Star Spangled Songcraft

So you want a patriotic song-off, Matt? 'Cause I'm game:

You want Elvis? We got Elvis:

And when it comes to cheesy '70s rock, I'm not afraid to trigger the nuclear option:

Update: Down in the comments, a reader asks if it would have killed me to include something with a little funk in it. I'm glad to oblige:

This is pretty funky too, but I don't think it qualifies as patriotic.

Comments

[80sfan]

Truly this puts the "lear" in "nuclear"

[Heroic Mulatto]

And once again, the Reason editors prove they, collectively, they have the worst musical taste in the world (barring the musical director for the North Korean Mass Games).

Would it have killed you to post something with a little funk? Like James Brown's "Living in America"? or something?

[Matt Welch]

The day is still (De)young...

[Jesse Walker]

I'm happy to inflict some serious cheese on our readers, but even I draw the line at what has to be James Brown's worst song. (And I say that as a devoted James Brown fan.)

[80sfan]

Well, that's a relief. I was about to call you a racist (cf. http://reason.com/blog/2006/05.....mean-youre ), now I'll just leave it at "stupid"

LIA is a heartbreaking work of staggering funk

[Heroic Mulatto]

See? Free your mind and your ass will follow. 🙂

[Jeffersonian]

It's not as soulful as most, but it's still a rocking tune that celebrates the free-wheeling nature that used to be the hallmark of our country.

[Ted S.]

If you're going to inflict cheese, how about Neil Diamond's America?

[Michael Moore]

Rock City

[Suki]

See?

[SIV]

America Rocks!

[Leroy Hurt]

Don't forget - Sandi Patty, National Anthem, 1986.

[Warty]

You want some cheese? Have some fucking patriotic cheese.

[HeadTater]

What's wrong with Iced Earth?

[Warty]

Nothing, but it's cheesy as fuck.

[Ryback's Cook]

Brother Ali has a weird fixation with slavery.

[Jo Dean]

Wow, never thought about it that way before dude.

http://www.real-anonymity.se.tc

[RIng Ring]

OK that makes a lot of sense dude.

http://www.anon-surfing.at.tc

[kinnath]

Another little piece of soul:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related

[Robert]

I saw Elvis perform live in Las Vegas in 1969. I went in with my father and sister and my father's insurance man and his family, and was mentally grumbling, "Old corn-ball stuff that'll bore me, I'm not much of a music lover anyway...." But Mr. Presley was a great entertainer, and I was completely turned around and turned on by his performance. He was just...I can't describe.

[Tiggy Sow]

Wow, thats downright scary dude. Wow.

Lou
http://www.total-anonymity.es.tc

[kinnath]

No rest for the weary bot.

[The Art-P.O.G.]

Ha ha, what? Tiggy Sow?

[Episiarch]

It's Tigger and Piglet's love child. When, when I say love, I mean Tigger raped Piglet.

[BakedPenguin]

I found that amusing - if you live in Orlando for any length of time, you're bound to eventually meet someone who has been a Disney character in the park. Tigger has a reputation of being played almost exclusively by gay men.

[stubbylibrarian]

For some reason, and even though it's off by some 25 years, The Battle of New Orleans keeps going through my head today.

Military channel is running the revolutionary war series narrated by the late Charles Kuralt. Fascinating stuff - lots of stuff on battles I don't recall ever learning about.

[Mister DNA]

I'm predicting a decisive Jesse Walker win in the song-off. If you truly must resort to the nuclear option, I recommend Dennis Madalone's "America We Stand As One"; not for the squeamish. You have been warned.

[A Real American]

I win: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGuhZvO1DKg

[SIV]

Not so fast...

[Episiarch]

You do win. That is amazing. I think I saw that as a kid and had blocked it out.

[Jesse Walker]

Oh, I can outdo Hulk Hogan. Go here and download "The Americans."

[Episiarch]

You won't trick me that easily, Mister Mxyzptlk. That is probably Satan himself singing, or if not, it will be indistinguishable from it anyway.

[dbcooper]

Kirk wishes you assholes a happy 4th of July. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b56e0u0EgQ

[Jeffersonian]

Them canucks is the best damn Americans we got.

[Pro Libertate]

I am Kirok!

[James Anderson Merritt]

"I do not fully understand, one named Kirk, but the holy words will be obeyed."

Oh yeah, we hear that on January 20th every four years. (Well, not the part about not fully understanding, but by now we supply that caveat in our heads.)

[James Anderson Merritt]

Seriously, as cheesy as it was, as over the top as Shatner's performance was (and to be fair, Kirk had just been a big brawl, so maybe it was the Captain's adrenaline talking), I can't help but be a little bit thrilled by the whole idea of that scene. I sometimes think that Shatner himself recalled it to pump up for some of the more flag-waving speeches that Denny Crane got to say. Who wouldn't?

[Wind Rider]

Oh yeah? Let's see ya make your own!

Happy 4th.

[BakedPenguin]

Here's some real cheese from a bamd that could have come from America.

[BakedPenguin]

Oops. That should have read "...could have only come from America"

[R C Dean]

But the "bamd" is perfect. Don't change that.

[The Heresiarch]

For those interested in listening to an actual musician:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeGTPE1Z_qs

[Brian E]

Let's hear it for Kansas:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_O3XCmIc1o

[Jeffersonian]

Believe it or not, I set stage for Kansas all the way back in 1976 (yes, the Bicentennial), and they opened their show with that song. Great tune.

[Jeffersonian]

You just aren't an American if this doesn't get you misty-eyed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghz4_kikLkE

[SIV]

It ain't over...

till Kate Smith sings

[Suki]

Nothing beats Blame Canada. Nothing!

[Brian Sorgatz]

Just to be cantankerous (you know me), I'll link to a YouTube lip-sync of the British drinking song whose melody became that of our national anthem. Since it celebrates the arts of Venus and Bacchus rather than of Mars, this version of the lyrics may be morally superior. I'm just saying.

[SIV]

John Wayne loved America

[a real patriot]

If any of you were real patriots you'd pull down that treasonous standard, hoist the Union Jack and swear your allegiance to Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second. You're all traitors and hypocritical ingrates. We ought to arrest the lot of you with the temerity to set foot in the UK.

[Jeffersonian]

ERII isn't so bad, but I'll be damned if I'd swear allegiance to that douchebag son of hers.

[Buddy]

I'm a libertarian/singer-songwriter. Go to myspace.com/buddytoth and listen to my song "1890". It's a non-preachy song about America.
Happy 4th!

[CoyoteBlue]

Cultural Hegemony Ist Wunderba.

[Warty]

I love Rammstein and all, but that video comes off as nothing but jealousy.

[Ryback's Cook]

Speaking of patriotic music...
I was engaging in my guilty pleasure of catching up on hipster music when I noticed this caption under a "best of 2010 so far" list, about a song called 'Living in America' by some group called 'Dom'.

"Dom is one of the great instances when the art and the artist reflect each other perfectly. In a Pitchfork interview these funny and playful guys choose to not give up their last names because of a significant amount of debt (student loans, taxes, etc.) they had accumulated. Good thing Dom chooses to turn to fun and accessible sythn-pop for coping, because the end result is wonderful."

So these "artists" take out loans they can't pay and then don't pay taxes. Making life more miserable for everyone else. 'Living in America,' indeed.

Fuck hipsters. Fuck hipsters. Fuck hipsters.

[D. Weigel]

Not giving out their last names--now why didn't I think of that?

[?]

Not a song and not patriotic in the nationalistic sense, but inspiring nevertheless. A little fuel for our weary and cynical souls. Cyrano's "No,Thank You" monologue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OfvfEL-hmw

[Pants Fan]

Shameless tribute to the Kennedy's at the Boston Pops concert right now. I want to throw up.

[Warty]

Mark Twain on patriotism:

You see my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its office-holders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags?that is a loyalty of unreason, it is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy keep it. I was from Connecticut, whose Constitution declares "that all political power is inherent in the people, and all free governments are founded on their authority and instituted for their benefit; and that they have at all times an undeniable and indefeasible right to alter their form of government in such a manner as they may think expedient."

[Kevin]

Team America-World Police FTW!
http://video.google.com/videop.....595136179#

[Douglas Fletcher]

I didn't know Freddy Mercury was in Styx.

[That Chick from OH]

Just a snark-free comment to say thanks for that clip of "American Trilogy." Not an Elvis fan, but we sang "Trilogy" once in high school choir, and I loved the arrangement - especially the slowed-down "Dixie." We were going to do it again another year, but a couple of the African American kids made a stink about singing "Dixie," even though the choir director tried to explain its pre-Confederate origin. Didn't fly, so we couldn't sing it again. **SIGH**

Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory lane (just had my 30-year HS class reunion this weekend!) As you can imagine, you don't get to hear that particular trilogy very often!

[Mike Laursen]

As you can imagine, you don't get to hear that particular trilogy very often!

Speak for yourself. It's my ringtone.

[PapayaSF]

On the more traditional side, here's Isaac Asimov explaining all four stanzas of the national anthem.

[James Anderson Merritt]

I rewrote the Star Spangled Banner a bit last night. Standing on the Santa Cruz Wharf, watching any number of "professional" fireworks light up the night sky all the way around the rim of the the Monterey Bay during the "People's Fourth" (my name for the annual DIY extravaganza), despite the fact that the authorities once again thumped their collective chest and vowed to bring the law down hard on "illegal fireworks," I couldn't help but sing:

"...the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof, through the night, that our balls were still there..."

And as far as I can tell from reading the newspapers this morning, nobody lost any eyes, fingers, or limbs, either.

The paradox of a massive law-enforcement crackdown on the night that Americans celebrate their rejection of another massive law-enforcement crackdown, never gets old. Neither does witnessing the people's inevitable answer to it.

[Kent]

Americans are so delusional.

[James Anderson Merritt]

The country itself is nothing but a shared delusion. So? Shared delusions are the best delusions! And, besides being beautiful, this particular one can kick your delusion's ass any day of the week, and twice on Independence Day!

[Tom Walls]

In Soviet Russia, flag wave you!