Sex

President Santorum Would Talk "About the Dangers of Contraception."

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Your Republican frontrunner (according to some polls, at least for the moment), ladies and gentleman:

One of the things I will talk about that no President has talked about before is I think the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea. Many in the Christian faith have said, "Well, that's okay. Contraception's okay."

It's not okay because it's a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They're supposed to be within marriage, they are supposed to be for purposes that are, yes, conjugal, but also [inaudible], but also procreative. That's the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. We take any part of that out, we diminish the act. And if you can take one part out that's not for purposes of procreation, that's not one of the reasons, then you diminish this very special bond between men and women, so why can't you take other parts of that out? And all of a sudden, it becomes deconstructed to the point where it's simply pleasure. And that's certainly a part of it—and it's an important part of it, don't get me wrong—but there's a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special.

Again, I know most Presidents don't talk about those things, and maybe people don't want us to talk about those things, but I think it's important that you are who you are. I'm not running for preacher. I'm not running for pastor, but these are important public policy issues. These how profound impact on the health of our society.

Whole thing, via Time's Swampland blog via CaffeinatedThoughts.com (a Christian blog). Video here. The vid went live in October 2011.

Note that Santorum is not talking about mandatory coverage of contraceptives under Obamacare. It's the very idea of non-procreative sex that his knickers in a twist. Which is something one can expect from a Roman Catholic. And it's personally nothing I've got a problem with (different strokes for different folks, anything that's peaceful,  and all that).

But when you're talking about a politician who is talking about being president and this rises to the level of policy noodling…

Calling all conservatives: Is this the sort of anti-Obama limited-government candidate you really want to get behind? And indeed, Santorum is out of touch in at least two distinct ways: First, the president shouldn't be concerning herself with rubbers, IUDs, and birth control pills (whether she's a Republican or a Democrat). Second, all the social indicators he seems to be worried about—including sexual activity among teens and teen pregnancy rates—have been declining.

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166 responses to “President Santorum Would Talk "About the Dangers of Contraception."

  1. Seriously, fuck this guy.

    1. As long as you’re not using a condom Apatheist, go right ahead

      1. And as long as it is ‘special’.

        1. And as long as it’s only with a woman. A christian woman.

          1. Who you’ve been married to for at least 2 years first.

    2. No accounting for taste.

    3. If everyone used a condom, there would be no Santorum.

      1. You lie!

  2. …how things are supposed to be.

    That should be your red flag, right there.

    1. If Santorum is against contraceptives, he should say so. He should not deceive with ambiguious language.

    2. “It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”
      Yeah, thats why I do it that way, because going down those backalleys is not the way its supposed to be done.

      Two entrances diverged in a furry bush, and sorry was I that I could not enter both
      I took the less travelled Hershey highway, and that has made all the difference.

  3. It’s a good thing the Democrats have made such great strides is marginalizing the power of the Executive branch.

    1. that’s sum frothy mix there

      1. So, Orrin, you think the democrats have worked to reign in executive power the past few years?

        1. no but i couldnt resist the santorium reference. dunno why exactly either. >obama has enlarged executive power like killing american citizens…well, w/o a fair trail first anyway as is said

  4. Those are ridiculous looking toy boxing gloves, not something real like for example. President Santorum would make us the laughing stock of the world. “Dangers of contraception”, really?

    1. Those aren’t boxing gloves, but rather the natural result of the blood-pooling that comes from having your head that far up your ass for decades.

      1. Somebody pretending to be me. Flattering, no?

        1. Weird. What was the point of that?

          1. It’s a pretty basic handle. Maybe it’s like all those joes we have to tell to use a different handle?

            1. Or maybe the Tims are breeding out of control.

              We’re DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

              1. With their ability to conjure up fireballs everywhere, there is no hope for us mortals.

    2. Those are his special fisting gloves. He had them custom-made.

      1. Nah, they’re for boxing the jesuit

        1. me luvs sum ecumenical jokes.

  5. I am not selling or affiliated with those gloves, I just googled real boxing gloves. 🙂

      1. Which one are you?

            1. Two, two tims in one

              1. Three Tims in one.

                1. The father, son and holy spirit; I always wondered why they had that 3-way

              2. Timception

  6. I imagine sex in the Santorum bedroom to be a stressful, laborious affair. It probably involves heavy doses of ED drugs, occurs only in pitch blackness, with a prayer for forgiveness whispered at the end, and after which Mrs. Santorum retires to her own bed.

    Rick relies the ED drugs because Mrs. Santorum’s naked form just doesn’t do it for him anymore. Truth be told, though, it probably never did.

    1. the dirty lil secret about ED is it aint ED if u just dont desire her.

      1. You got that right.

      2. This is true. Unless you plan on a most vigorous hatefuck, it’s hard to martial your manly material for a woman who you find unattractive or worse, annoying.

    2. Careful Karl, there will be a percentage here at H&R who will find that arousing. And I don’t just mean STEVE SMITH

      1. Careful Karl, there will be a percentage here at H&R who will find that arousing. And I don’t just mean STEVE SMITH

        Mister, the LAST guy who should be lecturing us on arousal is a guy with a furry hand. 😉

        1. STEVE SMITH SHAVE HANDS EVERY DAY, HUNGULICOUS! STEVE SMITH NO WANT CHARACTER DISPA-RAGED ON WEB-SITE NO MORE! STEVE SMITH CONTACTING FOREST LAW TEAM OF SQUIRREL, GROUNDHOG, AND MOLDERING SKELETON!

          STEVE SMITH GOING BACK NOW TO WRITING CHAPTER 320 OF STEVE SMITH EROTIC MEMOIRS!

          1. 320? That’s the controversial one about rape isn’t it?

            1. NO, MULTIPLE TIM! IT CHAPTER ABOUT TIME STEVE SMITH SPENT IN TUSCANY LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER ONE TRUE SASQUATCH LOVE KILLED IN MOUNT ST. HELENS DISASTER! MULTIPLE TIM NEED LEARN PAY ATTENTION TO STORY OF STEVE SMITH LIFE!

            2. teh male gaze = rape

          2. IN THIS CHAPTER, STEVE SMITH TELL STORY OF RAPED HIKER NUMBER 5,431! BUT IN STEVE SMITH HEART, HE NUMBER 1,231!

            1. 320 Chapters and still going, STEVE you could be the next GRR Martin.

              1. G.R.R NOT BE BEATEN BY APEMAN! G.R.R ADD TEN MORE MORE VOLUMES! DOUBLE DOWN ON RAPE SCENES! THAT SHOW PUNY STEVE!

    3. Don’t forget the rape shower and changing the sheets.

    4. RS: “I feel so…dirty.”

    5. “…whispered at the end..”
      Santorum is a butt whisperer? If you have evidence that he tosses the salad, I will have to hold him in higher esteem….

  7. If there’s anyone who can get Obama reelected, it’s the Republican Party.

  8. but there’s a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special.

    Like a 20 dollar blowjob isn’t special. Fuck.

  9. At last, someone seriously wants to address the moral decline which is destroying this great land. Now, if he’ll just get the dadgum kids to wear their hats straight. We need a law!

    1. Sir, I say that you are distracting our votes from the true issues at hand! The kids wearing their hats straight is a distant second to the kids pulling up their pants!

      1. And that Johnny Unitas. Now that’s a haircut you can set your watch to!

  10. If elected I will support a Federal iniative on par with Appollo or the Manhattan Project to cover the entire USA with a giant wet blanket.

    1. Plus all colors will be outlawed and everything will be either black or white. Even the STOP signs.

      1. what about us?

        what about teh chuldrenz?

        1. Crayons will be cubicle in the future so that they don’t feel like little wax penises.

          1. Square Peg, Round Hole

            1. why are all the crayons circumsized?

  11. Does anyone know if something happened to Santorum’s nose in his life? It strikes me as unusually thin, as if he’s had part of it grafted or something…

    1. I’m guessing that it was chronically compressed by the butt cheeks of multiple teachers, bosses and the like over the decades.

    2. As I have stated before, Santorum is clearly descended from the House of Habsburg.

      1. You mean he’s descended from a line of their bastards? Yes, I could believe that.

  12. Is this the sort of anti-Obama limited-government candidate you really want to get behind?

    Just as long as I can keep him from getting behind me.

  13. They’re supposed to be within marriage, they are supposed to be for purposes that are, yes, conjugal, but also [inaudible], but also procreative.

    He’d better go after the Catholic Church first, they’re peddling non-procreative sex during pre-marital counseling.

    1. They’re selling it?
      During pre-marital counseling?

      1. No kidding; my wife and I had to sit through two hours of a couple talking to us about their system. I don’t think its called the rythym method anymore… Is it natural family planning, now?

  14. Have Davey and Goliath endorsed him yet? Or are they on Gingrich’s dream team?

    1. I don’t know, Daaaaaaaaavey.

  15. the alt text made me lol

    1. We need more of this. The Jacket should enforce alt-text on all the posts.

      1. Okay, I’m probably going to look even more stupid than normal here…BUT what the hell is this “alt-text” everyone is talking about?

        1. Hold your cursor over the picture of Santorum in boxing gloves and you should see a joke about onanism. That joke is the alt-text.

          1. Thanks.

            And yes…LMFAO!

          2. Your gonna need bigger gloves…uh, he’s gonna need bigger gloves… I am gonna need bigger gloves to stop whacking off, but I never would stop to begin with…
            dare I say it? They’ll take my masterbating when they pry it out of my cold, dead, sploogy fingers….

  16. We can’t have some kind of Imperial Presidency where the citizens get lectured about healthy habits!

    1. SO TRUE.

      If it’s not a Democrat who wants to lecture us about “healthy” eating, it’s a Republican who wants to lecture about “moral” sex.

      Radley Balko is right – there is no party of tolerance in Washington.

  17. Maybe the viagra all went to his hands.

    1. If you can’t flex your fingers for more than four hours, call your doctor right away.

    2. It went to his head – he’s been stiff-necked for years.

    3. hear the one about the teen who took viagra?

      3d degree burns, both hands!

      at ease, I’ll be in the area all daze

  18. “…and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special.”

    Yes, it is special, and that is precisely why we want you to STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT.

    1. I don’t know about you, but for me, knowing when the time is right is an intimate decision involving my girl, my God, and Rick Santorum.

      1. If you want santorum with your sex, that’s up to you, dude. But Santorum wouldn’t let you.

  19. what about teh chuldrenz?

    It’s for your own good, Son.

  20. It really sucks donkey balls that our political process has devolved into a choice between “getting shot” and “getting beat the fuck to death”

    1. Actually, I think Santorum sucks elephant balls.

      1. and that’s just foreplay

  21. It is bad enough that anyone would like Santorum to be POTUS.

    The fact that millions do is totally depressing.

    I still think that Romney is going to be nominated, but if Santorum continues to get support from the religious right, Romney will probably have to take Santorum has his VP nomination.

    1. SANTORUM GOOD AT LEADING WITH REAR!

      STEVE SMITH MAKE JOKE. LAUGH!

      1. You didn’t make a joke. You raped humor.

        1. HUMOR WAS NOT UN-RESPONSIVE!

    2. It is bad enough that anyone would like Santorum to be POTUS.

      The fact that millions do is totally depressing.

      It’s just indicative that most Americans, whether left or right, are ignorant about the proper function of the federal government – through no real fault of their own – and have no problem with the government bossing other people around. In other words, they don’t mind the overbearing itself, just whether they agree with what’s being pushed and on whom.

      Truthfully, I don’t have much personal disagreement with Santorum’s morality or what he thinks is right or wrong. My problem is with his belief that he can force other people to abide by it if he becomes president.

      1. “through no real fault of their own”

        Bullshit. They didn’t give a fuck about finding out these things. They want to tell people what to do. Fuck them.

        1. This is true. My original comment was intended as a backhanded slap at the state of civic education in America and I didn’t quite pull it off.

      2. Truthfully, I don’t have much personal disagreement with Santorum’s morality or what he thinks is right or wrong.

        I do. I put it to you that legislating morality (victimless “crimes”), in and of itself, is itself immoral.

        Santorum is a pig that will never be satisfied until the entire world believes and acts EXACTLY as he does.

        1. I do. I put it to you that legislating morality (victimless “crimes”), in and of itself, is itself immoral.

          In the very next sentence after the one you quoted, West Texas states that very thing.

  22. Santorum is aiming for the endorsement of the divorce lawyer / marriage counselor / ship captain lobbies.

  23. Who is voting for this guy!? I’ve never met a person that wouldn’t be repulsed by this.

    1. I know, right?

  24. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen

    Santorum has clearly never had a drunken/ecstasy-laden 3-way after one’s 10yr high school reunion. Christ, that’s the only one I even care to *remember* fondly.

    I am still aghast that we’re facing a massive debt crisis, structural weakness in our economy, are engaged in multiple overseas wars, need a massive overhaul of government spending, and all the ‘leading’ presidential candidates want to talk about is interfering in people’s sex lives. Just what the country needs, Rick – a meddling, Guidance Counselor In Chief.

    He’s just about the most perfect, walking-talking case in favor of contraception that could be conceived.

    1. probably better than the drunkin melee at mine

  25. Both Santorum and his wife had flings before they were married. Fucking hypocrite.

    1. Shacking up with the doctor who delivered you when you are 22 and he is in his 60s is a bit more than a fling.

      1. Damn straight – it’s either a porn scenario or Movie of the Week

    2. Fucking hypocrite.

      That pretty much describes every presidential candidate we’ve had this year except one. It’s a damn shame that nobody seems to care.

    3. That’s how he knows that only married sex is the best

    4. It’s not about him. He’s running for president in an attempt to make it illegal for anyone to have sex with his daughters.

      Ingenious.

  26. As if I didnt find this guy repulsive enough. Santorum is more disgusting and revolting than santorum.

  27. all the social indicators he seems to be worried about – including sexual activity among teens

    Theories on why this is? I’ve got 2 off the top of my head:

    1) Since college is expected for most people now, kids are paying a bit more attention to this and then getting it on once they are in college instead of in the back of cars.

    2) With the stupid amount of safety crap that has been going on the past couple of decades, the boys we’re raising are becoming bigger and bigger pussies, and thus are having difficulty getting chicks to bang them.

  28. Nick – shouldnt we wait for one of the major parties to nominate a woman for prez before we start mixing pronouns like that?

    And what the fuck is wrong with the generic “he”?

    1. Exactly. Unless he’s somehow trying to hint at some sort of double-standard situation where a female president would treat such things differently, I just don’t see the point in this: “First, the president shouldn’t be concerning herself with rubbers, IUDs, and birth control pills (whether she’s a Republican or a Democrat).”

      1. I don’t have a problem with Nick thinking out of the box and suggesting that a woman could be president.

        Just not happening this election cycle.

  29. I like how Santorum just assumes that sex is only supposed to occur within marriage.

    Evidence, please?

    1. god told him that as he walked on…well, u know…its frothy

  30. …this is special, and it needs to be seen as special.

    I think threesomes are pretty special too, Rick. Just because you can’t get your wife to invite her uptight girlfriends to bed with you doesn’t mean everyone else should suffer the same dull sex life you have.

    What my wife and I and her girlfriend and the neighbors down the street do in our bedroom and occasionally in the hot tub is no one’s business but ours.

    1. And you should be free to turn it into a business, needless to say…

  31. The vast majority of Catholics who don’t care what their church says about sex (or anything else). Santorum is on the lunatic fringe.

    1. that fringe is polling at 30 sum % support.

  32. Is this the sort of anti-Obama limited-government candidate you really want to get behind?

    Yes. But he’ll get no reach around from me!

    1. I though you looked like the kind of guy who fuck a person in the ass without even giving him the goddamned common courtesy of a reach around! I’ll be watching you!

  33. It all boils down to whether you want to:

    1. Hope that Obama will fail at his Socialist agenda.

    2. Hope Romney will fail at his Progressive agenda.

    3. Hope Santorum will fail at his Social Conservative agenda.

    Looking at the US today, I think there’s a much better chance of #3 than #2 or #1.

    1. Santorum has the same “Progressive Agenda” as Romney.

      Santorum thinks that the embargo against Cuba is a good thing; he believes in it so much that, even if both Castro brothers die, he would continue the embargo until the Cuban people “man up” and show that they won’t elect in dictators, anymore.

    2. Problem is that those seem to be the only choices people can see…when in reality #4 is the one that should be polling at 70%.
      4. Hope that Paul will succeed with his Constituional agenda.

  34. “First, the president shouldn’t be concerning herself with rubbers, IUDs, and birth control pills (whether she’s a Republican or a Democrat).”

    Huh? Expecting a brokered convention with Palin stepping forward, then Obama being replaced as a candidate by Hillary, or something?

    You know that “sexist writing” is a canard of people who want to throw you in prison for non-aggressive behavior. Don’t feed the trolls.

    1. Yeah, that struck me, as well. There are no women in the race, so using “she” in this case is distractingly incorrect.

      Furthermore, I’m fine with “he or she” when appropriate, but “she” by itself is as wrong as “he” by itself unless the only people involved are of one gender.

      That said, I understood what he was saying so this shouldn’t really bother me, but for some reason it does…

      1. I’m old enough to remember being taught that, when one doesn’t know the gender, or if there is no specific gender suggested by the context, then use the masculine form.
        That’s correct English.

        But, people will be whiny babies, and want to be included where they are not wanted.

        1. I don’t see any reason why the implied singular of a gender neutral plural “they” can’t simply be used in all situations like this.

          So:

          “First, the president shouldn’t be concerning herself with rubbers, IUDs, and birth control pills (whether she’s a Republican or a Democrat).”

          Becomes:

          “First, presidents shouldn’t be concerning themselves with rubbers, IUDs, and birth control pills (whether they’re a Republican or a Democrat).”

          Simple.

          1. whether they’re a Republican or a Democrat

            Shouldn’t that be…

            -whether they’re Republicans or a Democrats-

            Like it or not, the word “they” is a plural pronoun

            1. You’re right.

          2. Yeah, yeah, English lacks a gender-neutral third-person singular pronoun.

            (1) Can’t use “it”, because “it” is for things, and a person isn’t a thing.

            (2) Can’t use “them”, because “them” is plural, and a person isn’t a group.

            (3) “He” and “she” aren’t gender-neutral. I guess you can randomly alternate them, but that leads to weird shit like using “she” when there isn’t a “she” in view that it could refer to. It also leads to confusion when you use “he” in one sentence, and “she” in another, givign the impression that you are referring to different people when you aren’t, necessarily.

        2. It’s not a question of correct or incorrect, it’s just a stylistic choice. I sometimes use “he”, sometimes “she”, sometimes “he or she”, sometimes “they”. Just depends on what I feel like at the time. Don’t look at this as some sort of culture war issue. Let the feminists get offended at pronoun usage, we’re above that.

  35. I have it on good authority that Santorum didn’t make it onto the ballots of VA, IL, IN, TN, OH, or DC. So…people who are voting for him are voting for an incompetent, on top of everything else.

  36. o3|2.15.12 @ 10:11AM|#
    the dirty lil secret about ED is it aint ED if u just dont desire her.

    I’ve forgotten where I heard or saw it but a few years ago there was a story making the rounds about how many men were taking Viagra and then finding out it was a health problem at all.

    They just couldn’t stand the old lady anymore.

  37. The hardcore conservatives agree with the hardcore liberals on a key point: the idea that “the personal is political” and hence the collective gets to control it.

  38. What a vile excuse for a human being.

  39. I will vote Obama if Santorum is the Republican nominee. My apologies in advance to Gary Johnson, but at least Obama is big government, but not in my bedroom. Santorum is big government everywhere, all the time.

  40. I’ve never seen an Italian who looked so ridiculous in boxing gloves.

  41. Dave Mustaine endorses Santorum.

    If there’s a frothy way, he’ll be the first in line.

    1. Peace sells, but who’s buying? Obviously not Mustaine, since Santorum wants to go to war with Iran.

    2. Clearly, Mustaine needs to get back on the heroin. Sobriety is clouding his judgment.

  42. Life sucks and then you die….lol.
    i don’t know about you, but a Santorum candidacy seems to fall along the lines of there is no god.

  43. Passage from Santorum’s inaugoral address, 1/20/2013:

    We should follow the example of the most logical species in the galaxy, the Vulcans, and adopt the practice of Pon-Farr. From now on sex will only be allowed every seven years. Which will mean much less sex for some of us, but for others, much much more.

  44. Santorum is wrong because he is a believer in arbitrary government.

    But given his premises, he is right to talk about contraception.

    He supports a welfare/warfare state including social assistance and medical care for the elderly and disabled. For these programs to be sustainable, each generation needs traditional families with several children, so as to produce the workers of tomorrow to pay for the welfare of today. A contraceptive culture encourages smaller families, and a greater proportion of dysfunctional (eg, single-parent) families, making for fewer productive workers as a proportion of those needing the welfare state. Hello, national bankruptcy!

    It’s not surprising that libertarians are against big-spending Ponzi schemes.

    What’s interesting is how many of Santorum’s fellow social-democrats miss the point he gets – how are you going to pay for all those social programs without the large traditional families? Calling Santorum a byproduct of sodomy isn’t going to balance the budget, and it isn’t going to pay the elderly and disabled for their health care (and veterinary care for their cats).

  45. He talks like someone who will be caught with his pants down and in the near-future .

    The only problem is that most of the sex scandals are already done, and it’s hard to top them: graveyard with a hooker and sex toys; Appalachian Trails in South America, Airport bathroom footsie dance, Weiner’s wiener on the net….

    Is there such a thing as a necrophiliac male hooker?

    1. If there’s anyone who can top those scandals (and I do mean “top”), it’s Senator Frothy.

      His public level of obsession with all things sexual makes it almost inevitable that some very interesting things are going on with his private life.

      1. That said, I don’t personally care what he does in his spare time. But anything that gets this authoritarian shitbird out of the race is fine with me.

      2. His public level of obsession with all things sexual makes it almost inevitable that some very interesting things are going on with his private life.

        Since you’re such an outspoken “l”ibertarian voice, it’s obvious that you’re really some extremist fascist that would not be able to restrain himself from imposing a dictatorship upon others.

        Can’t the commenters here stop using this ridiculous leftist trope?

        1. Political jiu-jitsu. Taking advantage of the existence of gay republicans, but drawing two mistaken conclusions:

          (a) That all reps are gay,

          (b) that gays who support republican policies are inauthentic, and unless they not only decloset themselves but embrace full gay rights, they are Uncle Toms or worse.

        2. That’s right. I’m an outrageous fascist who couldn’t restrain myself from imposing the right for consenting adults to do whatever the fuck they want to in the bedroom.

          My comment about Santorum is simply based on years of observation of politicians and public figures of all political stripes. Santorum has that same “uncomfortable in his own skin” vibe that Jim Bakker did. And we all know what Bakker was doing when the cameras were turned off…

    1. Ever notice how every conservative celebrity, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris, Victoria Jackson, Bo Derek, etc., is a washed-up has-been from the ’80s?

  46. Lol the “different strokes for different folks” crack alone made this article worth reading! 😉

  47. Personally, I think ALL marriage is wrong, gay and straight. It’s unnatural and goes against the base instinct which is to fuck as many people as possible to spread the seed around. The sooner dumbasses like Santorum get that through their heads the better off we’ll all be.

    1. If it is unnatural, all the more reason to encourage it – this allegedly non-instinctual behavior provides a better environment for children that an arrangement where everyone “[bleep]s as many people as possible.”

  48. Man is free to have whatever prudish opinions he wants so long as he doesn’t start making them law. Don’t see where he crossed any line there yet.

  49. This shit-stain couldn’t even win in Pennsylvania. At least Romney only lost to McCain in 2008.

    Santorum seems to be much more Statist than Romney. As bad as Romney is, I think Santorum scares away a lot more of the libertarian right and independents.

  50. Why did Nick write “[T]he president shouldn’t be concerning herself with rubbers, IUDs, and birth control pills (whether she’s a Republican or a Democrat).”

    The Presidential candidates are all men. I think we can safely use the pronoun ‘he’ to refer to the President.

    By the way, I don’t like Santorum and I’m a Catholic who has no problem with birth control – like most Catholics including, apparently, Newt Gingrich.

  51. Santorum can believe whatever he wants to believe, I’ve got no problem with that. But I really don’t want the President of the United States to be lecturing me about birth control (either pro or con). And I think the vast, vast majority of Americans feel the same.

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