Sharif Don't Like It, Part II

A few years I go, I blogged the emerging Heavy Metal wars in Iran (later plagiarized almost verbatim by Radar Online, though they have since sort of changed the language and truncated the post), a cultural trend, warned Iranian state television, under the spell of which kids were "unknowingly making themselves look like homosexuals." Now it seems that, under the influence of Udo Dirkschneider and Varg Vikernes, the wayward youths of Egypt are working in concert with Heavy Metal Zionists to corrupt the previously incorruptible government of Hosni Mubarak. Confused? You won't be after watching roundtable discussion on Satanism, metal, and the hidden hand of the Jews, courtesy of Egyptian state television!

Comments

[Lou Freeno]

I guess Sharif just gonna have to get over it. LOL

Lou
http://www.anon-toys.cz.tc

[John Thacker]

Wait, I haven't been paying attention. Is this a bot? If so, nice Rock the Casbah reference from a bot.

[Tomcat1066]

I'm starting to wonder. If it IS a bot, it's the most awesome bot ever! 😉

[Episiarch]

Powerslave is such a great album.

[dbcooper]

The body bags and little rags of children torn in two!

Some great riffing on that album. Some awsome LOLmetal theatrics from Bruce in the Aces High Vid.

[Episiarch]

Bruce still does the LOLmetal theatrics. At least he still was when I saw them in Hartford in '06.

[Nipplemancer]

Bruce will outlive us all.

[lunchstealer]

Lulz. Iron Maiden is going to be playing this summer at the Comfort Dental Amphitheater.

Seriously? Comfort Dental I'd have just given up and skipped Denver rather than play in a place with such an un-metal name.

[Pro Libertate]

They're in their Tap phase.

[Drax the Destroyer]

That may be true, but they are making more money then they ever did in the 80s. They have played to over 500,000 screaming butt shaking brazillians several times in THIS DECADE. If this is a "Tap Phase", then I can't wait for my "Tap Phase" which will involve doing coke while crashing a missle into an invading alien mothership as I pleasure Jessica Biel AND Kate Beckinsale.

[wylie]

I'd watch that movie.

[TrickyVic]

""They're in their Tap phase.""

Great band, but when have they NOT been in a tap phase?

[West Coaster]

Dream Theater is opening up for Maiden this summer. Nice pairing.

[Seventh Son]

They're my two favorite Metal bands. I'm officially floored.

Too bad I won't be there to see it.

[Episiarch]

They're going to be in Auburn, WA in June. I may go, not sure yet.

[Lorenzo]

I'm going to catch them in Albequerque.

[Lorenzo]

And the big bearded fellow used to be in Stryper. To Hell With the Devil!

[Drax the Destroyer]

I think that is a a step above Jiffy Lube Live (formerly Nissan Pavilion) that Maiden is playing at in July. Say it with me: Jiffy Lube Live. Jiffy LUBE Live. Jiffy LUBE. LUBE. LUBE. LUBE. LUBE.

LUBE.

[Tim]

Agreed, awesome album.

[ola]

This is the Egyptian version of Footloose.

[?]

The Clash were a Zionist plot to get me to hate white people.

[/]

The great part is, if anybody in our country were going on about some loony "Zionist plot" conspiracy theory like this guy, he'd be laughed out of the studio.

...

Well, except maybe on The View.

[J sub D]

Or the 700 Club. The government lackey talking about "The Protocols od the Elders of Zion" is not as far removed from Pat Robertson (Haiti made a pact with Satan) as most people think.

The clean shaven kid's expressions of disbelief at the bullshit the lackey was spouting are fucking priceless.

[Warty]

I enjoyed the pulling of the magnificent beard.

[/]

The difference with Pat Robertson is, if you started yelling "To Hell with Satan! To Hell with Satan!" like the other guy in the video, he might actually take your word for it that you're not into Haitian Voodoo or some such. Also, the state and its media over there treat conspiracy theorists more the way our state and its media treats Danny Glover than Pat Robertson.

[Pro Libertate]

Varg. That's a great name.

[Ken Shultz]

Varg?

I had a Dwarf Cleric named Udo in boarding school.

Udo. That's an awesome name.

Nobody messes with a guy named Udo.

[Episiarch]

Really? No one would mess with Udo Kier?

[Ken Shultz]

Udo doesn't need a last name. It stands alone.

Like Cher.

You don't need to differentiate between Udos. If more than one Udo are in the same room at the same time, they automatically fight to the death.

Udo.

Nobody messes with an Udo.

You know those Spaghetti westerns with Eastwood's Man with No Name character?

His name was Udo, okay?

[Pro Libertate]

Now you're being silly. He's "Joe" in A Fistful of Dollars. A fine, manly, American monosyllabic name.

Before you say it, "Blondie" was a nickname.

[Ken Shultz]

Okay, you know how you never know if the Terminator has a name in the first film?

It never gets around to it, but the robot's name is Udo.

Anytime in any movie when you see a character that can totally blow anybody up and doesn't care if he does?

His real name is Udo.

[Pro Libertate]

Udo? Surely it was something like THX-1138.

[AA]

very funny K. Shultz 🙂

[Groovus Maximus]

He was in this classic.

[Episiarch]

Oh, I know it.

[Pro Libertate]

Varg is definitely a violent name. Udo, not so much. See, I will mock it:

Udo, Udo,
Your mother was a ho.
Udo, Udo, Udo,
Udo.
Udo.

[Ken Shultz]

Okay, here's the end of this.

If Varg is such an awesome name, then why did Varg Vikernes need a stage name like Count Grishnackh?

It's like the difference between Superman and all the other superheroes... All the others put their disguise on when they become super, but not Superman. Superman takes his disguise off...

Clark Kent is the disguise! Claro?

So you see, Udo doesn't need a stage name. ...because no stage name could be bigger and badder than Udo. When Udo goes on stage, he's not putting on a disguise--he removes the disguise.

That's the power of Udo.

[Pro Libertate]

I find your arguments uncompelling.

[T]

Actually, Udo Dirkschneider is the more compelling counter argument against Ken. He's like 3 feet tall. Its hard to be a badass when you're a midget. Sure, you can be a badass midget, but that doesn't mean much in the larger community.

[Ken Shultz]

Did I mention I had a Dwarf Cleric named Udo in high school?

With 18 str, 17 dex and some spell abilities that'll ruin your life?

Puttin' thunder in a pint sized package like that is an advantage, son.

[Brian Sorgatz]

Rock the catbox, rock the catbox. I love misheard lyrics.

[Tim]

Fuckin in dads car, Fuckin in dads car.

[Tim]

Or smoke on the water sounds like...

Slow motion Walter, that fire engine guy.

[Warty]

Aroooo, where was the thunder

[Jimmy Hendrix]

Excuse me, while I kiss this guy

[Groovus Maximus]

Gorified virgin with a pelican

[ChrisH]

a cultural trend, warned Iranian state television, under the spell of which kids were "unknowingly making themselves look like homosexuals."

In fairness, since Iran has no homosexuals, how would Iranians know when they were looking like one? And for that matter, how does Iranian television?

[Pro Libertate]

Knowing the Iranians, I imagine they say that the homosexuals look like Jews. Or Arabs.

[Sacha Baron Cohen]

I'd better stay out of Iran, just to be on the safe side.

[Andy Dick]

Should I stay or should I go?

[Harvey Firestein]

Oh dahling, you and your wacky kitch! Definitely go!

[Art-P.O.G.]

Good point...if there are no homosexuals in Iran, what does it matter how gay they look?

[mutant libertarian]

Slave to the power of death

[Ken Shultz]

It is kinda funny how metal, etc. becomes whatever those who are trying to protect the children hate most.

I guess there's just something universal about whatever it is that makes us want to drive our parents crazy.

[Timon19]

Powerslave and Somewhere in Time. Two awesome examples of the greatness of Bruce Dickenson and Iron Maiden.

[Episiarch]

While I think Bruce is great, I actually preferred Paul Di'Anno's singing. It was more raw, and gave them a slightly punkish sound. And Maiden Japan is a phenomenal live album.

[Timon19]

I prefer the constant juxtaposition of opera with metal, which is what you got with Bruce's Maiden.

That and the prog-metal anthems Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Alexander the Great.

[lunchstealer]

I remember being momentarily confused by this line:

That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.

Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it.
Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint.

I thought 'Poem? Kick ass songs are poems? Oh, duh, poem.'

Also the entire time I was watching Michael Wood's "In the Footsteps of Alexander the Great" I had -

"By the Tigris river
He met King Darius again
And crushed him again in the battle of Arrrbelaaaaaa"

- going through my head.

[bleek obummer]

The arrival of Bruce before The Number of the Beast pushed Maiden over the top in popularity just as the change in lineup did with the Scorpions before Lovedrive.

Plus, could Paul have flown the plane for the Flight 666 tour? Bruce Dickinson - man of many talents.

[Warty]

Paul's OK, but firing him was the best decision the other dudes ever made. Bruce's wailing makes Iron Maiden.

[Episiarch]

I like the fact that there are two "styles" of Iron Maiden to choose from; it lends variety.

And don't forget that Bruce is a champion fencer, though since he does foil that's not really fencing.

[Pro Libertate]

A saber at the very least. Limbs should be in danger.

[Episiarch]

The off hand is still off limits with saber, ProL, you dilettante.

[Pro Libertate]

Clearly, you are not Heidelberg trained. [Sniffs with what's left of his nose.]

[Episiarch]

Clearly, you have no idea what you're talking about. [Sniffs and looks in general direction of Johns Hopkins' fencing center]

[Pro Libertate]

[Huffs and sniffs loudly, having taken too many blows to the head to realize that Udo Episiarch cannot hear such audible scorn.]

[Publius Cato]

everything but the mensur is for girls and gays.

[Pro Libertate]

That's right. And when you've got Cato on your side, you've got everything.

[Seventh Son]

They had a different style with Blaze too, and it carried over to recent albums. Especially A Matter of Life and Death.

I agree their 80's years were their best though.

[Izzy Stradlin]

Tell me about it, Warty.

[Axl Rose]

Shut the fuck up, Izzy. You're such a goddamned loser.

[Warty]

Did someone ask for Egyptian metal?

Note: no actual Egyptians were used in this metal.

[Warty]

I saw these dudes once. They were overwhelming.

[Nipplemancer]

i was unimpressed with their performance when I saw them live. I must admit i was just falling in love with Black Dahlia Murder at the time and they were the opening act.

[Troy]

I don't know what the proper nomenclature of this kind of rock is, I call it shit.

[Troy]

I mean really, what the fuck is this guy saying? My dog can enunciate better while taking a shit.

[Warty]

It's obviously death metal, shitfuck. You suck.

[Episiarch]

Death metal is for pussies. Like you. Real men listen to nerdcore, like JW.

[Warty]

You don't play black metal if you are not a warrior."

[Warty]

"You don't play black metal if you are not a warrior."

Fuck you, spam filter.

[The Libertarian Guy]

I'm an old Uriah Heep fan, so all this nerdcore business is kinda flying over my head.

Dethklok DOES rule, though.

[Warty]

"You don't play death metal if you are not a warrior"

*long, uncomfortable pause*

[Warty]

Fuck you, spam filter.

"You don't play black metal if you are not a warrior." *long, uncomfortable pause*

[Warty]

Jesus Christ, I hate the spam filter.

http://www.vbs.tv/watch/music-.....lack-metal

"You don't play death metal if you are not a warrior." *long, uncomfortable pause*

[Troy]

I must be getting old because this growling/screamo rock is the dumbest shit I've ever heard beside the whiny white pussy emenim.

[Warty]

Who's talking about screamo? I'm very confused, but yes, screamo is terrible.

[hurly buerhle]

You mean you don't find singers that sound like the Cookie Monster totally badass?

[Drax the Destroyer]

I'm with you Troy. It always seemed like the laziest route for completing a song. "Well I could sing over this blistering riff, pushing my talents to the limit, or I could just yell like I do when I go to MMA matches. Yelling it is."

Lowest common denominator. SIIIGGGGGHHH.

[dhex]

if you're looking for stupid, look no further than crabcore:

http://www.youtube.com/user/at.....1&ob=4

unrelated, but best use of throat growling ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsTiitES4dg

[R C Dean]

plagiarized almost verbatim by Radar Online, though they have since sort of changed the language and truncated the post),

Cue IP pissing match. . . .

[Tipper Gore]

I tried this in the 1980s with the Parents Music Resource Commission.

[Frank Zappa]

You were a cultural terrorist then, Tipper, and you haven't changed a bit.

[Dee Snider]

You also lumped all of us purveyors of ball-kicking music into the "Whore-mongering, Coke-Sniffing, Satanist" category without realizing most of us mere not insane dumb shits. I hope Frank's ghost haunts your house.

[The Libertarian Guy]

Where do Zionists meet? I wanna join!

[Tomcat1066]

They hang out at a community center in Queens. They mostly just eat doughnuts and drink coffee and bitch about their kids though.

Kind of a let down really.

[fish]

Don't forget the organ trading - bitching about the kids gets old.

[hmm]

Evil heavy metal Jews like Chaim Witz need to be stopped!

[hmm]

Zionist conspiracy guy has an awfully "Jewish" lookin' snoz.

[Warty]

I had that same thought.

[John Thacker]

That's presumably related to the reason why Arabs can't be anti-Semitic.

[EJM]

Confused? You won't be after watching [this] roundtable discussion on Satanism, metal, and the hidden hand of the Jews, courtesy of Egyptian state television!

Somehow, I doubt that it features the voice of the late Rod Roddy (reference explained here and here).

[zeroentitlement]

Makes perfect sense. Why else would they play Iron Maiden at every Seder dinner and bar mitzvah? Oh, wait. They don't.

[Warty]

Did anybody see Heavy Metal in Baghdad? Pure awesome.

[ev]

This far downthread for the first Vice reference? For shame.

I was so sad for those guys when their practice space got wasted.

[heller]

That's idiotic. Jews hate metal.

[Groovus Maximus]

Really? This mensch might disagree with you.

[Episiarch]

That's absurd. Gold is a metal.

OH SNAP

[Inkblots]

Episarch, I hope you know you're going to Hell.

[Episiarch]

I'll see you there.

[Inkblots]

Aw, crap.

[Anomalous]

Tell that to Dave Mustaine.

[Drax the Destroyer]

And... Scott Ian?

[Big Chief]

OMG - I didn't understand before but it all makes sense now! The wars, the financial collapse, Bush faking 9-11, our current foreign-born islamic president...
Of course, It's all about Heavy Metal and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. They've got a plan to save us! We're saved!! All hail our Zionist overlords!!!

[Publius Cato]

I, for one, welcome our new heavy metal loving drug pushing overlords.

[Big Chief]

It's really just about the beards. I'll gladly listen to their metal and advance their plot if they can help me get the ZZ Top growth.

[Phil Enselmo]

Fuck em all.

[Jim]

Just Bar Rafaeli.

You can have the rest.

[Lance]

Amazing. Typical crap reporting, allowing a suit to drone on and on his bullshit, and by the time he's done, he's eaten up 3/4th of the segment.

[FreeView Documentaries]

Great SITE for Documentaries check it out

[Pattaya Girls]

when u think about it many heavy metal stars are skinny with big noses so maybe the iranian claims have some truth to them 🙂

[PattayaGirls]

Black Sabbath's choice of name starts to make sense now.

[OMG]

From that video it is obvious, Egypt needs more headbangers and less suits.

[TrickyVic]

Has Iran put a band on trial for backwards satanic messages leading to suicide yet? They may have a ways to go to catch up.