Economics

Work Boots Give the Economy a Kick

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Last week the Obama administration issued a report that attributed 640,000 "saved or created" jobs to spending authorized by the $787 billion stimulus package that Congress approved in February. "Although President Obama initially said that 90 percent of the jobs created by the stimulus program would be in the private sector," The New York Times notes, "the data suggests that well over half of the jobs claimed so far have been in the public sector." Indeed, most of the jobs cited in the report are public school positions, and "some school districts said that they might not have actually laid off teachers without the stimulus money." The Times is too polite to add that the rest of the school districts—the ones that claim they're sure these jobs would have been cut but for the federal money—are lying. Counterfactual assumptions about teacher jobs may be the biggest source of uncertainty in the report, but it is by no means the funniest. Consider:

  • The report claims the purchase of a $1,000 lawn mower to cut grass at the Fayetteville National Cemetery in Arkansas saved or created 50 jobs.
  • "Many Head Start programs reported saving the jobs of employees who in fact had simply been given raises with stimulus money."
  • "A $7,960 contract for a 'Basketball System Replacement' in Ohio claimed three jobs."
  • A sewer project in Douglas County, Wisconsin, somehow has created 100 jobs, even though it hasn't begun yet.
  • "C3T Construction Co., a general contracting company in Milwaukee, listed 24 jobs retained for projects on which no work had begun and no stimulus money had been received."
  • "Owners at five Section 8 housing complexes in Madison and Milwaukee reported saving 38 jobs with more than $540,000 in additional rental assistance for low-income residents, though they acknowledged no new jobs were created."
  • "A Kentucky shoe store reported that it had created nine jobs with an $890 order for work boots."

If you've come across other striking examples of fudging or fraud in the job report, point them out in the comments.

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  1. SHOVEL READY!

    And you know what you can do with a shovel? Move a lot of bullshit.

    1. You dig the hole, and I’ll fill it up. Two more jobs created.

      1. Uh, I’m going to need to supervise you guys. Three jobs. And I need a secretary to bang, so that’s four. And I need a manager, so that’s five. And then there’s their manager…so really, we’re creating infinite jobs. Problem solved.

        1. Until the printing press discombobulates from printing all the “money” to fund your exercise in futility.

          PS The secretary is a tranny, pre-op. SugarFree told me so.

          1. He would know. And it doesn’t surprise me at all that you’d want to know. Pervert.

            1. Medical curiosity. You will also need a physician to cover your workplace health issues since I’ll be paid from the same printing press.
              Provided of course I can see anyone within three months or post-mortem, whichever is first.

              BTW Saccharin Man freely divulged that morsel of depravity. TYVM.

        2. Need an accountant.

          1. BTW I’m not an accountant, just saying you need one.

        3. Managers all the way down.

  2. The economy must be Roaring right along. Lat week’s report was 640,000 jobs saved or created and in his speech a few minutes ago Obama claimed 1 Million jobs saved or created. Things are looking up!

  3. If He can just stop all those lazy bastages from quittin their jobs to go on the extended unemployment…

    1. They wouldn’t qualify if they quit, of course.

      1. It’s tough doin comedy in an autistic room.

        1. That was comedy?

          1. My point exactly.

            1. You two going on tour?

  4. The reports, for all their shortcomings, do provide the first check of how the stimulus bill is working so far.

    And what an illuminating check it is.

    Moreover, the production of these reports created or saved 1650 jobs.

  5. If you follow the links for the KY shoe-store claim, it appears the recipient of the $890 (the store) is claiming the work created 9 jobs for the people who will wear the boots.

    Please tell me if I have drastically misread the forms. If not, WTF?!

    1. Actually, Bunny, you’re just living an episode of The Twilight Zone. Just lay back and enjoy it, like you did with Warty.

    2. The boots seems to be for the Army Corp of Engineers. I still don’t know how a >$900 order creates 9 jobs. How many boots could that be? How long does it take to make each one? Why is the Corp getting such a small order from such a small company? WTF?

      But, on the brightside, I did find this googling the company.

      1. Goddamn joke handles.

      2. POST TOO LITERATE! SOMEONE IMPERSONATING STEVE! ARRGHH! NOT AS GOOD AS FRANK CALIENDO, THOUGH!

    3. Good boots are an investment, Bunny.

    4. If they were one-legged people, it could create 18 jobs, or an infinite amount of legless people jobs.

      1. Give this man a cabinet position! I’ve always thought the stimulus failed to adequately protect amputee porn jobs.

        1. With a new Cabinet post we can create untold number of new (bureaucratic) jobs. If not, the start-up of a new porn production company with corresponding website must account for at least another couple hundred jobs.

  6. California is going to be replacing those red light automated cameras with laid off newspaper photographers.

  7. Brought to you by the same organization which calls not getting as big a budget increase as it wanted, a budget “cut.”

  8. If you’ve come across other striking examples of…fraud in the job report, point them out in the comments.

    You mean other than the stimulus itself?

    1. +787B

    2. Stimulus package, a true misnomer. Personally, I find this whole package was not half as stimulating as soft core porn, nor a quarter as Viagra.

  9. I’m a grant writer. Throughout federal RFPs are questions about jobs created or saved. So, the best way to win a grant is to greatly exaggerated those numbers in your proposal.

  10. If you’ve come across other striking examples of fudging or fraud in the job report, point them out in the comments.

    What’s the point? It comes as EXPECTED that there WILL be fudging or downright fraud in ANY reporting that pertains to the State, always – the State bureaucrats do not act under the same set of incentives as the private sector.

  11. Do the losses in VA and NJ count as jobs lost?

    1. No, McConnell and Christie cound as jobs created.

      1. So Obama is creating some jobs for Republicans. How bipartisan of him!

  12. What fucking weasels.

  13. Why can’t I find one of these jobs? It’s not like I’m being picky or anything.

    1. Episiarch was looking for a secretary, he isn’t happy with his current one for some reason.

  14. And I need a secretary to bang

    Does that qualify as the “multiplier”?

  15. These boots were made or job growth
    And that’s just what they’ll do
    One of these days these boots are gonna
    Make the economy improve

  16. I took a massive dump after my morning coffee. The clean-up created 133 jobs.

    That’ll be $3.8 million in taxpayer funded stimulous please. Just make the check out to “cash”. Thanks.

    Hey man, just doin’ my part…

  17. If they had just handed a check for $100000 to every unemployed person, it would have done 100x more to stimulate the economy. And it would have cost less.

    1. It would be even better to pay X otherwise-unemployed people each $50K to deliver $50K to each really-unemployed person. More jobs created.

    2. Ah, yes – but none of those unemployed folks contributed “noticeably” to the campaign.

      It must have been difficult: so many contributors, so many dollars, how to get them a return on their investment?

  18. I’d quit my job for a hundred thousand bucks.

    1. That’s one job created!

  19. Elizabeth A. Oxhorn, a White House spokeswoman on the stimulus, said that some of the data, which officials had always warned would contain errors, was rough because it was posted online quickly after it was received, in an effort at transparency.

    Ah…blessed transparency…even though none of the information makes any sense. Most people would call that being misleading.

    Not only do I think you’re completely full of shit, I know you also believe I can’t think for myself.

    1. Amazingly enough we have systems in place to update the exact change in a vast number of securities, contracts, commodities and anything else than can be traded in real time all over the world.

      Yet pissing away billions of dollars at a time we can’t generate a low error system that updates weekly.

  20. I’ve saved a few jobs one dollar at time over the last few weeks. Damn Bachelor/deployed/welcome back parties.

    1. You can double the “job creation” of a dollar if you fold it….lengthwise.

  21. Damn I saved the economy in one night if that’s true.

    How else do you increase the rigidity of a piece of paper in order to ensure it is capable of over coming the friction coefficient of cloth string tightly pulled across human skin?

  22. My campaign slogan is going to be “I’m not going to be full of shit.”

    1. Wasn’t that basically Obama’s?

      1. NO. Geeeeez. Obama’s was “You’re gonna believe I’m not full of shit.”

        1. C’mon bra, you know it was “I hope I can make you believe I’m not full of shit (and then continue bullshitting y’all).”

          1. It was you know I’m going to bullshit and you’re gonna love it.

            Unless it’s your first election, you already know politicians are the biggest liars. Probably know that before your old enough to vote.

            1. Make that, you’re.

  23. It’s only fraud if it doesn’t support the administration’s agenda.

    1. I think it’s a change in work boots

  24. Apropos of a previous thread about suing over the false claims of Baby Einstein, who do we sue for this steaming pile of false claims?

  25. Challenge: Tell me how to spend money and NOT create jobs.

    Indeed, I contend for every $50,000 I spend ON ANYTHING, I will create approximately one middle class job for one year, or two crappy jobs for one year, one good professional job for sixth months, or about five minutes of wildly speculating other peoples’ money for an average Wall Street tycoon, or some combination thereof.

    1. You could buy a rare uncanceled stamp for 50 grand and mail it to someone. (Brewster’s Millions)

    2. So you are saying we need to spend 50 billion dollars for every million jobs?

      So the stimulus should create 14 million jobs….

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