So you want a patriotic song-off, Matt? 'Cause I'm game:
You want Elvis? We got Elvis:
And when it comes to cheesy '70s rock, I'm not afraid to trigger the nuclear option:
Update: Down in the comments, a reader asks if it would have killed me to include something with a little funk in it. I'm glad to oblige:
This is pretty funky too, but I don't think it qualifies as patriotic.