Florida Faces Burmese Python Epidemic, Still Makes Snake Hunters Jump Through Regulatory Hoops


David Hasselhoff, Anaconda 3

A specter is haunting Florida—the specter of giant Burmese pythons. According to a new study published by the U.S. Geological Survey, Burmese pythons are devouring furry mammals in the Everglades. Raccoon and possum sightings are down 99 percent, bobcats are down 88 percent, and foxes and rabbits haven't been seen at all in years. As you can probably tell from the name, Burmese pythons aren't native to Florida. So there are few local predators to stop their appetite for destruction. These pythons have been known to eat birds, deer, even gators.

Since 2005 the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has spent $6 million trying to contain the pythons. Among other expenses, this money includes, "design[ing] pythons traps," salaries for bureaucrats, using "snake sniffing" dogs, and the "potential use of unmanned aerial vehicles with thermal infrared cameras to detect large constrictor snakes in the field." Can murder drone strikes be too far behind?

Heeding Rahm Emanuel, the Obama administration is making sure it doesn't waste this crisis. Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar used the Lacey Act to label these snakes as "injurious." First passed in 1900, the Lacey Act bans the trade and transportation of certain plants and animals. It's the same act that led to a raid on Gibson Guitars for allegedly using illegal wood and sentenced four Americans to prison for packing lobster tails in plastic bags, not cardboard boxes. Effective March 23, importing, transporting, or selling Burmese pythons and 3 other constrictor snakes across state lines will become a crime. And with stringent consequences: Breaking the Lacey Act can lead to upwards of $20,000 in fines and/or five years imprisonment. 

Samuel L Jackson, Christina Ricci, Black Snake Moan, pythons

One reptile business owner was furious with the new ruling:

They have a problem in southern Florida with Burmese pythons and they're treating it as a national threat, which is silly…These animals have no chance of surviving in New Hampshire. If you let them go right now in the winter, they would only last an hour. 

If someone travels to Massachusetts with their pet snake, that would be a federal crime…It is affecting thousands of people and we're losing our rights.

Granted, I'm not sure how many people travel with their pet Burmese pythons. But as long as their pet pythons don't harm anyone else, their rights should not be infringed. In addition, banning pythons would create a black market. Pythons are very lucrative, worth $10,000-$50,000 per snake. Not to mention a loss of $10-20 million in legal snake sales.

Furthermore, while the ban might seem understandable, it does very little to stop the Burmese pythons already in Florida. Biologists believe that there are anywhere from 30,000-100,000 pythons on the prowl in the Gunshine State. Plus, female pythons can lay 54 eggs on average, with some even laying up to 100. 

However, there are other options to stop the snakes in the glades. Writing at National Review Online, Jonah Goldberg lays out his plan for a "great snake genocide":

We nearly wiped out the buffalo in this country because a bunch of guys made money off of buffalo hides. Thousands of years before that, mankind eradicated the woolly mammoth with spears. Spears! Give me five thousand Ted Nugent fans and all the weapons they can carry and the waters of the everglades will run red with Burmese snake blood.

You see, I don't think we need a vast new government bureaucracy to kill snakes. Heck I think if we created a vast new bureaucracy to kill snakes we would very quickly end up subsidizing people to raise snakes to kill them. But, are you telling me that during a time when unemployment is outrageously high, the government can't put a bounty on snakes and get results? I don't know what the right number is but for the sake of argument if we had a hunting season in which you could bring in unlimited number of Burmese pythons for $50 per pound, my hunch is Burmese pythons would be erecting memorials to the great snake genocide of 2012.

giant burmese python, hicks

Hunts have been done before, but they barely massacred any pythons. Since 2002, only 1,825 pythons have been removed from the Everglades. And there are at least 30,000 pythons in Florida. Isn't indiscriminate killing something the state's supposed to be good at?

Like so many other shortages, the lack of python hunters was caused by the state of Florida. For the 2010 hunt, there were less than 400 licensed hunters. "Python permits" are currently limited to Florida residents; as for capturing pythons, "firearms and traps may not be used." For everyone who isn't Bear Grylls, that's kind of hard.

Elsewhere in Reason: Ronald Bailey discusses invasive species.

In other python news, it looks like Monty Python is re-uniting to make a new sci-fi film. Robin Williams will play a talking dog. And there was much rejoicing.

NEXT: Nevada for Dummies

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  1. There’s a show called Python Hunters on NatGeo that follows some of these guys. It’s pretty good.

    1. I always avoided that show because I figured it was gay porn.

      1. It’s a little of column A, a little of column B.

        They find snakes, and have gheyhomobutsecks afterwards to celebrate a successful “hunt”.

        1. So like the “Gold Rush” guys and their “gloryhole” they keep talking about.

          I’ve never seen the show but “The Soup” makes sure I know about the good stuff.

    2. They will call them Myanmar pythons.

    3. Bi or want to find people having the same sexual orientation?—datebi*cO’m— is a safe and free site for you.


    One of Animal Discovery Planet Channel’s finer offerings.

  3. I can’t imagine you would have to pay people to hunt pythons. Let them have at it.

  4. Are you serious? Are you serious?

  5. Glad to see a “Whacking Day” reference in the alt-text.

    1. It was all in good fun!

  6. Snake skin boots becoming popular is the obvious solution.

    1. Or selling python by-products to the Chinese as a male enhancement.

    2. Iron Chef America: Challenge PYTHON!

      1. the twist being that the pythons are still alive. Alton Brown was the only one to make it out alive.

  7. Let me get this straight. An invasive species is wreaking havoc and one must get permission from the government before they can hunt the damn things, and are only allowed to hunt them a certain way?

    Wonko the Sane was right.

  8. Grasshopper Nick, you will not be ready to leave until you can snatch the alt-text from my hand.

  9. We are getting too stupid to run a civilization. How fucking hard is it to set a bounty? Oh no people use guns and guns are icky. WTF is the matter with people?

    1. Remember, this is the same state that just sent a resounding “We want Romney!” message to the nation.

      1. What they really said was: “We don’t want Gingrich”.

        1. “We’ll prove that participatory democracy is overrated!”

    2. How fucking hard is it to set a bounty?

      Where’s the fun in that?
      Allowing people to go out there and get the animals however they want?
      It must be regimented and controlled. Require permits that come with inspections. Attach rules to make things difficult but not impossible. Use any excuse to revoke a license or not give it in the first place. That’s how you exercise power.

      Set a bounty? What a fucking amateur.

    3. Look, there’s no point in having power if you don’t use it, and the easiest way to use it is to make people’s lives difficult.

    4. Out west there used to be a bounty on coyotes (I think it was $5 per set of ears). The coyotes prevailed.

      1. The wiley coyotes prevailed.


      2. Great so we can kill off any number of species with ease except the ones we want to.

  10. The statist/conservationist schizophrenia is showing itself again. On the one hand, “indiscriminate” killing, even of an invasive species, feels reflexively wrong to the environmentalists. On the other hand, destroying a “delicate” ecosystem also feels wrong to them. Their love for the State and hatred for moneymaking explains this incoherent course of action.

  11. “I think we’re having a communication breakdown here, because you keep saying ‘plague of snakes’, and all I hear is ‘Easter bunny, Easter bunny, Easter bunny’.”

    1. Be careful of how you wash that t-shirt, it’ll shrink up on you.

      1. Shake: Master, can I ask a question? You said we’d be trading off at some point. Is that close?

        Meatwad: We gonna finish up America, then we do Europe, then you knock out the Middle East yourself.

        Shake: Fuck you!

        Meatwad: Cry me a river, bitch!

  12. And of course lets not forget just how fucking retarded you would have to be to buy a Burmese python and then be so shocked when it turned into a giant man eating snake you dumped it out in a swamp rather than take care of it.

    1. It’s the Tragedy of the Mullets.

      1. People who own snakes for pets are about the lowest form of life on earth. Just why do you think it is a good idea to own an animal that the only reason it doesn’t eat you is because it is not big enough to do the job?

        1. People who own snakes for pets are about the lowest form of life on earth.

          As long as they properly take care of it (as opposed to, say, dumping it in the swamp), how does it make someone a “lowest form of life” to own a pet you don’t personally approve of?

          1. I kid. Yeah as long as they take care of them, although I think certain breeds of poisonous snakes are so dangerous, no one but zoos and those who show a serious expertise should be allowed to own them.

            While I fully support their right to own such animals. I also will exercise my right to think they are complete morons.

            1. …no one but zoos and those who show a serious expertise should be allowed to own them.

              That’s our John, always with the big-gov’t regulatory schemes ^_^

              1. In this case yes. I really don’t want my neighbor’s black mamba getting lose in my garage.

                1. Black Mambaaaa…*trails off*

            2. I think I could live with a federal government who was limited to the role envision in the Constitution + restricting the ownership of poisonous snakes.

              I went to college with a guy who has probably been killed by any number of the dangerous snakes he either owned, or wished to own.

              I could probably Google “Death by pet snake” and find him.

              1. Sounds like my cousin. He’s got a two-car garage full of snakes and lizards including a 15ft. monster of a burmese python named Snake Plissken. The cars are on the lawn next to the chicken coop where any self-respecting redneck keeps em.

              2. Heck its probably on Youtube.

              3. who has probably been killed by any number of the dangerous snakes he either owned, or wished to own

                see guys, even WISHING about poisonous snakes can kill you.

                1. To clarify, while we were in college, he owned a couple of different constrictors and had caught and kept a copperhead and timber rattler. It was his… dream… to be able to own any number of seriously dangerous snakes. The sort of critters that would be put on a list about Australia on Cracked.

                  I have little doubt that the combination of time, possibly increased wages, and the rampant availability of the internet would allow this person to fulfil his goal of having a pet King Cobra.

          2. Snakes are icky because in the Bible one convinced Eve to eat that damned apple. They’re inherently evil.

        2. +cats

        3. The same can be said for cats. The only reason ours doesn’t kill and eat us is because she only weighs 8 lbs. Otherwise, dead meat we are.

          1. This is true. But cats are cute and at least pretend to like us for some reason other than we provide a meal ticket.

            1. We are easily seduced into giving them a purr job.

            2. sounds like my ex-wife.

            3. It’s our hands. Cat claws do not make for an enjoyable scratching.

        4. That technically applies to cat and goldfish owners too, you know.

        5. You are calling my wife “the lowest form of life on earth”?

          These things got it good.
          A living space with a hot spot so they can regulate body temp.
          Fresh water and sub strait every day or two. Regular meals that they don’t have to bother hunt.
          No parasites or diseases that they might find in the wild.
          They’re taken out regularly to be socialized.
          If the wild ones had the capacity for envy, these pets would be envied.

          1. I am sure. I just don’t see the charm of owning them.

            1. Neither do I. But a happy wife is a happy life.

              1. Thread winner^^^ Truer words have not been spoken. The wife wanted a pet rabbit… I now clean the cage. Happy wife=happy life.

                1. A Burmese Python would solve that pesky rabbit problem…

          2. *substrate

            (jeez, cmon)

            1. I blame Firefox’s spell checker.

              1. sorry, the response we were looking for was:

                “too many snakes on my keyboard.”

        6. Die in your house with the dog and see what happens if your body isn’t discovered for a few days.

          1. That is scavenging. My dog could way 300 lbs and still not be a threat. My cat on the other hand might be a problem if she grew that large.

          2. Actually, I have read that in homes with dogs and cats (and a dead owner) the dog is overwhelmingly likely to starve to death rather than eat there owner. The cats start dig in after about three days.

            1. Think about the dog who wouldn’t leave the coffin of his fallen soldier master. He wasn’t looking for scraps.


              1. thanks for reminding me of the Seymour episode of Futurama. i’ve got dust i need to go clean up…

            2. I’m surprised it took three days. Honestly, if you died in a house with a cat, I think it might wait 24 hours.

      2. The Venn diagram of “People with pet snakes” and “People who own swords” is basically a circle.

    2. An adult captive raised Burm would die in the wild. Instinct alone is not enough to survive. They need instinct plus experience. Most captive animals are fed “froze and thawed” food.
      Live food is so 80s.
      Besides, nobody has “normal” pythons anymore. It’s all about genetic morphs. Albinos and such.

      The ones found in the wild are not morphs.

      The current theory is that when hurricane Andrew came to town, it wiped out a warehouse that held literally a thousand baby Burmese pythons. Not one was found.

      It was only after that that a breeding population was discovered in the wild.

      1. Really. I didn’t know that. That is really interesting. What a shame.

        1. Same thing with nutrena.

          1. Yeah, those wild dogfoods are a real nuisance.

            1. I meant “nutria”

              My bad.

      2. I mean the current theory of the source of the breeding population was the warehouse. The warehouse was not a theory.

        1. You and your fanciful warehouse conspiracies. Like there are these large buildings all over the country that are filled with stuff. Uh-huh. Sure.

      3. This seems a plausible answer. All manner of shit was fucked up after Andrew. It destroyed various artificial animal habitats, like aviaries and such, and the animals simply roamed wild. We had some kind of fucking parrots that lived in our back yard for years after Andrew.

        That it could have happened to snakes is an absolute possibility.

    3. Also, let’s not forget – let’s not forget, Dude – that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city – that ain’t legal either.

  13. Since snakes are cold-blooded, they don’t show up as well on thermal imaging as do mammals. So using drones probably wouldn’t be that effective. Sounds like someone wants a toy airplane fleet, and is using this to (lamely) justify that.

  14. “potential use of unmanned aerial vehicles with thermal infrared cameras to detect large constrictor snakes in the field.”

    So the geniuses in Tallahassee want to use thermal infrared imaging to find cold blooded animals in the Florida Everglades? Why does this not surprise me?

    1. They’ll have to do a 250,000 dollar study to see why the thermal imaging doesn’t reveal cold blooded animals first.

      1. Only a quarter mil? You jest.

      2. They’ll have to develop a variety that is warm blooded and release them into the outdoors to breed with the wild snakes.

    2. Chertoff’s company will probably get the contract.

    3. Hey, somebody’s wife’s brother is almost certainly involved in the deal. Or an idiot cousin. This is just my experience working as a contractor to state agencies. When some inexplicable contract comes up, I just assume there’s a man trying to get a woman he’s related to off his back.

      1. That does explain a lot about Florida politics.

  15. the “potential use of unmanned aerial vehicles with thermal infrared cameras to detect large constrictor snakes in the field.”

    Thermally imaging snakes won’t be easy.

  16. Why not just breed a race of super-alligators to eat them all? Once the snakes are gone the alligators will starve to death, thus neatly solving the problem forever.

    1. Sure, it worked out well for the Australians who introduced the Cane Toad to stop cane beetles that were destroying their sugar cane crops. Too bad they didn’t realize that the beetle larvae only ate the leaves of the plant which were up to 7 feet off the ground and Cane toads can only jump a few inches.

      1. When I say “super-alligators”, I’m talking at a min. 50 ft. long. They will have no problem with reach.

        1. Australia’s problem isn’t that the Cane Toads couldn’t reach the beetle larvae, it’s the fact that the damn things breed like crazy and they have no natural predators because they are poisonous. Every year during the wet season, billions of Cane Toads swarm Eastern and Central Australia killing pets, wild animals, and even people (they cause car accidents when the roads get covered in toad roadkill).

          Hell, it turns out that the Cane Beetle, which is native to Australia, wasn’t such a big deal to their sugar cane crops and the damn things have plenty of natural predators in the form of birds and other insects. Just more evidence of the cluster fuck of government intervention.

          1. I am disappointed you didn’t use “toadkill” instead of “toad roadkill”.

            1. toadbody’s perfect.

          2. I know about their toad problem. I was just making a joke.

  17. I don’t think we need a vast new government bureaucracy to kill snakes. Heck I think if we created a vast new bureaucracy to kill snakes we would very quickly end up subsidizing people to raise snakes to kill them.

    That’s some Grade A snark.

  18. It seems the state wants to handle this in responsible fashion- what’s wrong with that? Ok, let’s turn a bunch of Ted Nugent fans loose in the Everglades. Enter the Florida Panther (puma), which they would also wipe out and there’s only like 100 of them out there. Point is there are a plethora of reasons why that is a bad idea.

    1. Yeah because it is not like they don’t allow hunting in other states for things like feral hogs.

      Oh that is right they do and none of the things you predict have happened.

      1. is there an endangered species running near feral hogs? i dont think so.

        1. Yes. There are endangered species in every state. And most states have animals which are considered pests and are you are free to shoot at any time.

        2. Do you know that for a fact? Or are you just spouting off because you can’t think of a famous one off the top of your head?

          1. Did your mother have any children that lived, Jimbo? I don’t think so.

          2. As a Texan, I can tell you that’s a fact.

            We’ve got more than our share of endangered animals here (although no charismatic furry ones that I know of), and it is open season 24/7/365 on “varmints” (coyotes, bobcats, javelina, feral hogs, for sure. Pretty sure cougars, too.).

            1. It’s always open season on Cougars, everywhere.

        3. No problemo, wait a couple of years till the pythons wipe out all the panthers.

          1. You might have a point there…

        4. Oh, you know, just the Florida panther. Feral hogs are a problem in FL just about everywhere north of I-4 corridor, which also encompasses panther territory.

          1. No it doesn’t. Panthers aren’t that far north anymore–

            check it out dipshi^

            1. http://www.nbc-2.com/global/category.asp?c=202072

              I count 4 deaths in 2001-2010 above the I-4 corridor… dipshit. I’m pretty sure they weren’t killed in the everglades, trucked up there and dumped.

              1. It’s uncommon, but certainly not unheard of, for panthers to be spotted north of I4. I remember a story of one getting hit by a car near Jacksonville. They’ll travel hundreds of miles if they have to in order to find a mate.

        5. is there an endangered species running near feral hogs?

          Yes, the Florida Panther (which you mentioned) and the Florida Black bear are coexistent in areas of Florida where hunting wild hogs is legal (year round on private land). Also, there are no restrictions on hunting other game animals with firearms (other than closed seasons) in areas of endangered species habitat.

          If pythons are such a nuisance they should be legal to hunt with firearms with no closed season like other nuisances like rabbits and nutria.

        6. Uh, yes.

          Fucking Panthers, you idiot.

    2. Um, we’re pretty much free to shoot wild hogs in Texas on sight, and there’s still too goddamn many of them.

      1. That’s because there’s no bounty on them anymore.

    3. Cuz tham rednecks caint be trusted not to shoot all them fuzzy critters on god’s green earth1!! Yeeeeehaww!!!

      Fucking moron.

    4. Right, because a permit to hunt snakes means dead Panthers.

      Also, they already issue the snake hunter permits but stupidly keep it to only FL residents and don’t let them use effective methods.

      Why ban guns except some PC attempt to marginalise most sport hunters? Wouldn’t want that narrative about how hunting doesn’t serve any purpose to be contradicted…

    5. Pissing money away on “solutions” that won’t work is hardly what I’d call “responsible”.

      1. You’re both right, the state of Florida or the US doesn’t need the Everglades anyway, right?

        1. When the fuck did I say that? In any case, if Florida does it your way, they will lose the Everglades. Unmanned aerial vehicles; really? Sure, some politicians will be able to hook up their fatcat friends with the contracts, but it won’t accomplish a damn thing.

          1. You’re probably right too. I think the problem is that there isn’t a good solution right now.

            1. Sure there is: open season with a bounty, legal use of guns, knives, bow and arrow, and wesson oil.

        2. There’s plenty of the Everglades that are not in the National Park system and that are already open to hunting. No one is suggested unrestricted hunting of all species without discrimination.

          Pythons should be include in those areas with no bag limits during small game season (like feral hogs are in many cases) and firearms permitted when they are permitted with all other species.

    6. You may not be aware of this, but the snakes are being blamed for a decline in the number of mammals in the Everglades, including the FL panther. If left unchecked, the snakes will likely be the final nail in the FL panther’s coffin.

      1. Even if the snakes don’t kill the panthers outright, and they can and will, what does nimrod think the panthers eat?

    7. You blind stupid prejudice is on display with this:

      Ok, let’s turn a bunch of Ted Nugent fans loose in the Everglades.

      Actually, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission already does this from roughly August through February on public lands throughout the state. Only they call them “hunters” and they have great respect for them.

      There is an open season in either Archery, Muzzleloader or General Gun in every one of those months. Ther is no reason why pythons cannot be included among the species that can be taken with no bag limits in those time is.

    8. Ted Nugent fans vs pythons in the Everglades isn’t a bad idea; it’s a reality/extreme-sports show ready to get optioned.

  19. Once the deer and racoons are gone, won’t the snakes all just die too anyway?

    1. Not sure. They can go a long time without eating.

    2. That’s why they’re moving out of the swamp and into the farmland. They’re following the rats.

      1. Isn’t that pretty much a recipe for their deaths? Once they hit the farmland they should be easy to kill.

        1. Exactly, then you can feel free to sit on your porch John and shoot them at will, just not inside the Everglades.

          1. And meanwhile it is okay to let them destroy the native fauna of the everglades? That is nuts.

        2. On the last episode of Python Hunters that I watched, a farmer was talking about running over as many as eleven snakes in one day of tilling.

          1. I really hate snakes. I have to admit I would really enjoy running them over with a tractor.

            1. I don’t mind them. One of the ones she takes care of is “mine”, a corn snake morph that has almost no black banding. He’s a little snippy when pulling him out of the cage, but once he warms up (literally) he’s a nice fellow.

              1. I suppose so. I have a terrible phobia of them. It is my only one.

                Small non venomous snakes like yours are truly harmless. The big constrictors are deadly. I had a conversation one time with one of the zoo keepers at the reptile house at the National Zoo. He told me that they consider their big constrictors to be just as dangerous as any of their venomous snakes.

                1. Oh, bullshit.

                  Even the largest of snakes would have a difficult time eating any human larger than a toddler.

                  A big burmese is about 18′, and it couldn’t even think of eating anything approaching human.

            2. I’ve done it (rattlers). Mostly, it does them no harm with a tractor and plow.

              On asphalt, though, they squish.

              1. Now I’m not saying I am proud of this, but when we were in junior high we used to catch garter snakes, hold them by the tail and crack them like a whip. Their heads would fly off.

                1. Their heads would fly off.

                  supersonic speeds, etc etc

                  1. Is that what caused it? It wasn’t as if someone showed us how to do it and explained the underlying science.

                2. My mother had a grandmother who could do that with a bullsnake. Bullsnakes go up to six feet. They just don’t make people like they used to.

  20. The text on the tab for my browser for this page simply reads: “Florida Faces Burmese Python Epi…”

    We need to keep a closer eye on that guy.

    1. Or maybe FL can issue Epi hunting permits.

      1. I don’t need a permit.

      2. Or maybe FL can issue Epi-hunting permits.

        Let me be clear.

        We do not need permits to hunt American citizens.

      3. He’s considered an invasive species. In fact, I think most states still give bounties for his hides.

        1. He has multiple hides? Jesus, that explains a lot.

        2. I, like Ice-T, am impossible to kill.

          1. I know your momma’s cryin’. Fuck ‘er.

    2. Burmese Python Epi is nothing compared to White Tigress Epi.

      1. That is worse that SF slashfic.

        1. I’m making the video for youtube as we speak.

          1. *getting impatient for the promised line of action figures*

  21. It’s fine as long as the pythons stay down there. If they start moving up the state, well, I think the nuclear option must be considered.

    1. Don’t worry; even something as stupid as a python knows that nobody wants to live in hillbilly-ass upstate Florida.

    2. Don’t worry. In their native habitat it doesn’t get very cold, so they have evolved no instinct to go underground and hibernate in the winter, and snakes in North America have. They won’t move farther north than the bottom third of the panhandle.

      1. The Panhandle is the top part. The pythons are tormenting peninsular Florida. I think Tampa is far enough north, but if not, well, no one will really miss south Florida.

        1. You know what I meant.

          1. Didn’t last year’s cold snap kill a few of them?

            1. That was the iguanas… the other invasive reptilian species.

              1. They are a mess too (iguanas)…

            2. Nuclear winter is our only answer then.

            3. More like thousands.

      2. Nature…finds a way.

        /Jeff Goldblum

  22. “It’s the same act that lead to a raid on Gibson Guitars for allededly using illegal wood …”
    – – –
    Doesn’t anyone spell “led” correctly anymore? WTF, editors? The typo (“allededly”) is just that, but the other is a mistake. Stop.

    1. Doesn’t anyone spell “led” correctly anymore?

      Nope. Nor “def”, nor “deth”, nor “mercyful”, nor “crowe”.

    2. I’ve been seeing “peeked” used when they mean “peaked”.

      1. what do they write when they mean picqued?

  23. “In addition, banning pythons would create a black market. Pythons are very lucrative, worth $10,000-$50,000 per snake. ”

    Really? Because if they are worth that much why aren’t people trampling the everglades to grab these things?

    1. Exactly^^

      1. Because wild-caught Florida pythons are worth no where near $10,000 a snake.

    2. The valuable ones are genetic morphs.
      They’ve bred all kinds of crazy variations.

      The ones in the swamp are normal.

      1. See, you don’t know what you’re talking about. You got stoned watching ALIEN films and now you think you remember shit about snakes in Florida.

        This is even more embarassing than that time you thought you were Private Ryan.

        1. They mostly come out in Florida. Mostly.

          1. Like so many other shortages, the lack of python hunters was caused by the state of Florida.

            “They cut the permits!”
            “How can they cut the permits? They’re just bureaucrats!!”

            1. You never hear about invasive pot plants taking over the Everglades…

              1. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. What someone needs to do is to come up with a psychotropic drug distilled from something that only comes from pythons.

                Once that happens, pythons will become a national problem, kind of like the Moon race.

            2. Stalin said: “Who votes decides nothing. Who counts the votes decides everything”.

              Paraphrasing: “Who makes the law decides nothing. Who enforces the law decides everything”.

              It’s an open secret so ugly I have never seen a serious publication on the subject, but the bureaucrats have more power than anyone.

          2. Newt references during a campaign are unlawful political speech. Report to Disintegration Chamber #3 for processing.

  24. Effective March 23, importing, transporting, or selling Burmese pythons and 3 other constrictor snakes across state lines will become a crime.

    If I’ve got this right, we have too many snakes in Florida, and Obama just made it illegal to take a snake out of Florida.

    1. I say sell them on eBay.

      1. Agreed- I mean the Administration can’t be concerned about the Burmese establishing a population elsewhere because they wouldn’t survive. Oh well, no one wants Florida’s snakes anyway.

  25. I just came to comment that Black Snake Moan deserves some sort of recognition for “Trashiest Marketing Campaign Relative To Film’s Actual Content” of all time.

  26. I just came to comment that Black Snake Moan deserves some sort of recognition for “Trashiest Marketing Campaign Relative To Film’s Actual Content” of all time.

    1. Well, yeah, pretty trashy, but there was more than enough Christina Ricci tit in it to keep me interested.

  27. The precipitous decline of mid-sized mammals in south Florida is troubling. Previous invasions have shown that when available prey wanes, predation shifts to the next available resource. The dazzling aggregations of wading birds for which the Everglades have become synonymous will likely feature more prominently on python menus in the future.

    The full details of south Florida’s python saga can be found in the upcoming book “Snake in the Grass: An Everglades Invasion.” It can be pre-ordered on Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/Snake-Gr…..629&sr=1-1

  28. “thermal infrared cameras to detect large constrictor snakes in the field.”

    Umm, guys, snakes are cold-blooded.

  29. It is really hard to imagine you would have to pay people to hunt pythons. Let them have at it. Pythons are one of the top venomous snakes in Florida.

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