Government Spending

What America Needs: More Messages From Harry Reid

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Here is the justification that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) offers for the "jobs bill" he is putting together:

We feel that the American people need a message. The message that they need is that we're doing something about jobs.

I suppose that message alone could inspire hope that, even if false, will boost the economy by boosting confidence, preventing a depression by relieving depression. But Reid seems to be confusing his needs with the needs of the American people, most of whom do not wake up in the morning thinking, "What I really need is a message that Harry Reid is doing something about jobs."

NEXT: How About "People Who Enjoy Brunch"?

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  1. What the American people need is to flush the load of crap that has been stinking up Congress.

    1. While I agree with this sentiment, what usually happens is that you ultimately end up with a whole ‘nother load of crap that needs to be flushed.

      Still, at a minimum, we deserve a courtesy flush at this point.


  2. We feel that the American people need a message. The message that they need is that we’re doing something about jobs.

    Well, Harry, once you’ve wiped out all the jobs, what are you going to do something about next?

  3. We, the American people, feel we have received Congress’ message: The only jobs they care about are their own. We’re doing something about that.

  4. We need the Green jobs that Industrial Hemp can provide!
    Go to Change.org and vote:
    Hemp for Victory!
    http://www.change.org/ideas/view/hemp_for_victory

    1. Industrial hemp? The kind you can’t get high on? Count me out, sir.

      1. Get smart, Naga. There’s no cop in America who can look at a field of industrial hemp and figure out there’s some primo weed growing in the middle of it. Legalization of industrial hemp is de facto legalization of pot cultivation.

  5. What I really need is a message that Harry Reid is doing something about quitting anything to do with government.

  6. The message i need is that ferocious Arctic wolves have crossed the frozen Potomac and eaten Harry Reid alive.

    1. If they are coming from the Arctic they don’t have to cross that river. I’ll try to hurd some zombies over there from Alexandria, VA for the same effect.

    2. That’s the one disappointing feature in Fallout 3: no congresscritters to hunt down and kill. For their bottlecaps, of course.

  7. God, what a sniveling little piece of wang that turd is. I want to stomp on a puppy every time I see his pinched little face.

    1. Backpfeifengesicht?

  8. I’ll put here, too, if that’s how you wanna do it.

    P Brooks|2.12.10 @ 11:07AM|#

    “We feel that the American people need a message,” Mr. Reid said. “The message that they need is that we’re doing something about jobs.”

    America needs a massage; a massage, and a handjob. That’s what Harry really meant to say.

    1. America needs a massage; a massage, and a handjob. That’s what Harry really meant to say.

      If it’s good enough for Blackwater it’s good enough for Working Americans?.

      1. Is the government gonna pay for it, though? I mean, I have a right to hookers and blow on the .gov tab, don’t I?

  9. How did this guy ever get elected to office? He is trying to save his butt come midterms. They are grasping the wind with their hands and coming up with nothing. The Green jobs that Spain created helped bring that country to financial ruin.
    http://www.suckitupcrybaby.com

    1. I will end you.

      *glare*

      1. I see the bot worship is as divisive as all religions.

        Bot is dead. There is no bot.

        1. Naga heads the Church of The Anon-Bot, Reformed. I head the Reformed Church of the Anon-Bot. Naga’s heresy must be crushed. Once that’s accomplished, I will receive my heavenly reward: 72 virgin Eliza programs.

          Anon-AkaBot!

          1. My bot could totally kick your bot’s ass!

            1. Do Bots have asses?

              1. Is it a tenet that you are made in Bot’s image? Do you have an ass?

                Only your faith can answer this question.

                1. Bot’s Navel!

                2. I have a magnificent ass, but were we made literally in the Bot’s image, or are we all made in the Bot’s image only where it actually matters, on the comment boards? You, me, and the Bot are the boards and the boards are us. The Reason comment boards are the energy that lives in us and binds the universe together.

                  What you call ‘reality’ is just the board’s extension into what we call Time and Space. This is much like the entity you know as Gillespie being nothing more than The Jacket’s bursting into that same limited space-time continuum from a parallel dimension.

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                  1. This is the so-called holy book of Naga’s heresy, and should be avoided at all costs lest you lose your electronic, virtual soul.

  10. No, we need to hear more from Joe Biden. Every time he opens his mouth, Democrats bite their nails wondering what kind of stupid shit he’ll say.

    God, it’s so entertaining.

  11. Biden is headed to Vancouver; we’ll probably be at war with Canada by next week.

    1. Nah, he’ll probably screw that up too.

    2. LOL – thanks, P Brooks, I needed that –

  12. “The message that they need is that we’re doing something totally awful about jobs.”

    FTFY

  13. To know

    When should I begin,
    with the first monsoon preceding my birth?
    How could I show you
    all of this one soul, and not?
    Inside the first moment of your touch,
    I am changed.
    Life’s rhythm is softly and forever disturbed.
    Should I not give all of myself for more,
    but comfort myself instead with less?
    Should I be afraid, then,
    to hold you? That which is everything.
    To know is not to see these lines
    as having crass designs, but to feel them,
    like desert seeds, quenched at last
    by the long awaited rain.
    They yearn for your light to grow and
    color the meadows with flowers white and gold,
    to lead us home.

  14. We feel that the American people need a message. The message that they need is that we’re doing something about trying to keep our congressional jobs by pretending to have government do something it is incapable of doing.

    Fixed that for ya, Harry.

  15. Well said, Jacob. Government shouldn’t be in the business of trying to create jobs.

    Maybe back when it used to be “of, by and for the people” ? but this ain’t 1930! If you’re out of work, if you can’t make ends meet, if you’ve given up on your dreams, tough titties. Maybe you should’ve gone into finance.

    If I could use Harry Reid to send a message, it’d be this: who gives a damn about jobs? The more people looking for work, the lower wages stay, the better for the rich people who really matter in this country.

    Keep up the good work, Jacob.

    1. C-. Please troll better next time if you want to get into Advanced Trolling next semester.

    2. Re: “Good Republican”,

      Well said, Jacob. Government shouldn’t be in the business of trying to create jobs.

      Government CAN’T create jobs. It merely transforms productive jobs into unproductive, public sector jobs.

      Maybe back when it used to be “of, by and for the people” ? but this ain’t 1930!

      Interesting comment, considering the Hoover administration was also attempting to “create jobs” by rising overall prices and wages.

      If you’re out of work, if you can’t make ends meet, if you’ve given up on your dreams, tough titties. Maybe you should’ve gone into finance.

      I wouldn’t go into finance before a Depression. I would be a farmer.

      The more people looking for work, the lower wages stay, the better for the rich people who really matter in this country.

      Well, Hoover tried to keep wagews UP, making unemployment WORSE. So why would lower wages be a BAD thing if what you want is more JOBS. You cannot have it both ways – you cannot violate the laws of economics and expect a nice result.

      1. You cannot have it both ways – you cannot violate the laws of economics and expect a nice result.

        People do this all the time. Anyone can EXPECT a nice result. It’s the GETTING nice results part that turns out to be a bitch.

  16. Is the government gonna pay for it, though?

    Ab

    so

    fookin

    lutely.

  17. “We feel that the American people need a message. The message that they need is that we’re doing something about jobs.”

    Spoken to the media as if he’s explaining to journalists why he’s pretending to do something about jobs.

  18. Harry scratched his balls through the binding crotch of his suit pants. It had been itching for days; he even tried showering for the first time in weeks to make it stop. Harry pulled his underwear away in order to reposition, but only ripped out four ball hairs bunched in the elastic instead. His phone rang. Nancy. Again.

    “Stupid bitch,” he muttered. His secretary looked around the corner of his open office door. “Not you,” he said,” the other stupid bitch.” With a frightened squeak she disappeared. Rahm had broken her in at Sarah Lawrence but she was slipping. Time for a new one that would be still be impressed with working for Harry, show him the proper deference. This one had already been knocked up four or five times. Chuck’s supply of under-the-table levonorgestrel wouldn’t hold out forever.

    A phone rang again. His personal cell this time. Nancy again, her pinched asshole mouth and startled eyes on his caller ID. She had been naked when he took the image, twisting his thumb in her rectum. She was begging him to take another Viagra. Begging him to again writhe and wretch over her wrinkled skin and grotesque genitals. He had cropped the picture down to just her face to help him feel nauseous when he wanted a drink.

    Harry scratched his balls with the phone until it stopped ringing.

    1. I hate you.

    2. “”Stupid bitch,” he muttered. His secretary looked around the corner of his open office door. “Not you,” he said,” the other stupid bitch.””

      Great work!

    3. :::clapping:::: Well done, old boy!

    4. Bravo. The ending is sublime.

  19. I hate you.

    Good start, but that won’t fill the space alloted for the review. Think of some more words. Hurry, there’s a deadline.

  20. Harry Reid’s great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. When asked about it by a genealogist who shares the ancestor his office replied thus:

    “Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed..”

    Talk about spin!

    1. Snopes!

  21. Jacob, you’re not usually so snarky. It’s refreshing on a rainy Friday morning.

  22. I think the American people could use a massage. All in favor of government funded massages say raise your hand.

    And while we’re at it, how come there is no push for a National Lawn Care bill? I’ve driven through Hyde Park and surrounding area where Obama lived and organized and the difference between the rich and poor is astounding.

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