Department of Homeland Security

DHS Urges Hotel Guests to Report People Fiddling With Bags In the Trunks of Cars Near Train Stations

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Beginning yesterday, this Department of Homeland Security "See Something, Say Something" ad (and others like it) will be playing on a hotel room television near you.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says that reaching the "millions of guests that stay at hotels and motels each year is a significant step in engaging the full range of partners in our Homeland Security efforts." 

Via Amy Alkon.

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  1. Who do I report this post mocking the valiant efforts of federal authorities and concerned citizens to cooperate to prevent nondescript white guys from setting large electronic timers in their trunks?

    1. lesee
      gascan – ck
      propane – ck
      timer – ck
      ex-wife – ………

    2. Good. Our first catch of the day.

  2. Well, that threw a monkey wrench in my propane delivery business plan.

    1. monkey wrench

      So racist.

      1. Whoops! I meant to say “Jewish screwdriver.”

        1. Joodriver would be acceptable.

  3. What bugs me is that you just know there are people out there that take these messages seriously.

    1. Yes, and those people are going to report the “suspicious” behavior they see, thus giving LEOs probable cause.

    2. When we film things on location here in NYC that involve firearms, despite the large police presence, the onerous permitting process, the mandatory public notices posted all over the location neighborhood, and the ridiculously large footprint that commercial productions entail(streets blocked, trailers, cameras and lights all over the place) we never fail to have some Nervous Nellie, often several, call 911 to report people carrying OMG!!GUNZ!!! We then lose tons of money while everyone sits on their ass so the responding cops can talk it out with the detail cops who are already on set. Sheeple are stupid..

      1. NYC sheeple are the effin’ worst.

      2. And maybe some of that is real anti-gun hysteria, but don’t discount the possibility that people are fucking with you to slow down production.

        1. True dat. Some neighborhoods are worse for that than others. Out on LI, the favored technique is to start using one’s lawnmower or leaf-blower. Then the location manager goes over, gives them a $100 and lets them hit the craft services table.

          1. Taking advantage of conventions and luncheons and things to which I was not invited, and finding my way in to places where people extend free shit and generosity, is one of my hobbies. I’ll have to remember this.

      3. Wait the cops have to respond? What are their radios and cell phones for?

  4. Janet Napolitano is quite possibly the single biggest threat to Truth, Justice, and the American Way extant.

    1. Janets’ should never get to high levels of office is what I’ve learned.

      1. Have you reported her to Attack Watch?

  5. Oh good. I was thinking just this morning, “What this country needs is more hectoring from the telescreen.”

  6. Are you kidding me? Every time I think the DHS has reached its nadir, it sinks even lower. Because aduh no one handles bags near a train station. I do like the ridiculous 1990s cell phone bomb timer though lol.

    1. That’s a government issued cell phone bomb timer. I swear they have a wearhouse of mid-90’s nokia bricks somewhere.

  7. !Si Ves Algo Di Algo?

    BECAUSE IF WE DONT KEEP YOU IN PERPETUAL FEAR, PEOPLE MAY NOTICE HOW SHITTY A JOB WE’RE DOING

    ALSO, MEXICANS MAY BE ILLEGAL. LET PANTS WETTING CONTINUE

    1. ?D?jenme en Paz! please

      1. Blocked the all Spanish, had to add please to get thru.

      2. It’s “quiero” and “favor.” The v is pronounced like a soft b in several dialects, tho.

  8. bellhops and skycaps. i knew it.

  9. Yesterday I saw a guy who was spending just a little too much time leaning over his open trunk, if you know what I mean. So I conked him on the head, tossed him in and slammed the lid closed. Take that, terrorism!

    1. Well done, sir. Well done.

    2. one cannot be too carefulz

      1. You forgot to throw a small stick of dynamite in to pre-detonate the bomb.

        Everyone should be carrying small sticks of dynamite around just in case someone with terrorist bombs need to be pre-detonated.

        1. Fuck that shit. That’s someone else’s job. Keep pushing and I won’t do dick next time I see a terrorist.

    3. I did that with a great big fat person who tried to help me move a couch into my van!

      Now I have a new dress.

      1. Who the fuck are you?
        Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.

      2. Say, are you about a size fourteen?

  10. The Federal Government might have some credibility on this issue if they had listened to people like Susan Lindauer and others who WARNED them about 9/11. Ooops …. Way to go – and they expect us to give up OUR freedoms when it was YOUR INCOMPETENCE and interfering on other countries that caused 9/11 in the first place?

    Ooops ….

    1. and they expect us to give up OUR freedoms when it was YOUR INCOMPETENCE and interfering on other countries that caused 9/11 in the first place?

      Those were the “other guys” we are much better.

      1. Of course, I forgot, Obama doesn’t throw wars – he throws kinetic military actions instead. And he doesn’t torture people in Guantanamo Bay – he just sends them to other countries to be tortured.

        http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08…..ition.html

        1. more WINGNUTZ memez

          that article has been resinded

  11. Now THAT is a great use of my tax dollars! I never would’ve thought to report suspicious behavior before… Thanks DHS!!

    1. I wouldn’t be too quick to report “suspicious behavior.” You know, it’s likely you’re reporting such behavior just to get the all the LEOS rushing to Train Station X while you and your terrorist buddies are going to be across town blowing up Hotel Y. Tipsters are damned suspicious, just like any white male seen walking by a school yard.

      1. Suspect everyone, trust noone!

      2. Another excuse to beef up the pitifully inadequate State Security Forces. Armed officers on every street corner!

    2. You just need to be suspicious of more things. Redefine your suspicion. Pretty soon you will reach Ultraviolet, Citizen.

      1. I see what you did there.

  12. Thank God for the DHS being willing to protect from me the “terrorists”, I mean I have no rights, my property can be searched at any time, my cellphone or computer along with any files examined, my person groped, I can be detained for an extended period of time, I can have a warrant served on me and then have no right to tell anyone, etc?but thank God no terrorist will get me. Whew aren’t I safe!!

  13. I wonder if George Orwell’s estate can sue them for intellectual property infringement?

    1. No but maybe East Germany will.

      How long before neighbors are snitching on neighbors, kids on parents?

      Department of Homeland Security = Ministry of State Security

      1. Wasn’t there a story on herw about some girl who snitched on her dad over pot?

        1. I think I remember that. Not surprising, sadly, as DARE and such have been encouraging it for a long time now.

  14. Well they might be on the fire escape
    They might be down the hall
    The might be watching every
    Move you make
    Through the pinhole in the wall
    They’re sworn to do their duty
    And they stand so proud and tall
    They say it’s nothing personal
    It’s just a job, it’s just a job
    That’s all

  15. Watch, pretty soon it will be considered collaboration and a crime itself *not* to report any activity that is suspicious by DHS standards.

    1. “Watch, pretty soon it will be considered collaboration and a crime itself *not* to report any to be suspected of failing to report activity that is suspicious by DHS standards.”

  16. Here’s a tip for all you terrorist wannabes: if your “contact” drives a black Ford Crown Victoria you should seriously consider reporting HIM to the FBI, just for lulz.

    1. Nah, they’ll just ignore you and then arrest you after your “contact” has come up with a plan for an attack and tells you he knows where to get the necessary materials. This has actually happened.

  17. This is unbeleiveable. What Napolitano and the DHS are basically saying is, we’re out of ideas, we don’t really know how to keep everyone ‘safe’, so how about everyone just starts snitching on each other?

    1. Remember this?

  18. Don’t suspect a friend, report him!

  19. I won’t do dick next time I see a terrorist.

    You’re on the list.

  20. Only slightly OT, but the other day I was getting on a flight after a 1 hour delay, and two TSA guys set up a sign outside the gate stating that you may be subject to an additional security screening. When did this start?

    They let us walk through, but wow. They are so confident in the porno scan and grope-down that they still need to stop and search random people a second time.

    1. To be fair, they’re mostly looking at women’s junk to notice any bombs or guns.

      Hence, the second line of molesters, er, security.

  21. when a suitcase vibrates,
    then the throwers gotta call the police

  22. I went to game 7 of the WS last Friday. From time to time there were DHS PSA’s on the various stadium screens with the message being for everyone to be sure to report any suspicious activities to the authorities. Creepy to see, to say the least.

  23. I saw a Half White-Half Black guy with golf shoes, big ears and a wide grin on his face pressing the LAUNCH button on his Blackberry. Should I report him?

    1. Only if he was saying “Durka, durka, jihad, durka.” Otherwise, he’s cool.

  24. On Wednesday, November 9, 2011, Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), Department of Homeland Security (DHS), and Federal Communications Commission (FCC) will conduct the first national test of the Nationwide Emergency Alert System (EAS) test. This nationwide test will kick off at 2:00 p.m. (EST) and run concurrently across all time zones.

    This system test is the first of its kind designed to broadcast a nationwide message to the American public. In the history of the country, nothing like it has been conducted on such a level. As you may be aware, there have been tests in the past, but not of this magnitude encompassing all regions of the Nation simultaneously. The three (3) minute test will run concurrently on all radio and TV band stations exceeding the previous messages broadcast which were anywhere from a 30 second to 1 minute message.

    There is great concern in local police and emergency management circles about undue public anxiety over this test. The test message on TV might not indicate that it is just a test. Fear is that the lack of an explanation regarding the message might create panic. Please share this information with your families so they are aware of the test.

    Below is FEMAs website that will provide more information regarding this test:

    http://www.fema.gov/emergency/ipaws/eas_info.shtm

    [emphasis added – no shit]

    1. What if some terrorists don’t realize that Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, (terrorists in Arizona and Hawaii disregard) or some simply didn’t remember to set their detonators properly… is it Spring back, Fall forward…or Spring Forward, Fall Back…?? damn!

      And earthquakes and volcanoes are rarely scheduled to be so accurate to give or take a century.

    2. Well, they shortened it to 30 seconds, so that should help.

  25. “Report any suspicious activity of any kind, anywhere. Keep a special eye on your neighbors — we have enough trained and equipped personnel to respond with great force to even trivial complaints, say, your next-door neighbor seems to have brought home too many bags of bomb-making fertilizer from the Home Depot……”

  26. Yes report a bomb, what could go wrong?

  27. My email to communications@lodgenet.com:

    This USA Today story “Hotel guests recruited with Homeland Security TV spots” says LodgeNet serves Marriott, Hilton, Sheraton, and Holiday Inn.
    Which other chains use LodgeNet?

    I travel frequently so it’s not possible for me to avoid all of those chains, but I’ll do my best. If I should stay at one, I’ll definitely avoid turning on the TV.

    The U.S. may now be a National Security State, but I don’t have to be reminded of that depressing fact every time I turn on a hotel TV.

    “Ann Parker, a LodgeNet spokeswoman, … says the decision to air them was not difficult.
    ‘It’s about everyone doing their part to help keep each other and the country safe,’ she says. If Ann should leave your employment for some reason, I’m sure she would be welcomed by, say, the PR departments of the governments of North Korea or Cuba.

  28. I’d like to report a constant buzzing noise under Janet Napolitano’s spanks.

  29. Considering there are propane-powered taxi fleets in NY who shuttle people around between airports and hotels, this could be interesting.

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