deck circle.

More here.

Never forget that in the year 2008, Congress paused from its real work of destroying the American economy and all that is good and decent in this world to ask the age-old question, "Mr. Clemens, do you recall bleeding through your pants in 2001?"

From a Wash Post account of the new trial, some details about the first, failed attempt to bring "The Rocket" down to Earth:

Prosecutors suggested to potential jurors that the hearings were material to Congress's concerns that children might be influenced by the conduct of professional athletes.

The pitcher's defense team will probably argue that they weren't. Clemens's first trial was halted quickly because of a prosecutor's error, but it lasted long enough for Clemens's lawyers to start sketching out a "What was Congress thinking?" defense.

"What legitimate investigative purpose is served by asking a private citizen if they ever used a controlled substance?" Clemens's lead lawyer, Rusty Hardin, asked former House parliamentarian Charles W. Johnson, who had been called as a witness on the legislature's ways during his first trial last year.

This time around, the job of discrediting Congress may have gotten easier. The gridlocked, divided body has slipped to historic lows in popularity: The latest Washington Post/ABC News poll showed only 13 percent of Americans approved of its job performance.

More here.

It's worth pointing out that Clemens, arrogant chump that he is, may have insisted on testifying before Congress, even after being advised not to (precisely because lying before Congress, which Clemens pretty obviously did, is a crime).

I don't think it's a good idea to lie to Congress, even if Congress has no reason or right to be talking to you in the first place. But in a world of scarce resources, the trial of Roger Clemens is a true waste of time and money.

Matt Welch and I trash-talked the 2008 hearings as they happened. Read about in the Wash Post.

NEXT: "No one has the right to a world in which he is never despised."

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  1. What?

    No public execution of “Metta World Police”? Congress, get on top of this!

  2. I think I know where two of the spare baseballs went.

  3. Lol’ed at the alt-text.*

    *Note: I am continually surprised at the number of things I say that would have been gibberish not that long ago.

  4. Why insert so many comments about Clemens badness, when the issue is whether he committed a crime? And for his acts to be a crime, Congress would actually need to have a basis for their investigation.

    So the prosecution is retrying a case which was dubious in the first place, after blowing the first trial with their own misconduct. Isn’t that a bit more relevant than whether Clemens is a jerk or not? At least he isn’t trying to throw someone in jail in a gesture of political grandstanding.

  5. the trial of Roger Clemens is a true waste of time and money

    Right on! Go after Johnny Edwards, instead.

    1. At least Edwards deserves to hang even if it isn’t for what they’re charging him with. What did Roger Clemens do to anyone?

      1. Roger Clemens desecrated our national pasttime by sticking a needle in his ass. And it’s easier than talking about Congress’ continued failure to pass a budget.

        Quick! Look at the pretty monkey!

    2. I don’t think the Feds have any reason to go after Johnny Edwards:


      14 years 242/311/353

  6. And the gov’t’s going broke ever quicker:
    “Poor economy worsens Social Security’s finances”
    from the article:
    “Those trust funds will now run dry in 2033,…”
    Yep, that’s a cut and paste; they actually wrote “trust funds”!

  7. Do I see some camel-toe?

    1. Step away from the mirror.

      1. Camel toe? Looks more like unveiled clitoromegaly to me.

        1. Are you talking about the bottom-picture gal in the story, or the ad photo of the SnorgTees “Meh” girl?

    2. Shrike,

      I’m I the only person to notice Sigourney Weaver’s bush bulge through her panties in Alien.

      Tell me I’m not the only one.

      1. I liked that too. I don’t lie on the internets though….. so I don’t recall her thick thair in that scene but I would see it now.

        I loved The Coca-Cola Kid though – speaking of thatch.

        But I might now. And I like SW a lot.

    3. Re: Shrike,

      Do I see some camel-toe?

      Depends… are you repeating a creepy mantra while listening to “Goodbye horses”?

      1. I’m fucking bored, man.

        1. I was told of an acquaintance* who had to talk his wife into not divorcing him after getting caught with his nuts taped back and wearing her lingerie (like Jay, exceedingly slim).

          * dude, I swear, the ‘acquaintance’ is not me! It doesn’t even deserve scare quotes ’cause it was not me!

          1. Your wife’s not being freaky enough.

  8. Because, Fuck You, that’s why.

  9. Jerry Doyle: “So, I welcome Reason’s Nick Gillespie!”
    Nick: “Meester Garibaldeee!”

  10. It would be a great honor for me to be charged with contempt of congress. I figure by the time I would be in a position for it to happen, I would already be quite successful and it would only reinforce my reputation.

  11. Also, the legislative branch should not be given the power to subpoena private citizens. Fuck you, congress.

  12. Because it’s a crime.

  13. …before pulling a hamstring in the on-deck circle

    Naw, roids are worse on tendons than muscles; thinking more like a blown Achilles.

    That was an interesting self destruct by the prosecution. Arrogance or incompetence? I guess with him getting a second chance we’ll know for sure – if he does it again it is clearly arrogance.

  14. OK this makes no sense whatsoever dude, I jsut dont get it.


  15. Why are they prosecuting Clemens? Because he told misleading statements and flat out lies to congress. I am confident that any moment now we will find out when eric ‘piece of shit’ holder’s trial will begin.

  16. ” the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees, the Leopold and Loeb of sporting franchises.”

    This maked me laugh

    1. He also played for U. of Texas, so it should be more like the Death Star Triumvirate or something.

      Of course, this was back in the 80s, when Texas baseball was still relevant.

  17. “Hey Bikini Girl, what are you going to do with that bat?” -Eugene O’Neill

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