State Fiscal Crisis

Snots for Teachers


State and local governments, in case you haven't noticed, are out of money. One of the biggest reasons they are out of money is because they spend twice as much money on K-12 education (adjusted for inflation) than they did four decades ago, without producing any noticeable improvements. One reason for this is that it remains implausibly difficult to fire lousy teachers. This is all especially true in basket-case California, and particlarly in looney-bin Los Angeles.

So! Let's get some super-shitty actors, especially Megan Fox, to record a "Funny or Die" video called "Hot for Teachers," which compounds its many, many sins by not having Fox writhe around school desks in a bikini. This is quite possibly one of the five worst things ever filmed:

It's not just Big Hollywood teaching us about the vile morality of budget cuts, of course, it's Big Media. Here's the beginning of a routine Washington Post news account of a proposed $836 million budget that has been cut by $38 million from the year before, on account of There's No Money:

Zelda Sligh said she has hit a few bumps in life, but with the help of a Prince William area nonprofit group, she has remained on her feet and kept a roof over her head.

Now, however, she is worried about the future of the SERVE (Securing Emergency Resources Through Volunteer Efforts) shelter in Manassas she calls home as proposed budget cuts threaten nonprofit organizations that receive support from Prince William County.

"We have heard there is going to be a 15 percent budget cut, and hearing that breaks my heart," Sligh told the Prince William Board of County Supervisors on Monday. "SERVE has the resources to help us be successful in life." […]

Like Sligh, several others spoke on behalf of some of the 19 nonprofit groups and community organizations that would each take a 15 percent funding cut under the proposed budget. Those cuts are expected to save the county $300,000 in fiscal 2011.

For an adult discussion about education policy, I recommend this L.A. Times exchange starring Reason Foundation education wizard Lisa Snell. And for a video about who's really got it so bad in Los Angeles education, here's ReasonTV:

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  1. Megan Fox. Yum!

    1. I’m glad you can look past me

      1. I can’t speak for EAP, but I could easily overlook her thunbs.

      2. If you can obsess on his her thumb – well, shit, that’s just weird.

        1. WTF? Even 3 glasses of wine can’t explain that.

      3. Wait. You’re saying Megan Fox has thumbs?! Who knew?

  2. ” spend twice as much money on K-12 education (adjusted for inflation) than they did four decades ago, without producing any noticeable improvements”
    Maybe children have become twice as stoopid, and we have to double our spending just to stay even? Indeed, I happen to believe people are 10 times stoopider than they used to be, so schools may be our most effective part of the economy.
    OWWWW! I hurt myself laughing

  3. Are we sure Megan Fox and Sasha Grey aren’t the same person? I sure as shit can’t tell the difference.

    1. Fox has more tattoos.

      1. Sasha Grey is a better actress.

  4. I wasn’t going to care, but then Brian Austin Green included his kid as one of the unfortunate students who goes to school where budgets have been cut. Now I give a shit. A huge-turd-in-the-back-seat sized shit.

    1. When’s the last time you saw a rerun of Beverly Hills 90210. The residuals hath dried up, and I have doubts that Brian Austin Green already blew his cash-cow money on, well, blow. So he needs either PSAs to pay generously, or public school teachers.

      Unfortunately for Brian Austin Green, no amount of educational dollars spent can cure the inherited stupidity his poor progeny have been saddled with.

      1. What? You don’t thin he made a boatload off The Sarah Conner Chronicles? .. OK, so maybe not.

      2. What? You don’t thin he made a boatload off The Sarah Conner Chronicles? .. OK, so maybe not.

        1. Wait the dude from the ‘Sarah Connor Chronicles’ was on 90210 before?

          Man, I really liked that Terminator show.

  5. None of these overrated Hollywood “stars” are fit to star in Hercules in New York.

  6. Watching these parasites get their sucker-shaped mouths pried off their unwilling hosts is great entertainment.

  7. I used to want to fuck Megan Fox’s brains out. However, I have since learned, thanks to this video, that she either a) cleary has already had her brains fucked out or b) clearly never had a brain to begin.

    1. I’m surprised it took you so long to notice.

    2. Brains x Beauty = K

      1. -Log(BrainsxBeauty,10)=pHK

        1. That’ll get the babes at NOW on you like hair on a gorilla.

          1. Way, to make me feel like a dumbass. I assume that K’s a Kappa curve, but what the hell is that on the other side of capitol l’s equation?

            1. As if that comma splice didn’t already make me feel like a dumbass.

  8. I just want to take this opportunity to say that nothing on Funny Or Die is actually funny. Therefore, they should die.

    1. LOL, some of it’s funny. Reason just keeps linking to their earnest political skits, which I must agree are not funny.

      1. Their sex education child-parent video was pretty damn funny.

    2. There’s a funny one on there somewhere making fun of those yogurt commercials where two women sit around and talk about the different types of “good” that the yogurt is.

  9. It’s depressing to learn she’s as dumb as the target audience of her movies.

  10. Megan Fox looks like her crabs have gonorrhea.

    1. No kidding. After watching her for a few minutes, you think “This can’t end well.”

    2. which in turn have syphilis

  11. This is quite possibly definitely one of the five worst things ever filmed.

    I made it to 1:41. Tell me it didn’t get any worse.

    1. I’m firing my agent if she’s in Transformers LXVII

  12. It reminded me of the supposed Reagan tax cuts of the 80s. “They’ll take your high school yearbook away!”

    Honestly, how can a kid be expected to develop properly without those important visually-aided trips down memory lane.

  13. I liked Brian Austin Green a lot more when he was just fighting off killer robotic cyborgs, rather than shilling for them.

    1. ahhhh cha cha cha!

  14. The liberals are different than you and me.

  15. ha ha! When actors emote…Not to spoil the fun of pig piling on, but actually of the two, Green is not that bad of an acotr. He did a good job on the Terminator show and is a decent villain on Smallville “Metallo”.
    I have a hard time believing his kid goes to a public school.

  16. “Actor” is what I meant: sorry for the typo, it’s late. Good night!

  17. I thought it was funny in the end when she wouldn’t sign the DVD. Just saying.

    Maybe i am easily amused.

  18. Why do you all hate the children so !!!!

  19. NoScript blocked the Megan Fox video but not the Van Halen video.

    Yup, it knows what its doing. Skynet is coming people. But at least it likes good music.

  20. Here are some new approach in teaching new teaching methods. This may help you!

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