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Reason Morning Links: Balloon Boy in the Attic, Teamsters in the Libraries, Muslims in the Intern Pool

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• Our top story, of course, is the Balloon Boy thing. (Can we still call him "Balloon Boy" now?)

• The House rejects a measure to keep Gitmo detainees off U.S. soil.

• As the president possibly plans to send 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan and as Kabul prepares for a runoff election, the military tells embedded reporters to stop photographing dead soldiers. (For some history relevant to that last development, go here.)

• A kooky crusade against a "Muslim mafia" finds some supporters in Congress.

• Declining profits for Halliburton, big third-quarter losses for Bank of America.

• "[T]hreatening a guy with 20 years in jail because you don't like his facial expressions when you deny him service seems a bit extreme."

• Here come the Teamster librarians.

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NEXT: Friday Funnies

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  1. My adventures are my own Falcon business.

  2. “But threatening a guy with 20 years in jail because you don’t like his facial expressions when you deny him service seems a bit extreme.”

    At least they didn’t have the facial recognition software matching his expressions to those of known terrorists.

    1. 20 years for dissing an airplane waitress seems excessive, however 20 years hard labor for being a “PR executive and tv commentator” seems about right

  3. Great, a new sales pitch for the business. Either buy our labels or you’ll be a teamster by Friday.

  4. threatening a guy with 20 years in jail because you don’t like his facial expressions

    I have introduced legislation to prevent such miscarriages of justice in the future.

  5. Also, could we get a feature that grays out the once displayed comments when we refresh? It would save us valuable time, and, as an added benefit, it will make those that go back to reread their posts over and over go blind.

    1. I’ll second this

    2. I like it too, along with a thread-collapse-or-something feature.

      1. I’d appreciate if you guys would just write up a quick paraphrase of the good and funny comments and post those for me.

        Oh, and my truck needs washing as well.

      2. I’d appreciate if you guys would just write up a quick paraphrase of the good and funny comments and post those for me.

        Oh, and my truck needs washing as well.

            1. How about making posts from “the mysterious future” and only allowing certain people to post first?

  6. “Those who come up here with tears in their eyes talking about the library, put your money where your mouth is,” Xinos shot back. He told Sydney and others who spoke against the layoffs of the three full-time staffers (including the head librarian and children’s librarian) and two part-timers to stop “whining” and raise the money themselves. “I don’t care that you guys miss the librarian, and she was nice, and she helped you find books,” Xinos told them. “Don’t cry crocodile tears about people who are making $100,000 a year wiping tables and putting the books back on the shelves,” Xinos smirked, apparently referencing the fired head librarian, who has advanced degrees and made $98,676 a year. He said Oak Brook had to “stop indulging people in their hobbies” and “their little, personal, private wants.”

    I like this guy.

    1. He should have ended it with, “and there is no fucking Santa.”

  7. The House rejects a measure to keep Gitmo detainees off U.S. soil.

    It’s okay. They love us now that we elected a comapssionate president. They will cooperate and begin tilling gardens while on work release.

  8. Big third-quarter losses for Halliburton

    NEW YORK (Reuters) – Halliburton Co posted a 61 percent drop in quarterly profit on Friday, hurt by weak North American natural gas activity, but the figures topped Wall Street forecasts.

    The world’s second-largest oilfield services company said third-quarter profit fell to $262 million, or 29 cents per share, from $672 million, or 76 cents per share, a year earlier. Revenue fell 26 percent to $3.6 billion.

    The one thing you all don’t do well here at all is financial reporting.

    1. Am I missing something? The company may have done better than many analysts expected, but those numbers still look like a decline to me. Was it the word “Big”?

      1. I’m thinkin’ that it’s hard to understand how 262 million dollars in profit is a “big loss.”

        1. Oh, duh. Serves me right for trying to shoehorn the two stories together. I’ll rephrase.

          1. Actually, your headline was fine, Kolohe is the one that paraphrased inaccurately. Sorry for the snark.

            1. Actually, your headline was fine, Kolohe is the one that paraphrased inaccurately.

              No, Kolohe was right, about the accuracy of my statement if not about Reason’s financial reporting in general. I tried to summarize two stories in one pithy line and got too pithy for my own good. I rephrased the post after you and he pointed out the error.

              1. So now I apologize to Kolohe. I’m just gonna wallow in my confusion and STFU for awhile. You’re all welcome.

      2. While not sharing in the dismissiveness of Kolohe’s critique, I do agree the blurb above is incorrect: the article refers to decline in Halliburton profits but your blurb refers to “big…losses”, a different and opposite animal. There is no loss reported, big or small.

    2. Why does anyone care what wall Street analysts forecast? They’ve certainly missed the biggest forecasts of the last two years.

      1. Only most of them. Several did remarkably well.

  9. ? “[T]hreatening a guy with 20 years in jail because you don’t like his facial expressions when you deny him service seems a bit extreme.”

    PR executive is jerkwad on flight, gets story spun his way. Quelle surprise.

  10. In other news, Go back to the porch is the latest compliment adopted by leftists for Black people who do not agree with them.

    1. but it was a black guy that said it, so it’s ok.

      “that’s OUR word!”

      1. Go back to the Porsche.

      2. Isn’t that little dweeb that said it an MSNBC guy? Or am I confusing my TV Leftists again.

        1. The porch insult isn’t that new. It’s just new to folks not around black politics.

          It’s oddly insulting to the black community as well since large lower income communities choose to spend their evenings talking and hanging out with neighbors on the porch. Which isn’t a really an inherently bad thing. So using it as an insult should be more insulting to the people it portrays.

          1. “you can go back to the porch Juan”

            I don’t suppose this is a clever way to call him a porchmonkey is it? (one of my favorite skits on In Living Colour BTW)

            1. I don’t think cleverness was involved.

  11. Longtorso morning links:

    Barney Frank, Predatory Lender
    Almost two-thirds of all bad mortgages in our financial system were bought by government agencies or required by government regulations.

    Obama Poised to Cede US Sovereignty in Copenhagen, Claims British Lord Monckton

    1. If anybody knows sovreignty it would be a British Lord.

      1. The new FHA, Fannie, Freddie, Finance Committee motto is “We build bubbles.”

    2. “Obama Poised to Cede US Sovereignty in Copenhagen, Claims British Lord Monckton”

      The US has had sovereignty in Copenhagen? Cool! Tax that smorrebrod and import the blondes.

    3. Not that I buy such pronouncements at all, but if Obama were to decide to cede our sovereignty, we’d just have to remind him that it isn’t his to give away.

  12. That librarian story is a hoot.

  13. As soon as I saw that “balloon boy” story, I said to myself, “That kid was *never* in that thing.”

    Main Sucker Media; saving democracy one hoax at a time.

    1. Same thing me and the other people who are parents said last night. Top guess on where he was hiding: Grandma’s house. We were wrong on that count.

    2. as soon as I saw the father’s “resume” on his web page, which lists all his acting credits and whatnot, I knew something was up

    3. I thought almost immediately of the boy in the well in 12 Monkeys.

  14. 50 pound kid.
    Tin foil balloon.
    No giant sag in the balloon.

    I’m not balloon scientist, rocket scientist, physicist, but those three simple facts add up to WTF there is no kid in that balloon.

  15. According to an FBI affidavit filed in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, a flight attendant “stated that Bass refused to obey the instructions issued by the flight attendants and ‘disrupted everyone’ in as much as he entered the aircraft’s galley several times and crawled over the person seated next to him in order to access the overhead storage compartments and the aircraft’s lavatory. [The flight attendant] said that Bass’s behavior was so disruptive that [she] moved the passenger seated next to Bass to a different seat.”

    Problem solved.

    Right?

  16. Teamster librarians: When they signal you to be quiet, you’d better be quiet, understand?

    1. About time someone brought this pressing issue up. I had to go to Wonkette to read about this. How dare you, Reason, make me do that.

    2. Thought you would be all over the Richard Hatch news.

    3. … enough about balloons already… oh, those were boobs… well okay then.

  17. I had to check the Politico story about la McCain. I couldn’t help myself.

    How did she get her tits to do that? Was she standing on her head?

  18. Sarkozy loves Gordon Brown, “but not in a sexual way”.

  19. I will stop replying to individual comments.
    I will stop replying to individual comments.
    I will stop replying to individual comments.
    Oh look, boobs.

  20. Once those librarians get Teamstered, they’ll be able to go from wiping the tables to sleeping on them.

  21. ps- Threaded comments *still* SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

  22. “[The flight attendant] said that Bass’s behavior was so disruptive that [she] moved the passenger seated next to Bass to a different seat.””

    Obviously and inconvenience that deserves him two decades of incarceration. Thank God he didn’t fart.

    1. Is he the writer that used to call himself Salmon?

      1. You know, that Kim Novack has some big breasts.

        1. Terri Hatcher’s are natural and spetacular.

  23. In other news, hornets do not make honey.

  24. How is, “assaulting or intimidating a flight crew member or flight attendant of the aircraft, interferes with the performance of the duties of the member or attendant or lessens the ability of the member or attendant to perform those duties, or attempts or conspires to do such an act” not unconstitutionally overbroad? Oh wait, it doesn’t fucking matter anymore.

  25. i was watching the balloon yesterday and all i thought of was The Flight of the Navigator. awesome fucking movie (when you’re 10)

    1. Well, the uber-cuteness of the conclusion (he was hiding in a cardboard box in the attic) kind of diminishes the fun of imagining him flying 50 miles across colorado.

  26. Nice town ya got here. Be a shame if something bad happened.

  27. Your comment contains too many links. Please include no more than 2 links.

    Now that is straight-up racist.

  28. Dave Weigel thinks Drymouth Dunn was simply making a joke about Mao. In other news, McCain did it too so it must be ok.

  29. Oohrah!

    Love the jarhead. He was just breaking her down before he began building her up the Marine way.

    I hope he gets on a cable show sometime soon. I’d love to see him.

  30. New angle for our daily Limbaugh thread:

    Big-time Obama crony and team member is the Executive Director of the NFLPA, which led the charge against Limbaugh. Coincidence?

  31. What? They brought back the link limit?

    Khaaan!
    Khaaan!
    Khaaan! (Please click on one of the links above. because Reason now hates its readers)

    1. I find this statistical treatment of that subject very enlightening.

  32. Only two links? That takes a lot of pressure off me.

    1. Stop kissing up, dude. Jesus, where’s Episiarch to properly chastise you?

      1. I was poking fun at myself. Someone mature and secure people can do from time to time.

        For example…

        1. You sugarfreed the link.

          1. I’ll give you a moment.

            1. I got it the first time, dude, but I wanted to insult you, anyway.

              1. Who needs Episiarch, then?

                1. True. He’s all Seattlely now, anyway.

                  1. He smells of gloom and patchouli, I hear.

                    1. And is hopped up on sugar and caffeine.

                    2. and wearing free-range hemp sandals with sustainable argyle socks.

                    3. Damp microfleece and the inexplicable urge to buy rice milk at the co-op.

                    4. An uncanny ability to say Spokane without it sounding like “cocaine.”

                    5. Spontaneous tears at the opening notes of “Come As You Are.”

                    6. an unquenchable fondness for ferries?

                    7. An unusual affinity for Birkenstocks.

                    8. A peculiar proclivity for raping totem poles.

                    9. How did you all know this stuff? It’s like you can see into my soul!

                    10. Ya never shoulda listened to warty on the anal-speculum advice.

                    11. A propensity to publicly toss his salmon?

                    12. True, he lives near the Pike Place Market, I believe. Of course, “tossing the salmon” is a euphemism in Seattle, as well.

                    13. Didn’t he start shaving his pits so the locals would quit mistaking him for a lesbo-vegan?

                    14. I toss my salmon all the time. Why are you looking at me like that? Everyone at Pike Place tosses their salmon. Right in public. It’s true.

                    15. Does anyone ever really buy salmon there? I always figured it was a publicly funded fraud perpetrated by the City of Seattle.

                    16. No, they just buy the huge sea scallops at $22/pound.

                    17. I’d like to think the salmon were too dangerous to actually hunt.

                    18. If it’s not Scottish, it’s carp!

                      Sea scallops are inferior. Bay scallops are better, and I’ve hunted them down and butchered them with my own hands. With inmollusk brutality.

                    19. Careful my friend. The Man is starting to ticket scallopers.

                    20. I always knew you were a philistine, ProL, but thanks for stating it clearly.

                    21. Oh, please. Sure, if you prefer size to taste, by all means get some sea scallops. Hell, why bother with scallops? Go buy some giant hunks of stingray or shark! Same fucking thing.

                      I’m taking away your gourmand card. Seattle really has ruined you.

            2. Whatever happened to boycotting threaded comments. Pussies.

              1. Phil,

                I’d beg forgiveness if your criticism wasn’t where it is. However, you are right. I totally hate this new setup.

                Adnotatiunculae bilicis delenda est.

  33. We must all comment together, or assuredly we shall all comment separately.

  34. Yeah, that guy rules.

    You want something, you pay for it. You want to stick a gun in my face and demand money from me? Why don’t I just beat the living fuck out of you instead?

  35. Reason now hates its readers

    No shit; this new! improved! hit&run; is not exactly a great leap forward.

    *makes mean face*

  36. The revised format put that semicolon there. It’s the only plausible explanation.

    *makes even meaner face*

  37. Adnotatiunculae bilicis delenda est.

  38. ? A kooky crusade against a “Muslim mafia” finds some supporters in Congress.

    That actually reminds me of this segment from Christianity Today’s recent interview with Hermann Gr?he of Germany’s Christian Democratic Union (via FP’s “Passport”)–especially since the aforementioned “crusade” is, not surprisingly, largely WND-driven…

    Radical Islamism is one of the largest dangers for an open society. It’s no longer Communist doctrine. While fighting the dangers of radical Islamism, we need to take a closer look and see that far more than 90 percent of Muslims in Germany are living peacefully without any problems with our law. Politically, I see radical Islamism as a threat. But I’m very sad when I hear Christians talking hatefully about Muslims. I’ve been involved in fighting against persecution of Christians in the past decade. But when I talk about the need for freedom to build Islamic mosques, I receive shameful hate-filled letters from Christians. They write, “We wish your daughter in the hands of these Mullahs.” I think, “Oh, a wonderful Christian brother is wishing that on a Christian brother.”

    If I have a strong Christian belief, I know that God is in power, not Osama bin Laden. If needed, we have to fight terrorism with military means, but xenophobia is never part of a Christian agenda. We can see radical Islamism as a threat, but at the same time, we have to see Muslim migrants as human beings loved by God. I think we have two misunderstandings. From a very liberal side of the Protestant church, people tend to just have interreligious small talk. These people are afraid that talking about differences could disturb nice religious small talk. On the other side, people can be driven by hate and extreme fear, which is unacceptable for me.

    (“Xenophobia is never part of a Christian agenda” should probably be my new motto.)

  39. I RTFA’d and this guy Xinos is my new hero.

  40. Nobody cares about Balloon Boy? He’s all over cable “news” this morning. One brilliant pundit even referred to the airship as a “hot air balloon.” Comedy gold! Or stupidity. It’s so hard to tell the difference these days.

    1. I vote for stupidity. msnbc is reporting the story from Myrtle Beach about a school shooting. “the 16 year old student stabbed the school resource officer with a knife and the officer returned fire, killing the student.”

    2. Balloon Boy is the 9/11 of cuteness.

  41. Balloon Boy is set for life, this is the age of frauds. But could anyone familiar with the lifting ability of a mylar Valentine from Kroger not have known that there was nothing of any appreciable mass inside that gasbag?

    1. Evidently not. While the nation was “gripped” in this drama, I was drinking cheap beer. I missed it! But if my priorities had been in order, I would have known that, just as a toy mylar balloon couldn’t lift a mouse, this “balloon” couldn’t lift a small retarded boy who pukes a lot.

      1. I was slaving away here. Commenting on H&R.

        1. It’s hard work but somebody has to do it.

    2. there was nothing of any appreciable mass inside that gasbag?

      But enough about Joe Biden.

    1. I am so not clicking that link.

  42. Anyway, if the media were not so damn in love with alliteration, Balloon Boy would more properly be called Attic Boy. And the Craigslist Killer would be just another murderer.

    1. Update: MSNBC super-cunt Norah O’Donnell is referring to the (helium) balloon story as the Hot Air Hoax. Again with the stupid alliteration! The brain-dead twits just can’t help themselves.

      1. That would be the Hot Hair Hoax.

        1. Ironically, the boy who didn’t fly is named Falcon.

  43. Check out the hilarity of this:

    http://finance.yahoo.com/tech-…..s-Serious-

    the book is about a group of super-wealthy Americans, led by Warren Buffett, who mount a counterattack against the greedy corporations and their fat-cat lobbyists who have a stranglehold on Washington D.C. and the media. Nader calls it “political science fiction” and a progressive response to Ayn Rand.

    1. I submitted that and they never ran a post. Jerks.

    2. “It addresses the key question: Popular forces are going nowhere in this country…even if liberals and conservatives agree on a particular issue and agenda because they don’t have the money to hire the organizers, to hire the advocates to get to the media that the other, corporate side does.”

      He’s right on this! All those teabaggers are rolling in the dough from all those corporations.

  44. Warren Buffett mounts a “counterattack” against the greedy corporations.

    Galloping Cthulu on a solid gold pogo stick; who says comedy is dead?

    1. Problem is, the left is funny when it’s trying to be serious. And since it’s impolite to laugh at the mentally retarded, nobody wins.

      1. I havn’t read the book, but it seems particularly bizarre the the “heros” of the story are apparantly a cabal of rich do-gooders.

        That isn’t even really leftism. It’s more like elitism-WTFism.

  45. Tell me, is the Paul Broun who wants to investigate Muslim Americans for having the temerity to lobby Congress like everyone else the same Broun who Reason keeps claiming as some kind of libertarian hero? Because he doesn’t sound like one to me.

  46. the same Broun who Reason keeps claiming as some kind of libertarian hero?

    Citation needed.

    Seriously, dude, if you’re going to make an assertion about an on-line publication, give a link.

  47. I think I can help El Rushbo out with a link:

    https://reason.com/archives/200…..ongressman

  48. Seriously, dude, if you’re going to make an assertion about an on-line publication, give a link.

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