Politics

My Esteemed Opponent Wants to Kill Your Pet With Nazi-Style Gas Chambers

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My favorite campaign ad so far comes from the Illinois governor's race. I don't care who wins, but I want to see more ads like this one, in which one of two cartoonishly Irish-named candidates (Brady and Quinn) is blasted for supporting the mass "euthanization" of puppy dogs and rubber ducks:

Politifact writes:

Quinn's stark ad is right that the bill was sponsored two days after the primary but it incorrectly suggests that it was Brady's first act after winning. Quinn is close on the substance of what the bill would have done. But the ad oversteps somewhat in suggesting that the bill would have required mass euthanizations, rather than just allowing them, and it glosses over the fact that Brady dropped his sponsorship and that the bill has been moot for most of this year. On balance, we rate the claim Half True.

More here.

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  1. “the ad oversteps somewhat in suggesting that the bill would have required mass euthanizations, rather than just allowing them”

    Why didn’t they think of that one during the Nuremberg Trials?

    1. Do you know who else wanted to kill with Nazi-style gas chambers?

      1. George Bernard Shaw. Fabian socialist extraordinare.

        Do I get a prize?

        1. — Tell ’em what he’s won, Johnny!

          — It’s a tattered copy of Saint Joan and the Nobel Prize for Literature!!!!!

          1. hehe, you are on today CN…Well done.

        2. It was one of Wilde’s!

      2. Q: Why didn’t Hitler drink vodka?

        A: It made him angry.

  2. well, gassing the dogs is certainly wrong…

  3. I wish the people who get so emotional about killing the pets who have been left in animal shelters (as if life in a cage in an animal shelter is “humane”), would put up their own money to pay for the upkeep instead of insisting that the rest of us do so.

    1. I’m not sure that’s correct. First of all, the choice is not always “life in a cage” or euthanasia (it might have more to do with how long of a life in the cage vs. euthanasia). Second, life in a cage can beat death. Many humane societies walk and interact with the dogs in the cages quite a bit. Either way, while I often hear people say they would prefer death to life in a cage it’s interesting how many actual death row inmates file appeal after appeal to prevent that very scenario…

      1. I tend not to believe people who say they would rather die than live life in a prison cell. I think that most people would choose life in a cage over execution if it actually came down to it.

    2. Agreed. Even the best shelter in a very animal-friendly city (Austin) is a total shithole, is full of pitbulls most people don’t want, and constantly has epidemic problems. I would say euthanize any dog that stays there more than a designated length of time. I mean, I LOVE dogs, love them very much, but they’re still just dogs.

      1. they’re still just dogs

        Except when cops kill them. Then they are elevated to doggie sainthood.

        1. We could kill two dogs with one bullet if we just let the cops do their doggy killing at the shelters.

        2. Cops kill them when they are someone else’s property. I would say it’s pretty different considering no one owns these pound dogs (taxpayers?). Do you understand the difference here? If a gaggle of cops took a battering ram to an abandoned house and destroyed the furniture and carpet within it is not nearly as big of an outrage than when they do it to a house that’s actually owned by someone (and especially when that someone is inside the house when it happens).

  4. But why puppies? Their small paws are perfect for polishing the insides of shell casings.

    1. +1

  5. I’m genuinely curious: is there a libertarian case to be made for tax-funded animal control shelters and officers? Just private charity? No trap here, just curious as to what the libertarian positions of folks here might be.

    1. I can’t think of one. Certainly not in the anarchist’s cookbook. You might want to check in with a few of the resident minarchists. I suppose they will say it’s not an originally-granted government power.

    2. The homeless & dog stew. Two birds, one stone. I think it’s in the LP platform.

      1. YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

        “The homeless & korean hotpot.”

        There, that’s better.

        1. Thanks. That’s why I’m not in marketing.

    3. You could argue public health in the same arena as the CDC. That said I think the local Human Society (which I think is publicly funded, not sure) was passed by private 501c3s a few years ago. Again those damned markets outstripping government.

    4. Re: MNG,

      Fair question:

      No, there’s NO place for tax-funded animal control shelters or tax-funded anything, including Predator planes or tanks or food stamps. Tax is thievery – the forceful taking of property that does not belong to you.

      There are actually quite a few privately-owned, operated and funded animal shelters in the US. It would not be a surprise that people that love animals would voluntarily fund private shelters just like people that love steam locomotives voluntarily fund steam locomotive shelters.

      1. Sorry, that is “Taxing is thievery”

    5. Some public health measures that prevent spread of disease could be justified in a libertopia. But I don’t know that animal populations would be so out of control without government-run shelters.

    6. There is a great libertarian case here: the North Shore Animal League in NY is a privately-funded, no-euthanization animal shelter.

    7. Possible minarchist justification: Public health and safety. The real kind of public health with diseases and death, and not the bullshit about obesity and what not.

    8. There are quite a few private animal shelters who only get money through private donations. Whether enough private shelters would exist to meet the demand in a free society is a separate question.

      I do see a minarchist case for animal control functions, and even most rational anarchists would have to admit that tax-funded animal shelters is way down the list of priorities when it comes to smashing the state.

  6. Why can’t they just have puppy hunts to cull the herd?

    1. The police would wind up killing each other.

      Come to think of it, you’ve got a brilliant! idea

  7. Oh my God. This sick fuck’s political life is SO over. MNG & Areson, ever hear of rescue? No kill? Nathan Winograd? Just don’t let HSUS get mixed up in it (see humanewatch.org)
    Ugh Illinois really is a cesspool, isn’t it?

    This can be done with a minimum of tax money as long as the city manager/ aldermen/ whatever aren’t corrupt.

    1. Why don’t you adopt all these animals that other people don’t want and shut the fuck up?

    2. Ah, but the victim of this attack ad is by far the less corrupt candidate.

    3. Your firs paragraph is babbling nonsense. In jurisdictions with the “no kill” doctrine, many dogs and cats spend years in shelters, especially if they are ‘problem’ animals or not appealing enough to be adopted. (For some reason, black dogs seem especially hard to find homes for.)

      As for your second, if it’s so inexpensive, YOU pay for it, don’t force me to do so.

      1. RACIST!!!

      2. Animals don’t “spend years in shelters”. Rarely, a small town shelter will keep an animal longer, but usually it’s 3 days to a week, tops before they’re euth’d. Gassing is about as humane as beating them to death with a club.
        Zoltan, confirmed re Town Lake.

        If this is the better candidate…just wow. What luck! /s
        (I do pay for it- I rescue-non 501(c)(3) out of my own pocket.

        whatever

        1. Who cares. Animals are fucking property. If gas is cheaper and more efficient, then it doesn’t matter how the job is done.

        2. I pay for it, too–except I’m forced to pay for it.

        3. I said ‘in jurisdictions with the “no kill” doctrine’, if you would bother to read instead of emote.

          Gassing IS more humane than beating a dog to death. Injection of a lethal dose of a barbituate is more humane, but puts the handlers at risk of being bitten.

    4. This can be done with a minimum of tax money as long as the city manager/ aldermen/ whatever aren’t corrupt.

      Well, there’s your problem.

  8. If Balko has taught us anything it’s that you do not fuck with pets. Period.

    1. At least in most states and provinces.

  9. If this ad works, whats the likelyhood of candidates jumping on a “SWAT Teams Kill Puppies, Vote for Me to end the Drug War.” sort of bandwagon?

  10. Quinn’s counter-proposal was to have the court assign a dog to every house that was to be issued a no-knock search warrant. The intended goal was to increase SWAT effectiveness on dog-less households and to give the guys in blue fatigues a little target practice.

    The FOP and Illinois Sheriff’s Association both immediately threw their support behind Quinn after the proposal.

    1. *80’s-movie-style slowclap*

  11. I think it’s Orwellian doublespeak to refer to a place where people deliberately kill unwanted animals as the “Humane Society”. If they were truly compassionate people running these places, they would take the unclaimed pets to a forest or whatnot and let them go and fend for themselves.

    It seems liberals of the ilk who staff such places really like killing, but want to pretend it’s about compassion. I guess the same rationalization goes on about supporting late-term abortions of viable fetuses.

    1. Throwing an ill-behaved yet domesticated dog into the wild to fend for itself is certainly not humane by any definition. You are most likely subjecting the animal to a long, cruel, and painful death by starvation or disease.

      Human beings have a duty to care for domesticated animals, unlike ferals. In a worst case scenario for domestics, it is more humane to euthanize then to set free in the wild.

      1. No, releasing animals in the forest is not humane because they may harm people or property.

        1. No, releasing animals in the forest is not humane because they may harm people or property.

          Not if the place is sufficiently far away from people.

          Also, are you really saying that any living being that potentially might harm people or property must be killed? Really?

          1. They’re not native species. They kill lots of native wildlife & spread disease to both animals & humans. (Ever heard of canine distemper? Feline leukemia?) People dumping pets into the wild are part of the problem, not the solution.

          2. Yeah, that’s exactly what I said.

            No. Domestic animals that are not wanted should be stored properly or otherwise disposed of, so that they will not cause a problem for others as they might if they run wild.

            1. Dogs are delicious. Why are you wasting them?

      2. Throwing an ill-behaved yet domesticated dog into the wild to fend for itself is certainly not humane by any definition. You are most likely subjecting the animal to a long, cruel, and painful death by starvation or disease.

        You’re assuming the pet is ill-behaved. It may just be not cuddly-looking enough.

        If we were talking about human beings, which choice do you think the human prisoners would go for? Being killed, or having a chance to live, albeit without all the comforts of a domesticated existence?

    2. They do need a different name.

    3. If they were truly compassionate people running these places, they would take the unclaimed pets to a forest or whatnot and let them go and fend for themselves.

      Yeah, a declawed cat would have a great chance in the wild.

      1. I had a declawed house cat that was turned into a declawed outside cat due to a urination problem in our basement.

        That cat was a very adept hunter, bringing a variety of prey back to our house almost daily.

    4. I think part of the name “humane” meant that the animals were killed humanely. As in not putting the unwanted kittens in a burlap sack with a cinder block and tossing it over the bridge.

  12. one of two cartoonishly Irish-named candidates (Brady and Quinn)

    FUCKING BRADY QUINN

    1. At least they’re not “Colt” and “McCoy.”

    2. You’re thinking of the race in the neighboring district, Brady Quinn Vs. Sheamus O’Shaunessy.

      1. Paddy McMick vs. Potato O’Brian

      2. What about the two running against each other out in Provincetown on Cape Cod. It’s Gerald Fitzpatrick (Dem) against Patrick Fitzgerald (Green) for Supervisor of Fabulous Events.

      3. I’m this close to knockin’ the both o’ ye on the noggin with my shelaleigh.

        1. Top o’the mornin’ to ye – Now move along, folks, nothing t’ see here.

          1. See ye t’is evenin’.

    3. Now I’m done.

  13. You notice how in the ad, the dogs got all the sympathy. People would have no problem with Brady if he only wanted to euthanize cats with a ball pen hammer.

      1. Or Muslims.

        1. Dirty-dancing canine Muslim drug addicts.

      2. Could they do em both at the same time? That’d save some money, amirite?

    1. People would have no problem with Brady if he only wanted to euthanize cats with a ball pein hammer.

      I would. I’m not a fan of killing either cats or dogs, if it can be avoided.

      I’m a realist, though, so I recognize it must be done in some cases. Hopefully it’s done as humanely as possible. I certainly don’t want to be the one doing it or even be there to see it.

  14. I have a cunning plan: Take all of the unwanted pets and ship them off to the Moon and other locations in space to colonize the solar system.

    1. And if they come back augmented like the Voyager craft in Star Trek I??? C’mon Pro, think!!!

      1. All the better. A little competition, and maybe people won’t object to enhancing the breed.

        1. I’m namin’ my next cat Vee-ger.

          1. In the future, genetically modified humans will fight their genetically modified pets for supremacy of the home. Fortunately, we’ll generally win, because of our cyborg enhancements.

            1. Nanokitty laughs at your mechanical augmentation.

            2. Its uploaded lobsters I fear.

    2. On a scale of Obama to Fox, just how cunning is your plan?

    3. I seem to remember a bit in one of the Foundation books where one of the characters didn’t believe in evolution until they visited a planet where all the people had died but the feral descendants of their dogs were left.

    4. Scottie: I beamed all the trebbiles off the ship.
      Cap’t Kirk (agast) OMG (overacting) You…You didn’t just beam them into space?
      Scottie (shocked and apalled) Cap’t, do you think I’m heartless?… I beamed them onto the Klingon ship.
      (Crew laughs uproariously at the implied sexual shennaigans that will be occuring on the Klingon ship).

  15. I’m presuming that these are Jewish puppies and rubber ducks.
    Nazi puppie exterminator checking the papers:
    ‘Was the bitch Jewish?’
    ‘I think she was labrodoodle”

  16. So does anyone else kind of want a pet fox?

    1. Be suspicious of any companion you are ordering from Russia.

    2. When I was a kid, I always thought a pet squirrel would have been cool.

      They always seem so smart, with their little squirrel hands.

      When I was a teenager, I knew some people who had a pet raccoon. They used to go for walks and it would go along with them.

      1. What I really want is a serval. Note how completely unsurprising it is that the bookshelf is filled with programming books.

        1. What brand of evil is that? Its about 2 thumbs away from being the incarnation of cute-wrapped murderousness.

      2. I known a few people with pet squirrels. Females can be keep as pets, but supposedly, even if neutered, the males go crazy and become whirling dervishes of household destruction upon maturity.

        I’ve always liked the idea of a pet ferret, but got turned off of them after my friend Alex got one. It hid under the couch most of day, and would occasionally run out and bite anyone on the couch in the Achilles tendon. Mean little fucker.

      3. When my mom was…in her early teens, I think, she had a pet chipmunk. It made a horrible pet. It would escape its cage all the time, it bit, and was just generally a mean little fucker.

    3. Foxes aren’t cute, they’re the plight bin-men the world ’round.

      1. Foxes are the bane of bin-men. The bin-men’s plight is what the foxes cause by their actions. We speaks English here, capiche?

  17. The word humane should be used to refer only to the well being of people. If the well being of people and their property is improved by euthanizing animals, then that is the humane thing to do.

    1. You do know that “well being” is a subjective term based on a person’s desires? So if it makes some people happy to put puppies in a sack with rocks and toss them in a river, that is “humane”?

      1. With the well being in the back yard, Lassie didn’t have to run far to find poor Timmy.

        How is that subjective?

      2. I find it amazing that anti-utilitarians make this argument. You really find it so hard to imagine a non-subjective sense to “well being?” Think drug addicts dude, or numerous other examples…

    2. “Humane” is not meant to describe the recipient of the treatment, but the giver, so it does refer to humans.

  18. Why can’t we just turn them into food for other animals?

  19. Why are Brady and Quinn “cartoonishly Irish names”? Whatever that means. Is Gillespie a cartoonishly Italian name? Sometimes the jacket is just a sneering prick.

    1. Don’t go get loaded and beat the wife now, Paddy. Some races are just meant to be sneered at.

  20. Private facilities which often receive tax money – and in these facilities, it is legally permissible (though not required) to kill innocent, defenseless living beings.

    I’m trying to think of a threadjack using the above as a segue, but nothing occurs to me. No, can’t think of a thing.

    1. Hardly a threadjack…
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..re=related

      Oh, Brady is also on record wanting to ‘borrow’ our way out of debt. I weep for my state.
      At least there’s an L slate. *sigh*

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