Economics

Breaking: Obama Instructs Advisers to Speak Only in Cliches Until 2012…

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According to a Wash Post article published yesterday, President Barack Obama, who is reportedly giving 110 percent in his fight for health care reform to calm the demographic tsunami about to hit future generations like a ton of bricks, has told his closest and most unnamed advisers to speak only in cliches (which are only cliches because they are so true).

Snippets from a story titled "President Is Set to 'Take the Baton'":

…the White House has launched a new phase of its strategy designed to dramatically increase public pressure on Congress: all Obama, all the time….

"Our strategy has been to allow this process to advance to the point where it made sense for the president to take the baton. Now's that time," said senior adviser David Axelrod. "I don't know whether he will Twitter or tweet. But he's going to be very, very visible."

Another senior White House aide added: "It's time to raise the stakes on this."…

"We don't do doom-and-gloom," Axelrod said….

"We're swimming upstream against a culture of failure on health care in Washington," said one adviser, who spoke on the condition of anonymity [to avoid responsibility for his mixed metaphors]….

"It's getting hotter, and there are bumps, but we are closer to health-care reform than ever before," [Rahm] Emanuel said.

More here.

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  1. I love that bad paintings of Obama site. True classic!

  2. For the love of god, I am tired of the President’s Never-Ending Campaign. GET OFF TELEVISION ALREADY.

  3. Look, they’re burning the midnight oil at both ends, and they’ll burn that bridge when they come to it. This isn’t exactly rocket surgery.

  4. Buzzword Bingo, anyone?

  5. I don’t know whether he will Twitter or tweet.

    I have a suggestion; what if he STFUs?

    I would like that very, very much.

  6. Nick, you are on a roll today! First bikini girls, now this?!

  7. “I don’t know whether he will Twitter or tweet. But he’s going to be very, very visible.”

    Because nothing screams desperatation like misusing the lingo.

  8. If Obama can’t stand the heat, he shouldn’t be living in a glass house.

  9. We will drive off that bridge when we come to it.

  10. A stitch in time spoils the broth.

  11. He sounds more like Kodos every day.

    “The politics of failure have failed! We muist make them succeed again!”

  12. You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can’t make make him drink the Koolaid.

  13. Shorter: we are going to fuck over America as fast as possible.

    These buffoons are a much bigger threat than Al Queda.

  14. … Senate health committee Chairman Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.), who is battling brain cancer, voted to create Medicare in 1965.

    This cries out for a mean-spirited sarcastic comment.

    Hey Teddy! You’re Medicare eligible, let them handle it.

  15. They don’t need to turn it up a notch and wait till the dust settles.

  16. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

  17. Ok, Nutrasweet, if that picture isn’t screaming out for some disgusto porn, I don’t know what does!

  18. Sounds like Obama’s bringing his “A”-game to game the system in favor of his game changing policy.

  19. “I don’t know whether he will Twitter or tweet. But he’s going to be very, very visible.”

    Yeah – because he’s been so invisible up to this point.

    The only way he could get more visible is to have his own 24/7 broadcast network.

  20. I do so love when I can just recycle a comment I made earlier.

    J sub D | July 21, 2009, 9:40am | #
    From the Gitmo story

    But the officials acknowledged that two reports that were supposed to be delivered to the president by Wednesday — one on how to overhaul the nation’s detention policy and another on interrogation policy — would not be ready.

    But we can do comprehensive reform of 16% of the nations economy before the summer recess.

    This is due to the fact that making decisions about how 300 million citizens receive medical treatment is much easier than what to do with < 300 detainees.

  21. The only way he could get more visible is to have his own 24/7 broadcast network.

    Some people think he already has that.

    *glares at MSNBC*

  22. We might have to bend the rules a little to keep things on the straight and narrow.

  23. “I quit when medicine was placed under State control some years ago,” said Dr. Hendricks. “Do you know what it takes to perform a brain operation? Do you know the kind of skill it demands, and the years of passionate, merciless, excruciating devotion that go to acquire that skill? That was what I could not place at the disposal of men whose sole qualification to rule me was their capacity to spout the fraudulent generalities that got them elected to the privilege of enforcing their wishes at the point of a gun. I would not let them dictate the purpose for which my years of study had been spent, or the conditions of my work, or my choice of patients, or the amount of my reward. I observed that in all the discussions that preceded the enslavement of medicine, men discussed everything-except the desires of the doctors. Men considered only the ‘welfare’ of the patients, with no thought for those who were to provide it. That a doctor should have any right, desire or choice in the matter, was regarded as irrelevant selfishness; his is not to choose, they said, but ‘to serve.’ That a man’s willing to work under compulsion is too dangerous a brute to entrust with a job in the stockyards-never occurred to those who proposed to help the sick by making life impossible for the healthy. I have often wondered at the smugness at which people assert their right to enslave me, to control my work, to force my will, to violate my conscience, to stifle my mind-yet what is it they expect to depend on, when they lie on an operating table under my hands? Their moral code has taught them to believe that it is safe to rely on the virtue of their victims. Well, that is the virtue I have withdrawn. Let them discover the kind of doctors that their system will now produce. Let them discover, in the operating rooms and hospital wards, that it is not safe to place their lives in the hands of a man they have throttled. It is not safe, if he is the sort of man who resents it-and still less safe, if he is the sort who doesn’t.” from Atlas Shrugged

  24. I think this is great! Load all your personal charisma and political capital into this wagon-load of healthcare horse shit and watch it fail. He’ll be Carter in less than a year.

    I really don’t think this thing is going to get passed. There has to be some glimmer of sanity in the senate.

    * prepares to be disillusioned *

  25. It’s getting hotter, and there are bumps

    They’re really giving Sug a lot to play with here.

  26. “Some people think he already has that.

    *glares at MSNBC*”

    Well yeah he’s got them but that’s not a broadcast network.

    That falls in the category of a cable channel that only has about 3 people watching it at any point in time.

  27. Failure is an option.
    Success is failure

    you don’t wanna make the wrong mistake
    Yoggi Berra

  28. He’ll be Carter in less than a year.

    Modern liberals believe that’s a feature, not a bug.

  29. when we see a fork in the road, we will take it.

  30. “We don’t do doom-and-gloom,” Axelrod said….

    Then, Axelrod’s chin starting quivering, and his upper lip started twitching. He tried to cover his face, was was too late to prevent the guffaws from surgng out: “BWAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!” After recovering his composure, he scurried off to the side exit, snorting and shaking uncontrollably, with little gasps of laughter escaping.

  31. He’ll be Carter in less than a year.

    I believe his job approval is now trailing where Carter was six months into his term.

  32. “We don’t do doom-and-gloom,” Axelrod said….”

    What he meant was that they don’t do anything BUT doom-and-gloom.

  33. The only way he could get more visible is to have his own 24/7 broadcast network.

    Please, don’t give him any ideas!

  34. “We don’t do doom-and-gloom,” Axelrod said….”

    “we prefer to call it reality-based prediction,” he continued.

  35. This magazine is taking this too lightly. This is serious as a heart attack.

  36. Isn’t the obligatory reference to Carter and “malaise” a cliche?

  37. “We don’t do doom-and-gloom,” Axelrod said….”

    while humming a catchy Bobby McFeron tune.

  38. “Dammit, Pelosi and Reid, I need you to tow the lion!”

  39. Ok, Nutrasweet, if that picture isn’t screaming out for some disgusto porn, I don’t know what does!

    I cannot think of anything more disgusting than that picture and the twisted hero-worship that cause it to be painted.

  40. Mythologically speaking, I believe unicorns had majical healing and restoritive powers. If them dirty bastages would just give everyone their unicorns now instead of waiting for the next election cycle, we wouldn’t need the universal health care. Not to mention all the new jobs in unicorn husbandry.

  41. Expect some “push-back” on this.

  42. This is bullshit. That picture is such a blatant rip-off of my painting of a naked Ron Paul riding a narwhal.

  43. “Mythologically speaking, I believe unicorns had majical healing and restoritive powers. If them dirty bastages would just give everyone their unicorns now instead of waiting for the next election cycle, we wouldn’t need the universal health care. Not to mention all the new jobs in unicorn husbandry.”

    Unicorn farts are actually a wonderful source of green energy. The only problem is that the farts are only potent if they happen while the unicorn is being ridden by the naked Obama. Sadly, The Obama doesn’t always have time to pursue his favorite pasttime of naked unicorn riding. So, it is a promising but unreliable form of green energy.

  44. Yeah, but they have to leap before they look, or else they may get the cart before the horse who hesitates that’s lost for not seeing the forest is lead to water but can’t be made to drink for looking at trees.

    Either way, a penny spent is a penny earned.

  45. A bill in hand is worth a thousand words of unread legislation.

  46. I’m just glad these are good old fashioned cliches. Thank god they aren’t newer business terms. We’d be looking for long poles in tents, doing some heavy lifting, identifying low hanging fruit, trying some knowledge base synergizing, looking for result driven ideas, We’d be both in the loop and out of the loop, touching bases (for the over 18 people), blamestorming, looking for value added, conceptualizing, looking for key players, networking to maintain a constant flow of realistic real-time data with the alpha office, rolling out a dog and pony show, remaining cost centered and profit motivated, teeing up for the big pitch, managing the critical missions to avoid critical mass from mission control, making sure we have an information highway, identifying the change agents, phasing in, phasing out, of phasing up, thinking outside of boxes, following or changing paradigms, putting things on-line and off-line, bridging the gap, revisting things, and not chasing skirt (cause we all went to a class about that) along with all kinds of other useless shit.

  47. BINGO!!!!

  48. I cannot think of anything more disgusting than that picture and the twisted hero-worship that cause it to be painted.

    Oh, come on, you are underestimating yourself. Perhaps some tie in with the Unicorn, Obama and twisted hero worship? Yesterday you said that Soyotamayor was too ugly, but you dug deep and delivered.

    Just remember “Yes we can!”

  49. For the love of god, I am tired of the President’s Never-Ending Campaign. GET OFF TELEVISION ALREADY.

    It’s always a good idea to play to your strengths. He’s a good campaigner who just happens to be utterly terrible at governing. This is a good strategy.

    Of course, I’m still hoping he falls flat on his face.

  50. All my bunnyhugging liberal friends are getting a framed BO artwork based on their bunnyhuggieness. The most atrocious to the most liberal. I particularly look forward to the split households with the conservative husband and bunnyhugging wife. I’m sure I’m going to obliterate some copyright laws, but I will go to any length to annoy the shit out of my retarded friends.

    Still kinda amazed they talk to me.

  51. Spartacus | July 21, 2009, 3:17pm | #
    BINGO!!!!

    Hey now, I had a crush on Bingo! girl. Any chance anyone knows who she might be, or if there was ShowTime soft porn in her past?

  52. Of course, I’m still hoping he falls flat on his face.

    You unpatriotic Limbaugh! If Obama fails, we all fail – the whole country fails if Obama does not get what he wants.

    Racist asshole! No wonder no one pays any attention to fucktard libertarians.

  53. Unicorn farts are actually a wonderful source of green energy. The only problem is that the farts are only potent if they happen while the unicorn is being ridden by the naked Obama. Sadly, The Obama doesn’t always have time to pursue his favorite pasttime of naked unicorn riding. So, it is a promising but unreliable form of green energy.

    Engineers have estimated the capacity factor of NORUFFCCGTs (Naked-Obama-ridden-unicorn-fart-fueled combined cycle gas turbine-generators) as slightly higher than weather-adjusted wind power–that is, about 12%.

  54. I have the X Bingo! What is my prize?

  55. “You unpatriotic Limbaugh!”

    That reminds me, Limbaugh has a hilarious new bit on his radio show:

    In honor of Obama’s and the Democrats strategy of claiming we must hurry up and pass all his legislation RIGHT NOW – THERE’S NO TIME TO LOSE!, Limbaugh is speeding up every sound bite he plays of Obama, Pelosi, Barney Frank, etc so that they all sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks.

  56. Why is it ok to start a war and continue to fund it without money in the Treasury, but it is not ok to help our, the People get healthcare?
    runescape money

  57. ooohhhhhhh man you bingo!!!!!!!

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