DEA Rubber Ducky Is Looking for Your Package

Radley Balko | 1.26.2011 6:27 PM

Just days after America's drug warriors went to conniptions over psychoactive bath salts, someone sends me a link to a bath-time, badge-wearing rubber ducky the DEA sells on its website.

Coincidence? I think not! The website says it "really squeaks." Sure. Squeals is more like it.

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Libertarian 15 years ago

The DEA has an online store!?!?!?

And they sell key chains with little tiny handcuffs!?!?!?

Aaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!! Beam me up. Now.
1. Libertarian 15 years ago
  
  There's even a DEA Christmas ornament!
2. Fatty Bolger 15 years ago
  
  Also, for that truly special birthday party, they'll send an agent to your house to discharge a firearm right in front of the children! DEA professionalism guarantees that it's perfectly safe, and fun for all!
  1. Xeones 15 years ago
    
    ...perfectly safe, and fun for all!
    
    Unless you're the family dog.
Rather 15 years ago

Huh shucks Radley. You didn't with the RandyAyndy Awards either but the good news is that the DEA won't be delivering the RandyAyndy award to your house
1. sloopyinca 15 years ago
  
  Rather|1.26.11 @ 11:16AM|#
  I HATE YOU ALL! I'M NEVER POSTING HERE AGAIN!
  
  reply to this
  1. D'oh 15 years ago
    
    Rather, are you related to the late great (and sorely missed) joe who said the same thing, and either forgot or lied?
    1. Rather 15 years ago
      
      The ghost of Joe-I might write about him. Hmm, the spoof ain't me
Hugh Akston 15 years ago

The DEA already has basically unrestricted access to your junk, so why not take one in the bath with you?
Robert 15 years ago

Hah! Quackel could eat that jaundiced duck.
anarch 15 years ago

"He loved Big Brother."
Episiarch 15 years ago

Rubber duckie, you're the one
you make pat-downs so much fun
rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of EHF
1. Rubber Duckie 15 years ago
  
  Save me TSA! I'm in Epi's ass. I'm trying to remain calm but the gerbil here has been stuck for a week.
  1. sloopyinca 15 years ago
    
    Rather|1.26.11 @ 11:16AM|#
    I HATE YOU ALL! I'M NEVER POSTING HERE AGAIN!
    
    reply to this
    1. Rather 15 years ago
      
      sloopyinca, are you slow? That is one of the thousands of spoofs.
Libertarian 15 years ago

The target demographic for their propaganda just keeps getting younger and younger. What's next? Are they going to start sponsoring sonograms?
Xenocles 15 years ago

They're going to do an amnesty buyback of the banned bath salts. That's what you get back in exchange.

Also, arrested.
Johnny Longtorso 15 years ago

The website seems to be down.
1. Libertarian 15 years ago
  
  Funny, it was up earlier. The avalanche of 20 or so Reason readers probably crashed it. They can't be used to very much traffic.
  1. SIV 15 years ago
    
    I highly recommend the DEA online publication Microgram Bulletin. The site is down at the moment.
Binky 15 years ago

Why settle for less than the best?
1. sounds real good 15 years ago
  
  It looks more like Sammy Davis, Jr.
  1. The Ghost of Sammy Davis, Jr. 15 years ago
    
    They all look alike.
    
    Rubber duckies, I mean.
Tulpa 15 years ago

I was searching for a stuffed dog from a police department, but found this gem instead:

Police shoot stuffed animal with Taser

Warren police said the 911 caller said a "huge" animal resembling "a 150-pound cat" was spotted in an old cement drainpipe in Bates Park and 10 officers were sent to the scene, WDIV-TV, Detroit, reported Monday. The officers saw the outline of the animal in the pipe and shot it with a Taser.
1. peachy 15 years ago
  
  "The officers were all immediately suspended without pay for failure to use lethal force."
2. Rather 15 years ago
  
  "I was searching for a stuffed dog from a police department."
  Rule 34 has finally been proven to be a myth.
Police manual 15 years ago

"Police shoot stuffed animal with Taser"

Yeah... and you shoot a dog with your firearm.
wcy 15 years ago

i might get one of those. good place to hide my stash.
????? ?????? 13 years ago

Thanks

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DEA Rubber Ducky Is Looking for Your Package

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