TSA

Guess the Top 10 TSA Catches of 2011! Hint: Not Terrorists.

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Is that a gun in your suitcase or…never mind. Nothing about this is funny.

$1.2 billion dollars later, here's what the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has to show for itself in 2011

10) Snakes, turtles, and birds were found at Miami (MIA) and Los Angeles (LAX). I'm just happy there weren't any lions, tigers, and bears…

9) A science project shut down a checkpoint at Omaha (OMA). I wonder if mentioning the shutting down of the checkpoint added enough flare to his presentation to score him some bonus points?

8) An artfully concealed non-metallic martial arts weapon called a "Tactical Spike" was found in the sock of a passenger at Pensacola (PNS) after being screened by a body scanner. The only thing I keep in my sock is my foot.

7) Inert landmines were found at Salt Lake City (SLC). I always travel with mine, don't you???

6) A stun gun disguised as a smart phone was found at Los Angeles (LAX). Not very smart to travel with this stunning device.

5) A flare gun with seven flares was found in a passenger's carry-on bag at Norfolk (ORF). Hmmm… pressurized cabin + 7 live flares = no good can come from this.

4) Two throwing knives  concealed in hollowed out book were found at Washington National (DCA). Killer book…

3) Over 1,200 firearms were discovered at TSA checkpoints across the nation in 2011. Many guns are found loaded with rounds in the chamber. Most passengers simply state they forgot they had a gun in their bag.

2) A loaded .380 pistol  was found strapped to passenger's ankle with the body scanner at Detroit (DTW). You guessed it, he forgot it was there…

1) Small chunks of C4 explosives were found in passenger's checked luggage in Yuma (YUM). Believe it or not, he was brining it home to show his family.

Bruce Schneier, king of the security experts, notes that "C4—their #1 "good catch"—was on the return flight; they missed it the first time. So only 1 for 2 on that one."

More Schneier here. Read more about the TSA in our current issue.

Via the always awesome Radley Balko.

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129 responses to “Guess the Top 10 TSA Catches of 2011! Hint: Not Terrorists.

    1. Do try to focus.

  1. The TSA is so tired of these mother-fucking snakes on this mother-fucking plane.

    “””””””””3) Over 1,200 firearms were discovered at TSA checkpoints across the nation in 2011. Many guns are found loaded with rounds in the chamber. Most passengers simply state they forgot they had a gun in their bag.”””””””””

    All Islamist terrorists or, even worse, Tea-Bagging scum, no doubt!

    1. Good question. How many of these passengers were found to be suspicious – that is, reasonably certain to have been planning a terrorist act on the plane had they made it through?

      1. I know, right? Ie, was the weapon confiscated and then the person allowed to fly?

        If I recover a weapon from Carlos the Jackal, do I still let him on the plane?

      2. Probably few. A real terrorist would have probably done a better of hiding their weapon.

        1. Probably none. The TSA would be shouting it from the rooftops if they had reason to believe the person had something nefarious planned.

    2. The part that scares me is the number of idiots wandering around with loaded handguns that they “forgot” about. When I’m carrying, I damn well know where my firearm is.

      1. They didn’t forget shit. They were trying to get their guns through. Nobody fucking forgets they have a gun in their luggage. Nobody. That 10-second-memory guy from that stupid Adam Sandler movie wouldn’t even forget.

        1. I might forget that I had a ball of hash jammed into one of my pants pockets on a return flight from Amsterdam. But you don’t forget that you threw a gun in your suitcase.

          1. A friend of mine once forgot that he put a one hitter in my bag. But I took a train and not a plane, and there was no TSA, no inspection, and only a couple of cops and dogs.

            1. Imagine the TSA being assigned to all public transportation! Good thing we live in the land of the free, eh?

              Wait…

            2. Dude, I love taking the train. I’ve taken them all around the country. Besides being owned by the government, Amtrak is the libertarian way to travel. No searches, no lines, hookers and drugs at the station; they’ve got everything.

              And, I don’t know what the dogs are looking for but they can’t smell drugs worth a damn. Once I met a dude out west traveling east and we got to talking and he shows me this giant mason jar filled with fresh nuggets. He had it in a bag at his feet when the dogs got on, he said later he was shittin’ himself, but they didn’t even pause at him. Not to mention some of that weed was on fire not a few hours before. There have been other incidences where the dogs didn’t smell anything, but we’ll save that shit for later.

              That was at the Dallas stop I believe. Big ass nazi lookin’ cops (local or feds I don’t know), scary as hell.

              I was also on a train in the midwest taking Jerry Springer guests to Chicago. And yes, those people exist and they’re from Missouri.

        2. Speaking of forgetting shit – and guns… Gun hidden, but not forgotten! http://www.thesmokinggun.com/b…..utt-765912

          And TSA also seems to benefit from hope and change, well change anyway: http://www.nbcsandiego.com/new…..92398.html

  2. Not very smart to travel with this stunning device.

    OK. Better than Bok.

  3. They should just allow concealed carry on planes. And 9/11 never would have happened.

    1. RIGHT… because then the terrorists would have had guns and not boxcutters

      1. RIGHT… because then the terrorists would have had guns and not boxcutters

        If you had to guess, why do you suppose you don’t see workplace shootings in police stations?

        1. you are wasting your breath. Folks like Lewis refuse to comprehend that a fair number of law-abiding citizens not only legally own guns but also know how to use them. And, the terrorists NOT having guns worked out so well for everyone.

        2. Or places like Ft. Hood?

          1. All military personnel are disarmed by protocol on-base, dumbass.

            1. I did not know that. My bad.

        3. Because the police do their workplace shootings in citizens’ houses.

      2. I seriously doubt they would have been able to obtain carry permits.

        1. Right, afaik you have to be a citizen.

          1. Incorrect. Depends on the state. Here in WA a permanent resident can get one too. Most states allow this, however.

        2. Even if so, a short shootout would have ensued, and we’d have lost a couple of passengers at most instead of 2500+ odd people, two high-rise towers and part of the pentagon.

          1. And we might not be ten years into two wars as we speak…

          2. Or . . .

            during said short shootout, a bullet would have penetrated the hull and BLOWN A HUGE FUCKING HOLE IN THE AIRPLANE SUCKING EVERYTHING NOT LOCKED DOWN OUTSIDE, FALLING 30k+ feet to their deaths.

            Airplane hulls are no more than some aluminum with plastic walls. Virtually EVERY bullet for a handgun will go right the fuck through.

            1. Which still would have been no worse and probably much better than what actually did happen.

              Our security mindset (and that of passengers per 9/11), is of terrorism of the hijacking “sit still and nobody gets hurt,” variety. Mass suicide was and is not suspected.

            2. a bullet would have penetrated the hull and BLOWN A HUGE FUCKING HOLE IN THE AIRPLANE SUCKING EVERYTHING NOT LOCKED DOWN OUTSIDE

              An FMJ would probably make it though the skin of the airplane. Hollowpoint might not. Frangible definitely wouldn’t, as frangible won’t even make it through drywall.

              If a round did make it through the cabin would depressurize but there would be no “huge fucking hole”. Anyone inside the bathroom would probably die if those FAA rules that remove the oxygen tanks from the bathroom are in effect now.

            3. Sorry MLG, you’re wrong. Knocking a few holes in the skin of a plane at altitude causes a depressurization (over time), but not the massive blowout you see in the movies.

            4. The leakage due to the total cross sectional area of a bullet hole is dwarfed by the design leakage of a commercial aircraft hull through seals, gaps, cracks, etc. at the design pressure differential of the hulls.

      3. And how many shots would they have taken before being transformed into Swiss cheese? Exactly. Concern troll is concerned.

        1. And how many shots would they have taken before being transformed into Swiss cheese

          But all it takes is ONE BULLET to pierce the hull, and, like, every single passenger will be sucked out the hole, and then the plane plummets to the ground!

          1. Adam and Jaime covered this, if you didn’t know already.

            1. what if they had .50 caliber handguns?

              1. cant tell if serios

                1. I wasn’t serious.

                  50 cal is the answer to everything from gun scaredies.

                  1. There are .50 caliber handguns, but not .50 BMG.

              2. what if they had .50 caliber handguns?

                Then it would make a half-inch hole in the fuselage, which would create a slightly deeper whistling noise than, say, a 9mm hole would.

              3. what if they had .50 caliber handguns?

                Or rocket launchers.

            2. Adam and Jaime covered this, if you didn’t know already.

              Yeah, I caught that one (though I rarely watch the show). Of course, anyone with even a rudimentary grasp of the physics can see what a bullet hole won’t bring down a plane.

              I remember in one of the later Alien movies, there was a scene where Ripley created a tiny hole in the ship’s porthole, through which the alien was sucked out into space. In real life (as on an airplane), it would’ve made an annoying whistling noise until someone plugged it with chewing gum.

              1. This is why I like reading H&R,now I know what not to do on a spaceship with an alien infestation.

                1. This is why I like reading H&R,now I know what not to do on a spaceship with an alien infestation.

                  Exactly. Do NOT use your acid blood to pierce the pressure hull. The passenger compartment of a spaceship is pressurized to about 10,000 psi, meaning any breach of the hull – no matter how small – will result in everyone being sucked out into space.

              2. But in that case the pressure differential was much greater, no?

                1. But in that case the pressure differential was much greater, no?

                  Most modern passenger aircraft are pressurized, on average, to about 8,000msl when they’re at their cruising altitude (though this varies from craft to craft). The differential between cabin pressure and ambient pressure isn’t going to be more than a few PSI.

                  Neat experiment: empty a bottle of drinking water while at altitude, then screw the cap back on tightly. Watch what happens to the bottle during the descent.

                  1. can you even bring a bottle of water onto a plane anymore?

                    1. can you even bring a bottle of water onto a plane anymore?

                      I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve flown commercially since we went insane, but I’m 99% sure that while you can’t bring a bottle of water through security, you can buy – and then bring onto the plane – bottled water at a concession stand inside the “sterile” area.

                    2. you can bring a bottle of water on to a plane

                      bring an empty bottle through security

                      fill it up once you pass security

                      hth

                  2. Mr nihilist,

                    I was referring to the spaceship hypothetical. I would assume you’d lose a lot of air.

                    1. I was referring to the spaceship hypothetical. I would assume you’d lose a lot of air.

                      Anytime you breach the hull to jettison a hostile alien life form, you’re going to void a lot of atmosphere as well. Comes with the territory, I’m afraid.

                    2. Hypothetical?

                2. No indeed. Assuming the plane or spaceship was pressurized to even one atmosphere, the most the pressure differential could be is one atmosphere. There’s nothing magical about space, it’s just a really good vacuum. But 40,000 ft is a pretty low pressure too (about 1/5 that of sea level) so from the perspective of the bullet hole in the plane, it might as well be considered a “vacuum”.

            3. Several companies also make ammo that is designed not to pierce the hull of an aircraft.

          2. I watched a documentary on Discovery a few years ago that demonstrated you could pepper a plane with holes, and it still wouldn’t be a disaster unless somebody decided to bring aboard a bunker buster.

            It’s funny how anti-science progressives will get when opposing shit they don’t like.

            EEEEWWW GUNS EWWWWWWW

            1. I like flying

              1. I know it’s a bird! It will fly out on its own!

            2. Heck, a few years ago a plane flying between the Hawaiian islands lost about 15 feet of it fuselage (metal fatigue) and still landed safely. I don’t think anybody got hurt.

              1. Actually, I think a stewardess got sucked out and died.

                1. Yes. She wasn’t belted in. The passengers survived.

      4. Simple solution then, just issue every adult passenger on the plane who doesn’t have a felony record a 9mm handgun. Now everyone’s packin’ heat.

        1. Nah. I prefer to only hand firearms to people who can demonstrate basic proficiency with them. Can you imagine doing this on a plane where 75+% of the passengers have only seen a gun on a policeman’s belt, or got their ideas of safe gun handling practice from Hollywood?

  4. I’d wager that the C4 came from a reservist on his way home from an AT at MCAS Yuma. Shit, I took home a one pound brick after a weekend of Demo training (and had fun blowing shit up until it was all gone). Marines love souvenirs, especially souvenirs that go boom.

    1. Hell yes.

      That was the first thing I thought of. I might have had about a half a brick when I left.

      Of course that was before 9-11 and I did not fly.

  5. Most passengers simply state they forgot they had a gun in their bag

    I actually am afraid of doing this, and have to make sure I check myself and my bag before going to the airport.

    1. I actually am afraid of doing this, and have to make sure I check myself and my bag before going to the airport.

      I’ve never carried a firearm outside the military, but I can easily see this happening. Carrying a weapon, I bet, comes as second nature. Grabbing it on the way out the door is like grabbing your keys, wallet, etc. I can easily imagine myself forgetting I was armed.

      1. I also specifically carry an extremely light and small pistol most of the time because I wear it all day, and that makes it even worse.

        1. I carry all the time, but I’m always aware of the firearm on my person. Before I go somewhere new — anywhere — I check whether guns are allowed. So far, my memory hasn’t failed me.

          1. I’ve only been carrying for a little under a year so I haven’t got the good habits yet. Plus PA is pretty wide open with where you can carry.

          2. I never go anywhere where guns aren’t allowed (except for bars), such as courthouses or schools, so I am not in a good habit of doing such checking.

            1. I travel for work sometimes, so I had to get into the habit, and life has taken me to places like NY and CA, so it’s all unavoidable for me as far as checking goes. But in that respect, I’m with you — whenever I can avoid going somewhere guns aren’t allowed, I do.

            2. I never go anywhere where guns aren’t allowed (except for bars),

              Good man.

      2. This past December I proctored a 3-hour final exam with a loaded firearm on my belt. I was reaching toward my pocket to pull out my phone and silence it just before the exam began when I got a handful of Ruger.

        Needless to say, that was an uncomfortable three hours as I couldn’t leave or take my jacket off.

        But, still I can’t see it being second nature to throw it in a carry-on type bag.

        1. This past December I proctored a 3-hour final exam with a loaded firearm on my belt . . . But, still I can’t see it being second nature to throw it in a carry-on type bag.

          I think you just demonstrated how it’s possible 😉 Second nature for you to strap it on, second nature for others to carry it in a bag of some sort.

          1. Yeah, but carrying it in a bag isn’t practical for self-defense purposes, so I don’t know why they’d develop that second nature. I can get it off my belt and ready to fire in like half a second from the decision to do so. I can’t imagine they would be able to get a gun out of a carry-on bag and ready to fire in less than three seconds. In a real SD situation they’d be screwed.

            1. and the punishment for cheating at a tulpa-proctored test is…..

              1. There is an easier way to get an ‘A’

              2. Hee hee. Usually I only have to get violent when they keep writing after I tell them to stop. In big sections I feel I could use a paintball gun.

      3. Be careful with loose ammunition. It could be in your bag or in your car.

  6. I brine my pork but not my c4

  7. You forgot the most important TSA catch of all: stuff that they can sell on eBay.

  8. Why the hell are people carrying guns in carry-on type bags anyway? In a situation where you need it for defense, by the time you get to it you’re probably already stabbed a few times.

    Purse, I could see. Fanny packs, sure. But a zippered up bag, no.

    1. They were trying to get them through. They didn’t forget, and they didn’t place them there for an optimal position of speedy retrieval.

      1. Well they’re just a bunch of liars then!

        1. I’m willing to bet on it. The TSA is dumb as shit, and I’m also willing to bet that there were people that got through.

  9. I got caught last year with a loaded pistol magazine in my suitcase. Yep, it had fallen in while i was packing and ended up under everything.

    1. What did they do?

      1. I got a stern letter from TSA about 4 months later. They let me right on the plane though

        They seemed more concerned with not making me miss my flight than interrogating me (the only questions they asked me awere what’s your name, what time does your flight leave, and where’s the gun?)

        1. What did they do with the mag? Just clear it and keep the bullets and send you on your way?

          1. They confiscated it and the ammo. It was an old pre- ban 10 rounder so I wasnt too bent out of shape. Plus, I was pretty embarrassed and concerned about the potentiak consequences.

            1. Post-ban

    2. I got caught last year with a loaded pistol magazine in my suitcase.

      So when did you guys get Internet access in Gitmo?

  10. So when did you guys get Internet access in Gitmo?

    Same time they bundled TV, cell service and internet….

  11. To be fair, perhaps generous, to the TSA, you can only catch as many terrorists as those that try to get on planes. I doubt plane hijackings rank very high on their list of plans these days.

    1. If true, this implies that the TSA is over-funded. I know, a radical suggestion on a libertarian blog 🙂

  12. I’m surprised colostomy bags aren’t on the list.

  13. What about the old lady who tried to knit an Afghan?

  14. Since we were discussing it above, here’s that picture: http://wrstone.files.wordpress…..artoon.jpg

    1. And that gave me bloodshot eyes and enraged me. Fucking government. Screw the early time, it’s time for alcohol.

    2. While I agree with the sentiment, the circular-firing-squad treatment seems like a bad idea. I’m sure gun control advocates would have some lulz with this cartoon.

  15. What? No snow globes on the list?

  16. OT: http://www.imdb.com/news/ni21019825/

    HBO sets ‘Game of Thrones’ premiere date

    In press releases given out to the media ahead of the panels, HBO announced that “Game of Thrones” season 2 (which will again be 10 episodes) would debut Sunday, April 1 at 9 p.m.
    ——

    yuyuyuyuyuyu

    1. FUCK YEAH

      Anyone who doesn’t have HBO is out of their minds.

    2. YES. And woot!

  17. http://www.imdb.com/news/ni21036609/

    Has Fox Shot 8 Minutes of R-rated Deadpool Test Footage?

    While it seems like we’re hit with an ever-increasing barrage of superhero movies each year, Deadpool is surely one of the most anticipated that’s yet to see the light of day. The film has been in the works for years now, and finally got some movement when visual effects guru Tim Miller was set as director last April. It’s a hard sell, as star Ryan Reynolds and those creatively involved are adamant that the feature be true to the comic and therefore rated R. Word on the project has been quiet for some time, but comic writer/illustrator Rob Liefeld recently let slip that he may or may not have seen eight minutes of test footage from the film. Details after the jump. Liefeld and Scott Lobdell participated in a panel at the Amazing Arizona Comic Con last weekend, and Liefeld had the following to say about Deadpool ?

    ——–

    I’m looking forward to it! Yeah, that’s right!

  18. Don’t quite get the logic here. If the C&C had been okay, wouldn’t terrorists factor this into their plans? You know, like grab a hostage and just shoot anyone reaching for something?

  19. stories like this are a convenient distraction aimed to rile the masses so they’ll forget about European-style debt in which we are drowning and that no one other than Paul is addressing.

    1. We are all Boston Tea Partiers now. Tar and feather the tax collectors.

  20. More proof that capitalism is doomed: in a country where the people own a majority stake in every native company, it’s the ShAmerican capitalist corporation that forces people to wait in line and turns them away because they can’t produce enough goods.

    The state-owned grocery store didn’t run out of bread and toilet paper this time, it was your beloved behemoth corporation. Maybe there is something to be said for putting people ahead of profits.

    The Chinese people don’t stand for this. We shouldn’t either. Open up your eyes, people.

    1. cant tell if serios

    2. It might have something to do with the quality of the bread and toilet paper.

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  23. And none of these people were actual intended terrorists, right, or else we would have heard of it. So the TSA is saying that at best it caught a number of innocent careless people.

    1. Not terrorists != not trying to sneak a gun onto the plane

      I don’t believe the “oops, I always put my loaded firearm for self-defense into a little zippered up bag on wheels that it takes 15 seconds to open and find something in, and I forgot I was going to the airport this time” excuse. If someone got caught with a gun in a holster on their body I could believe they just forgot.

      1. None of that is relevant when you get to the part when the government has absolutely no authority whatsoever to tell airlines what they’ll allow their passengers to carry aboard their aircraft. That’s really what people like Ron Paul, people with sufficient prominence to get this shit out to the rubes that live between Los Angeles and New York.

        1. *, should be saying.

  24. No one ever took a snake or a handgun on a plane before 9/11/01. Ever. Evah.

  25. Who comes up with all that nonsense? WOw.

    http://www.anon-vpn.tk

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  27. And how many of these things would have been caught pre-9/11.

    I would think only the stun gun as a smart phone. Maybe. The rest of this stuff would have been nailed by Airport security

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