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Who You Calling Touchy?

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Last month I wrote a blog post criticizing a lawyer, Arthur Alan Wolk, who has been known to sue people for criticizing him online. Guess what happened? Wolk recently emailed me, threatening to sue me and Reason unless I delete the post:

Remove it because it is false and you get a free pass. If you don't I will sue you because you like your buds at Overlawyered did nothing to fact check anything before you wrote your blog. In fact had you read my lawsuit you would have known that what you were about to publish and republish was false but instead you recklessly failed to do anything to verify if what you were writing about had any merit or truth whatsoever. Guess what, you need to check the statute of limitations because it won't apply to you. I am giving you the opportunity you didn't give me, and set the record straight and to do the right thing. Please remove your lies from the internet.

This false and defamatory publication jeopardizes Reason.com's foundation status and I have already retained tax counsel to challenge the tax exempt status of all these public interest organizations who are nothing more than lobbyists for tort reform, a violation of the tax exempt status they claim. If you think for even a moment that my forty-one years of practice will be defined by lies on the internet you need to do a little more research. Please do not make me cause you and your officers to join your friends in Philadelphia. I just want lies about me off the web.

Although Wolk's reaction to my post reinforces the point I was trying to make, he reasonably complains that I did not include his response to the Overlawyered post that was the subject of one of his defamation suits. He says he avoided any conflict of interest in Taylor v. Teledyne by not participating in the settlement negotiations and by not asking the judge to vacate a discovery order that criticized him until after an agreement had been reached. He cites letters from two other plaintiffs' attorneys who were involved in the case, who confirm this account. Wolk also says the judge's criticism was unfair, in part because other lawyers at his firm handled discovery in that case.


Update—September 2011:  See statement published here.

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  1. I don’t understand – are you posting the above to avoid a lawsuit or is Reason going to tell Wolk to “Fuck off!”, as he rightly deserves?

    1. I believe this has alleviated any (real) threat. They have now printed his response, and follow ups to the story. This is a snarky, snarky, correction- as you often get in the face of such a threat.

    2. Any way you cut it, legal threats and especially “cease and desist” are guaranteed ways to make things live forever on the internet.

  2. What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?

    The hooker stops screwing you after you’re dead.

    1. There are some things a hooker won’t screw for money.

    2. Lawyers are cocksuckers, but hookers give better head.

    3. A hooker can give you AIDS, but a lawyer will really mess up your life.

    4. Not if the estate is structured properly!

      1. “Not if the estate is structured properly!”

        ^^THIS^^

    5. Two lawyers are walking down the street. They walk by a beautiful woman and one lawyer says to the other, “I’d really like to fuck her”. The other lawyer replies, “out of what?”

  3. I haven’t read Arthur Alan Wolk’s law suit, but I wonder if someone who has can tell me if there is any mention whether Arthur Alan Wolk fucks sheep?

    1. From the law suit it is impossible to know that Arthur Alan Wolk fucks sheep. Nonetheless, if Arthur Alan Wolk is a sheepfucker then necessarily Arthur Alan Wolk fucks sheep. However, since I cannot for sure know that Arthur Alan Wolk fucks sheep I will refrain from passing any judgment unless sufficient evidence proves that Arthur Alan Wolk is a sheepfucker.

      1. You’re missing a trick here, waffles. When discussing if someone may or not be a sheepfucker, make sure Google knows who you’re talking about. I don’t know if he is a sheepfucker, though.

      2. I was thinking of how much evidence I need to conclude that Arthur Alan Wolk is a sheepfucker. Can I conclude by a preponderance of the evidence that Arthur Alan Wolk is a sheepfucker? Or do I need a more stringent standard like beyond a reasonable doubt that Arthur Alan Wolk is a sheepfucker? And what would that evidence look like? I suppose a video of Arthur Alan Wolk fucking sheep would pass all the test. But what if I had a good anecdote? Or say he was seen catting around with Sugarfree? Since Sugar free is a known sheepfucker, I think I could conclude that Arthur Alan Wolk too must be a sheepfucker.

        Also, I would like to thank Arthur Wlan Wolk for now I have sheepfucker on my dictionary.

        1. As someone who was born in Montana and therefore an expert on these types of things, in all likelihood I am forced to conclude Counsel Wolk is indeed a sheepfucker.

          Goats too…

    2. Bravo! That’ll teach him to threaten Reason and its gifted and witty commentariat.

      1. I am just waiting for Steve Smith.

        1. STEVE SMITH AFRAID OF BANHAMMER!

          1. It goes in their butts, stevo.

    3. From what I understand, he not only fucks the consenting sheep, he fucks them all, including the little baby lamb sheep, and even the male sheep.

  4. all these public interest organizations who are nothing more than lobbyists for tort reform

    Tort reform!?

    Oh, horror!

  5. It’s my understanding that Arthur Alan Wolke is a pedophile.

    That’s what I’ve heard.

    1. So are you saying it’s possible that Arthur Alan Wolk fucks lambs?

      1. Oh, I think it is very possible that someone with the initials AAW has, in the past (and possibly at this very moment) enjoyed poking his peter into all types of animals and vegetables.

        It is a possibility, yes.

        1. You really need to quit calling him a sheepfucker, or even implying he is a sheepfucker, in the absence of any solid, incontrovertable evidence that he is, in fact, a sheepfucker.

          1. Are we no longer free to question in America???

          2. I simply stated that someone with his initials could possibly be a sheep fucker.

            I believe that this possibility is an irrefutable fact.

          3. Who is “he”, please be clear. If you mean to say “quit implying Arthur Alan Wolk is a sheepfucker” then I would understand what you meant to say. However, this discussion is pointless as no reasonable person would suspect that Arthur Alan Wolk is sheepfucker unless presented with irrefutable evidence.

      2. “So are you saying it’s possible that Arthur Alan Wolk fucks lambs?”

        BASTARD!!!

        http://www.stuffedlegends.com/images/lambchop.jpg

        1. That the link goes to stuffedlegends.com if fucking priceless.

      3. Oh man…. Being a sheepfucker is one thing, but to be a pedophile sheepfucker, that is simply beyond the pale.

    2. Critics say that Alan Walk may be a pedophile when he is not fucking sheep.

    3. Remove this libelous comment on this site within thirty minutes. I will find you, I will sue you. I will file criminal charges against you.You have falsely accused me of the most henious crime ever. I swear that you will have the opportunity to tell a jury where you came up with this lie but if you doubt for even a microsecond that I will not take you and everyone of your cowards with you down go ahead make my day.

    4. Remove and disawow this lying comment. I will find you, sue you, file criminal charges and make certain you never assert false criminal charges against anyone again. This is no joke. It will forever damage me and my family and I will use every resource at my disposal to make sure you never have the opportunity to do this again to anyone. Since you are a coward and won’t use your name perhaps you will tell us where and from whom you “heard that Arthur Wolk is a pedophile”. I will give you that opportunity face to face and indeed in front of a jury.
      You are a liar. This is a lie. You libeled me and falsely accused me of the heinous crime. Want some free legal advice? You need a lawyer.
      Arthur Alan Wolk

    5. Now we have heard from the coward who accused me of pedophilia. Nothing. he lied and he made it up and he’s sorry and conspicuously quiet because I am going to pursue his lying ass for the rest of his days.
      The coward has nothing to say because he is a coward. Because everything he said like most of you is bullshit.I will publish for you everything he says at his trial. His lie is now on Google which means my name is ruined forever. Thank you all for your conspicuous bravery. Congratulations for being an example of what America isn’t.Cowards! Bullies!
      I will find you all, I will sue you all, I will seek criminal prosecutions under the internet bullying laws against you all. So cowards have at it. I have nothing more to lose. You need to get lawyers, all of you.
      See, I got a billion dollars worth of verdicts by not being stupid. I’ll spend it all hunting each of you down and getting justice from each of you.
      But no worries, what I don’t collect from you, your insurers, this blog and its officers, directors, trustees and contributors,I’ll also collect from the people who put them up to it. I can’t retire now I’ll just get the money back from them, again.
      Good job cowards, being stupid is going to cost you and a lot of other cowards and bullies a lot of money.
      Arthur Alan Wolk

  6. I guess they don’t teach writing in law school.

    1. I was thinking the same thing

      “In fact had you read my lawsuit you would have known that what you were about to publish and republish was false but instead you recklessly failed to do anything to verify if what you were writing about had any merit or truth whatsoever.”

      I think the English language would confess to anything after that torture.

    2. Or he hires out his 15yr old son/daughter to do his writing for him.

    3. You ever try typing while fucking a sheep, as most sheepfuckers do? Well it’s quite possible Arthur Alan Wolk was sheep fucking, since there exists some probability of Arthur Alan Wolk being a sheepfucker, while typing that email.

  7. Um,

    Had this guy not cared, this story would have died and these “lies” on the internet would have faded into obscurity.

    Plus, I’m no lawyer, but

      1. Sorry, I got a feeling that I would be sued if I continued that sentence.

  8. Time to end the legal cartel…

    1. Yes. If the point of the C&D was to turn people against tort reform, then he’s easily and completely achieved the opposite.

  9. He’s a lawyer? His writing ability is awful. Seriously, looking at his writing, one wonders how he got through law school, let alone university.

    1. He could be old enough that he only had to an apprentice in order to get law license. An old friend of mine who graduated Harvard law told me that’s how his father got into the biz. He also said his father told him that the sheepskins of today aren’t worth a fuck.

      1. As a current lawyer (only trudging through tax and securities laws, never will see a courtroom in my career), I can tell you that law degrees mean zero. It wasn’t until I was in my third year as a lawyer that I knew what I was doing.

        1. Based on Mr. Wolk’s writing examples, I would surmise he attained a high level of achievement in letters at his alma mater, Antarctica State.

          Which by the way, from what I’ve heard anyways, has the best post-doc sheepfucking program in the world.

          Goats too…

        2. Your poor first and second year clients.

      2. the sheepskins of today aren’t worth a fuck.

        Are you implying, Sir, that I have stopped fucking sheep?

        1. No, he is implying that you are into necrophiliac sheepfucking, possibly with some lamb pedophilia.

          You, sir, might be one sick fuck.

          Not saying you are, just that it can’t be incontrovertibly ruled out that you are into fucking dead underaged sheep.

    2. He communicates very well that’s he’s angry little prick.

    3. He does write like a sheepfucker.

    4. Isn’t John a lawyer?

      1. I think about a third of the regulars here are lawyers.

        Which makes me wonder how they’re makign their billable hours goals.

        1. Post comments on HNR, charge the time spent to some client’s billable hours.

          You’re new to this, aren’t you?

      2. Billable hours, pish. In-house, baby!

      3. My writing is fine. I just don’t edit it. It is an internet forum for God’s sake. It doesn’t have to be letter perfect. And I am not the only one who has ever forgotten a word or used the wrong form of a word on here. People just like to pick on me about it because for whatever reason what I write gets under some people’s skin more than what other people write.

        1. I’ve got ewe, under my skin.

        2. My hygiene is fine, I just don’t always wipe after I dump when I’m home alone. Who cares?

          1. Thanks for sharing. Here’s a bottle of hot sauce.

        3. Also, because you not only make more typos than the average person, but they are occasionally amusing and unintentionally insightful. You’re sort of a Yogi Berra figure here, but with spelling and grammar instead of logic.

    5. I wouldn’t be surprised if he edited the Harvard Law Review.

  10. Lat,

    That is why scientists invented latex condoms. No need to rely on sheepskins in this day and age.

    1. “No need to rely on sheepskins in this day and age.”

      But they’re what holds the sheep’s bones and innards in place.

  11. Googling Arthur Alan Wolk fucks sheep produces 35,400 hits, but I don’t have time to check them all out.

  12. My penis is so dry and hungry for ewe.

    1. The line starts over there.

  13. Arthur Alan Wolk, meet the Streisand effect.

  14. This guy is a child molester, right? He sounds an awful lot like a child molester. Arthur Alan Wolk, why do you molest so many children?

    1. I told that he has not molested a child or fucked a sheep in the last year.

      1. I really wish I had taken a screenshot of the Lonewackopalypse.

        1. You could always just link to it.

          1. It’s been disappeared.

        2. Was that where he was threatening to sue people, and wanted help finding the right people to sue?

      2. But do we know that he hasn’t molested a sheep or fucked a child during that same timeframe?

        1. We can neither confirm nor deny that.

    2. Remove your libelous comment claiming I am a pedophile within thirty minutes. I will find you, I will sue you, I will file criminal charges. Enjoy your laugh lying coward. I will one day give you the opportunity to say this to my face.

  15. Jacob, your last sentence is incorrect. The defamation judge did not “accept” that Wolk did not engage in the asserted conduct. The judge simply *assumed* that to be true because it was a 12(b)(6) motion and a judge assumes a plaintiff’s allegations to be true when deciding a motion to dismiss. I hope that mistake comes from your own misunderstanding, and not because Arthur Alan Wolk lied to you.

  16. I guess you’re his bitch now.

    1. You mean ‘ewe’.

  17. If he doesn’t like what people say about him, he should fly a jumbo jet into a skyscraper, and then Steven Breyer will rule that making fun of him is not protected speech.

  18. Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk? Arthur Alan Wolk?

    Why does that name sound familier?

    1. Sheep fucking? Fucking a sheep?

      Couldn’t be.

    2. Does Arthur Alan Wolk = lonewako?

  19. Great, now I need to figure out how to clean off all his old man spittle from the inside of my screen.

    I seriously could just picture the flecks of foam in the corners of his withered old cakehole while he was frantically typing that rant.

    1. Wait until he reads all of this shit.

  20. Poor schlub, Wolk, don’t realize he’s messing with the Kochtopus!

  21. So, seriously, how do you not try politely first? “I saw you posted ___, and I’ve been trying to get these falsehoods off the internet for ___ reasons.”

    Yet you send a cease-and-desist letter? Isn’t it the obligation of site operators to post those for public ridicule? He seems to be even taunting the Internet. The Internet don’t take kindly to his type (which I’ve heard has ties to sheepfucking).

    Am I missing something here?

    1. What you’re missing is that people frequently go from an undergraduate program through three years of law school and straight into practice without ever having developed basic social skills employed by normal humans.

      I worked 15 years in IT before becoming an attorney. It continues to astonish me how socially retarded many lawyers are compared to even the computer nerds I used to work with.

      1. Try public accountancy for bonus social retardation.

        1. Are CPAs prone to being raging assholes? I ask because I honestly don’t know.

          1. Depends on when they finished their accounting degree. The later the degree the higher the probability of being nothing more than a code regurgitating moron. Accounting programs have followed the path of Law programs, pumping out morons with degrees who have skills in their field comparable to my cat. I pray for the day the tax code, SEC code, and the ton of financial legal requirements disappear and most CPAs are digging ditches, where they should be.

  22. I have irrefutable proof that Arthur Alan Wolk is NOT a sheepfucker or a child molester.

    Oh … wait a sec. This proof is about someone else.

    As you were.

    1. Short of following AAW around with a camera, night and day, for years on end, it is legally considered * possible * that he is a sheepfucking child molester.

    2. You are a coward for publishing this libel against me. I will find you, I will sue you, I will file criminal charges against you and I will give you an opportuuntity to say this to my face.
      You knew this was a lie falsely accusing me of the most heinous crime ever. You will pay for this I swear.
      You can run but you can’t hide. Deny the truth of this on this site in thirty minutes.
      Arthur Alan Wolk

  23. Are we allowed to draw disrepectful cartoons of Lawyer Wolk?

  24. Hmmm….. this sheepfucking story might explains why my pet sheep gets antsy every time Arthur Alan Wolk shows up unannounced.

  25. So, Mr. Wolk, when did you stop fucking sheep?

  26. Hello everyone. I am a sheep fucker.

    1. Hi, Authur.

      1. 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol sheepfucking?that our lives had become
        unmanageable.

        2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves sheep could restore us to sanity.

        3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him..

      2. 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol sheepfucking?that our lives had become
        unmanageable.

        2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves sheep could restore us to sanity.

        3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him..

  27. Why is Reason bending over for this douchebag? Not a single sentence that Jacob Sullum wrote was false. All the disputed material was reported as things that Ted Frank said. You should remove this addendum since you have not made any false statements and you have no obligation to publish anything Wolk tells you.

    1. If they remove it, everyone will forget about this story. So having this post serves to remind everyone about the controversy surrounding Herr Wolk.

      1. I said remove the addendum, not the post.

  28. Arthur Alan Wolk could probably shake off this sheep fucking meme if he hadn’t gotten a sheep fucking merit badge while in the boy scouts.

  29. You put your big dick in,
    You pull your big dick out,
    You put your big dick in,
    Then you shake it all about.
    You do the sheepy-pee-pee,
    and you give yourself a shout,
    That’s what it’s all about!

  30. Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Sheep Fucker party?

  31. Mr. Wolk, why don’t you have a seat right over there.

  32. According to Arthur Alan Wolk’s website,

    Arthur Alan Wolk has been appointed by the National Transportation Safety Board to serve on steering committees for every airline disaster in which the firm has represented victims.

    Wait, he’s part of a committee steering planes into a disaster, then turning around and representing the victims? Isn’t that a conflict of interest?

    Wow, and I thought all these baseless allegations of sheepfucking was bad…

  33. If you think for even a moment that my forty-one years of practice will be defined by lies on the internet you need to do a little more research.

    No, I think your 41 years of practice are defined by many many years foamy, loud, off-the-hook sheepfucking.

  34. I believe that there was an allegation made against Arthur Alan Wolk, about fucking a sheepfucker that was fucking ratfucker, while fucking a chicken.

  35. These fucking fother fucking sheepfuckers are everywhere!

    http://www.funnyordie.com/vide…..skinnyjays

  36. BAAAAAHArthur

  37. Bottom of the barrel wit. Sophomoric even for H&R.

    1. You need to be more specific.

      1. You have no fucking idea how deep this barrel here can get. I mean, we’re already down to necrophiliac pedophiliac bestiality, with no bottom in sight.

        Oh, wait, the “bottom in sight” thing might provoke someone to imply AAW is also into sheep buggery.

        1. Everyone spends their time in the barrel, even the sheep.

    2. We can’t all be at the top of the salad.

    3. You bet! No freshmen here!

    4. You cant spell sophomore without homo. So yeah, sheep buggery does make sense.

  38. I get the odd feeling that while this post appears as a correction on its face, the true focus was always meant to the comments and the sheep fucking their in.

  39. Why? would you try to destroy the reputation of a man?

    Why knowingly you maliciously republish a defamation?

    why would you then publish another article in that malicious manner?

    why would you try to incite these obtuse, sick comments?

    Why? ONLY if your interests are affected by him or is it your bosses?

    or is it REASON.ORG trustees and officers financial interests?

  40. Arthur Wolk is the best aviation lawyer in the country. He has a lifelong reputation of legal achievements, he is a well respected man.
    You are dirt.

  41. Obviously Sullum needs to pray on a reputable man to get noticed.
    He had NO correction intentions, he maliciously posted his article with this result in mind.

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